Update on 'Will I hurt her?'

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Imported, Jan 27, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    harpo78: Hi guys,
    Thanks for your responses and helpful advice. After all, isn't that what this site is about?

    To say my life has changed since being aware of having a larger than average penis would be an over statement. However it has taken a few interesting twists.

    My (married) friend who 'discovered' me has been strange, to the point where we don't really hang out much anymore. He started to become a little obsessed with finding out what I had to offer downstairs. He would often invite me to his gym instead of my own with the suggestion that we shower (communal showers) there and go out after. And it seemed as though we were becoming toilet buddies: every time I had to go, so did he! :eek:

    I cottoned on after a while, needless to say I am a little confused about that situation right now. :-/

    Anyway onto my marriage. Yes we did get married. She looked AWESOME! And yes I did warn her. A very interesting discussion for 2 virgins! :D
    So far we are doing OK. We did not have any real intercourse for 3 days. But not without want of trying. As you said Max my width is a major problem. (I actually measured again and I nust have read the tape wrong I'm a little over 7" around all the way, the head is a bit bigger)

    Even after major foreplay (which is great fun) she is still tight. I would say we have got 1/2 way in so far. I should add I do hurt her, she seems to just be naturally tight despite our efforts to loosen her up. :'(

    On the plus side, she is having amazing orgasms. During foreplay she usuall has a couple, however with me entering her she has several more, an is then too sensitive and sore to go on. I have not come in her yet as thrusting is too much for her. I cannot tell you how much self control this takes! What is it about a guy that just wants to shove that thing in there? Talk about primal instinct! Sorry the prattlings of someone new to sex! :-[

    So my question is, is anyone out there who has similar situations. How do I get her pliable enough to take me all in?

    Also, what do I do about the friend? Should I just go along with these things and think nothing of it? Or stay away?

    Tips or suggestions are of course very welcome.

    Harpo78 ;)
     
  2. Imported

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    kyle: Sounds like you've had plenty of advice for things to try. I think you and your wife should talk to her gynecologist about this situation.

    And about the guy - let it go. He's gotta deal with his own shit. Don't let it bother you.
     
  3. benderten2001

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    harpo78:

    It sure sounds like things are beginning to work out for you. I would NOT be discouraged at all. Just think about how far along things have gone from only a few weeks ago!

    Congratulations on the marriage, btw!

    You obviously are off to a good start. You were well advised here that it would take lots of restraint and you would have to take your time.

    Foreplay (lots of it) and lubrication (natural and more than likely ADDITIONAL lubrication) sounds very much in order. Penetration will have to continue to be slow and gradually build--a little more each time....Remember, her vagina IS adjusting (whether you realize it or not) and you will develop techniques unique to you as a couple (where you'll both become aware of what each other likes over time) and you'll have "your special moves" which she'll grow to fancy. Your natural inclination to "shove" and that primal instinct thing...is quite natural my friend. But, you are already aware obviously of the great need to go easy! That's a big step in itself for both of you during "her" adjustment. Avoid letting her sense any frustration (from you) over how long it is taking to gain full entry. Continue to be patient, tender,
    and attentive to HER needs right now. You'll be rewarded later on when sex becomes (somewhat) less effortless. No doubt, you will always have to be at least a little gentle on "certain moves".

    How does SHE seem to be doing? (Sounds like things are okay with her from what you noted.) If anything, she has to be impressed with your willingness to go slow and be respectful of her feelings in getting use to having sex. Down the road, she may indeed want (or need) to check with a gyn IF she encounters any great problems adjusting. IMHO---I think it's still way too early to worry about that, though.

    As to your friend and his reaction...I wouldn't worry about him either just now. Give it time. From what you have said, he has behaved a bit strangely and the agony he inflicted on you (when you were just about to be married) is, in many ways--despicable. You did not need that exaggerated worry about your size. You may be better off down the road without this friend as he is (now) showing a side that questions "why" he REALLY wanted to be around you in the first place. You will have to decide that though, and I don't mean to be (nor should I be) presumptious here.

    You and your new bride are THE focus now. You're doing all you can except-- pat yourself on the back!
    because you really seem to be doing great.
    Thanks for your update.
     
  4. benderten2001

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    harpo78:

    One additional thought to yesterday's post and that is (perhaps something you may already know or not--)
    you may want to try different positions during sex.
    Spreading her legs and bending her knees (for example) assists in ultimate deeper penetration.
    Obviously, there are a number of postions beyond the traditional "missionary position" and the two of you can give some thought as to what you may want to try...(that's what makes all this fun!) I still encourage you "not to hurry or rush" at this point.

    Lots of great reading material available without dealving into the "real naughty stuff" if you, like me, don't necessarily care for. One of the best, most recent publications I've come across is "Sex, A Man's Guide".
    Go to:
    www.menshealth.com/marketplace/books.html

    Covers "everything" you'd ever want to know and more!
    Best wishes. ;)
     
  5. Imported

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    susan: harpo--

    You might try this.... get a large dildo for your wife and let her control how much goes in. Let her play with this on her own, or incorporate it into your love making. This will allow her to have COMPLETE contol over how much penetrates her, and she will be more relaxed. Once she sees that she can accomodate the dildo with confidence... you are in business.

    I'm guessing that worry and "fear" might be part of the problem. None of us like painful penetration, and our natural reflex is to get tense - which makes penetration more difficult.

    From my early experiences with my boyfriend who is 9"x6" when it got to the point it hurt the most, and I told him I couldn't go any further --he told me to relax, let the tension go, don't resist and sure enough, once I did that and he got past that "point" the pain vanished and the pleasure began.

    I hope my feminine perspective helps!!

    Susan
     
  6. henchy

    henchy New Member

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    Using a large dildo is a good idea i had to do this with an ex g/f who was a virgin.Sex was painful her but after time it gets better.:smile:
     
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