Wanna know how to get over his triflin ass?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by marleyisalegend, Dec 2, 2008.

  1. marleyisalegend

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    Did he cheat? Was he too scared to commit? Did he run off with the cleaning lady? Did he lead you on then leave you high and dry?

    It's all good in the hood, here's my proven method of getting over him, no matter how deep the heartbreak is.

    Step 1. Put in a movie of some diva overcoming intense struggles. Preferably "Waiting to Exhale" but "What's Love Got To Do With It" will work. If all else fails, rent "The Notebook." Nothing with Mandy Moore, the last girl who tried that ended up dating a big, smelly trucker.....named Bertha.

    Step 2. Drink lots of vodka.

    Step 3. Call the punk. If it goes straight to voicemail, go to Step 4, if he answers, skip Step 4 and go to Step 5.

    Step 4. Leave an angry, incoherent, profanity-laced rant on his answering machine. If you don't mind playing dirty, tell him that you've been sleeping with his friend Jeffrey, that Jeffrey was every bit of man he could never be, and that you often pictured Jeffrey's face while he wriggled on top of you, failing to bring you within miles of an orgasm. Curse the womb that bore him and hang up. Skip Step 5.

    Step 5. If he answers, sing Mary J. Blige's "I'm Not Gonna Cry" to him, though it's important that you begin sobbing by the second verse and continue to cry until the final caterwaul.

    Step 6. Drink some more vodka.

    Step 7. Throw up in the toilet.

    Step 8. Wake up underneath the kitchen table. Don't sit up too fast and watch your head as you rise.

    Step 9. Shower, freshen up, do your hair like you're going to a Vanity Fair cover-shoot.

    Step 10. Drink some more vodka.

    Step 11. Sleep with the next available guy according to your own standards (or lack thereof).

    Congratulations, by now you should be over his bitch ass!
     
    #1 marleyisalegend, Dec 2, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2008
  2. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    So, my grandma was wrong, burying one of his shirts and sprinkling graveyard dirt over it doesn't work??? :biggrin:

    :scratchchin:
    Hmm, maybe that's why being of Creole descent just scares the shit out of some men. :09:
     
  3. invisibleman

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    The best way to get over a difficult ex is to treat it like a death and move on.
    I really miss the good times with my ex...but there were far worse times than good.
    I am happy that he is happy with his life. I am not bothering him. He has a life.
    More than I could say for myself.

    I wish that we really had a resolution but he never really gave me a chance...so I resolved it to the fact that he never really loved me that well to ever do so.
     
  4. marleyisalegend

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    ^To me, him not loving you is actually an advantage. I can easily get over someone who didn't love me with a simple reality check. The hard ones for me to get over are the ones who DID love you cuz that's hard to find. I've loved a million guys, but I don't need more than one hand to count the ones who loved me back.

    Sweet_ass, you being creole means you can skip all these steps, do some voodoo boodoo shit and make both his heads shrink.
     
  5. D_Prudence_Admonition_Drightits

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    WORD!
     
  6. D_Prudence_Admonition_Drightits

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    Normally, I would say shopping spree, but under these tough, economic times, here is what I suggest:

    1. Stop drinking and clean yourself up.

    2. Call some close friends over to the house.

    3. Take the remainder of his belonging you have so you and your friends
    can have a bonfire.

    4. Toast some marshmellows, make smores, roast hot dogs, and laugh like
    a crazy bitch over the fire.

    5. Or have a good bottle of fine wine to share as a toast.

    6. You and your friends go see a good movie. Or check out "Waiting to Exhale"

    7. The next day the pain will not be so severe.

    YouTube - Whitney Houston - Exhale (Shoop Shoop)
     
  7. musclebutt2

    musclebutt2 New Member

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    Damn, no wonder it hasn't been working (three years later)! I missed a step.

    *runs out to rent "Waiting to Exhale"*


    To sum up my heartache; how's that Kanye West song go....

    So, stick by his side
    I know this dude's ballin, and yeah that's nice
    And they gon' keep callin' and tryin'
    But you stay right, girl
    But when you get on, he leave yo' ass for a white girl
     
  8. AlteredEgo

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    He chose a girl?! I wouldn't choose a girl over you. And look. You come with cute K9 accessories!
     
  9. invisibleman

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    Cinnabon.

    Get sober then get drunk on wine. :biggrin1: Hehehe. And watch a breakup movie?

    :smile:

    I just stop calling him. I get rid of the stuff he gave me. I stop hanging out at the places he hangs out. If I see him out in public, I don't bother him...and he knows not to bother me.

    The pain is there but overtime it dulls.

    The true remedy for a breakup is to make peace with it and get a better person than your ex was.
     
  10. killerb

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    so murder is NOT an option? :mad:
     
  11. marleyisalegend

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    Blasphemy!

    2. Call some close friends over to the house.

    That's right girl! Except make sure all these things have been tossed into his ride before igniting them.
     
  12. invisibleman

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    Murder is reserved only for that insensitive ex.:biggrin1:
     
  13. D_Prudence_Admonition_Drightits

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    Invisi- you get drunk from one glass of wine?:eek:
    A glass, baby, not the bottle.

    It is a triumphant breakup movie. It proves there is life after such a trauma.

    You are right, time heals the wounds and getting rid of the reminders help as well. BONFIRE, BONFIRE, BONFIRE...
     
  14. Principessa

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    If you have never considered commiting murder, then you have never truly been in love. ~ Oprah Winfrey
     
  15. invisibleman

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    If the breakup is bad, I am not sharing my Wild Vines Blackberry Merlot wif no one.:wink: That will be my glass. :biggrin1: Or if I don't have that...I will drink a few mojitos.

    I don't watch breakup movies--triumphant or romantic comedy or dramatic--it only reminds me of the breakup. I avoid the romance radio stations and romantic movies, too. I do look at a lot of action-adventure movies. And general comedies.

    I just basically cry when I need to. (But I excuse myself to the rest room to do so.)
     
  16. invisibleman

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    "Steadman, I am going to KILL you motherfucker!!!":biggrin1: Hehehe.
     
  17. Principessa

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    Aren't you just dying to know what he did to make her think that? :confused: Let alone say that out loud on national television. :eek:
     
  18. MickeyLee

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    Breaking Up Dyke Style.

    step one. start drinking. stay drunk. load your ipod with agro music.
    step two. call friends, everyone agrees your ex is an evil whore. continue drinking.
    step three. get hauled to a strip club.
    step four. spend too much money on a woman. don't have sex. come to the conclusion that she is a whore. you might wanna call this your rebound relationship. keep drinking.
    step five. explain to the police that all women are evil and you have a legit reason for puking in a public fountain.
    step six. make bail. start drinking again.
    step seven. call your ex at 4am looking for your favorite sweatshirt. tell her you love her. cry.
    step eight. send her txt message for the next 3 days. keep it exciting switch from pornographic to hateful to pleading. you should still be drinking this whole time.
    step nine. sleep with your best friends girl friend. regret doing so.
    step ten. get into a fist fight with a tree. get your ass kicked by a tree.
    step eleven. swear off women forever. they are all evil whores.
    step twelve. hit on the cute chick at your local head shop.
    step thirteen. never deal with any of your feels of hurt, rejection and self doubt. never consider what you might have done. remain emotionally stunted.
     
  19. marleyisalegend

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    ^I like your style. Hi, I'm Marley.
     
  20. invisibleman

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    He must've voted for McCain/Palin. Hehehe. :biggrin1: Kidding. :confused:

    I would think that Oprah was hanging out with Quentin Tarantino a bit too much.
     
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