Want sex but can't go through with it...

[B_thickjohnny]

I broke up almost a year ago after a 4 year relationship. At first I went out a few times and had sex etc but now it's gone dry. Not because of guys not being available but because I find myself scared of sex - if that makes any sense. The last time I had sex was a good 6 or 7 months ago. I am horny as a big dog and have ample opportunities. As a matter of fact I wrote a guy I know about meeting again and he said "yes, how about today?" I'd love to see him. He's sexy and fun etc but now I'm sitting here not writing to him....

A friend suggests it's about my ex. That even though we broke up, we still see each other WAY TOO MUCH (we still work together) and even though I say it's over and we're only friends, somewhere deep inside I'm scared to "cheat" on him.

WTF is wrong with me and how do I get over it?

(I know what will happen. I'll call the sexy guy and in the middle of getting naked, my ex will call to ask me if I want to grab a beer. My friend says I'm scared of getting caught.)

 

[ManofThunder]

I would advise you to resolve your feelings for your ex before doing anything more. Try to assess whether or not you still truly love eachother and if so, then try to repair the relationship and see what happens. Go with the flow! If indeed you are both just friends then that is fine - you should accept your new, potential partners advances (if you wish) and move forward in that direction. The fact that you are worried about 'cheating' on your ex would suggest to me that you may still have romantic feelings for him which may, sadly, not be reciprocated. Once you have established the facts, you can wipe the slate clean and start-over; one way or another. I wish you luck in your endeavours. ManofThunder.

 

[nudeyorker]

Sit down with your ex and set some guidelines and rules of what your friendship will and will not involve. When you go out on a date, turn off your phone.

 

[helgaleena]

Also, masturbating is sex! Treat what you do by yourself with a little more reverence and care and you might begin to relax about sex with others. Make things right with your own self first.

I know I go on about my 'boyfriends' and our lovely arrangement, but the truth is that I spend the most time wanking. It's sex. And if they are on the other end of a comm line instead of in the same room, the relating still goes on.

Also treat your continued speaking terms with your ex as distractions, as the previous poster suggests.

 

[killerb]

dude, you are single....SINGLE!!!
you have to give yourself a break & realize that you're free to do whatever you want and your ex shouldn't be a factor...i bet you a million bucks he's out there living his life as he pleases with no consideration for you or your feelings.

maybe the problem is that you really don't want anyone other than your ex...is that it?

 

[B_thickjohnny]

Everything all of you say is spot on. My ex and I work together. I hired him years ago when we were together. Working together was bad then but now it's great. He's the best I have and it would be stupid to let him go because I don't want to see him every day. That would be bad for business, period.

Moreover, I think he still has feelings of some sort for me. He calls constantly, asks to go to dinner or movies and I don't think he's seeing anyone. If he is, it's really a well kept secret.

There were two guys I met early on. We met a couple of times each but now I don't see them. Both of them think it's them but it's me. I've told them so. One is a well hung, big dick Slovak boy who's dumb as a rock. Not a good guy for conversation but damn he's hot and in bed - well.....

The other is a bright black guy who's living/working here. He just gives me room and will meet me whenever I'm ready.

 

[helgaleena]

Love those Slovak boys. But seriously johnny, you told us how controlling your ex was and also duplicitous. He KNOWs how to keep his private life private, which made it so easy for him to cheat back then. Put some armor on your heart and realize he has got other hookups, you just don't see them. Keep your love life secret too as much as you can.

 

[stuboner]

turn the phone off and GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ITS YOUR EX'S LOSS NOT YOURS. just have fun.

 

[D_Salvatore Speedbump]

You should take to heart the same advice one of my ex's gave me about another ex. Remember why you broke up. Don't dwell on it or replay the hurt feelings and anger. Just remember. If you owned a business and had a hot customer come in (no pun intended) buy something from you then blatantly stiff you on the bill (ok pun intended). Would you remember and tell'm he had to leave the store or let'm short change you?