Vaginismus

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by westriver, May 12, 2007.

  1. westriver

    westriver Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2006
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sweden
    I don't know if this will get any replies but I'll give it a try.

    I was wondering if anyone has had expirience or ever been in contact with vaginismus? If yes, how did you handle this?
     
  2. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    many, many years ago...
    losing my virginity and every time for months afterwards.
    we had no idea...so he just hammered in. hurt like death.

    you can get plastic dilators to train the muscles to stretch & relax.
    i think therapy is sometimes part of it...it's often due to past sexual trauma.
    time, patience and learning to relax are the right way to deal with it.

    it's no fun, i know. good luck.
     
  3. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Thankfully, I have not had to suffer with this. I'm sorry if your girlfriend or wife has this. Treatment is possible but can take months or years. :frown1:

    Medical Encyclopedia: Vaginismus
    URL of this page: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001487.htm
    Definition
    Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina. The spasms close the vagina.
    Causes, incidence, and risk factors
    Vaginismus is considered a disorder of sexual dysfunction. It has several possible causes, including past sexual trauma or abuse, psychological factors, or a history of discomfort with sexual intercourse. Sometimes no cause can be found.
    Vaginismus is an uncommon condition, occurring in less than 2% of women in the United States.

    Women with varying degrees of vaginismus often develop anxiety regarding sexual intercourse. The condition causes penetration to be difficult and painful, or even impossible. However, this does not mean the woman cannot become sexually aroused. Many women may have orgasms when the clitoris is stimulated.
    Symptoms
    • Vaginal penetration during sex is difficult or impossible.
    • Vaginal pain is common during sexual intercourse or an attempted pelvic exam.
    Signs and tests
    A pelvic exam can confirm the diagnosis of vaginismus. A medical history and complete physical exam is important to rule out other causes of pain with sexual intercourse (dyspareunia).
    Treatment
    Treatment involves extensive therapy that combines education, counseling, and behavioral exercises. Such exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).
    Vaginal dilation exercises are recommended using plastic dilators. This should be done under the direction of a sex therapist or other health care provider. Such therapy should involve the partner, and can gradually include more intimate contact, ultimately resulting in intercourse.
    Educational resources should be provided. This includes information about sexual anatomy, physiology, the sexual response cycle, and common myths about sex.
    Expectations (prognosis)
    When treated by a specialist in sex therapy, success rates are generally very high.
    Complications
    Vaginismus may lead to unsatisfying sex activity and tension in intimate relationships.
    Calling your health care provider
    If you have pain associated with intercourse or difficulties with successful vaginal penetration, contact your health care provider.

    Update Date: 9/25/2006
     
  4. westriver

    westriver Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2006
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sweden
    We have worked with this more than one year. But it is intressting to hear that others have dealt with it and succeded. Did it take long time?
     
  5. westriver

    westriver Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2006
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sweden
    Thanks, we are working on it. But we haven't come so far yet. It take time...
     
  6. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    well i dealt with it the wrong way...said nothing, put up with the pain, hated sex for the longest time. when one finger won't fit without pain, stuffing wang up here is a stupid idea *sigh*

    after a few months it got better.
    i don't know why or how.

    she's very lucky to have a partner with the patience to work through this with her. i'm sure it's very frustrating.
     
  7. Love-it

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2005
    Messages:
    1,884
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern California
    32 years and counting. Be thankful that there is more information, help and understanding out there than before, but it still isn't as widely recognized in the medical profession as it should be.
     
  8. westriver

    westriver Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2006
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sweden
    I have heard that it can be like that, without knowing how it disapears. We were in a similiar situation like you, it won't fit. This has been like this for some years now. Only the last year we have received some help.

    It is frustrating, not being able to have sex at all, but I hope that we have the prerequisite to work through this.
     
  9. westriver

    westriver Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2006
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sweden
    I totally agree with you, eventhough I'm not the one suffering most, I find it very hard to know how to act and what to do. It is very hard to find someone that knows what this is and how to work with it. The person helping us now is the first that included me in the treatment.
     
