Oh, sweetheart. Here's a thought -- a perfectly good one that I need to hear at the time. Wylie and Markowitz wrote in a 1992
Psychotherapy Networker article that therapy should become a means of making an income -- a living -- as opposed to being
a way of life. Trust me: I'm actually pleased as punch that I'm not in "therapy" mode or "waiting tables" mode all the time because it would be really exhausting to smile and/or be attentive exclusively to other people for the full course of the day. Really, I try to have fun at both jobs no matter how stressful things get -- and I think I do okay. I'm actually surprised that someone of your professional standing would make such a careless insinuation. People are allowed to have "work selves" and "off-work selves" that are perfectly in sync with each other.
Besides, if you were going to be an inexcusably rude customer, Jacinto, you wouldn't be the first to walk through the door. I try to give good service to each and every table, but I'm not able getting a manager involved and explaining in plain English that things are going terribly wrong. Or I would ask a non-busy server if I could transfer the table. Either way, you won't be my problem.
And if I'm in dire need of some male ass grinding on my crotch, well, I like my men to be a little taller than you, chief.
ANYWAY...
I know that I've been participating in the jabfest as well as you can see clearly above here, but I really don't understand why people are taking all this stuff so seriously. I understand that people are getting frustrated seeing DMW's crew and my crew bicker back and forth. For the love of chocolate, why not just bind my hand to DMW's, throw on the slick pleather jackets, and let us settle this in a good ol' fashioned switchblade rumble?
Kim, I know you don't like being a mediator in all this, and I certainly don't expect you to take on that role. Now that DMW feels... I dunno... more free with himself or socially emancipated or something, he's taken it upon himself to become a little more vocal with his jabs toward me, and that's something that, to my knowledge, hasn't happened beyond little nitpickey slight messages in his posts. If his friends want to jump in, that's fine.
And really, I say, "Bring it." This is clearly not a matter of who is on or off my "favourite people's list." Rather, it's all a futile attempt to get me stirred up, irritated, aggravated, and agitated.
In fact, after Jon and I exchanged smartass comments, I didn't intend to visit this thread except to chuckle a bit at some of the confessionals I've seen on here.
(Lament to threadjacking: I thought it was interesting to hear ways in which to warn your fellating partner that you're going to spooge it, but the interest just seemed to sink too quickly. Our fault for threadjacking? Maybe. I don't know.)
And, in fact, the only reason why I came back was when a clever poster sent me a message referring to DMW's snipe/insult toward waiting tables as "snob-jobbery." (Great word, by the way! I'll have to remember it.)
As for my last jab to the boy, yeah, it was a jab but it was also a recognition that he
chose not to correct me.
Just like we
choose to scuffle. So? I don't think there's anything wrong or incompatible about people on here liking us for who we are, and that we grant ourselves a little extra immaturity if and when we fight.
So long as we're consciously choosing to participate in these scuffles as opposed to tossing that tired, infantile "He started it fiiiiiiiirst!", it's okay. And for the record, DMW, if you're using "Well, we all know how he feels about me..." as your excuse for fighting back, you really need some backbone. Instead of making yourself out to be a victim of my words to you, own your willingness to say mean things back to me. You're not just reacting; you're choosing to participate just like I did.
And honestly, if we get a little too deep in making each other looking bad, by all means knock our heads together!
To end with a "therapeutic note," though: There's some sort of magic involved when you're able to step outside of your emotional reactivity and your contempt and your bad feelings so that you can how the system operates as a whole. Just step back and look. 'Cause when you understand why everyone's getting their feathers ruffled and realize why people are getting upset, irritated, and so on, then... you just see it and you know it. And for me, that helps me stay cool and calm; that's why I laugh at these altercations instead of getting upset by them.
And that's not to disparage people who are really upset at this tension. It's good to acknowledge it, and it's even better to make that point known. I guess my "systemic lens" lets me stay minimally involved in all the drama, and considering that I've got real world stuff that worries me enough, the chuckle I get out of this crap is somewhat helpful. So, that's my advice. Just step back. Step out of the ring of reactivity 'cause all that does is get you riled up, and people start teaming up on either side, and then all the cartoon mallets and POWs! and BLAMs! and PLONKs! start flying.
Moratorium noted.
[Need to have the last word also noted.] :hug:
