Using Words To Wound

davidjh7

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The key to open honest communication with someone is that both people have to grow a thick enough skin to not get wounded when they hear something they don't like hearing. Assuming for a moment that what she is doing is using unpleasant cmments to divert the communication going where she isn't comfortable (a common technque for both sxes, BTW), then you have to be strong enough to not let her get to you. You have to stay completely calm and open. If she says something like that, then you reply with something like "dear, if you are trying to divert the conversation because it is uncomfortable, I understand but would prefer you just say that you aren't ready to talk about that yet. If there is truly something different you would like me to do during sex that would increase your pleasure, then lets talk about it outside the bedroom. I care about you and want you to enjoy sex with me as much as I do with you, so it is a positive bonding experience for both of us, not something that drives us apart, or is used as a weapon." You know your dick is in the top 5% in the world. It doesn't mean you are a great lover--I have no way of knowing whether you are or aren't, but you definately have a big dick. You can let any comments to the contrary about your size roll off your back, because you know better. Doesn't mean you are a good person, great lover, more or less deserving of anything or anything else--just means it is a fact you have a big dick. Whatever you do, don't close the doors to communication, or let her close the doors. Be respectful of her limits and abilities, and work with her until you both reach a level of communication you are both comfortable with. If you can;t communicate, you don't have a relationship. You may have a friendship, you may have a sex life, but you don't have a relationship. That is about all I can offer on the subject. I wish you the best of luck in working it out.
 

xX_Sarah_Xx

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Sometimes, a man's ego can be the cause of the problem he may be complaining about. Ego and self-awareness are usually inversely related.

True. Also, ego and awareness of others are often inversely related... which might be why I'm rather doubting "fact" number 1.
Cosmognosis, if she said that that position actually felt good for her, why not use that info to have an honest conversation about sex with your gf, in stead of seeing it as a negative thing. Tell her that her saying that threw you off, and that you want to know how to make it better for her. Asking her what she likes is a good idea...The fact that you do take offense in a simple statement as that so easily, might also be an explanation of why she has not been very honest with you about her orgasms.

Duly noted. In spite of what was implied by my posting that pic (probably a provocative and, upon reflection, unwise decision on my part), I didn't mean to put the focus on my size as the exclusive factor in the equation.

As far as the advice offered by women, I prefer to deal with each individual, rather than give credit to all women as having worthy opinions. Some people, as evidenced by the some of the more offensive responses to this thread, are all too willing to attack a man's ego in order to make themselves feel better.

Your opinion is well received by me.

Indeed, unwise decision. Especially because your size has nothing to do with the discussion.
When it comes to the advice offered by women, don't disregard the advice you don't like hearing all too easily. Take a step back from what you're feeling when you're reading it and try to see it from a different angle. You could gain some interesting insight... ;)

No one attacked your ego. People were critical of you and your ego interpreted that as an attack. It then sought to find a comfortable rationalization for the criticism and went so far as to launch counter-attacks such as the particularly unsavory one below.

Also, this!
 

molotovmuffin

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Thanks. Reading that, I'm inclined to suspect that perhaps you ought to have a good, hard, long think about whether it's a relationship in which you really want to continue. Any abusive relationship is damaging and unhealthy and, although she may not recognise it as such, her behaviour strikes me as a form of abuse. Perhaps it might be time to ask her if she really wants to continue with the relationship or would benefit from a bit of time apart.

I would love to hear how you came to the conclusion that her behavior was a type of abuse? Seriously???
 

askew

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I'm very non-judgmental, but you are coming off as sort of a butthead. If somebody is not agreeing with you one hundred percent, you get a bit defensive and a bit insulting. Good communication is not only talking but listening to different varied viewpoints, not just what you want to hear. No offense.

And like mentioned before the "relationshit" crack was kind of off-putting and about eyeing the front door with other options makes it seem like you are not really committed to this relationship or maybe do not want to be. If not, be fair to her and just get it over with and move on, that's best for the both of you.

You need to decide if your true motive is wanting to please her and making sex better for her or satisfying your ego.

You mentioned how she is hesitant to communicate, could that be the result of you not really wanting to hear something you don't agree with? I might be reading things wrong (didn't read every post). If you want to make it work with this woman, then open up lines of true communication. Listen without speaking to what she has to say, honestly listen, and try to think of it from an angle of the relationship, not just you.

Sorry, if anything I said offended you, just being honest. And for the record, it's really hard for a man to know when a woman is faking, especially if she's really good at it.
 

MysticMedusa

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I started reading your thread with every intention of trying to offer some help but I find myself just frozen. The fact that you refer to your relationship as a "relationshit", to me at least, points toward a lack of actual respect and appreciation of said relationship. From there most other comments seem to devolve and point toward a general lack of respect for this woman. I apologize if my words sting, but from what you've painted this is the image I see.

Tears are not weapons. They are a natural response to either happiness or pain. If your woman is brought to tears often, it is a sign that she is a sensitive person and that she is hurting.
 

