Waiting Tables is "gay"

[HotBulge]

Wow, thanks guys. The only reason I was suspended for a week was because I let some comment slip. Now that I'm calm, ....., . Anyway, thanks for the help .

Wait a minute, there's much more to the story than you have initially divulged. You report that you were suspended from your job for a week because of this incident? Of course I don't know the full details nor the exact comment that you made and how, but I wonder if your boss' reaction was itself discriminatory or, at the very least, the wrong response to the nature of the incident.

Let's recap for a moment: You wait on a 50+ year old man with his family. You work hard to provide them with excellent service. The man berates you at the end for behaving in a gay manner that he found offensive despite the professionalism that you maintained while attending to him. Your customer makes an inflammatory, somewhat slanderous falsehood about you to your boss and you may have told the customer off. If I were your boss and were able to assess the situation quickly (knowing that you have a decent reputation otherwise), I would have apologized for a rude (though understandable comment) that you may have made but insisted that the customer still pay the bill. The customer is clearly acting in a bigoted manner and the fact is that he still ate. You are the 'victim' in this situation, and your boss shouldn't have penalized you with a week's suspension for defending yourself against a slanderous and factually inaccurate accusation. You rendered a service: the family's food and beverages were delivered and you didn't behave inappropriately towards him therefore the man has no legitimate basis for refusing payment. We, as customers, oftenl have biases against those who deliver a service but that doesn't negate the fact that the service itself was rendered.

I am not a lawyer, but my intution is that your boss did not handle the situation with legal correctness. You may be a victim of a bad decision and would have legal recourse for compensation if you believe that you were wrongfully penalized. You could take your boss/employer to small claims court for this....

Please givec us some more information. Meanwhile .... is there a lawyer in the house who can speak more effectively to a matter of discrimination?????

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

You didn't. I just know you didn't. I think I need to teach you a few things. Drop your drawers, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.

Unlikely.:wink:

 

[Matthew]

I take it you don't have a union.

As has been pointed out, some people are just assholes, and there is actually a small percentage of those who go out to eat for the purpose of being able to abuse a waiter/waitress. Learned that while I was gaily waiting tables. And as others have said, it was surely just an excuse for him to a) be a fucking dick, and b) get a free meal.

You can talk to a lawyer as has been suggested, since in fact you were the wronged party, but I don't know how far you'd get since your employer (sadly) may not have broken any laws.

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

Its interesting - up here in Scotland, it is perfectly acceptable for a bloke to be a waiter. I've never heard anyone refer to it as a "gay" profession, ever. And although I'd say that most people who have waited on me in resturants were women, there have been a fair few men, I'd say the devide is probably 60/40 women/men around here.

Sounds like the guy was just being a jerk off. He may well have been rich, but most rich people arent rich through spending money... maybe he was just trying to save some cash.

Personally I would have been inclinded to acuse him of being the bad roll model and acting in a disgusting way, but I know from your point of view that's avery difficult thing to do when you are trying to do a job and don't want to get fired for answering back.

 

[B_big dirigible]

Hell, I even talked to him about Baseball!

Well, there you go. Was it those Damn Yankees?

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

You can talk to a lawyer as has been suggested, since in fact you were the wronged party, but I don't know how far you'd get since your employer (sadly) may not have broken any laws.

No, but I bet he can sue the bloke who insulted him for slander (or the american equivalent) and lost work days.

 

[Gisella]

I work at a restaurant, where I wait tables full time to help pay for my last year of college. Anyway, apparently it's undeniably the gay-est occupation next to exotic dancer? I am gay, but I certainly don't like being stereotyped.

I've been told on numerous accounts that I don't 'act' gay (which I don't even think is possible ) and that if I hadn't been so honest about who I sleep with, they'd have never known. But, yesterday I got into an argument with a customer. I've never been so incredibly angry in my life. I basically broke my neck for this guy, who was with his family, and tried to keep everything top-shape for them, as I do with all my tables. When it comes time for the bill, he looks me dead in the eye and says "I'd like to speak to a manager about your...'performance,' today."

I really didn't know if it was good or bad, and...sadly, it was bad. He accused me of hitting on him (a 50 some-odd man), and being inappropriate in front of his son! He refused to pay his $70 bill and yelled at me about being "a bad example for americans who wwant to eat without being disgusted." Apparently, only women are supposed to wait tables.

