Urge to Out someone

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by AZNEWGUY, Jun 29, 2010.

  1. AZNEWGUY

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    Not sure if this has been discussed before, but why do SOME gay men feel its necessary to out someone ? There was an ad on manhunt saying that he does not assure discretion and will tell the whole world about you if the sex is bad. There are times when someone gets hurt and they want to out them for revenge. I truly feel It's not right and people should just respect someone discretion. This hasn't happen to me yet, but it pisses me off people do this.
     
    #1 AZNEWGUY, Jun 29, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2010
  2. sukmycock00

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    It just shows the true nature of some people. The fact is that when someone who's closeted has sex with another guy, that other person holds a huge piece of evidence they can use for blackmail if they're that kind of person. It's disgusting, I don't understand it at all, and is reserved for only the most vile of people to be honest.
     
  3. athleticguy

    athleticguy New Member

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    It's a power thing. People who have struggled with their sexuality in the past, who may now feel completely comfortable with it, like the fact that they have something on someone.

    I remember my ex, who I shared a very discreet 18 month relationship with, ended things because he was a bit scared and got back with his ex girlfriend. When I was really angry at him, you've no idea how strongly I wanted to show his girlfriend some of the things he had texted me.

    It's awful behaviour really. I'm glad I never succumbed to such dark thoughts.
     
  4. novice_btm

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    Generally, it's entirely inexcusable. It's tough enough for someone to explore their sexuality, without threats attached to it. Who we sleep with, is between us and the other person. Deciding to share that info, should be a mutual decision.

    Unless they're into humiliation, I can't imagine, just generally, who this idiot thinks he's going to draw in with the threat of publicly berating someone if he thinks the "sex is bad." Yeah, no performance anxiety there. :rolleyes:
     
  5. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    Outing other people is a big no-no. There's absolutely no reason to do such a thing - people should be allowed to make their own choices about who and when they tell people. If someone was advertising such a thing on Manhunt i'd be shocked if he got anyone interested - unless, like others say, it's a power/fetish thing.
     
  6. Charles Finn

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    years ago I broke up with a guy that would not come out to his parents he was a nice guy but i could not see him anymore.
    I would Never out somebody
     
  7. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    Obviously, there is no agreement here as to who has the right to "out" whom. In my journey I have resolved all this by never outing myself to anyone. Surely, my partners, male and female, had no need for an announcement. My family would not have understood as I had both male and female "friends" at different times. My family were all great: they treated my "friends" politely and did not ever probe.

    I firmly believe that part of the beauty and the mystery of human sexuality and relationships depends on treating it tenderly and carefully. To me that means that what happens sexually between two consenting adults will remain private and personal. Others, and that includes the general public and one's family and former and future partners really have no need to know. And, I like the aura of mystery that still surrounds my past for my wife and hers for me. I do have my thoughts with regard to the sex lives of my friends, both in the present and the past, but my journey did not include great concern for STDs and back then folks did not automatically conclude that two men sharing living quarters were sexual partners.

    The internet has been a great boon for persons such as myself. I now feel free to share things which for many years I have kept strictly to myself. The three males and three females who have been my partners in sex were persons I loved before we ever had sex and whom I love still. If along the way others have figured out that these persons were much more than just friends to me, that is alright with me too.

    A loving relationship means there are two persons who seek each other's good always. Outsiders do notice two persons in love.
     
  8. TurkeyWithaSunburn

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    Uh you're mixing things up, or not making yourself clear.

    Is he "outing" people because the sex was bad?
    HEYYY everybody Harry the whore is a lousy lay.
    ^This isn't outing, it's being a gigantic asshole.

    Is he "outing" people who are in the closet?
    Hey you know such-in-such movie star is gay and we had sex.
    ^This is outing.
     
  9. CUBE

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    I only feel one should go after anyone that is hurting other gay people...like some senator
     
  10. B_talltpaguy

    B_talltpaguy New Member

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    Well, unless it's some douche bag politician who publicly rails against certain activities to get votes (like gay sex), and then engages in those same activities behind closed doors... Those who seek to profit from such rank hypocrisy deserve to get outed imho.


    edit; Yeah, like Cube just said... hadn't read that far yet.
     
  11. TomCat84

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    Like a couple of other folks have mentioned, I generally do not out someone who is in the closet. Do I get angry? Sometimes- especially if the closeted person is self sufficient. This is 2010, folks. But it's really none of my business. I would disagree with flameboy in that there are a few, very limited reasons why to out someone. If said person is working against gay rights, then I'm all for outing them. Sorry, you don't get to lie about your sexuality while at the same time denouncing those who feel free to be themselves. You lose the right to privacy when you begin to work against us.
     
  12. freeballininnyc

    freeballininnyc Active Member

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    I don't think it's right to out anyone - EVER. When/if someone chooses to come out, it should be on their own terms and on their timetable. People are closeted for numerous reasons, valid to them, and I think someone outing them could do just as much psychological damage as the "de-homosexualization therapy".

    When it comes to those who are crusading against gay rights and yet doing things behind closed doors - I wouldn't out them either. Eventually they out themselves. Also, when middle America forms an opinion on gays, their views are shaped by their upbringing and the community around them; not from some senator who may be getting blowjobs on the DL. To out the guy doesn't accomplish anything and diminishes you more than HE ever could. Frankly, showing him more compassion than he is showing you is a more admirable way to behave.

    I have friends who think it's bullshit that there are closeted actors masquerading as straight. Again, that's their choice. If they're going to live a lie, that's their business. If they came out it would affect your life less than you think but would affect their life (getting hired for various roles) more than they probably realize.

    Everyone in their own time.
     
  13. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

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    I do understand some in the gay community who feel all people should just simply out themselves and be proud of who they are as people. They feel that being closeted actually hurts the community at large because of the fear and secrecy that it engenders. There is probably some truth in that. However, like my very astute friend from New York stated above...everyone in their own time. It is not a perfect world and life is messy. We have to accept one another's time tables in life.
     
  14. petite

    petite New Member

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    The only time I feel that the issue is not cut and dry is when it's about outing someone who is working on the side of a political agenda to deny gay people civil rights, like when those gay bloggers outed closeted gay Republicans who were working on campaigns to deny gay people the right to marry and other civil rights. There was a string of those about 5 years ago, and I'm personally torn on that. I don't want to be hyperbolic, but it's sort of like revealing that a Neo-Nazi is hiding his own Jewish heritage. Honestly, I'm unsure if it's right or wrong to do that.
     
  15. LunaGremlin

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    This all still goes to show where we are in the evolution of societal acceptance. The fact that someone can go and out another to harm someone. Shows where the base line of acceptance for gays and lesbians remains. We may or not be comfortable in our on skins in certain situations in life. Where we have the people we are out to without question and the people we don’t.

    If someone is in denial and working on keeping the rest of society in none acceptance. I agree with petite. I’m torn.
     
  16. TheRob

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    they do what they do to get elected or because they believe it
    if they believe what they are voting for why should it matter if they are gay or not...
    outting them is just a way to attack them
     
  17. petite

    petite New Member

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    So you don't think it's relevant that someone is a closeted gay man, if he is actively part of a campaign to prevent gay people from having civil rights, like the right to get married and be protected under the same laws that protect other married citizens. :rolleyes:

    The fact that he is a closeted gay man reveals that the lady doth protest too much. It smacks of self-flagellation, or their own personal issues with being gay is motivating their actions more than purely moral beliefs. When you act to restrict other people's rights by pushing your personal beliefs into law, your personal life becomes relevant.

    I'm guessing that you don't believe that gay men should have the right to get married, do you?
     
    #17 petite, Jul 3, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2010
  18. freeballininnyc

    freeballininnyc Active Member

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    Something else to add to this thread is that when someone is gay, society's acceptance or lack thereof is not all that keeps them from coming out. There is often a lot of self-hate among people who are struggling with their sexuality for a variety of reasons. That hurdle has to be crossed before they can even think of disclosing their sexuality publicly and then dealing with external reactions. As a gay man, I feel that homos should have all the same rights and privileges that heteros have. However, NOT having those rights, while it does make my life more difficult at times, it does not WRECK my life. Outing someone before they're ready can, and more than likely would, cause serious damage and wreck someone's life. It doesn't matter what their reasons are for being closeted or what your reasons are for outing them.
     
  19. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

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    Hey, I like going on outings with other people. Sometimes it's boring just staying at home.


    Ohhhhh, you mean ...... :shrug:
     
  20. PreppyPunkRocker

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    I believe that people need to come out when they are ready to do so and only then...other than that, it's effed up
     
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