Virginity

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by naimodo, Dec 4, 2006.

  1. naimodo

    naimodo Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Mississippi
    Me again. I'm very open about my virginity, I'm not embarrassed about it like some people I know are. I have had a few girls, one a gf, the other two close friends, who have asked if they could take my virginity. I thanked them for the offer, and just explained that I was waiting for marriage. I heard one of the girls that asked me, say to a manager at work "I'd do him (me) if he wasn't so scared to have sex". Later that day, someone asked me about my virginity and why i was waiting. I said i was waiting for marriage. She responded "That's so great...is it because you're scared?" Has anyone ever had this happen? I'm not scared of sex, I just want to save myself for marriage. It's like I've always said "My first time will be so awkward, and quick, it'll take a lifetime to make it up to the poor girl." I just dont see why waiting for marriage is just a big deal nowadays. There's over 80 STDs, many of which are incurable, painful, and deadly. Please tell me what you think. Later.
     
  2. wanna b

    wanna b New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2006
    Messages:
    31
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Rock on, I totally agree with you, waiting for marriage is totally awsome.
     
  3. stetree

    stetree New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    236
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dover, Kent, England
    Good on you for waiting, sod all the ones who try to shame you into having sex before you want to. I sometimes wish I had waited but then I look at my boyfriend and think nah lol.
     
  4. BigA

    BigA New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2006
    Messages:
    870
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    you won't find me
    Well, I would say the chances of finding a girl who's a virgin too would be dificult these days. I used to be involved in a church group. Most the guys rushed into marriage around 19-21, which seems unwise given the divorce rate. Otherwise, they end up sexually frustrated well into their 20s. So no, I don't see how it can be a good thing.

    BTW, your dick looks a lot like mine, with a little more curve. What are your measurements?
     
  5. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2006
    Messages:
    6,378
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    where the sun never sets
    I used to believe that I wanted to wait until marriage, too. Looking back I shudder to think what a horrible neurotic hypocritical mess I was then. I thought I should wait, but for all of the wrong reasons. Sex is good, sex is healthy. Be safe, of course, but also understand that your faith-group-sponsored abstinence-first sex education in high school is only trying to scare you because your parents are uncomfortable thinking about their teenage kids as sexual beings. Whatever you've heard about STDs is probably blown way out of proportion. Some of the most common ones... chlamydia.. gonnorhea..... yeah they're unpleasant. But they're not uncurable. They're not even that big of a deal. Wear condoms every time and get checked out once in a while and you'll probably be fine. Safe sex works pretty well. But you won't hear that in sex ed or in church (in some places these are more or less the same thing).

    If you actually hold off until marriage you're probably not going to have a healthy sex life when you do get married. As BigA pointed out, chances of finding a virgin female of marrying age out there these days are pretty slim. If you end up marrying one of the non-virgin one, you're going to resent her for the fact that she has had sexual experiences that didn't include you while you "waited for her." If you marry another virgin, then you both are going to be clueless in the bedroom. You won't know if you're sexually compatable at all before you get married, and after you get married, you won't have any experiences to compare to so you wouldn't even know if something were amiss.
    Once you have sex you may figure out that it's actually pretty enjoyable, though at the same time it won't be the be-all end-all life altering experience you've built up in your mind. This will probably lead to you regretting not having more sexual experiences when you had the opportunity. You'll realize that it's really not that big of a deal after you get into the routine of having sex with your spouse and you'll wonder what the hell those guys in church or sex ed were making such a huge fuss about. Then you may start wondering what it would be like to fulfill whatever fetishes you have that your wife is not fulfilling that maybe you felt she would fulfill before you got married but since you didn't have sex beforehand and didn't know what questions to ask you two never discussed this. Maybe your libidos don't match and you'll want sex more often than she does. Maybe she doesn't like oral. Maybe you have some asian girl fetish or maybe you're a little bi and now that you're committed to one partner for the entire rest of your life you realize you'll never be able to experience any of that and you may start resenting your spouse.
    Those are all a handful of a thousand different things that could possibly go wrong if you enter into something as big as marriage while still being an infant in terms of your sexual maturity. The odds that you and your virgin wife will just immediately hit it off and everything will go perfectly are so minimal as to be nearly non-existent. You're setting yourself up for failure. I've seen so many who think like you who end up in loveless, sexless marriages that usually end up in abuse, divorce, or infidelity.

