View of Men Living At Home w/ Parent(s)

[helgaleena]

Would people still judge like this if a grown child was caring for elderly parents until their death? How sad to generalize.

 

[mako shark]

I left at 17 but wouldn't have a problem if a guy was taking care of his parent(s). If he is just leaching off of them then that is another story.

 

[wallyj84]

I`ve already said everything that I could really say about this topic. I just find it sad that so many people are dismissive of those who choose to live at home.

In my opinion, not just staying with your parents, but living in a multi generational home has numerous benefits for all parties involved and it`s sad that this kind of lifestyle is looked down on here.

 

[Ramsey]

Until the past 60-70 years or so, and mostly in the western cultures, moving out before you were married, or at all in some cultures, was the freak situation.

 

[D_Prudence_Admonition_Drightits]

so would a woman be a loser if she's under the same circumstances?

Actually women that are at beyond child bearing age, without a boyfriend, and/or living at home with a parent are stuck with the label "Old Maid". I have a female friend who is 41 years old and fits into the category; her father was murdered and she stays home to help her mom. She has a difficult time with men wanting to date her because as soon as they know she lives at home with her mom, they loose interest; or least that is the story she tells me.

We could finger point all day about the inequalities between the sexes and the labels, because I assure you I could put a few scenarios on this board in reverse. The point is whatever path you choose, do it with confidence in yourself. You know what you are about, respect yourself.

 

[D_Relentless Original]

Actually women that are at beyond child bearing age, without a boyfriend, and/or living at home with a parent are stuck with the label "Old Maid". I have a female friend who is 41 years old and fits into the category; her father was murdered and she stays home to help her mom. She has a difficult time with men wanting to date her because as soon as they know she lives at home with her mom, they loose interest; or least that is the story she tells me.

We could finger point all day about the inequalities between the sexes and the labels, because I assure you I could put a few scenarios on this board in reverse. The point is whatever path you choose, do it with confidence in yourself. You know what you are about, respect yourself.

Well said!

 

[stlbigman]

Dear cheezsteak, I don't know how old u r but the older you are the worse it looks. I moved back home about a year ago for school after being on my own. I graduated so I know I did the right thing but MAN what a sex killer it is. I can never host hookups unless she goes out of town (I did it for the 1st time recently and what a relief to host).
Back to your point, women don't want to see a man have to live with parent(s) because they see mommy/daddy having to take care of you again. I say live with them as long as u can, save $ and that's what u should do until u r ready to move out (i am).

 

[bigdog83]

im 26, still live at home. all of my friends do too. as a matter of fact i cant think of one house we go over that is actually a buddies.

what is the big deal? anyone who has a problem with this should stop judging books by its cover.

 

[invisibleman]

im 26, still live at home. all of my friends do too. as a matter of fact i cant think of one house we go over that is actually a buddies.

what is the big deal? anyone who has a problem with this should stop judging books by its cover.

It is a problem with many folk unfortunately. If men and women have a problem with men (and women) living at home with their parents, then the problem is theirs. It doesn't really solve the main problem. Why are kids coming home or staying at home? Why aren't businesses supporting people living wages and supportive wages? Why isn't rent reduced so that people can live and support themselves?
And based on some study, that young British men who live with their parents are prone towards "Matriculation" .

I have two nephews who are living back at home with their parents. One was married, now separated from his wife. He is at home. He is still getting pussy and he is in his mid-thirties. One nephew (30) (unmarried) is in a confunderated relationship with two women and has two "baby's mothers" to contend with. He is working but at home saving money to pay for three kids.

 

[B_spotted_duck]

Is there a difference between "I live at home with my mother" and "I share a house with my mother" and "My mother lives with me?" Think about it. I think there is. It comes down to how you frame it and who's supporting who etc..

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I find it embarassing to think of male or female living on their parents so they can:

1) Drive a nicer car than most could afford

2) Afford all the fun stuff in life they want to do without the requirement to pay any bills.

