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Understanding Open Relationships

sizequeenNY

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I searched for a thread specifically about this but could not find one, just comments in various threads touching on the subject

I am trying to understand the different perspectives of open relationships. Regardless of sexual preference, how comfortable people honestly are and how they deal with issues if they happen. Also, how honest people are about their situation

I have been in different roles of an open relationship- as the partner seeking sex outside, as the partner bringing a third for sex, and as the other woman. Right now I am single and dating but I have a play partner that claims to be in an open relationship. We usually did not have much conversation except for a few minutes between play and we did not ever interact socially without sex until recently. The problem is, I enjoyed spending time with him without sex. We would msg each other with things like I miss fucking you, now I get messages saying I miss you and I reply saying the same because I do. I have no expectations from him and I do not ever think this guy would leave his live in situation. It just hurts that there is someone I have amazing sex with and like as a person, it hurts that I think I have feelings for him

When he would bring up some topics about different things, I would change it and try to keep conversation light, just about the sex. I know he cares about me, he has helped me through a few things. It is just a hard thing to figure out, is it better to leave the situation quietly or tell him how I feel? I knew getting into this that it would not ever be more than sex. The issue- after eight months of the best orgasms I ever had, with someone so nice, it is hard not to develop feelings. PS his cock is perfect too :frown1:
 

sizequeenNY

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{{sizequeenNY}} There is a third option. My advice is to keep fucking him and don't tell him how you feel.

Yeah that is not an option. I felt bad the last time I saw him, I go home alone and he sleeps with his partner. It would not be healthy to just continue, that much I do know
 

MrToolhung

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Yeah that is not an option. I felt bad the last time I saw him, I go home alone and he sleeps with his partner. It would not be healthy to just continue, that much I do know

If you start having feelings for your FWB then you should stop seeing him for that reason. But I think you should be honest with him and let him know that you have developed feelings for him because he will always wonder why you cut him out for no reason.

As far open relationships: I have been with my partner for 19 yrs and we really truly love each other. We started having 3 ways about 7 yrs into our relationship and really enjoy them and continue to have them to this day. More recently we have opened up a bit more by playing with others without the other present and this has happened twice for me but none for him. However, it's not something that I actively look for and I still will ask him if he is ok with it. The same would go for him.
 

sizequeenNY

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If you start having feelings for your FWB then you should stop seeing him for that reason. But I think you should be honest with him and let him know that you have developed feelings for him because he will always wonder why you cut him out for no reason.

As far open relationships: I have been with my partner for 19 yrs and we really truly love each other. We started having 3 ways about 7 yrs into our relationship and really enjoy them and continue to have them to this day. More recently we have opened up a bit more by playing with others without the other present and this has happened twice for me but none for him. However, it's not something that I actively look for and I still will ask him if he is ok with it. The same would go for him.

Thanks, this has not happened before. I do not mix sex and emotions. This is not the first play partner I had but it is the first that I ended up having some sort of feeling for so I want to get away from it before getting hurt and at the same time I do not want to make him feel bad because he is a good guy
 

closetfreak

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You're getting out of open relationship territory. If you want to be in a relationship with him, tell him. All you're doing is hurting yourself by withholding the truth. Its always worse to peel a band-aid off slowly than to just yank it.
 

sizequeenNY

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You're getting out of open relationship territory. If you want to be in a relationship with him, tell him. All you're doing is hurting yourself by withholding the truth. Its always worse to peel a band-aid off slowly than to just yank it.

I am not in a relationship with him he is in a relationship with someone else
 

Ethyl

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I searched for a thread specifically about this but could not find one, just comments in various threads touching on the subject

I am trying to understand the different perspectives of open relationships. Regardless of sexual preference, how comfortable people honestly are and how they deal with issues if they happen. Also, how honest people are about their situation

I have been in different roles of an open relationship- as the partner seeking sex outside, as the partner bringing a third for sex, and as the other woman. Right now I am single and dating but I have a play partner that claims to be in an open relationship. We usually did not have much conversation except for a few minutes between play and we did not ever interact socially without sex until recently. The problem is, I enjoyed spending time with him without sex. We would msg each other with things like I miss fucking you, now I get messages saying I miss you and I reply saying the same because I do. I have no expectations from him and I do not ever think this guy would leave his live in situation. It just hurts that there is someone I have amazing sex with and like as a person, it hurts that I think I have feelings for him

When he would bring up some topics about different things, I would change it and try to keep conversation light, just about the sex. I know he cares about me, he has helped me through a few things. It is just a hard thing to figure out, is it better to leave the situation quietly or tell him how I feel? I knew getting into this that it would not ever be more than sex. The issue- after eight months of the best orgasms I ever had, with someone so nice, it is hard not to develop feelings. PS his cock is perfect too :frown1:

You say he's supposedly in an open relationship but haven't defined what that is for him. Open as in they may consider a triad? Open as in he can play outside the relationship with her permission? Open as in "do what you want just don't tell me about it"? Would you want to be in a triad with them or do you want to be in a mono relationship with him? I think these are questions you need to ask yourself and your answers may determine your limitations.
 

sizequeenNY

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You say he's supposedly in an open relationship but haven't defined what that is for him. Open as in they may consider a triad? Open as in he can play outside the relationship with her permission? Open as in "do what you want just don't tell me about it"? Would you want to be in a triad with them or do you want to be in a mono relationship with him? I think these are questions you need to ask yourself and your answers may determine your limitations.

Open as in he can play outside of the relationship, she knows what he is doing but she does not want to know details. I am pansexual and open to poly situations but I don't think she would want that. I would not try to get between them and I knew from the beginning that our situation is just sexual. I just feel kind of stupid for ending up with feelings. I know my only option is to end it so I do not hurt myself. It is just not like me to end up wanting more from a play partner. I feel like if I bother telling him there is a part of me that wants him to feel the same way and the logical side of me knows that is not going to happen
 

fire77

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@sizequeenNY

Did you ever meet his girl, does she know who you are, did she tell you herself she doesn't mind her man play outside their relationship, how did you know she wouldn't want a poly relationship, did you ask her, or are you going by what he is telling you.

One advise.... Keep your brain and your clit seperate.
 

sizequeenNY

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It is ok never mind, I feel stupid for writing this. I msged him that I do not want to have sex with him again. It took a while to realize, sex with someone attached leaves me feeling empty. I make it a point to not play with someone going behind their partners back too. It seems like every guy I meet this year is attached, like I have a magnet to them. It just makes me so sad because I just want someone to want just me. Days like this, I feel like dying my hair brown and dressing like an old lady so guys won't look at me :(
 

Chaotica

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:hug: I'm sorry, darling.
Sometimes sex with someone unattached can feel just as empty. What matters is how full or empty you feel inside, about yourself.
 

sizequeenNY

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:hug: I'm sorry, darling.
Sometimes sex with someone unattached can feel just as empty. What matters is how full or empty you feel inside, about yourself.

Thank you it took me long enough to realize this. Now I just need to stick with knowing it. I wasted time on something that could have been better spent
 

B_subgirrl

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It took a while to realize, sex with someone attached leaves me feeling empty.

Obviously it doesn't leave you feeling empty, it didn't in this case at least.


Thank you it took me long enough to realize this. Now I just need to stick with knowing it. I wasted time on something that could have been better spent

Why does something that was so wonderful suddenly become a 'waste of time' when you've decided you don't want it anymore?
 

sizequeenNY

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Obviously it doesn't leave you feeling empty, it didn't in this case at least.




Why does something that was so wonderful suddenly become a 'waste of time' when you've decided you don't want it anymore?

How dare you try to tell me how I feel. Every time I left his place it felt empty after. It is not deciding I do not want it anymore. Did you even read the thread? It is hard being the third in these situations sometimes. It was a waste of my time because I could have been doing other things. You are obviously trolling, find another thread
 

B_subgirrl

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How dare you try to tell me how I feel. Every time I left his place it felt empty after. It is not deciding I do not want it anymore. Did you even read the thread? It is hard being the third in these situations sometimes. It was a waste of my time because I could have been doing other things. You are obviously trolling, find another thread

You're the one who said it. I'm not disagreeing with you regarding how hard it can be, just saying that you're contradicting yourself.
 

sizequeenNY

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You're the one who said it. I'm not disagreeing with you regarding how hard it can be, just saying that you're contradicting yourself.

I am not contradicting myself, I am going through stressful emotions, fuck off
 

B_subgirrl

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I am not contradicting myself, I am going through stressful emotions, fuck off

I feel bad for you that you're feeling stressed. But that doesn't change what you said.

This . . .

It just hurts that there is someone I have amazing sex with and like as a person, it hurts that I think I have feelings for him

. . . contradicts this . . .

sex with someone attached leaves me feeling empty.

Having feelings and emptiness cannot coexist.


And I really don't see how this . . .


The problem is, I enjoyed spending time with him without sex. We would msg each other with things like I miss fucking you, now I get messages saying I miss you and I reply saying the same because I do. I have no expectations from him and I do not ever think this guy would leave his live in situation. It just hurts that there is someone I have amazing sex with and like as a person, it hurts that I think I have feelings for him

The issue- after eight months of the best orgasms I ever had, with someone so nice, it is hard not to develop feelings. PS his cock is perfect too :frown1:

. . . could be considered 'a waste of time'. Maybe if you were expecting the relationship to lead somewhere other than it did, but not when you knew exactly what it was.

Sounds like you're trying to distance yourself to me. Which is understandable, but why discount all the good stuff in the process. :confused:
 

sizequeenNY

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I am not entertaining your nonsense, I am venting about an issue, go find someone else to troll because it is not working with me
 

TheRob

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Thanks, this has not happened before. I do not mix sex and emotions. This is not the first play partner I had but it is the first that I ended up having some sort of feeling for so I want to get away from it before getting hurt and at the same time I do not want to make him feel bad because he is a good guy

stop the FWB thing, keep being a friend tho and if it dosn't work out with him and his girl, maybe you two should be together at that point
 

TheRob

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It is ok never mind, I feel stupid for writing this. I msged him that I do not want to have sex with him again. It took a while to realize, sex with someone attached leaves me feeling empty. I make it a point to not play with someone going behind their partners back too. It seems like every guy I meet this year is attached, like I have a magnet to them. It just makes me so sad because I just want someone to want just me. Days like this, I feel like dying my hair brown and dressing like an old lady so guys won't look at me :(

lol yes every brunette is homely...
I dunno what to tell you but I in fact am single
 

Intrigue

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Okay, you keep telling yourself how awful it all was and I'll leave you to it.


Good idea I think. Emotion can sometimes make friend seem like foe. But I see what you were trying to say.
 

sizequeenNY

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Good idea I think. Emotion can sometimes make friend seem like foe. But I see what you were trying to say.

She has trolled many threads I participated in and I have no interest entertaining her at all, she even commented knowing that I feel that way about her
 

MickeyLee

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I am not entertaining your nonsense, I am venting about an issue, go find someone else to troll because it is not working with me


Ms. Subgirrrl isn't trolling you, she's just pointing out something you might not see. that third party perspective folks are often looking for when they post on a message board. if ya just wanna vent, cool, but don't go all 'fuck-you' when you don't like the feedback.

you do have feelings of you sex partner, you said as much. you do enjoy the sex, ya said that too. you felt empty afterward, not having an emotional connection left you wanting? none of those feelings void out another.

the sex was great, the chemistry was great.. a little too good. the emotional component is were the emptiness lives?

i think Ms. Subgirrrl was pointing out that there were positive, you did get some of your needs met. hmm she's encouraging you to be proactive in the ending of your relationship. see what worked and what didn't work. instead of being "well, i am felt empty, it was all a waste of time" kinda see what you did get, see what you felt was missing.. then make necessary changes the next go around. umm don't get caught in the negative/hurt feelings...

like, it's not that an open relationship didn't work for you.. is just this particular arrangement didn't work?


i could be so off base all around. :redface:

maybe open relationships are not for you, maybe you need to be a primary partner. where ya emotional and sexual needs are fulfilled by one person, plain old sexual kicks could be with you secondary partner?
 
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