Understanding after years of intercourse pain

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by Love-it, Sep 7, 2005.

  1. Love-it

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    After 31 years, 30 years married, we finally understand some of the reasons why my wife experienced painful intercourse.
    This has been a long and painful road for us. At first I was unaware/ignorant of the problem but after a few months of living together we started visiting doctors. The first problems addressed were persistent candidiasis and a few UTI's. One suggestion along the line was to remove all of her mercury/silver dental fillings that were supposedly suppressing her immune system through the leaching of mercury into the body. Some improvements were noted but they were always temporary. We visited with many types of doctors and she read many books about self realization but nothing seemed to help.
    While at first I thought our sex life was good I soon realized that except for oral sex I was causing her pain. Intercourse became less and less frequent until it was once or twice a year, oral sex was once a month during many of those years. In the last 2-3 years oral sex, which is great, increased to about once every week or two. Progress!
    Last year my wife was spotting and smart girl that she is went to the doctor where they found uterine cancer cells. Eleven months ago she underwent a successful hysterectomy and no other cancer cells were found. Hurray!
    In her recovery we talked a lot about how a hysterectomy would affect her femininity and sexuality. Two months after the surgery we were allowed to play, she was hesitant but found that she still enjoyed oral sex. receiving and giving, and we tried intercourse once again with the same results, painful for her and to tight and painful for me. She was very afraid that she would not be able to accommodate my penis because she had tried herself for depth and she thought that the surgery had left her not as deep as she used to be. When we had intercourse in the past she had no problem with my 6.2" lenght x 5.9" girth, but in a way she had forgotten that it went in, she only remembers that it was always painful.
    I felt bad, after all I was receiving great head, no deep throating though, and I loved bringing her to orgasm with my tongue mouth, but I wanted intercourse. My wife understood my needs as well as she could and after trying intercourse one night she was crying and said "You are just to big for me." Well I started to think about her statement, I had always thought that I was "average". So I got on-line and started researching penis size. Well, the next day I apologized to my wife for not being as sensitive to her issues after all these years as I should have been. Ignorance is not bliss!
    We started to look into gradually stretching her vagina to fit my girth and found that larger dildos are not the norm, 1.5" seems to be the average. We found several pyrex dildo's that seemed to have the advantage of slipperiness over plastic and rubber ones but the diameter was not stated in the catalog. They were 1.25" and 1.5".
    With a renewed interest in the possibilities of actually having successful intercourse, my wife began to diligently exercise her dildo's to stretch her vaginal walls. She still swears that there isn't enough depth for my penis length. I am still trying to convince her that the vagina stretches, tenting, in her orgasmic phase.
    Success! On the first try she actually tolerated insertion and thrusting and I didn't feel like I had to cum as fast as I could. It was a great relief to me that I wasn't causing her any pain. Well she was a bit sore after a 5 minute session but she and I were ecstatic, what a difference
    My wife is not a computer person but I was more than happy to research larger dildo's. Meanwhile she was measuring everything in the kitchen and stores to see if she could find suitably sized glass jars, she didn't use a tape measure just her fingers wrapped around the object, not much luck there. I managed to find PassionGlass.com that had a few dildo's that were larger and ordered one. Again length is an issue and it turned out not to be ideal but the dildo is still an improvement over what we were using. It was stepped 1.25", 1.5", 1.75" and 2" at one end and had a 16" head at the other end: curved 1" diameter shaft. At this time she can't get past the 1.5" step because of the length at that point. but the 1.6" head has helped the most. She still feels "stretched with my 5.9" girth (about 1 7/8" (1.87")). We have asked the manufacture to give us an estimate of a custom dildo with a 1.75" head on one end and a 2" head on the other, with a 1 1/2" diameter curved shaft. We hope that she will be able to handle this after some practice.

    We wish that more of this type of information had been readily available 31 years ago and that we had some advice to follow
     
  2. LloydBaker

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    Gosh, quite a struggle. Are you sure there isn't some other factor? Isn't there some condition that causes the vagina to resist, clamp down, etc. and therefore avoid stretching. Possibly at least partially psychological?

    I glad to hear gradual stretching with a dildo was the answer, but it might have been easier for us to just swap wives to get a better fit all around. Then we would have had 4 happier people!
     
  3. Love-it

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    We tried to have sex over the years but there was no consistency, because it hurt we avoided intercourse, so she never got to the point of being able to accommodate me, what was strange is that when we were first together the fit seemed fine to me, she just didn't communicate well enough for me to understand her level of pain and/or she tolerated it.
    I believe there is a lot of truth in "If you don't use it, you lose it." To some extent it may have been closing down because we didn't stretch it enough.
    We both agree that there might be some trauma associated with the act that may be a root cause of the problem, however such a situation has never been found, she even asked her mother which was hard for her to do. Maybe it is related to her being a tomboy as a child. There is nothing that she can identify and there aren't any physical abnormalities.
     
  4. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    @Love-it:

    You guys have a real marriage. It's awesome to hear about how persistent you've been in dealing with your problem. A beautiful thing. :yourock:
     
  5. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    love it ,

    I have to second Hick boy's statement. What a great guy. I have even read articles where men threatened their wives with divorce because there was difficulty in intercourse. You and your wife seem to understand what love and marriage are all about . None of know what may be down the road for us and I would hope that love , creativity, and patience would help everyone concerned to have a positive compromise.

    Naughty
     
  6. B_Hung Muscle

    B_Hung Muscle New Member

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    Right on!

    Shows the importance of mutual respect and open communication.

    Hope everything works out for you.
     
  7. Love-it

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    Thank you for your positive comments on our relationship, I can't say that it was easy and I am sure there will be other life issues that will come up but I do want to express that there is a reward for hanging in there through the rough times if you care enough about each other.
    It was worth the wait and now we get to explore like kids again.
     
  8. jonb

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    There is a vaginismus. Basically that's a long, painful contraction. Not fun for you or her.
     
  9. LloydBaker

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    Yes, of course, I was just kidding.
     
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