3) Take advantage of their parents- especially their moms affection for them by putting up with them being grown little boys in the house.

a) washing their laundry and folding it and putting it away for their boys.
b) not requiring them to do anything around the house that contributes to the household.
c) be the person that makes their father want to leave the house because his wife is so wrapped up in their sons shit all the time.
d) teaching their son that all women are going to pick up your shit stained underwear and cum rags on the floor.
e) Allow their boy to piss all over the toilet and never have to clean up after himself.
f) Pack his lunch for work.

4) People who have this entitlement attitude that their parents "OWE" them a living for however many years after 18 years old.

How does any of this behavior (Above) from parents/children long term allow for one to be able to sustain a decent relationship one day? Often times this is partially why the parents can't cope with not having the adult children around and the adult children cant cope without their parents around all the time.

Rarely do i see a male who is intimidated by his father in law doing every little thing for his own wife. Things he could do or would do for her. I see this constantly with mothers in law with their sons. Mothers rarely act this way towards their daughters. Mothers tend to be toughter with their daughters and expect more out of them when they leave the house than they expect with their sons.

I've seen this in many families. Mothers can be quite bitchy when they feel their turf with their little boy has been stepped on by another woman. Often you will see the son in the middle not knowing what to do about it because he doesnt want to make his mommy mad by setting boundaries. Living with her until you get married generally makes this problem much worse.

Living with your mom in this day and age in America atleast is not sexy. Maybe the newer generations don't care because they've never been taught how to do for themselves like previous generations had to.

If you *have* to live with your parents because you can't make a living for yourself or anyone else, maybe you shouldnt be dating in the hopes for a serious co-habitating relationship if you dont want people to think it looks silly.

I've been on my own since i was 18 and my husband was 19 supporting us on a very low wage at the time. Life has never been easy. Life is life. I wouldnt have married him if it meant we had to move in with his mom.

Watch the movie Step-Brothers if you want to see how many stereotypes people think about grown men living with their parents to be lazy. Maybe you dont think its any one elses business, but when so many of you drive around with your Honda Accords constantly getting new stereos, ground effects and specialty paint jobs. Or playing World of Warcraft all day when you arent jacking off in your childhood bedroom....well its going to invite ridicule.

Also, if you want to be a big boy or big girl, move out on your own or for christ's sake use some birth control and stop making your parents support your kids too.

 

[D_Ellerby Eatsprick]

I'm fine with a guy living at home (regardless of such reasons), as long as he isn't a mama's boy. Mama boys are a deal breaker for me.

 

[eyescream]

If he's in his late teens or early 20s then that's fine. If he's got a job and everything, but he still lives with his parents it would be interesting to know what his reasons were.

 

[Pitbull]

I am a mother looking fondly toward the future day when my son moves out on his own and lets me make some NOISE!

Love it!

...33 years old, good job, never left home. He has no real friends, because no one respects him for mooching off of his parents.

but if a man is lazy, unemployed, his mother still cooks, cleans, and does his laundry, and he hasn't done anything with his life, it gives a woman every reason to stay away from him.

I see the choice to stay at home as a wise decision. Until you get to age 30, then it's just sad.

There are many who would push that "sad" age back about 10 years

Well, it seems that society frowns upon you having to live at home because to be a REAL MAN you have to deal with the world on its terms and not yours. So if you can't make it alone in this REAL WORLD, you aren't a REAL MAN. I guess that is adulthood.

What I mean is this idea that if you live at home and aren't young or destitute, then you're some kind of loser. You're just a moocher without a job/degree/social life/etc. That is the idea that most have.

I ask everyone to drop their preconceived notions of those that live with their parents being losers, to create a new image of them being normal people who just happen to live on their own.
Good luck with that one.
You might have to start some kind of group of "Men who live in Mom's basement" to fight for those civil rights

The implication is that he is either:
a) poor,
b) a mama's boy,
c) a star trek nerd, and/or
d) unable to take care of himself.

I don't think any of these traits are attractive to many women.

Loser. Mummy's boy. Tied to the apron strings.
You'll be dating the parents as well as him.
RUN, don't walk, away.

I think if guys are living at home it's nobodys business except theirs, some of the posts on here are so judgemental when the facts or circumstances are not even known.

True BUT the people you date or try to date will find out or figure it out really quickly. And they will make judgments. Just as they do about if you are too old, too fat or have pesky children.

