I think violent lovers make us a little crazy. Not talking about rape here, but forcefulness-roughness. My last exchange with him was very rough. He fucked me behind a toolshed-dark, filthy, very uncomfortable. Painful because of the hard cement and he is very forceful-very hung also. When he left me to return to the party, I cried. Yes I could have fought him or refused-it wasn't rape, but very cruel. I went along because I've always been a little scared of him. He's in Suriname now, but I miss him-miss the sex a little. I'm a little ashamed of this because he's always been so rough with me. I should hate him. I think I should be very ashamed actually. Really don't know how to feel anymore, but think about him alot. I can't be the only one who misses this.