Want to start a relationship but she doesn't.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by fak_et, Nov 15, 2007.

  1. fak_et

    fak_et New Member

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    I met a girl end of school last year, went on a couple dates over the summer and we've been seein each other regularly during the school year. I hang out with her 3-4 times weekly and we always have a good time. I got close with her.

    Ive brought it up in the past that Id like to start a relationship and she said yes at first, only to say "we should take things slower" a day later. She continued to call me and try to hang out so I went with it.

    So I brought it up again "we hang out a lot and stuffs good, i want you to be my girl" she gave me "lets hang out more, stuff will fall into place"

    I just feel like things are going too slowly and stuff might get stale. What can I do to progress stuff?
     
  2. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    What time period are you at right now? That is to say, how long have you been "hanging out" with her? Have you kissed, held hands, fallen asleep together, etc? What's happened physically?
     
  3. Principessa

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    Either she's just not that into you and wants to play the field or perhaps your reputation precedes you? Are you a player? Do you often date more than one girl at a time without any of them being aware of it? Maybe she is immature and not ready for an intimate relationship.

    Sorry I don't have a more finite answer for you.

     
  4. Blocko

    Blocko Member

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    It could be that she's decided she doesn't want to be "in" a relationship right now, but she still wants the company/attention/affection. Some people have that weird line when it comes to being "in" a relationship.

    That said, it's not fair if she's using you as a pseudo-boyfriend without committing the effort back to you. If you don't want this to continue, simply don't let her. If she's going to continue using you to her own ends and you're not happy with that, you have to let her know that and if she doesn't take you seriously you should leave.

    Hell, if you feel like you're being played for a sap now you should leave, it's not cool to do that to someone else.
     
  5. fak_et

    fak_et New Member

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    We have kissed, we hold hands, weve fallen asleep together, played around a little bit.

    I do kinda feel like im playin the bf role and shes playing the gf role but she just refuses to make it official.
     
  6. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    You need to give her an ultimatum. Either we're boyfriend/girlfriend or we're nothing. It's not fair to you. Sucks but no other way around it.
     
  7. chesz001

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    maybe she wants to know you more..i mean without goin into formal dates whatsoever..like others said,give her time then if you still didn't get answer well its time to let go..that's just it!
     
  8. dirty1dirty2

    dirty1dirty2 Member

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    She's stringing you along, no ultimatum just cut back on the time you spend with her and make her work at it if she really wants you to stick around..no matter what you think right now there's tons of woman out there that would be equally as good as her or better.
     
  9. fak_et

    fak_et New Member

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    I need some better advice, I am looking as to more or less how to seal the deal.
    I don't need philosophy here guys. Ive already decided Id like her to be my girl.

    And with ultimatum, cmon now. If someone came up to me saying "go out with me or else i won't talk to you again.", I would tell em to go screw themselves and I wouldnt want to talk to them anyways.
     
  10. Principessa

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  11. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    There is no way to seal the deal. You can't force her to be your girlfriend. She's not into you as much as you are into her. Do you think she's seeing someone else?
     
  12. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    What are your options???? She's dicking you around!!! Sucks to hear it but from what you've described, that's exactly what's happening. Don't be afraid to walk away because otherwise she's just going to keep using you. Doesn't matter if you want her to be your girl. If she's not feeling it, that's the end. Relationships don't work one-way.
     
  13. Not_Punny

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    The only way to change the situation without letting go or giving her an ultimatum is to...

    -- Start admiring other women in her presence (like, "Wow -- I could really nuzzle up to those knockers")

    -- If she expects to see you, be unavailable -- say something like, "I'm going out on a date..."

    This removes the comfort zone (that you belong to her without her committing to you) -- and she will have to make up her mind on her own.

    Sometimes people have to "lose" something before they realize what they had.

    Best of all, you won't come across as "needy" -- you'll come across as macho and in control.

    If you haven't seen it, go rent the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding" and watch the first 10 or 15 minutes (the rest isn't worth watching IMO).

    Good luck.
     
  14. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Sounds like she's playing games.

    Although this "be my girl" and "make it official" stuff, I don't get. When I had a girlfriend...many many moons ago...we just started going out places (dating) and then it ended up being "what are you doing here?" "we're goin out" "oh? Right." It was never explicitly said that we were going out, it just happened.

    So my advice is, if you really want her, take her out to the cinema or SOMEWHERE. Smooch her. smoochy smoochy smooch smooch.

    A lot of girls will "dick you around" btw, don't get too attached! That's what they want...:tongue:
     
  15. bstexas

    bstexas Member

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    Sounds like you've already told her a couple times you want to be serious. Well, she doesn't. Can;t you tell? I don;t think you have a reputation as was stated before. DOES SHE? Maybe she is this way with ALL GUYS! Who the hell knows? But seriously, if she has told you a couple times she just wants to take it slower and you don't, then you need to leave her alone. Now that she knows you'll hang around and "wait" for her, she can do anything she wants to have the upper hand in the "relationship". Getting serious with someone is a mutual thing, it;s not one sided. Maybe you can use the jealousy card like some have mentioned, but better yet, just forget about her and go after someone else. Hey, we're ALL animals ... males and females. And we are ALL turned on by differnt stimuli. Maybe she likes u but isn't totally "into" you like you are to her. It's no one's "fault", it's nature. Be adult about it and move on. Not like you can FORCE her to be your girlfriend, right?
     
  16. Principessa

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    Who are these immature, game playing, brainless wonders you men keep taking about? Where do you find them? Chucky Cheese, Lindsay Lohan Concerts, or the local night schoool? I have NEVER done any of the ridiculous, cruel, and selfish games which some of the men have been on the receiving end of here.
     
  17. fak_et

    fak_et New Member

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    I do act unavailable, I do game other girls in her presence, I do all that stuff, just isn't working./
     
  18. dirty1dirty2

    dirty1dirty2 Member

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    Then maybe she isn't interested. Don't get obsessed with one silly girl, been there, it sucked, I fucked a few real women and now I feel better then ever. Try it out, it's gold.
     
  19. rob_just_rob

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    I have nothing to add, but I'm in the opposite situation, so I'm curious to see the responses here.
     
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