...we constantly gave him shit about cutting the cord already, asking if mommy still wiped his bottom, stuff like that.
but aside from the few understandable exceptions that others have already mentioned for staying with parents, her generalization is on the money. Such guys tend to be overgrown adolescents, not independent men.

Would people still judge like this if a grown child was caring for elderly parents until their death? How sad to generalize.

No. But most people under the age of 40 do not have elderly parents.

In case the OP hasn't figured it out yet, there is a stereotype.
And it has basis for the validity unlike many stereotypes.
Because the situation of living with parents has an underlying reason.
And in modern Western culture the underlying reason throws up a giant dating red flag.
It immediately makes people see you as a parasitic mooch until disproven.
And the woman may not hang around long enough to give you the chance to disprove and redeem your image.

Saving money to get you on the road to independence is a noble goal but if you travel back not too long ago to our caveman ancestors, the woman will look for and choose the best provider. The man that already has his own cave.

 

[ConstantComment]

Personally, I would want to know the circumstances. If it's like the case of Frasier, where he was supporting his father, it wouldn't bother me. If he had fallen on hard times but was working to get himself out of them (ie not living extravagantly for example) I would give it a try.

But I would be very careful. Watching for someone who was rushing the relationship; trying to stay over at my place too often.

A friend of mine was dealing with this, aCypriot here in London. Out of three sons, this family managed to have 2 adult sons living ith the mother. The only thing that my friend's date was doing that was making money was working one day a week in his brother's cafe. The other time was spent writing something that had yet to be marketed. She said he had nerve to get pissed off at her for going out networking since she's a freelance journalist and they are always on the look out for a story.

I'll judge on a case by case basis. I have dated guys who live on their own and still try to highjack my resources for their own purposes. Men must think women are desperate to have a man.

 

[MrMXYZPTLK]

I lived with my parents until I was 23. There is nothing wrong with living with your parents, as long as your contributing.

There are ussually 2 situations, a Situation A and a Situantion B.

Situation A is. A college student comes down from college, has dinner with with his mom and dad. Kisses the both good bye and says he has to get to his job. So he can keep paying for college and his vehicle that he is taking to work and college.

Situation B is. A son, is sitting on the couch watching Lets Make a Deal. Yelling at the tv what briefcase to pick. Asking mom and dad when dinner is going to be. Then saying "Hey dad, can I borrow your guy's car, I have a date tonight."

Situation A, is Admirable. Situation B is what women look down on.

Another example would be watch the movie. "Failure to Launch"

=============

As far as women go. I believe it's perfectly fine for women to live with thier parents. BECAUSE, alot of girls I know are afraid to live by themselves. I don't think it's the safest thing for any woman to live on thier own. Because of Stalkers, drunk guys following the girl home from the bar or club, or ex boy friends. It's really different for a girl that lives by herself and a guy that lives by herself. That's why alot of girls I know own guns.

 

[thadjock]

i don't see any problem with it, i think any stigma attatched to it is mostly an american disorder. in alot of other countries it's normal for adult kids to live with their parents until they begin their own families or need to relocate for career/school. even if it's into their 30s.

in the US there's a desperate need to get away from your parents, and alot of kids endup with huge student loads, credit card debt and broke and unhappy, living with your parent(s) and either saving for school or while going to school shouldn't be a social disease.

I'm glad i am able to be independent, but if things got really tough i would have no problem going to live with my dad and i know he'd be happy to have me.

 

[Enid]

I wouldn't judge another for living with parents depending on the circumstances or cultural background. My mother has stayed with me for various lengths of time due to illness and I'm in my 30s. In fact the last time she was with me for 6 months after a major surgery. I don't think it has to be a big deal, and we're a tight-knit family so I'd never turn her away. My parents were older than average when I was born, and are close to those final years so I'm always thinking I need to savor the time I have left with them.

 

[deleted509196]

I don't care if a guy lives with his parents or whatever. I don't see it as a problem. Some people do, some don't. I really don't care either way.

 

[B_KOKOBWARE]

If he's in his late teens or early 20s then that's fine. If he's got a job and everything, but he still lives with his parents it would be interesting to know what his reasons were.

Probably to Build a nice savings account:smile: