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- That twinge in your intestines
I like to think, then speak. Usually.
The questions men pose in this forum mostly piss me off, and I admit I haven't spent much time and energy trying to figure out exactly what it is that chaps my ass about them. This morning I gave it a little thought and I *think* I've had a breakthrough. I've concluded that I don't like these "Do Women..." questions because they are unromantic. It goes beyond that, though. I'm in a relationship with a woman who has the wonderful ability to be aware of her surroundings and act based on the current conditions, not according to some formula. "Appropriate to the moment" has become a kind of family motto that we use in the pursuit of joy in and out of the bedroom. Together, we have found a way to enjoy life that doesn't require us to memorize any instructions. We respond to each other, the way we are at the moment, based on what is really happening right now.
THAT is at the heart of what I find objectionable about so many questions posed in this forum - the questioners usually are looking (when not seeking wank fodder) for a set of instructions on what "women" will find pleasurable. Any effort to make up a set of rules that can automatically be followed with all people and all situations is doomed to fail. There are no generic human beings. Each of us has unique needs and desires, and none of us can be all things to all people. Relationships require effortful attention and thought, focus, and devotion to at least understanding if not fully embracing the other person's entire truth. It is the intersection at which life succeeds and technology fails. You'd do well to learn how to listen and care, and stop looking for buttons to push. It's just another way of objectifying other people, and it just pisses me off.
There's another type of question - the ones where a guy asks questions about his partner as if she's some sort of broken appliance he doesn't know how to fix. Here's a hint - it's not HER that's broken. It's your relationship with her. You are one of the moving parts in a broken mechanism. If you even approach the problem with the attitude that you have to come up with a way to change the other person, you lose. Begin by asking her.
There. That's the long version. That's what's behind the "fuck off". Or one of them, anyway.
The questions men pose in this forum mostly piss me off, and I admit I haven't spent much time and energy trying to figure out exactly what it is that chaps my ass about them. This morning I gave it a little thought and I *think* I've had a breakthrough. I've concluded that I don't like these "Do Women..." questions because they are unromantic. It goes beyond that, though. I'm in a relationship with a woman who has the wonderful ability to be aware of her surroundings and act based on the current conditions, not according to some formula. "Appropriate to the moment" has become a kind of family motto that we use in the pursuit of joy in and out of the bedroom. Together, we have found a way to enjoy life that doesn't require us to memorize any instructions. We respond to each other, the way we are at the moment, based on what is really happening right now.
THAT is at the heart of what I find objectionable about so many questions posed in this forum - the questioners usually are looking (when not seeking wank fodder) for a set of instructions on what "women" will find pleasurable. Any effort to make up a set of rules that can automatically be followed with all people and all situations is doomed to fail. There are no generic human beings. Each of us has unique needs and desires, and none of us can be all things to all people. Relationships require effortful attention and thought, focus, and devotion to at least understanding if not fully embracing the other person's entire truth. It is the intersection at which life succeeds and technology fails. You'd do well to learn how to listen and care, and stop looking for buttons to push. It's just another way of objectifying other people, and it just pisses me off.
There's another type of question - the ones where a guy asks questions about his partner as if she's some sort of broken appliance he doesn't know how to fix. Here's a hint - it's not HER that's broken. It's your relationship with her. You are one of the moving parts in a broken mechanism. If you even approach the problem with the attitude that you have to come up with a way to change the other person, you lose. Begin by asking her.
There. That's the long version. That's what's behind the "fuck off". Or one of them, anyway.
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