Virgin here...thinking about losing it to a guy. but in le closet. how?

[LGX]

So I'm still a virgin at 26. I'm a bi (although I lean more towards men) guy. I want to experience sex with a guy but I'm not exactly out of the closet (would create a huge mess right now). I don't want to do cruising in public places so I don't know exactly how I go about this. Craigslist? There's a gay bathhouse I found out about but feels too...slutty for someone like me.

I want to be able to be safe but also have enough time (have no idea if I want to do anal). Any tips?

 

[Exbiker]

I recommend girls first. That's what I did.

I may be more gay than you. No way to measure it. Although I could successfully have sex with girls back in my younger days, it's been men only for nearly 30 years.

In terms of finding people, depends where you live. There's sites like recon and Gaydar here in uk. I don't know much about how Craigslist works but that might be one. In some big cities you may still be able to meet people in bars.

If you do go the net route, just be open and honest. A clear picture to swap privately if you're worried about being out. Clear statements about what you like / dislike the idea of and will / will not do - or at least try.

I personally think you should let men know you are a virgin, but as I'm sure you know it puts a lot of guys off ...

Have condoms and lube (and maybe poppers?) in case of anal but you don't really need it for oral. If you've never used poppers be careful.

 

[malakos]

Craigslist? There's a gay bathhouse I found out about but feels too...slutty for someone like me.

CL doesn't tend to be much more decent. At least in a bathhouse there is some accountability on account of the semi-public space.

 

[LGX]

I recommend girls first. That's what I did.

I may be more gay than you. No way to measure it. Although I could successfully have sex with girls back in my younger days, it's been men only for nearly 30 years.

In terms of finding people, depends where you live. There's sites like recon and Gaydar here in uk. I don't know much about how Craigslist works but that might be one. In some big cities you may still be able to meet people in bars.

If you do go the net route, just be open and honest. A clear picture to swap privately if you're worried about being out. Clear statements about what you like / dislike the idea of and will / will not do - or at least try.

I personally think you should let men know you are a virgin, but as I'm sure you know it puts a lot of guys off ...

Have condoms and lube (and maybe poppers?) in case of anal but you don't really need it for oral. If you've never used poppers be careful.

That's an interesting perspective. Reasons for girls first? And thanks for your perspective.

I grew up in a very Christian household. Sex basically is only for marriage. I'm not sure if that's for me. I guess I don't want to get married just to have sex. But still somewhat shy about sex. Jacking off feels very repetitive and to add to that I've never dated. Sex is feeling more complicated than I thought it would.

 

[Brodie888]

So I'm still a virgin at 26. I'm a bi (although I lean more towards men) guy. I want to experience sex with a guy but I'm not exactly out of the closet (would create a huge mess right now). I don't want to do cruising in public places so I don't know exactly how I go about this. Craigslist? There's a gay bathhouse I found out about but feels too...slutty for someone like me.

I want to be able to be safe but also have enough time (have no idea if I want to do anal). Any tips?

I would suggest making gay friends and see where it goes from there.

Sex for the first time can be an awkward and stressful thing for some. You need someone who is understanding and willing to show you the ropes and talk to you afterwards. Something you won't get from a random hook up.

If you are planning to bottom. You really need to get to know your own body first. Lots of dildo play and douching practise.

My first experience of gay sex was a bathroom stall. I loved it at the time but freaked out I had contracted every disease under the sun for weeks later. Haha! It would have been nice to have had my first time with someone I knew.

 

[LGX]

I would suggest making gay friends and see where it goes from there.

Sex for the first time can be an awkward and stressful thing for some. You need someone who is understanding and willing to show you the ropes and talk to you afterwards. Something you won't get from a random hook up.

If you are planning to bottom. You really need to get to know your own body first. Lots of dildo play and douching practise.

My first experience of gay sex was a bathroom stall. I loved it at the time but freaked out I had contracted every disease under the sun for weeks later. Haha! It would have been nice to have had my first time with someone I knew.

Lol.

That's the thing though. I don't know what I truly like. I mean, I love fit muscular men (mine kind of expands a little more outward with women). So I'm not sure if I'm a bottom or top. But I'll try the practice you said.

Thinking about it more. I know a few (out) gay men that are pretty deep (heh) into the gay community. But the gay community here is small. I want someone who would take their time but also want someone who won't force me out of the closet (sounds hypocritical I guess). I want to try it and see how it goes but also not feel like I'm forced to stay with a decision.

It's not that I wouldn't feel accepted it's just I'm still trying to figure out who I am.

 

[Brodie888]

Lol.

That's the thing though. I don't know what I truly like. I mean, I love fit muscular men (mine kind of expands a little more outward with women). So I'm not sure if I'm a bottom or top. But I'll try the practice you said.

Thinking about it more. I know a few (out) gay men that are pretty deep (heh) into the gay community. But the gay community here is small. I want someone who would take their time but also want someone who won't force me out of the closet (sounds hypocritical I guess). I want to try it and see how it goes but also not feel like I'm forced to stay with a decision.

It's not that I wouldn't feel accepted it's just I'm still trying to figure out who I am.

One way to explore your feelings is forums like this. There are also platforms such as Secondlife that allow you to explore a bit more anonymously.

Rather than coming out to the gays in your community, just become friends first. Only when you would trust them enough to lend them money, you can stsrt to ask questions like what is it like being gay in a small town etc etc. They will probably catch on and ask if you are gay/bi/straight. You can say you've been straight up to now but have always been curious about what it would be like with a guy. What ever you think you're ready for really.

