Unhealthy love.

BirdinMo

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Hey everyone, been a long time since I've posted anything. Here goes, how do you let go of an unhealthy love? I'm talking about the kind, where you've fallen for someone and they don't or can't return your feelings. Yes they know how I feel. I don't really know what to do because I don't want to lose this person forever. Any advice on moving past it?
 

keenobserver

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I agree with Wallyj. Start looking for new relationships and do everything you can to avoid this person. Since you agree it is unhealthy, you need to make a clean break and try very hard not to dwell on this person. Nothing good can happen unless you do. Easier said than done, but realistically it is your only path.
 

braalian

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Is it possible that you're not so much afraid of losing this person, but rather you do not like the process of ending relationships and cutting people out?

In the same sense that some people go to great lengths to avoid confrontations, even when doing so is not in ther best interest.

Like pulling a scab or popping a joint back in its socket, it's a moment of pain you just have to get past in order to move on.
 

reckless_heart

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I have come to the conclusion that life is not cut and dry, and love it not an on or off switch. Love is one word to describe one of the most complex aspects of human life. So when you say the feelings are not mutual, how do you know it will always be that way? How do you know you will always feel this way towards this person? Why the need to oversimplify everything?

Life is struggle. What is it that actually stops you from seeing a relationship with this person? Maybe if both of you struggle some more, things will work out? Be weary of the simplistic "cut them out of your life" advice, which although is often easy and possibly right, can also mean you lose something that could be amazing.
 
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deleted957600

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I feel you are cheating yourself out of love by staying with him. There's someone better out there who can reciprocate your feelings and who you would likely be happier with.

I'm sure you're uncomfortable with the idea of leaving and starting over. Why don't you try writing out a list of reasons to stay and another list of reasons to leave. If you come up with more reasons to leave, you'll know what you should probably do.
 

hvdude

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I think by simply asking the question here you know the answer and are looking for validation. Even the title "Unhealthy" - speaks to your acknowledgement that it's not good. Ending something is never easy (leaving a job, moving to a new home, etc.) but in order for us to grow we have to experience some uncomfortable moments. Learn from it and move on.
 
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KennF

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Here's the thing... you recognize it is unhealthy, and yet you continue.
You say you want to change or let go of it, yet you are holding onto it.

In order to let it go, you have to let it go. You can't wait for someone else to come along and substitute that person for the one you are feeling emotion towards. You won't even see the next person until you accept your situation and you decide to move on.

It isn't what I might do, or others, it is your decision. And that is the ONE thing we do have control over... our own choices. You are choosing to hold on. Figure out why and you'll move on.

As they said in The Matrix "You can never see past a decision you don't understand." Understand what is holding you back or you are afraid of in the future, and you'll have already moved on.
 
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424365

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So I know how this feels. Having incredible strong feelings for a person that doesn't feel the same and watching them move on with there life and not looking back. Honestly what worked for me was finding something (in my case the marine corps) that builds new relationships, new passions, and new desires. I still have a great friendship with said person without any of the longing pangs I used to have.
 

AlteredEgo

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I have come to the conclusion that life is not cut and dry, and love it not an on or off switch. Love is one word to describe one of the most complex aspects of human life. So when you say the feelings are not mutual, how do you know it will always be that way? How do you know you will always feel this way towards this person? Why the need to oversimplify everything?

Life is struggle. What is it that actually stops you from seeing a relationship with this person? Maybe if both of you struggle some more, things will work out? Be weary of the simplistic "cut them out of your life" advice, which although is often easy and possibly right, can also mean you lose something that could be amazing.
This person k ows how he feels and has made it clear the feelings are not mutual. Hint:There are no pies in the sky. This person knows how to reach him. If his or her feelings change they are free to reach out and see if it is not too late. Meanwhile, if he struggles with this person as you suggest, on the nebulous, unknown odds for something to fruit from his efforts (much less something amazing as you suggest) how many opportunities might he miss because pursuit made him closed off to new people? Ridiculous, if you ask me. Not that you did.
 

reckless_heart

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This person k ows how he feels and has made it clear the feelings are not mutual. Hint:There are no pies in the sky. This person knows how to reach him. If his or her feelings change they are free to reach out and see if it is not too late. Meanwhile, if he struggles with this person as you suggest, on the nebulous, unknown odds for something to fruit from his efforts (much less something amazing as you suggest) how many opportunities might he miss because pursuit made him closed off to new people? Ridiculous, if you ask me. Not that you did.

I never suggested closing off to other people. I did not read in the original post any reason to cut the person out of his life. I don't know anything about the situation but what was written. My suggestion was a round about way of saying, it can be tough, but try to continue the friendship (if one even exists) anyway, even if sometimes it is painful. Why throw away a friendship because at times it is painful? Good friends can be so hard to come by in this world.
 

KennF

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I never suggested closing off to other people. I did not read in the original post any reason to cut the person out of his life. I don't know anything about the situation but what was written. My suggestion was a round about way of saying, it can be tough, but try to continue the friendship (if one even exists) anyway, even if sometimes it is painful. Why throw away a friendship because at times it is painful? Good friends can be so hard to come by in this world.

I understand your sentiment, but I respectfully disagree on the approach in this situation.

You are right, what we know is that the OP has classified it as "Unhealthy" and stated the feelings are not reciprocated. They are looking for advice on ways to "move on", either emotionally or physically or someway to move forward away from the current situation.

So when you say the feelings are not mutual, how do you know it will always be that way?

I am not sure that suggesting the OP should tough it out and continue to pursue the love interest, or wait it out in status quo, in opposition to the OP's request is really the best choice.

Maybe you were advising that he should convert his feelings to friendship? If so, maybe re-wording your comment would be a clearer message.