Unromantic & Inappropriate Gifts

Why is it some men have no clue what constitutes an unromantic & inappropriate gift? For instance unless your woman likes to fix things power tools are an inappropriate gift. There is nothing sexy or romantic about giving her, her own circular saw. Major appliances are 'house gifts'. Doesn't matter that you need a new refrigerator or dryer, she isn't the only one using those things. You can purchase major appliances as long as you get her a real gift as well. The rule in our house was that my father wasn't allowed to purchase anything for my mother from Sear's.

I mention this because my cousin who is 50 recently married a lovely woman of 42. It is the second marriage for both of them. He has a 22 year old daughter and she has a 13 year old son. He thinks she babys her son and that he is too soft. They also disagree on how discipline should be meted out. :frown1: IMHO This is the kind of stuff you should discuss before you say "I do." That said, if the man in my life gave me, what he gave his new wife I would be insulted. He gave her a copy of The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, M.D. He stuck 2/$100 gift cards in it to her favorite stores. I'm cool with the gift cards; however that's a self- help book. To me that's like saying, "there's something wrong with you and this will help you fix it."

I admit I own the book, but I never read more than the first chapter if that.

What is the least romantic or inappropriate gift you have ever received from a husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend?

 

Two big VHS storage units with his recordings of the PLAYBOY channel programs on VHS.
Used muscle magazines. Paperweights. An antique tube power amp for electric guitar.
An amazingly big PA speaker. A broken CD recorder.

 

He gave you a bunch of used stuff? Those aren't gifts, that just sounds like he was cleaning out the basement.

 

wow. sorry to hear this nj and invisible.
i guess i am fortunate and sheltered. i have
never been given an inappropriate or unromantic
gift from a girlfriend ever. and i have never given an
inappropriate or unromantic gift. i think. if i had, i am
sure i would have been made aware of it. i mean, i have
given gifts of full blown spa packages, but that's just because
i thought she would enjoy spending a day being pampered, massaged
and manicure and pedicure and facial and hair done. i gave that kind of gift not
b/c she was ugly with bad skin or anything, but just that women find that sort of thing enjoyable and would help them feel better.

 

This whole business of shelling out gift cards is getting out of hand (not to mention lazy gift-giving).

The last Christmas (2007) I remember getting a $50 gift card to Abercrombie & Fitch, 2 separate gift cards to Starbuck's, a Barnes & Noble gift card, a Pacific Theater movies gift card and an American Express gift card.

It used to be considered in somewhat bad taste (or at least impersonal & "unromantic") to hand out cold cash as presents. Now, we are just barely one step removed from cash by giving money cards (maybe in future Christmas cartoons, Santa can save a whole lot of room by having a sleighful of neatly alphabetized gift cards for little Josh and Brittany). A $100 gift card to Sharper Image or Bloomingdale's or - god help us - Ralph's supermarket negates the idea of personal gift giving. It's almost a one-size-fits-all gift.

 

One Christmas, for weeks before the day, I told my ex I was going to give her a vacuum cleaner (we did need one). She of course threatened me with severe consequences if I followed through with it. Come Xmas day, there was a new Panasonic vacuum clearer under the tree... and a stunning Persian rug to go with it.

That was about 18 years ago and she still uses that little vacuum. It's held together with duct tape and one wheel has fallen off, but she still loves it.

 

i am of the mindset that cash is never an inappropriate gift. when i was a little kid my great grandfather used to give me hundred dollar bills as presents and i never minded it. unless a person is shitting money, cash or gift cards are great in my book. bring it on. my address is.....
lol.

 

Willtom27 my mom thinks as you do. I remember being maybe 19 and having a job where I made some money but also had no time to shop for her. She is notoriously difficult to shop for and usually returns whatever you buy her. :12: I proudly gave her a birthday card with a $50 Macy*s gift certificate in it. She was pissed off! She thought I didn't care enough to shop for her :wtf1: So then I had to take a day off from work to spend a day at the mall shopping with her. Apparently that was the gift she really wanted.

 

Getting a bad gift is better than no gift at all

 

CLASSIC passive-aggressive behavior NJ...you bought her something that she could have used for ANYTHING in the store but she was pissed you didn't give it "any thought?" - WHAT! YOU gave it the ultimate thought...PICK OUT WHAT YOU WANT! The fact she wanted to shop with you? Why didn't she just ask??? I'm sure you would have helped her spend her gift certificate without making you feel bad about giving it.

 

Welcome to the story of my life. Growing up with a mother who has untreated mental health issues is not unlike being the child of an alcoholic. You know there may be rages but you don't know when so you walk on egg shells all the time.