Does this happen on a normal basis for anyone else? I mean, I've rarely been brought out like that before, and I can't recall 'acting' gay around him. Hell, I even talked to him about Baseball!

Gabriel i'm sorry for that...

What a jerk and believe me some people seems irritated and angry by some people ways of being nice and prestative when we serve them and a mysterious buttom is clicked inside them and they act awfully rude ...i know that bcause when i used to be a hostessess few were irritated by my ways to sit them on tables...i was too flamboyant to them...who knows..

Anyways waiting table is supose to be gay/fun/happy for sure but no way gay/gay...at least to me...until you get face to face with jerks like that and i do agree that somepeople may make any scene to get free meal ...

 

[Gisella]

I am not a lawyer, but my intution is that your boss did not handle the situation with legal correctness. You may be a victim of a bad decision and would have legal recourse for compensation if you believe that you were wrongfully penalized. You could take your boss/employer to small claims court for this....

Yeh..i dont know much but i do know that many bussiness that deals with people do not give good training to managers....lots of things could be avoided by it.

Very strange that they spend lots of money with advertsment to get us there or work there..and them 'boom'.... stop sending us junk mail and invest in give good trainment..please!

And when you call custumer service and they are rude too ????

PS: Well..Gabriel i do wish you the best!:smile:

 

[Spoogesicle]

Waiting tables is not gay.

Buffing flatware on your cock-bulge, impersonating Mae West and trying to pick up male patrons while waiting tables is.

 

[mtguy1972]

dude, that SUCKS and just another bad example of homobphobia and discrimination. the fact he did that in front of his kid is disgusting; just passing on more hatred and stupidity.

if it's any consolation, he probably had such a fit because he's a closet case projecting his own desires onto you. he'll be fantasizing about you when he screwing his cow of a wife.

 

[dcwrestlefan]

Add
president of Ann Coulter Fan Club
vice-president of Young Republicans

a few more...

- male working in an upscale department store.
- male working in the theatre industry.
- female working at an auto repair shop or hardware store.

seriously though, being a waiter is a pretty tough job. given the situation described, dumping a red drink or a plate of something tomato based in his lap might have been called for.

 

[MattBrick]

You need to quit that job, or talk to a civil liberties group right away

You're employer has no right to sanction you, unless there are reasobable grounds for it. From what you are saying, these aren't.
He said, you were "hitting on him", you said you weren't. Your manager needs proof of misconduct to suspend you, and there is none there.

You have to stand up in this case, not only for yourself, but to send a message, and for decent working for everyone in this country.

 

[audobahn]

Unless I missed it in this thread, what was the comment you made? People can be mean, cruel jerks, and it sounds like this customer is a perfect example of that ability, but if you made an inappropriate comment to the jerk customer, regardless of what he did first, in our society today you kind of dug your own grave

 

[HotBulge]

Unless I missed it in this thread, what was the comment you made? People can be mean, cruel jerks, and it sounds like this customer is a perfect example of that ability, but if you made an inappropriate comment to the jerk customer, regardless of what he did first, in our society today you kind of dug your own grave

I can only agree with this partially: 75% in disagreement / 25% aggreement.

Yes, it would be helpful to know the specific comment that was made to assess this situation from a "managerial standpoint". Even without specific statements, we know that the homophobic customer made inflammatory/defamatory/antagonistic remarks that don't have a foundation. Gabriel rendered a service and delivered the family's order correctly, so the man is obligated to pay. Gabriel also tells us that he maintained a high level of self-presentation which is contradictory in nature to the complaint against him.

Unless Gabriel was really lewd and profane, the manager should have issued a verbal warning and instructed him to send the difficult customers to the manager. Customers do not have the right to behave abusively towards workers. As a manager, it is one's duty to protect one's employees. In this situation, I wonder if Gabriel has been made a victim twice over: once by the customer, once by the manager for a wrongful suspension.

The situation will blow over, and the incident seems minor relative to the rest of Gabriel's life. As someone wrote earlier, however, it's significant enough stand up and make a point. First, I would politely tell the manager you believe that you were wrongfully suspended and that you were a victim of bigotry. If your boss reacts negatively, follow up the conversation with a letter to the corporate operations of the restaurant or the owner so that there is a paper trail. If the restaurant is indifferent, take the restaurant to court.

Moral stands such as this do work. I'll post a second response/story about a friend of mine whose story is similar to yours.

 

[HotBulge]

Standing up for one's self:

This story happened to my friend 5 years ago in Palo Alto, California: She was 20 years old, a Stanford comp. sci student going into her senior year, applying for a position as a hostess at a restaurant for extra income during the summer evenings. She had two or three positions as a hostess during summers before arriving in Palo Alto. She's 5'10", ~ 130 lbs, American of Asian-Indian (i.e. Delhi, Mumbai) descent, with long black hair and clear skin, and she's articulate. Basically, she's both gorgeous, intelligent, (overly) qualified and polished. She applied for a hostess position at one of the fanciest restaurants in Stanford's upscale community. The hiring manager at the restaurant took one look at her, made some excuse about the position not being open, and implied they look for "the right fit" with their clientele.

My friend was suspicious about being denied for the position, so as a test, she sent one of her White female friends from Stanford to apply for the same position. Her friend had no background in the restaurant business and expressed a passing interest in the position. ... Her White friend was offered the position.

Gotcha! Armed with this social experiment, my friend sued the restaurant using her White college friend as a witness to discriminatory hiring practices. My friend was awarded ~ $7,500.00 in compensation. I know the reward to be about that amount because she used that money to both buy a computer and put a payment on graduate school tuition for her first year. My friend is a sweet young woman and is not litigious-minded: she only sued to prove a point and stand up for herself.

So, Gabriel, if you believe that you've been wrongfully suspended, there may actually be something to gain by standing up for yourself if my friend's story is useful by comparison. Our society doesn't advance until these small stands are taken. Rosa Parks wasn't a crusader when she refused to move for a White genleman in Detriot; she was just tired. You are not trying to be the advocate of gay rights; you just need to draw a line. Seeking a legal recourse, in this case, may actually be more for the principle rather than for the gain. If your situation ever does reach a court, let your reasons be known that you are doing this on principle of the matter

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Unless I missed it in this thread, what was the comment you made? People can be mean, cruel jerks, and it sounds like this customer is a perfect example of that ability, but if you made an inappropriate comment to the jerk customer, regardless of what he did first, in our society today you kind of dug your own grave

So true, so true. There are many times I'd like to use words people don't realize I know. oooo I have to hold my tongue and just tell them to call the post office. Although, some day you'll need a favor. The jerks always need a favor. muawhahahahaha

 

[Sklar]

Sorry guys, I'm going to have to take the mamagers position on this one.

Do I believe that the customer was wrong: Yes I do.

Do I believe that the way Gabriel handled it was wrong: Yes I do.

The very instant that the customer started having a problem with Gabriel, he should have called the manager over and let the manager deal with the customer.

But as Gabriel stated "But, yesterday i got into an argument with a customer." AT THAT MOMENT Gabriel was wrong and the manager, who is paid to deal with customer complaints, had no choice but to punish Gabriel.

Now was the manager over judicious with his punishment? Maybe so Maybe no. It's funny that Gabriel tells us what the rude customer said but not the comments he made himself.

Plus, if they were shouting at each other, then the rest of the restaraunt were witnesses, too. So, picture if you will, that YOU are the owner of a business. A fairly thriving, busy business with a good reputation. Suddenly, one of your employees gets into a pissing match with a client. What do you do?

1) Find out what the arguement was about?

2) Immediately take the employees side?

3) Immediately take the Customers side?

4) Talk to other people who witnessed what happened and then make an unbiased opinion.

Remember, the guy DIDN'T get a free meal. Gabriel said the customer paid his bill.

Also, think on this. Maybe it's the policy of the restaraunt to fire employees who get into a pissing contest with customers. Maybe because of his stellar work performance Gabriel only got suspended because of his good work ethic.

But good work ethic aside, he was still in the wrong for not calling for the manager right away and for getting into the pissing contest.

Lastly, I'm truely aghast that people are suggesting for you to look into legal recourse against your employeer, who was in the right in doing what he did. This isn't a discrimination claim. This is what happens when an employee fucks up, regardless of the provocation.

For all of you who advocate legal action, get some thicker skin. From what I've read so far, Gabriel seems to have a pretty decent head on his shoulders, he just let his temper get to him this one time.

He's still lucky he was able to keep his job.

 

[HotBulge]

Sorry guys, I'm going to have to take the mamagers position on this one.

Do I believe that the customer was wrong: Yes I do.


Do I believe that the way Gabriel handled it was wrong: Yes I do.

That's not the point. Gabriel acknowledged that he made an inappropriate remark back to the customer. He was facing slanderous remarks and was antagonized. The true details behind the incident still haven't been revealed, but if Gabriel wasn't too rude in return, the situation didn't warrant his suspension given the circumstances.

The very instant that the customer started having a problem with Gabriel, he should have called the manager over and let the manager deal with the customer.

... already noted.

But as Gabriel stated "But, yesterday i got into an argument with a customer." AT THAT MOMENT Gabriel was wrong and the manager, who is paid to deal with customer complaints, had no choice but to punish Gabriel.

The argument is that the punishment may be disproportionate to the crime given the cirucumstances. A verbal warning may have been sufficient, not suspension depending on what actually occurred.

Now was the manager over judicious with his punishment? Maybe so Maybe no. It's funny that Gabriel tells us what the rude customer said but not the comments he made himself.

Plus, if they were shouting at each other, then the rest of the restaraunt were witnesses, too. So, picture if you will, that YOU are the owner of a business. A fairly thriving, busy business with a good reputation. Suddenly, one of your employees gets into a pissing match with a client. What do you do?

1) Find out what the arguement was about?

Obviously

2) Immediately take the employees side?

No, one has to be objective.

3) Immediately take the Customers side?

Again, no to be objective

4) Talk to other people who witnessed what happened and then make an unbiased opinion.

Remember, the guy DIDN'T get a free meal. Gabriel said the customer paid his bill.

Also, think on this. Maybe it's the policy of the restaraunt to fire employees who get into a pissing contest with customers. Maybe because of his stellar work performance Gabriel only got suspended because of his good work ethic.

But good work ethic aside, he was still in the wrong for not calling for the manager right away and for getting into the pissing contest.

As if employment at this particular restaurant were God's gift to Gabriel.

Lastly, I'm truely aghast that people are suggesting for you to look into legal recourse against your employeer, who was in the right in doing what he did. This isn't a discrimination claim. This is what happens when an employee fucks up, regardless of the provocation.

For all of you who advocate legal action, get some thicker skin. From what I've read so far, Gabriel seems to have a pretty decent head on his shoulders, he just let his temper get to him this one time.

Everyone has to choose their own battles and determine if the fight is worth it or not. The argument to be made is that Gabriel was merely defending himself from bigotry and slander and therfore his suspension was unwarranted, resulting in a loss of wages. Some battles may be worth a marginal degree of discomfort to stand up for the principle. There's also a time and place to stand up for one's self: this may be one of those times.

No one is really advocating for Andrew to embrace "victimhood". It takes more courage and presence of mind to stand up for a principle than it does to roll over and die.

He's still lucky he was able to keep his job.

 

[Pensive Josh]

I empathize with your bad experience, gabriel. I have had less than pleasant experiences with customers too, but nothing like that. I think nasty customers do it either because they are angry and stupid, and they don't realize the demands that come with service jobs. I've had one or two people come in and try to scam our store claiming that we "falsely advertised" a product when the tag just got moved over or something insanely obvious like that. I wish sometimes that we didn't have to be courteous to such morons, but oh well. As for waiting tables being a "gay" profession, I haven't actually heard this stereotype. Just don't sweat that kind of stuff. :smile:

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

Gabriel, I waited tables for years. Once in a while I'd get a douchebag like the one you described. One or two places I worked, the issue came up as you described it and the manager offered to have the patron (always a man) arrested if they didn't pay their bill! Sadly, most establishments err on the side of kiss-ass for fear of someone calling the main office with a complaint. On my best days I didn't take it personally. On my worst, I took it home and let it ruin my day. When I moved up to fine dining, this shit was unheard of.

Remember, some people will try anything to get out of paying their bill and will use any of their unresolved issues to do it.