Was being gay a choice for you?

Mrdkenya

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I've always wondered how to word this properly without being disrespectful, but I've been curious about this. Was being gay a choice for you (those that this applies), or was it something that just always felt like it's who you are?

For me, I have chosen to be hetero all my life because enjoy women with the utmost passion. Every bit of their bodies, voice, abilities, etc. So I was curious if this is a similar feel for those who enjoy the company of the same sex only.
 
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OldChristmasTree

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I've always wondered how to word this properly without being disrespectful, but I've been curious about this. Was being gay a choice for you (those that this applies), or was it something that just always felt like it's who you are?

For me, I have chosen to be hetero all my life because enjoy women with the utmost passion. Every bit of their bodies, voice, abilities, etc. So I was curious if this is a similar feel for those who enjoy the company of the same sex only.
No, being gay was not a choice for me. I felt attracted to men growing up, despite expecting to become attracted to women. I spent a few years very confused about why I was feeling this way, since where I grew up, being gay was not frequently talked about.

When you say you have chosen to be hetero, do you mean it is a conscious choice? As in, you are naturally attracted to both men and women, but you choose only to have sex with women? Not sure what you mean when you say you are “choosing” to be hetero otherwise.
 

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I don't think it's a choice for anyone. It may be fluid, but I don't understand how one chooses what they find pleasant or not. I think women are lovely; I just have no desire to kiss them, fuck them, or date them. On the other hand, I've always wanted to fuck men. I didn't choose that any more than I chose to like shrimp but not salmon.
 

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I
I don't think it's a choice for anyone. It may be fluid, but I don't understand how one chooses what they find pleasant or not. I think women are lovely; I just have no desire to kiss them, fuck them, or date them. On the other hand, I've always wanted to fuck men. I didn't choose that any more than I chose to like shrimp but not salmon.
agree
 

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I've always wondered how to word this properly without being disrespectful, but I've been curious about this. Was being gay a choice for you (those that this applies), or was it something that just always felt like it's who you are?

For me, I have chosen to be hetero all my life because enjoy women with the utmost passion. Every bit of their bodies, voice, abilities, etc. So I was curious if this is a similar feel for those who enjoy the company of the same sex only.
Ask yourself this question: When did you choose to be straight?

You didn't? You just were?

Same exact "journey" for gay folks as straight folks.

You just knew.
 

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Agreed with the others above me stating that it isn't really a choice. I do however think it's someone's choice to identify as "gay". Yes the attractions to men are not something you can pray away or convert out of but it's definitely a choice to live openly as "a gay man". There are many people who are orientated in such a way as to find both men/women sexually attractive but they might still choose to identify as just gay, or just straight (as opposed to bisexual)

And of course there are "ex-gay" religious men who leave their "gay lives" behind and now identify as straight. They are quite literally choosing to not be considered gay anymore, despite the continued homosexual attractions.

There is a component of sexuality where it is partly a choice. Mostly regarding public identity
 

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I've always wondered how to word this properly without being disrespectful, but I've been curious about this. Was being gay a choice for you (those that this applies), or was it something that just always felt like it's who you are?

For me, I have chosen to be hetero all my life because enjoy women with the utmost passion. Every bit of their bodies, voice, abilities, etc. So I was curious if this is a similar feel for those who enjoy the company of the same sex only.
The word "choice" is a loaded word because most religions and parts of society would have been trying to convince gay men of this for centuries. To choose to be straight.

I think you mean no disrespect and it's just trying to understand a different perspective and I applaud that.

When you say you chose to be hetero, it implies that you have another alternative. Considering you love women so much, did you really choose or did nature already make that choice for you?

Yes, you could have chosen to live like a gay man, but considering how much you love women, how long could you keep doing that? Every time a man fucks you, would that make your heart sing? Would you feel whole and complete in yourself?

To me, you were designed to be with a woman and being with a woman has given you the greatest satisfaction in life.

It's no different for us.
 

Mrdkenya

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No, being gay was not a choice for me. I felt attracted to men growing up, despite expecting to become attracted to women. I spent a few years very confused about why I was feeling this way, since where I grew up, being gay was not frequently talked about.

When you say you have chosen to be hetero, do you mean it is a conscious choice? As in, you are naturally attracted to both men and women, but you choose only to have sex with women? Not sure what you mean when you say you are “choosing” to be hetero otherwise.
When I say I chose to be straight, I simply mean I have had no desire to explore the other avenues of sexual orientatation. With that, every person has the option to test a different orientation.

An athelete may excel in a sport and may have the ability to do so in another. Even if he loves that sport, he doesnt know if he'll get the same feeling from another. It's a choice to try it and chance new euphoria, or feel absolute disgust with it.

I think you people have experimented with new orientation to find that euphoric feeling they havent obtained with those of the orientation they felt was their natural one. This is obviously a theory comparison. Nonetheless, I understand what you're saying and it makes sense.

I appreciate the insight, truely.
 
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Robert Dole

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Ask yourself this question: When did you choose to be straight?

You didn't? You just were?

Same exact "journey" for gay folks as straight folks.

