Unfaithful cycle?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Discobear, Jul 4, 2008.

  1. Discobear

    Discobear New Member

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    I know I've talked about my girl's shyness about sex in general here before, but I have a new issue I'd like to present before you all.

    A little over six months ago, I had a rather rude surprise with my girl. She and I had gotten into a small spat about some little nothing that I've since forgotten, and though we weren't talking at the exact moment, it was nothing we hadn't dealt with before. To the best of my knowledge we would resolve the problem in an hour or so and be done with it. While my girl and I weren't talking, I decided to go and hang out with a few friends of mine to chill and talk the whole ordeal over. With my friends this day was a guy I didn't really know, but knew his name and face. His name is Lenny, a nice guy who I've since become friends with. Anywho, my friends, Lenny and I sat around playing some video games for two hours or so before we actually got on the subject of the argument.

    It seemed like nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary, just discussing the whole thing in bits and in general. But when I mentioned my girl's name, Lenny had the strangest look on his face. I didn't pay it any attention at first, but after we discussed it he pulled me aside.

    "Did you say her name was (my girl's name)?" asked Lenny.

    "Yeah. Why?"

    "Umm...eheh...we've been together for about a month now."

    "..."

    A few hours later, after both Lenny and I had approached her, both befuddled and outraged at the same time, Lenny stormed out of the room in a fit and still refuses to this day to speak with her. I left too, but not quite in the same kind of huff. I was more confused than angry. I didn't know what I'd done wrong. I had noticed that her behavior had gotten strange over the last month or so, but I would have never attributed it to cheating on me. What confused me more was the fact that I wasn't mad at Lenny. He was just as screwed over as I was. He had no idea that she and I had ever met before.

    Now, I'm not one to judge, but what she did to me hurt me deeply and I would have never expected something like that from her, but I didn't show my pain or my confusion. I kept it inside and released it to her in little bursts over a long period of deep thought, consideration and eventually forgiveness. My decision to take her back made me happy then and has kept me happy until now. I love her.

    What brings me here to post this today is that her behavior is becoming all too familiar. I've noticed little things, things that I cast off as nothing special around six months ago when I first met Lenny. I don't want to think the inevitably awful thought, but I just can't tell. There's no -real- sign that anything's wrong. She's just acting...different again.

    Am I an idiot for giving my girl a second chance? How can I tell if she's faithful to me or if she's sneaking behind my back?
     
  2. OmahaBeef

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    Idiot? NO. Erroneous? YES.

    By taking her back in the first place, you simultaneously enabled her old (and possibly current) behavior, as well as lost any form of power that you had in the relationship to begin with. Now that both of those things are occurring, she likely no longer respects you at all.

    How do you know if she's cheating on you again? You shouldn't care, at this point she should have been dumped 6 months ago.

    Good luck!

    ...OB
     
  3. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Why would you want to stay in a relationship where you are not being respected? I never have fully understood it. My dad was verbally, and emotionally abusive to my mother. Too this day, I don't know why she stayed.
     
  4. Jonathan2/11

    Jonathan2/11 New Member

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    well why dont u confront her bout it cuz if she cheated on u once then most likly she will do it again and because u took her back she could think well I got away with it once who says I cant do it again and she knows ur willing to forgive her and she can manipulate u cuz of that, its kinda like that saying fool me once shame on u fool me twice shame on me and thats what we have here anyways just watch out and try not to get hurt a second time
     
  5. Jovial

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    Since you didn't realize something was up or that she wasn't satisfied with you, then you must not have been very aware of how she felt. And this probably hurt her deeply. I'm just saying there's two sides to every story. Look at yourself first before you blame her. Maybe you already did this since you weren't too mad about it, like you expected it.
     
  6. Discobear

    Discobear New Member

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    I -was- mad about it, just not as verbally and physically outraged and near-violent as Lenny was. I was pissed beyond what I've been in a long, long time.

    I definitely didn't expect it. To this day, I still don't know if I actually did anything wrong to make her do it. She claims that it was her stupidity that started the whole mess, but I do wonder if she just says that to cover something up.
     
  7. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Wondering if you did something to cause her to do it? Believe her, she chose to screw it up. Maybe, it would be good for you to step back, and do some self-examination. Work on your self-esteem.
     
    #7 D_Bob_Crotchitch, Jul 4, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2008
  8. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    what you guys don't know is that while you and Lenny were hanging out together, she was fucking guy #3.





    lots of fish in the deep blue sea
     
  9. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Guy #3 doesn't know about guys 4 through 12.
     
  10. Discobear

    Discobear New Member

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    *facepalms*

    Does no one here believe in second chances or fidelity?
     
  11. invisibleman

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    Well, maybe, you shouldn't be a one woman man if the games are multiples.
     
  12. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I believe in fidelity. You told us the warning signs are back again.
     
  13. invisibleman

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    She probably remembered the times when your father wasn't a briar patch. She hoped that that man would change. Maybe your mom didn't know any better. Maybe, she stayed together with your dad because she wanted the family unit together.
     
  14. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    She stayed because she had low self-esteem. He wore her down. Actually, she had issues with her dad. The guy she really cared about dearly loved her, treated her great, and became a corporate executive vp. The last years of her life, she told the truth about it all.



     
  15. invisibleman

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    That could do it. A corporate exec has a lot of responsibilities. They typically drink a lot. And that filtered over into the family. Poor guys.

    I am sorry to hear about your Mom and all.
     
  16. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Im on the side f "once a cheat always a cheat". I could never trust a partner once they had done that to me, its unforgivable.

    But even without the signs it is a bad sign that you dont trust your girl 100%
     
  17. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    You misunderstood me. The corp guy is who she loved. My dad was not him.
     
  18. killerb

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    given the fact that I already have trust issues, if I ever found out I'd been cheated on, that relationship would be over SO FAST...

    I don't believe in 2nd chances when it comes to fidelity...

    I also don't believe that just because a person has been cheated on, they must have either done something wrong or somehow failed to totally satisfy the cheater in every way...

    but you can't trash the relationship based on speculation...even though you see "the signs", it's best to confirm what is actually going on before taking any action...
     
  19. Richard Guzinia

    Richard Guzinia New Member

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    Discobear Dude,

    Your girl must have been pretty slick to have been cheating on you for a month and have pulled the wool over both your and Lenny's eyes, and it sounds like she's doing it again. Stop being the wuss in a bad relationship and dump her.

    Consider her shyness about sex. She may have not wanted to get it on with you because she had just had another guy in her, perhaps Lenny, perhaps others. She's a player and she's playing you.
     
  20. Honey123

    Verified Gold Member

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    Usually when one suspects their partner of cheating there is a reason. Not that it's always true - I've been accused of cheating by a guy that was stepping out on me (the old accuse the other person of doing what you're doing to throw them off routine).

    You sound like a nice guy. Ask her straight out about it. If she won't look you in the eye when she answers or side steps the issue then you have your answer. But then, I think you already know what the answer is... don't you.

    Good luck.
     
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