  10. decoyB

    decoyB New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2007
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    It was a long, long time (we're talking more than a year) before my girlfriend and I could ever have sex successfully. Perhaps we should have realized that 1. only being able to get one finger in is unusual and 2. having six inches of girth is unusual. EXTREMELY frustrating to two very horny virgins. The fact that I was wearing condoms that were way too small did not aid penetration either.
     
  11. Love-it

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2005
    Messages:
    1,884
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern California
    Could I ask what treatments are being used and that you are included in? The only thing that seems to help my wife is to use increasing diameter dildo's for dilation purposes but progress is really slow as any little thing can be a major setback for her. Setbacks can be caused by trying to dilate with to large a diameter, vaginal infections, emotional scenarios with her family and at work.

    She is also in to triggerpoint therapy and uses a Theracane for muscle aches, etc. There is a trigger point in the perineum that she has finally been able to take some pressure with the Theracane and she says that this has helped some.
     
  12. Blocko

    Blocko Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2007
    Messages:
    703
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes, I've been with a girl who had vaginismus problems and it took us quite a while to even successfully have sex, let alone for it to be good... but she wouldn't accept that we couldn't, so she was extremely persistent.

    We found that if we had a nice romantic evening, a hot tub, some wine and I gave her a massage + foreplay then we could actually do it fairly normally with some lube (mainly needed because after a being in a hot tub, there is not much natural lube left). The mental relaxation factor was probably the most important thing, she had to be very relaxed and comfortable with her surroundings/me for it to work.
     
  13. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    double post.
     
  14. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    tried faux sex?

    lube her upper thighs, clit & lips. have her squeeze her legs together.
    you fuck the gap between thighs & cunt…i’m told it feels almost as good as sex for the guy, your cock will rub her clit & lips so it’s good for her too.
    if she feels that she’s sexy & satisfying you then that will remove some of the pressure…nobody can relax under pressure.

    dilation…chamomile tea, bubble bath, a lavender oil massage, maybe go down on her and have her O?…anything that makes her more relaxed has to help.
    soft music & mood lighting
     
  15. westriver

    westriver Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2006
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sweden
    We have started a sensuality training. Nothing connected to penetration in the beginning, just touching and caressing. After some time and different exercises, dilators have been added, starting with a small size and working up. The last part has been to penetrate, but we haven't been able to succeed with that yet.
     
  16. westriver

    westriver Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2006
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sweden
    Nope, never tried that... :) But love going down on her... :biggrin1:

    Your right, pressure is a big part of it. I wrote in the post above that we have work on sensuality, which is great, but unfortunatly we haven't succeeded with the last part.

    Dilators is part of the treatment, and they help, but they are not the same size, eventhough I'm not big or anything. So the last excercise scared her a bit. But we'll continue working on it.
     
  17. Love-it

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2005
    Messages:
    1,884
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern California
    Thank you. We are still working with increasing diameters of dildo's, in 1/16" diameter increments, I have to make some of them to get the right size. My wife finally found out that foreplay helps her relax, that took over 32 years of being together. She has also found that adult only films on satellite TV and some pornography helps keep her detached somewhat during thrusting. She gets to see that the mechanics do work and that women can enjoy sex which is a new concept for her. Her childhood was messed up, we don't know if she was sexually abused but other emotional baggage sure played a role in messing her up as a child, person and woman.

    We had gotten to where I could get about 1/2 way in a couple of weeks ago and then she had a vaginal infection, she loses some ground when that happens or if she gets sore from dilating.

    We wish you and your wife well. It may not have been expressed to you before, but we understand how hard this is on you, the focus is on your wife, as it should be, but you deserve kudo's for your understanding and patience.
     
  18. westriver

    westriver Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2006
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sweden
    I understand the feeling when you loose some ground as we have come in a similiar situation. We got the suggestion to stop everything during a period of vaginal infection and when she get sore. Sometimes I think that we put to much presure on our self that we have to work through the program, instead we should relax more.

    Thank you very much for your kind word and I wish you all the best!
     
Draft saved Draft deleted