B_cosmognosis

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The key to open honest communication with someone is that both people have to grow a thick enough skin to not get wounded when they hear something they don't like hearing. Assuming for a moment that what she is doing is using unpleasant cmments to divert the communication going where she isn't comfortable (a common technque for both sxes, BTW), then you have to be strong enough to not let her get to you. You have to stay completely calm and open. If she says something like that, then you reply with something like "dear, if you are trying to divert the conversation because it is uncomfortable, I understand but would prefer you just say that you aren't ready to talk about that yet. If there is truly something different you would like me to do during sex that would increase your pleasure, then lets talk about it outside the bedroom. I care about you and want you to enjoy sex with me as much as I do with you, so it is a positive bonding experience for both of us, not something that drives us apart, or is used as a weapon." You know your dick is in the top 5% in the world. It doesn't mean you are a great lover--I have no way of knowing whether you are or aren't, but you definately have a big dick. You can let any comments to the contrary about your size roll off your back, because you know better. Doesn't mean you are a good person, great lover, more or less deserving of anything or anything else--just means it is a fact you have a big dick. Whatever you do, don't close the doors to communication, or let her close the doors. Be respectful of her limits and abilities, and work with her until you both reach a level of communication you are both comfortable with. If you can;t communicate, you don't have a relationship. You may have a friendship, you may have a sex life, but you don't have a relationship. That is about all I can offer on the subject. I wish you the best of luck in working it out.

I appreciate your contribution to the discussion. Communication is the key. I'm not egotistical enough to think that my dick is the biggest part of the picture regarding our sex life (no pun intended). She and I have some work to do in the open and honest communication department and that will be the focus moving forward. I don't think she intended to hurt me with her words, its just that she's sensitive about other subjects and some topics are painful for her to discuss.
 

B_cosmognosis

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This can be faked too, btw. By both men and women.

Strange how you are supposedly a master of reading her physiological sexual responses, yet are mystified by her emotional reactions. I smell fish...

So, let's make sure I understand you. A woman can voluntarily dilate her pupils, spasm her vaginal muscles, control her pulse and respiration, make her own skin flush, and all for my benefit. And she's done the same thing, consistently, hundreds of times...sometimes even being brought to tears at the point of climax?

I wish I could give you a dime so I could by you a clue, buddy.
 
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MickeyLee

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if you are paying attention to pupil dilation, pulse and respiration rates, skin flushing and muscle contractions during sex ..... she's faking it. :smile:

ego fueled detachment is the first sign of a bad sex.
 

Enid

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One can voluntarily clench the pelvic muscles (like holding in pee) over and over again. One can hold the breath (thus getting the flushed look). The actual act of sex often gets the heart racing, so the pulse is affected and so is breathing. The pupils often dilate while engaging in physical intimacy with someone to whom you are attracted anyway.

So in short, I do think it is possible to effectively fake an orgasm.
 
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B_cosmognosis

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I'm laughing at myself, right now, because I took the bait that the trolls left out for me...If she's faking it, so be it, okay? :rolleyes:
 

MickeyLee

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wow, some random with a dick-stand in just used a movie clip to insult me.

*dies*
*in agony*
*is reincarnated as a llama*
*falls off the mountain from residual life shame*
*dies again*
*in agony*

urgh.

randomly: your woman is still faking it
*is really dead now*
*paints lil' Xs over eyes*
 

B_cosmognosis

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wow, some random with a dick-stand in just used a movie clip to insult me.

*dies*
*in agony*
*is reincarnated as a llama*
*falls off the mountain from residual life shame*
*dies again*
*in agony*

urgh.

randomly: your woman is still faking it
*is really dead now*
*paints lil' Xs over eyes*

It must be soooooooo awesome to be you!
 

MickeyLee

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thread jack!

ladies, when you fake it... what little Oscar worthy dramatic flails to you toss in for authenticity?

i like the face scrunched up. most woman go for the "pretty" fake. if ya wanna make a man really believe you.. ya got to get a lil ugly.

faked orgasm confession: sometimes i guild the lily with speaking in tongue.

funny fact: most dudes will swear that speaking in ancient sumerian is the only way you can tell an orgasm is real :biggrin:
 

MickeyLee

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Your dead llama is awarded no points. May god have mercy on its soul.

randomly eta'd: James Brown Llama is singing Soul Man in my head. James Brown Llama gives a hell of a show :biggrin:

my llama and my llama soul is awesome sauce.
with a biggie awesome fries.
an extra thick awesome shake.
and an awesome movie-tie-in toy.
 
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Hand_Solo

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and an awesome movie-tie-in toy.


I had to drive for six hours just to find a Marie Laveau's Voodoo Veggie Emporium, and when I got the llama action figure that came with the Happy Meal, the eyes didn't even light up. Of course, I didn't bother to check it until I was home. And my Undead Tofu Medley was too salty.:frown1: