I am very complicated sexually. I'm basically a medical absurdity, and I've never met anyone in my situation, so getting answers has never been very easy. For a while I gave up on trying to figure it out, but recent situations have caused me to start thinking about it again. Reading a response to one of my other threads made me realize that I can't go on with my life without knowing the basics of who I am. I'm hoping that LPSG can help.
To start, here are some unusual things about me (in particular my body):
I was expected to be born as a girl, but I was instead born a boy unexpectedly.
I've always been VERY feminine in appearance, which is only enhanced by the fact that I'm a crossdresser. I have womanly hips, in particular.
I have over-the-top production of both testosterone and estrogen. The doctors I've been with so far haven't provided even an idea on why this might be.
As a little kid I had a minor case of gynecomastia (man boobs), but they slowly disappeared over time and every doctor I've been to has told me that I now have a normal male chest, apart from an oddly shaped rib cage.
Contrary to what you'd think, I don't have a tiny dick. I have a 7" penis, which is exactly the same size (in length) when flaccid and erect (this has been confirmed by two doctors).
I can think of plenty other weird things with my body, but those are pretty much the important bits. Now on to me as a person:
I'm a crossdresser. I like wearing women's clothing, and I've always liked it for as long as I can remember. My crossdressing is not, I repeat, not transvestic fetishism in the least.
Growing up, I didn't know who I was supposed to be interested in for playing and hanging out with (I wasn't like one of those gay guys who used to play with girls and dolls as a kid). In fact, I had very few friends at all as a kid. I'm not an introverted person most of the time, so you can imagine that this was hard for me. Then I got older, and people started to get personality. They were experimenting, and this is where I kind of became human. I found my little subculture of deviants, and basically I sifted through it all and held on to what I liked (this is where I still am today, at the terribly old age of 19). I realized, once I started being around people, that I genuinely liked males and females pretty much the same. Of course, I saw everyone around me being hormonal and going after anything with a heartbeat, but I was fortunate to recognize it as pure lust and nothing more. However, I noticed that I didn't just want to have sex with people, I wanted to be with them. My purposes seemed so much more romantic than the rest of that teenage wasteland. After a while I started to doubt my own intentions, and "admitted" to myself that my thinking like that was really just me being pretentious and thinking I was better than everyone else. Well, that I-hate-myself mindset held on for some time, but then I started to notice that people were quietly slipping away from people they used to know and even have intimate relations with. Everyone was going straight, forgetting anything they or others may have done in return for other people doing the same for them. Meanwhile, I was stuck in stasis, because I still liked both sexes, and continue to like both to this day. I know that I'm still very young, and that it's understandable for me to feel like this even if it won't turn out like I think it will in the long run, but I feel as if I've reached the last stop.
In a little more detail: I feel like a guy who is attracted to guys and girls most of the time, but occasionally I just feel...inexplicably feminine. That's not to say that I don't like guys and girls when I feel feminine - I still do. But when I feel feminine, I get this notion that I can relate more to the female body and mind. But then I turn around and I'm just your average crossdressing guy again, and I can't understand what made me think the way I was thinking.
Now I have this threesome situation on my hands, and I'm not sure what to do about it. There's a guy and a girl, both who say they're bisexual. He knew me before he knew her, but then we didn't see each other for a few years and he went on with his life. Recently we met up again. The three of us had a great time, but it's all so very confusing. I can't fully explain this in a single thread, but fortunately I already wrote about it in another: http://www.lpsg.org/et-cetera-et-cetera/47786-best-10-days-my-life.html
I'm very confused right now, because I'm running the fool's errand and trying to make sense of emotions, yet somehow I can't let it go and take its course. I need direction. People at LPSG somehow seem very experienced at life, more so than in other internet forums. I need answers that I can't provide, but I'm hoping you can. Thanks for reading all of this.
To start, here are some unusual things about me (in particular my body):
I was expected to be born as a girl, but I was instead born a boy unexpectedly.
I've always been VERY feminine in appearance, which is only enhanced by the fact that I'm a crossdresser. I have womanly hips, in particular.
I have over-the-top production of both testosterone and estrogen. The doctors I've been with so far haven't provided even an idea on why this might be.
As a little kid I had a minor case of gynecomastia (man boobs), but they slowly disappeared over time and every doctor I've been to has told me that I now have a normal male chest, apart from an oddly shaped rib cage.
Contrary to what you'd think, I don't have a tiny dick. I have a 7" penis, which is exactly the same size (in length) when flaccid and erect (this has been confirmed by two doctors).
I can think of plenty other weird things with my body, but those are pretty much the important bits. Now on to me as a person:
I'm a crossdresser. I like wearing women's clothing, and I've always liked it for as long as I can remember. My crossdressing is not, I repeat, not transvestic fetishism in the least.
Growing up, I didn't know who I was supposed to be interested in for playing and hanging out with (I wasn't like one of those gay guys who used to play with girls and dolls as a kid). In fact, I had very few friends at all as a kid. I'm not an introverted person most of the time, so you can imagine that this was hard for me. Then I got older, and people started to get personality. They were experimenting, and this is where I kind of became human. I found my little subculture of deviants, and basically I sifted through it all and held on to what I liked (this is where I still am today, at the terribly old age of 19). I realized, once I started being around people, that I genuinely liked males and females pretty much the same. Of course, I saw everyone around me being hormonal and going after anything with a heartbeat, but I was fortunate to recognize it as pure lust and nothing more. However, I noticed that I didn't just want to have sex with people, I wanted to be with them. My purposes seemed so much more romantic than the rest of that teenage wasteland. After a while I started to doubt my own intentions, and "admitted" to myself that my thinking like that was really just me being pretentious and thinking I was better than everyone else. Well, that I-hate-myself mindset held on for some time, but then I started to notice that people were quietly slipping away from people they used to know and even have intimate relations with. Everyone was going straight, forgetting anything they or others may have done in return for other people doing the same for them. Meanwhile, I was stuck in stasis, because I still liked both sexes, and continue to like both to this day. I know that I'm still very young, and that it's understandable for me to feel like this even if it won't turn out like I think it will in the long run, but I feel as if I've reached the last stop.
In a little more detail: I feel like a guy who is attracted to guys and girls most of the time, but occasionally I just feel...inexplicably feminine. That's not to say that I don't like guys and girls when I feel feminine - I still do. But when I feel feminine, I get this notion that I can relate more to the female body and mind. But then I turn around and I'm just your average crossdressing guy again, and I can't understand what made me think the way I was thinking.
Now I have this threesome situation on my hands, and I'm not sure what to do about it. There's a guy and a girl, both who say they're bisexual. He knew me before he knew her, but then we didn't see each other for a few years and he went on with his life. Recently we met up again. The three of us had a great time, but it's all so very confusing. I can't fully explain this in a single thread, but fortunately I already wrote about it in another: http://www.lpsg.org/et-cetera-et-cetera/47786-best-10-days-my-life.html
I'm very confused right now, because I'm running the fool's errand and trying to make sense of emotions, yet somehow I can't let it go and take its course. I need direction. People at LPSG somehow seem very experienced at life, more so than in other internet forums. I need answers that I can't provide, but I'm hoping you can. Thanks for reading all of this.
