I am not looking for a two wrongs do or don't make a right argument.
I would be interested to know though if the women here feel that men face inequalities in life and relationships? From the mundane attitude that the home is still the wife's domain to an expectation that partners should acquiesce to a woman's child agenda.
To explain the latter, I mean a situation where a woman wants to start a family at say twenty four and the partner of a similar age would rather wait. It may be the other way around of course.
You may also have experience of being with a divorced man whose prior settlement has affected your ability to live your lives as you wish.
I think with your example (the child bearing one in particular), I would call this an expectation issue and a compromise issue as well as a gender one. For example, society seems to assume that women get married to have kids and men get married to be taken care of by a 'good woman'. When a woman marries, the assumption is a couple
will reproduce and it's only a matter of when they will do it. Hence people seldom hesitate to ask intrusive questions about the pitter patter of tiny feet! In instances where one or the other want children and the other doesn't, I think this is more about compromise. Sometimes men want kids first and women don't. The recent marriage between Colleen McLoughlin and Wayne Rooney is a case in point. Wayne said he wants four kids as soon as possible and Colleen has said the kids will have to wait. I don't think that's sexism - it's compromise. She is not saying she won't have kids she just wants some control over the timing, which I think is fair enough. Men could demand the right to exert similar control without accusations of sexism in my view. Sometimes women want kids immediately and men don't and women have two options - they either wait for the man to be ready or they fall pregnant 'accidentally'. The latter is never a good idea...
I think the notion of sexism as you describe it goes both ways. For example, when I married, no one asked if I was going to keep my maiden name. No one asked if my husband was going to take my surname. Instead, all my work documentation was changed over to his name without reference to me. I would have liked to keep my name or for us both to go double-barreled. Similarly, when I had our son (we married when he was 2), everyone assumed he would have his father's surname. No one thought to ask otherwise. When I divorced, my family started referring to me by my maiden name again. For my entire professional career, I have been known by my ex's name. I actually ended up keeping my married name purely because it's my son's name and also because it's too much hassle to change everything back again.
With our bank accounts, we had separate accounts and one joint account. All the money going into the joint account was going from my bank account (I earned a lot more than my husband). Similarly, we had investments, shares, etc., in joint names. All the money to fund these things was also coming from my account yet all the letters were sent to my husband. ALL the letters. I tried to query this with the bank and get this - they wouldn't even speak to me; they would only talk to my husband. Interestingly, even after we divorced and the bank was informed that I was the sole account holder, my bank was still trying to talk to him about the contents of the joint account despite knowing a) we had divorced; b) we no longer lived together and c) that I had deposited a huge sum in there long after we parted. Again, I asked them about this and they refused to even talk to me. I had to close the account and set up new accounts before the bank would even deal with me.
In terms of life, I agree with MB. Men are treated badly when it comes to divorce, particularly when it comes to access to the kids. I think society thinks men care less about their children than women do. Some of this might boil down to the bitterness that sometimes goes hand in hand with divorce. I have seen men throw their wives and kids out of homes and move mistresses in. I have also seen men refuse to support their wives and children. Men who have murdered their children to spite their wives. I am not saying it's common but it may account for the perception, although I do think there is a great deal of gender bias there as well. Society assumes that kids will be better off with their mothers but women can be very selfish at times too. I have read stories about women leaving their kids for days on end to go off partying; putting men before their kids, etc. Society doesn't seem to penalise women in the same way as it does men.
I am not sure how things work for men but I am now single and my mother is convinced that she cannot rest or go to her maker until I am settled with a new man. She has made it her mission to coax me into finding someone new. I do think there is this segment of society that sees women as somehow less of a person or lacking or incomplete if they are single. People actually sometimes look at single women with pity (and married women sometimes look at us like we're sharks!). But hey - I am happy being single! Don't get me wrong, sometimes I'm lonely and I long to have a man in my life. It would be
wonderful to be part of a couple. Fantastic to have a man to share my life with - and share the load with - absolutely. But equally, my life is pretty rich and fulfilling and I feel fortunate that I can do whatever I like! So I am not going to die in a ditch if it doesn't happen. But try telling my mother that...! :smile:
lmao: sorry... assuming that was a while ago) depite it being a 'post-feminist' environment, upbringing, parents and even peers were still not all that progressive in many areas.