    On top of all that... I'm sure there's more that you are not saying as to why you have decided to wait. You only list fear of STDs as a real reason, that and the comment about needing a lifetime to make up for the probable lack of quality in your hypothetical first sexual performance, but the latter is obviously not a real reason and only a bit of humor designed to deflect the question that you get asked so often. So I'm interested what ARE your real reasons? Are you doing this out of religious faith? That's a whole other ball of wax. I've also been there, done that. As did some of my friends who I mentioned before who ended up in loveless marriages. The ones I'm thinking of are recovering Jehovah's Witnesses. Anyway, if this is the real reason, I don't think it's right to be denying your own healthy basic desires because of some books written by men thousands of years ago. It's a long hard path out of that mode of thinking but if you take that journey it is worth it. You'll be happier and more well-adjusted for it.
     
  6. MonsterUncut

    MonsterUncut Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2006
    Messages:
    266
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    229
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    WA

    I for one think that's fantastic, to find a man with your spirit! No one, ever, should press you into having sex, whether it's the first time or the 100th. Your first time, is just that, your first, and it should be memorable. (I'm sure it will be). Good for you! I admire you for staying true to yourself.
    Peace
     
  7. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2006
    Messages:
    6,378
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    where the sun never sets
    I agree with the above poster that nobody should be pressured into having sex if they don't want to or feel they are not ready. However, I saw something in that post that is both cliché and a little disturbing- the notion that your first time should be memorable. This unrealistic and exceedingly common expectation is also exerting pressure on people.. though it's in the opposite direction. I also know a lot of people who are waiting on sex because they feel their first time is supposed to be some miraculous event ordained in heaven, with angels descending from on high to sing in a chorus while their cherry is getting popped.
    I wouldn't rush into sex, I wouldn't let someone else pressure you into having it, and I wouldn't advise anyone to give up their virginity to someone they didn't particularly like- it ought to be someone you at least trust and feel very comfortable with... but waiting around until you meet someone perfect and for that perfect magical night that may never even happen is just as bad. This kind of build-up is going to lead ultimately to disappointment.
     
  8. swordfishME

    swordfishME Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2006
    Messages:
    947
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DFW Texas
    It is your decision if you wish to wait...But consider this, Sex is can be a VERY ENJOYABLE experience. Say you get married and have amazing sex your wedding night (quiet impossible because the first time is hardly every amazing), and you and your wife are uncompatible sexually, then you will go outside of marriage looking for it. I have actually seen this happen with a female friend (she waited for marriage and within 3 months she had proceeded to have 2 extra martial affairs).

    In the end only you can decide what is the right course of action for you but if you plan on being romantic enough to wait for marriage I am sure any adulltery commit afterwards will have a very deep impact on your psyche.
     
  9. Paul Vincent

    Paul Vincent <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2005
    Messages:
    421
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NW England
    Waiting til marriage you miss out on years of good sex.

    My first time was great, some of the subsequent times weren't as great. My first time was actually one of the best.

    Sounds like you ARE scared of sex and scared of making a fool of yourself. My advice is don't be. If you get a virgin you can both learn together. Even if she's experienced, any decent girl will train you :smile:

    Sex isnt about making anything up to anyone, you just enjoy it. Laugh when something goes wrong, thats what good sex is about for me. When you can laugh about the noises and things. Its not all about great technique and being like a pornstar.
     
  10. Mr. Snakey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    24,702
    Likes Received:
    25
    I have great respect for you. You sound like a fine person. Good luck to you!:cool:
     
  11. Alex Chambers

    Alex Chambers Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2006
    Messages:
    309
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Michigan
    Yeah--what NineInchCock_160IQ said. Be wary of building up in your mind the notion that your first sexual experience must be some awesome, cosmic intertwining of mind/body/spirit with two people who are destined to build a fairytale life together--it's hogwash (yeah, I know I'm bitter). My first time was pretty good; I just wouldn't have waited as long as I did. If you really want to wait for marriage--and that's truly a decision you are making for yourself out of principle--then I think that is a fine and noble thing, but it's not for everyone and, in retrospect, it wasn't for me. :shrug:
     
  12. Joseph

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2006
    Messages:
    582
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    50
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Poland
    Verified:
    Photo
    I once thought that I will not have sex before marriage... now I slowly think if I get a chance to have sex with the girl that I love, then I'll use it. But I say, the one I love, I also would decline the offer... What is this anyways? They think first sex is nothing special? They think it's terrible being a male virgin? Or do they "hunt" for male virgins or something???
     
  13. cockamania

    cockamania New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    142
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    norcal
    Do not swett it man I waited until my honey moon to have sex and it was amazing but yes the first time was very quick.

    People kinda harrassed me about it too so do not worry about it.
     
  14. D_Billy_Ballscrost

    D_Billy_Ballscrost New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2004
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    I used to feel just like you... I finally found the one when I was 24 years old! For both of us to lose our virginity together was an amazing experience. We have been together now for six years, and married two years!

    My advice- be patient! The one you are waiting for will come to you! This all happened when we both were not even trying to find someone, and didn't really expect all of this to happen. She has been the best thing to ever happen to my life. And I look back today at the chances I had to lose my virginity through my teenage years with many different girls, and know that not doing it with them was the right decision. Don't give up! There are girls out there that feel just like you- just keep looking!

    Your virginity is precious- it is special- wait until you are ready. When the time is right, you will know it. Still being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of! While you are worrying about your first time, know that nobody's first time is perfect! It is more awkward than pleasurable! But it does get better- practice makes perfect!

    You will not regret waiting- TRUST ME! The wait will be worth it! Good luck!
     
  15. blackcameron

    blackcameron New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2006
    Messages:
    89
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada, Toronto
    I'm still a virgin and I'm 20 going on 21. So don't worry - I know the feeling. I'm think I'm waiting mostly because I don't LOOK for anyone...but if the chance came for me to take up on it mostly likely I'll lose it in a flash. My theory: life's too short to save it, plus how do you really know that the one you marry/eventually do it with are truly the one. This is mostly the attitude my friends have - so I'm slowly taking it on as well.

    Now as for my first time I do wish that it turns out a particular way ie. a nice place, very romantic not wronchy sex. With a girl first might be nice...a guy I might wait on since I'm not sure about my sexuality 100%. hehe. It's all about chance...what opportunity brings you is what you should eat and enjoy :)
     
  16. drumstyck

    drumstyck New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2006
    Messages:
    731
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    im just going to put a few rants into one post

    in college i actually ended up becoming friends with a large number of virgins...my best friend was a religious guy, waiting til marriage...i teased him about it, but i also made sure he knew i wasnt serious and that i respected him...he recently got engaged to a born-again, and i admit that i was a bit worried...and i dont mean to disrespect her, but i thought it was gonna be tough for a girl that was heavy into sex, drugs & alcohol to turn completely around...

    a few other friends are just waiting for "the right person"...one female friend of mine made the point that she wasnt necessarily waiting for marriage in terms of a religious rule, but she felt that the right guy to be her first was also gonna be the right guy to marry...i respected it, but i wasnt in full support...ive seen too many people my age & younger falling for someone, getting engaged then breaking it off, or getting married then learning the person they married wasnt who they thought they were, or just getting pregnant and being stuck with a kid before college, or whatever...

    i agree that too much focus is put on losing one's virginity...the nite has to be perfect, the person has to be perfect, the timing has to be perfect, etc...there's too much pressure

    i actually could have lost mine almost 2 years before i really did...but in talking about it with my then-girlfriend, she had all these fantasies about a romantic nite, candles & roses & silk sheets...and there's me at 16 saying "that's nice & all, but listen, your mom's coming home in like 20 minutes"...there was actually a moment where we were undressed & very close, but i felt like if i did it right then, it would've been disappointing for her, and myself...and in hindsight, she was the kind of bitch who would've held it against me lol...my point is that..i duno what my point is :33: i guess im just saying that i felt so much pressure to be perfect that i missed out on something...altho you could argue that she just wasnt "the right person"..

    i lost my virginity when i was 18 to a self-professed lesbian...always a fun story to tell lol...the actual sex act was quite enjoyable, she was hot (nice face, nice boobs, nice body) and she was loud...the only problem was that the entire story from start-to-finish runs from august til like june...the guy who was my best friend at the time stabbed me in the back, i havent spoken to him since...so i guess that has shaped my attitude of "dont dance around the issue, just go get laid to get it over with"...if i had just met this girl and did it right away, things would've been much different than having gone back & forth for months, yada yada yada (if you're that interested in the full story just send me a message, i've already wasted enough space here)

    so, to sum up: i have no idea what i'm talking about. dare i say "sex is overrated"? nah, i cant be that harsh...but the impact that people put on sex is overrated, i think...if you dig someone and they dig you, go for it
     
  17. blflid

    blflid Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2006
    Messages:
    32
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    I guess I'm not really going to add anything that hasn't already been said, but here's my twopence worth: When I was a late-teenager I was more not interested in sex than purposefully 'saving myself'. That stage came a little later and, yes, I did turn down offers from a couple girls. Eventually, I came to accept the idea of sex and went for it. I was 24 when I lost mine, and it was good. But in the meantime I had driven myself into a mild depression getting torn up over whether or not I should lose it. What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is that you will lose it when you feel ready to. Don't let yourself be pressurised into doing it but also don't let it affect you so much that it upsets you. Sex is supposed to be fun and society imho tends to make it far too serious. Just do what you feel happy with and you'll be fine.
     
  18. naimodo

    naimodo Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Mississippi
    Me again. I will clarify my reason for waiting, since in retrospect I did give everyone the wrong idea. I dont my first time to be some window-shattering orgasm fest. My reasons for waiting are bc I used to be a terrible person. I did some truly inhuman things to the people I cared about. The memories I carry have scarred and almost killed me, not to sound melodramtic. As strong as my will power is, it still hurts to even think about what I've done. So I decided to try my best to move on and better myself as a person, but I figured one day I'd meet someone I'd love. And a big part of love is honesty. So I knew I'd have to tell them everything I'd done. I figured then, I should at least keep my body for them, since I may never be able to fully heal emotionally and give them my whole heart, so to speak.
    STDs are a concern to me, but if I wanted to, I know I could have safe sex with someone. As for the girls huting virgins guys, yes, they do actually. One of them is trying to sleep with everyone at my job, and since i'm her close friend, I'm kinda near the top of the list. The other who offered to take my V when i was 16, almost took my friend's. She said she likes to make guys comfortable their first time, so that way they wont see their first sex as a bad thing. The only fetishes I have are quite common, but if my wife doesnt want to do them, I dont really care then. I'm up for anything except threesomes. I see sex as a physical expression of true love, not necessary a physical expression of just love. If that makes sense. I have no fear of sex, I just never dated in high school, while my friends cheated on their gfs and so on. Also, I dont care if my wife is a virgin, I know that only a few people wait nowadays. And I have considered not waiting for that reason. i.e., I could be missing out on great sex simply bc I want to wait for someone who i know has slept around alot. My choice to remain a virgin was not caused by religion either, though I do believe strongly in God. Anyways, if there's any other questions. Feel free to ask. Thanks again for reading. Later
     
  19. SilverSoldier

    SilverSoldier New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2006
    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Salt Lake City, UT
    I waited for marriage. I was 24 years old. I saw how other friends who were banging everybody were totally screwing up their lives and could never be faithful to anyone. I decided I didn't want that. I wanted a marriage that would last.

    Those of you who know my history, know that I'm divorced not once, but twice. But I was faithful through both marriages. I taught my kids "How can you expect your partner to be faithful to you, if you're both leaving another relationship?" The history simply is, there is no fidelity. So, I think everyone should be careful about these things, including reasons of STDs.

    I think it's more important NOT to judge what other people do, but for me, personally to live by my OWN values and principles, and not someone else's. My two great kids seem to be doing okay. They have had a sexual partner before marriage, but on the whole I think they are doing fine.

    BTW, my marriages broke up for reasons other than fidelity, sadly. However, I'm happier than I have ever been in my present relationship.

    Good luck to you. Keep living by your values and principles. It will take you far in life.
     
  20. blackcameron

    blackcameron New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2006
    Messages:
    89
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada, Toronto
    A lot people seem to take the "save yourself" argument. What's the point of waiting until that one special moment with candles. It's only sentimental, plus if you wait you're only losing out on practical experience - honestly speaking here.

    This doesn't mean to be permiscuous, it means to be careful and watchful of things like STDs, faith to a partner etc.

    Basically the reservist approach and the opportunist approaches to me seem both extreme. Take the middle ground (thank you Artistotle :p) and be smart about your choices. Whatever chance brings you, make the decision to fulfill it or ignore it. If you don't let things like that work themselves out, in the future you might regret your decision ie. you might have wanted to but your idealogy held you back, or you didn't want to but you pushed yourself. The important thing is to make the decision of WHAT you want at the moment.

    It's not hedonistic, it's rational. Do what makes you happy! If what you're doing or done works for you - then all the better :)
     
Draft saved Draft deleted