vibrator jokes

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by D_Mona Samore, Feb 12, 2011.

  1. D_Mona Samore

    D_Mona Samore Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2010
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    1
    A woman arrives at the emergency room with a vibrator stuck in her pussy. The doctor examines her and tells her that the only way he'll be able to remove it is with surgery. She replies, "Oh no! I don't want you to remove it. I need you to change the batteries!"
     
  2. unabear09

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2007
    Messages:
    7,083
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    24
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Little Rock, AR
    where's the like button? lol
     
  3. my64sqin

    my64sqin New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2010
    Messages:
    113
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minnesota
    A little old lady walks shakingly into an adult novelty store.In a choppy, breathless voice she says to the person behind the counter,"E-e-e-ex-excuse me s-s-s-sony, D-d-do you s-s-sell vi-v-v-vibrators in h-h-he-here?" The young man said" Why ,yes mam, we certainly do!" The old lady questioned in a faint voice"G-g-go-goood,H-h-ho-how do y-y-yo-you sh-sh-shut em' off?"
     
  4. SpeedoMike

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2007
    Messages:
    2,940
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Jay Leno once quipped "there's a new cell phone feature. it's a vibrator to silently notify you of a call. now that gives new meaning to 'reach out and touch someone'!" for you who don't recognize it, that was an ad for the major USA telephone company.
     
  5. Woody110

    Woody110 Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2009
    Messages:
    147
    Likes Received:
    92
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    I brought my friend some slippers and a vibrator for Christmas. If she doesn't like the slippers, she can fuck herself.
     
  6. D_Mona Samore

    D_Mona Samore Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2010
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    1
    Lmao!!!!
     
  7. D_Mona Samore

    D_Mona Samore Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2010
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    1
    As quoted by my52squin:

    Yeah, A guy bought a vibrator for his wife and she complained because it chipped her teeth! LOL
     
  8. hockeyguy741

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2008
    Messages:
    8,507
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
  9. D_Mona Samore

    D_Mona Samore Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2010
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    1
    The owner of an adult novelty store had just hired a new guy to work the check out. He left him in charge while he ran several errands. A high -classed, aristocratic lady entered the store with a poodle stuffed under her left arm. She approached the new guy and inquired over her glasses at him, "Young man, do you sell vibrators in here, and if so how much are they?" The young guy replied "Yes ma'am we do. The prices are $200 for that red one there, $250 for that white one, and $350 for that long black one there." The old Lady snorted, "Well I've already got all those colors at my mansion. I'm looking for one for my yacht!" " What about that checkered one up on the shelf there next to that paper bag?" The young guy replied, "That is a very special one and my boss won't part with that one for less than $3000!" "Well I got the money," she said as she produced a credit card. The transaction was completed and she went happily on her way. The owner returned and asked the young man " Did you sell anything while I was gone?" The young grinning man said " Yes, as a matter of fact I did. I sold your thermos for $3000!"
     
  10. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2003
    Messages:
    28,005
    Likes Received:
    723
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    the pain behind your eyes
  11. Gillette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,309
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Nova Scotia
    Neither of these relate to vibrators, hun.

    There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
    Every time they made love, the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
    She figures she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming session, Roma put on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard,"

    She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

    The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
    "I'll explain the toy . . You explain the kids."
     
  12. my64sqin

    my64sqin New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2010
    Messages:
    113
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minnesota
    I know they don't relate to vibrators but they are still funny as hell.
     
  13. 95racer

    95racer Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2010
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Why did God make man? Because vibrators can't take out the garbage.
     
  14. D_Mona Samore

    D_Mona Samore Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2010
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    1
    A mother hears a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom, so she opens the door and finds her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. "What the hell are you doing?" the mom asks.

    "I'm 35 and I still live at home with my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to having a husband," replies the daughter.

    Later that same week the father hears the humming noise and finds his daughter with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" he asks.

    "I'm 35 and I still live at home with my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to having a husband," replies the daughter.

    A few days later the mother hears the humming noise coming from the den, so she bursts into the room (quite annoyed) and is surprised to see her husband sitting on the couch, watching TV with the vibrator buzzing away next to him.

    "What in God's name are you doing?" she asks.

    "Watching the game with my son-in-law!"
     
  15. Gillette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,309
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Nova Scotia
    A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

    The first little boy says, "Alligator."

    "Very good, that's a big word."

    The second boy says, "Predator."

    "Yes, that's another big word. Well done."

    Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."


    After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."

    "Well my Dad knows a lady named Nancy that has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
     
  16. Gillette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,309
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Nova Scotia
    A lesbian walks into a sex toy store and asks where the vibrators are. "Come this way," the cute woman behind the counter says, gesturing with her finger.

    "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the vibrator, would I?" the woman responds.
     
  17. D_Mona Samore

    D_Mona Samore Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2010
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    1
    Lmao!!!
     
  18. D_Mona Samore

    D_Mona Samore Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2010
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    1
    Hilarious!!
     
  19. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    83,922
    Likes Received:
    34
    A woman enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
    The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
    She says "I'll take the red one."
    The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
     
  20. Gillette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,309
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Nova Scotia
Draft saved Draft deleted