 

i like vince's gift of the vacuum cleaner. i got a vacuum cleaner from my grandmother as a college graduation gift and wan't too impressed with it. she also gave me cash.
i still have the vacuum cleaner and use it regularly. you know - good vacuum cleaners are great gifts that we just don't buy for ourselves.

 

NJ:

Never mind Garth. Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman to me. Asking somebody. your child, to be a little more personal in their gift-giving (not merely doling out cash or money cards) does not strike me as "passive-aggresive behaviour", classic or otherwise.

Garth. I'm not dissing you, but strongly disagreeing. A $50 Macy's gift card is not the "ultimate" thought because she can pick out "anything in the store". It is bordering on the opposite. If I give you a $50 gift card to Wal-Mart, that does not strike me as an idiosyncratic, from-the-heart gift. In fact, it's precisely the exact "gift" I can pick up slapdash 5 minutes before closing on Christmas Eve because absolutely no thought is required. It's almost an un-gift.

 

Seriously. I'm OK with receiving any gift, saying "thank you!" with genuine gratitude, and shutting the fuck up about it.

:shrug: But, I may be a bit unconventional, in that, I'm not into traditional gifts at all, and would prefer the inappropriate--for entertainment value alone. :tongue:

 

That's what I'm talking about!
Gotta admit, though, I would would rather get a $50 Gift Card than a gift that I would NEVER use. My friends & family pretty much know the types of things I'm into, so getting a present for me is not terribly difficult. At the same time I can't expect everyone to give me the perfect present. My older brother gave me cash this year, and I don't know about you but money always comes in handy.

At the end of the day, you're getting something that the sender knows you can use. I know I'd be pissed if I got a Buzz Saw because everyone knows I don't have any use for something like that. But if I got a Gift Card from Amex or Best Buy I know I could go down and get something I really wanted.

 

My dude and I feel horribly that we gave his sister a gift card this year. We just couldn't figure it out this time. I think it's okay because we did really well for her birthday, and we won't be making a habit of giving her gift cards. We might get to live in the same city for the next four years, and I'll be able to get to know her better and that will help.

We also gave his parents pajamas which was kind of lazy too. We did Pajamas for his father's birthday too. They live in the tropics. How many pajamas do they need? We'll do better next time.

 

I don't know about "unromantic" or "inappropriate" but the whole time I lived in California for college, my Dad used to send me checks for birthdays and holidays. Unfortunately, they were drawn on a closed account...he didn't know better...he was slipping mentally a lot. I always thought it was kind of funny because it was only ever for like $25. or $50 bucks. If you're going to write bad checks for a present...make them for thousands or something
Back to the unromantic and inappropriate gifts, I'm kind of up in the air about this. A gift is a gift and can mean different things to different people. My partner and I generally exchange practical things or at least things out of the realm of the romantic (a computerized weather station, matching pistols, computer games). I think we both feel that romantic gifts most of the time means useless and it's more important to get something we KNOW the other will use and appreciate everyday...yes, one birthday that meant new floor mats for the car. If you need a sparkling somethings or glittery doodads to inspire romance and to prove love or how well you know someone...you might just have bigger problems than poor gift selecting abilities.

 

One year when I was too busy to get everyone gifts. I wrote IOU's on a piece of paper and put them in a Christmas card. The IOU told the receiver they would be getting an original work of art from me. I gave my artwork away as a gift when it was completed.

Andy Warhol was known for doing this so I thought "Why not?".

It worked. That is how I solved my problem.

 

Unless great distances are involved, a gift certificate, or worse, cash, is saying you don't really want to put the in effort or thought involved into giving an appropriate gift.

If I spend time and effort and money on someone I care about and that person gives me a 50$ gift certificate, you know what they are getting from me next birthday or Christmas? A 50$ gift certificate.

They say it's not the gift that counts, it's the thought. I'd add that it's the quality of the thought that counts.

 

The guy that gave me the used VHS units, the paperweights and used muscle mags. He was the Brad Davis (Midnight Express and QUERELLE) actor lookalike boyfriend with OCD. The other stuff was from my LTR ex of six years. (Even though, to give him benefit...I did get some really great gifts from him...but he also gave me a really shitty guitar. I gave it back to him.)

Yeah, they were some "OH I DON'T NEED THIS MF-in' shit, who can I give (gift) this to? I know...INVISI:smile:"-type giving beyotches. Yeah, it seems that they were cleaning out their basements. :frown1: Those were the same beyotches that called me during NEW YEAR'S EVE 2007 and really got shut down.