For your first time or possibly several times, I'd suggest sticking to hand jobs or blowjobs. Save anal for a time and place you feel secure about really going for it. Lots of gays never have anal so that's not unheard of either.

 

[LGX]

One way to explore your feelings is forums like this. There are also platforms such as Secondlife that allow you to explore a bit more anonymously.

Rather than coming out to the gays in your community, just become friends first. Only when you would trust them enough to lend them money, you can stsrt to ask questions like what is it like being gay in a small town etc etc. They will probably catch on and ask if you are gay/bi/straight. You can say you've been straight up to now but have always been curious about what it would be like with a guy. What ever you think you're ready for really.

For your first time or possibly several times, I'd suggest sticking to hand jobs or blowjobs. Save anal for a time and place you feel secure about really going for it. Lots of gays never have anal so that's not unheard of either.

I really like this tip. I think that is what I would feel most comfortable with. Hell, for now blowjobs are perfect for me. I always have this fear of being cornered or manipulated.

I was in the steam room this week at my gym and I'm starting to think it's a bit cruisey. Now, this guy talks about how there's a club near us with a great steam room. Well, turns out it's a gay bathhouse. Curious, I looked at it but realized one of the reviewers is mutual friends with a guy I know. So that would be very risky for me to go to.

 

[Brodie888]

I really like this tip. I think that is what I would feel most comfortable with. Hell, for now blowjobs are perfect for me. I always have this fear of being cornered or manipulated.

I was in the steam room this week at my gym and I'm starting to think it's a bit cruisey. Now, this guy talks about how there's a club near us with a great steam room. Well, turns out it's a gay bathhouse. Curious, I looked at it but realized one of the reviewers is mutual friends with a guy I know. So that would be very risky for me to go to.

Sounds like you need to move to a different state for a while to find yourself!

Sounds like that guy in the steam room was hitting on you actually!

Being your true self will bring greater happiness than you know. The longer you wait, the more you will regret the missed opportunities that you can't get back.

 

[Brodie888]

I really like this tip. I think that is what I would feel most comfortable with. Hell, for now blowjobs are perfect for me. I always have this fear of being cornered or manipulated.

I was in the steam room this week at my gym and I'm starting to think it's a bit cruisey. Now, this guy talks about how there's a club near us with a great steam room. Well, turns out it's a gay bathhouse. Curious, I looked at it but realized one of the reviewers is mutual friends with a guy I know. So that would be very risky for me to go to.

Be careful, not to fall into the trap of living two lives for too long.

You don't strictly have to come out if you don't want to. You just need to move somewhere where you can be yourself and leave the other you behind.

 

[LGX]

Sounds like you need to move to a different state for a while to find yourself!

Sounds like that guy in the steam room was hitting on you actually!

Being your true self will bring greater happiness than you know. The longer you wait, the more you will regret the missed opportunities that you can't get back.

Yeah, I think I was getting hit on too. For some odd reason, it's happened a lot more in a short period than I thought. When I first got into the Jacuzzi this older, fit daddy was showing me how the jets worked, but put his hands near my leg (where the jet was). Instant hard on, but sadly I had shorts on (first day).

But I get what your'e saying. I think I would be more free if I moved away. It feels that I'm stuck where I am because of family/acquaintances that are too close. Maybe I can move to Cali...

 

[WillyLong]

"Le closet?" Are you French?

 

[Russ311]

Being in the closet is a bitch. I was 30 when I came out and struggled with it for a long time. I even went far enough to be engaged at one point. But I had to be true to myself and not live a lie and hurt a girl I truly cared for. Plus I came out for someone. All the time I was trying to pass as straight i was with guys secretly. I had fallen in love with the guy that was my first. I wouldn't rush it, you want that first time to be special. Getting blow jobs and hand jobs isn't a big deal, but I'd wait to go all the way with someone special. It's hard to figure out if someone's flirting with you in a setting like a gym. If your gaydar is good mess around with a guy a bit. I understand it's hard being discreet and I wish you the best. I can totally relate to what you are going thru dude.

 

[ronin001]

First thing, change your Avatar, it is too freaking close to mine.
Second what do you consider loosing your virginity, Oral sex or Penetrative sex ?

 

[BillM]

First thing, change your Avatar, it is too freaking close to mine.
Second what do you consider loosing your virginity, Oral sex or Penetrative sex ?

@ronin001 His avatar is like your as he wants to be a big fucking STUD like you, and you should know by now from Bill Clinton that a blowjob is NOT sex!!!! Bill

 

[ronin001]

@ronin001 His avatar is like your as he wants to be a big fucking STUD like you, and you should know by now from Bill Clinton that a blowjob is NOT sex!!!! Bill

Hey Bill Clinton was the man

 

[BillM]

Hey Bill Clinton was the man

STUD, What ever you think!!!! Bill

 

[ronin001]

@BillM He was smooth, soo many women loved him

 

[BillM]

YEP!!!! Bill

@BillM He was smooth, soo many women loved him

 

[LGX]

First thing, change your Avatar, it is too freaking close to mine.
Second what do you consider loosing your virginity, Oral sex or Penetrative sex ?

Lol, I've had this for years! You have Afro Samurai...I have Huey! See?! It's different!

I guess I'd consider penetrative sex as losing my virginity. But It doesn't just have to be that. I guess overall I want some intimacy of some kind. I've never even been kissed (like more than two seconds).