You just knew.
I remember after my first gay experience some shock at how strongly I had responded, and a strong motivation for more of the same. It wasn't until I had gone back on a daily basis for a couple of weeks and spent all my waking hours thinking about what we had been doing that I realised that my sexual interest in men was stronger than my interest in women and wasn't going away.

Maybe 9 months later I overheard a religious colleague talking about another who had "chosen" to be gay, and was a bit puzzled because I never at any stage made any conscious choice involving men or women.
Much later I realised that it was one of those bigoted assumptions so often made by those who allow others to do their thinking for them and got on with what mattered to me...
 

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When I say I chose to be straight, I simply mean I have had no desire to explore the other avenues of sexual orientatation.
Why do you think this was? I ask because I'm curious as to whether you can then see this from my perspective as a gay man. That I too had no desire to explore the other avenues of sexual orientation. I knew I liked men. And can honestly say I never thought anything more about it other than when "some folks" tried to make me feel lesser about myself because I was gay. Didn't work, lol. ;)

With that, every person has the option to test a different orientation.
In theory, I would agree.

Realistically? Not so much. Because most folks know they are straight. Or gay. And as such, have no need/desire to "test a different orientation".

Doesn't mean there are not people who are bi-sexual. Able to have relationships (mainly sexual based on those bi-sexuals I've known) with a man or a woman or maybe both at the same time.

However, these folks will usually choose one sex over another IF they decide to settle down into a relationship that's just not sexual. YMMV

An athelete may excel in a sport and may have the ability to do so in another. Even if he loves that sport, he doesnt know if he'll get the same feeling from another. It's a choice to try it and chance new euphoria, or feel absolute disgust with it.
While I can appreciate what you are saying here, the feelings one gets on an athletic field I would posit do not compare to the feelings one gets sexually. This Member's reflections of his experience seem to reflect what most people experience, whether it be gay or straight sex:

I remember after my first gay experience some shock at how strongly I had responded, and a strong motivation for more of the same. It wasn't until I had gone back on a daily basis for a couple of weeks and spent all my waking hours thinking about what we had been doing that I realised that my sexual interest in men was stronger than my interest in women and wasn't going away.
You can flip the genders in that sentence I bolded and perhaps that might apply to you: your sexual interest is strong for women, nothing for men.
I think you people have experimented with new orientation to find that euphoric feeling they havent obtained with those of the orientation they felt was their natural one. This is obviously a theory comparison.
You people?!? That smacks of you perhaps not being as accepting of gay folks as you might think yourself to be. :confounded:

I didn't experiment. And I don't know of any gay person I know well enough to have discussed our coming out journeys would agree they were experimenting.

Like you always knowing you were into women, we too felt that we always knew we were into men.

It's just that some gay folks, due to a number of factors, may try and have that heterosexual life that's been ingrained in them to be the only thing that's "normal".

Some are able to embrace their authentic selves and live their true lives. Sadly, others are not and choose to marry and live their less than truthful lives as straight.

And some are successful at keeping their gay urges at bay; sadly many are not and if/when they are discovered, marriages crumble and many lives are affected. Because someone chose to live a lie.
 

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The only ever cases where it could be considered a "choice" is in bi/pan men who are also attracted to women and choose not to date men, but the attraction is still there. Same thing with men in the closet, like others have said, that choose not to date other men, they're still gay though. So, no, it's never a choice to be or not to be, you can just choose not to live your life truthfully but that's up to each individual.
 
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Mrdkenya

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Thank you everyone who has contributed to this discussion. I enjoy the minds of those that can interpret and oppose while understanding the logic in the question and hold a genuine conversation. Yall are amazing!
 
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Thank you everyone who has contributed to this discussion.
I view my participation in this thread as another opportunity to educate people who appear open and willing to learn about that which they don't know: being gay is not a choice.

I enjoy the minds of those that can interpret and oppose while understanding the logic in the question and hold a genuine conversation.
Those with good logic have open minds to learn about that which they may not know.

I'm not sure what you mean about interpret and oppose. Because it's really that basic: being gay is not a choice.

The choice is how one chooses to deal with the fact that one is gay.

As I said above, some choose to live their authentic lives and embrace that they are gay.

Some choose to stay in the closet.

Some choose to live a straight life. Wife and kids, etc.

I chose what was right for me; I embraced my sexuality. Much like it appears you did. And lived my life in the best manner to be happy. And I can now look back 50 years after coming out, and pat myself on the back and say: Good job. :)
Yall are amazing!
Yes, most of us gay folks are pretty damn amazing. And those folks who may not be gay that I've allowed into my life would agree! :)
 

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I always knew. When straights tell me it's a choice - I reply "when did you choose to be straight? Did you just wake up one morning and think, yes, I'll be straight'. No, you are BORN that way."

When they ask me "how do you know you're gay if you've never had sex with a woman?" I turn it around and ask "how do you know you are straight if you've never had sex with someone with someone of the same sex?" That usually drives the point home and they get it.

Many years ago, I had a long drunk session with my oldest buddy catching up with him and he admitted that he had been to a party years ago and ended up having gay sex for the first time. He said "it was fun, it was of the moment, but it really wasn't for me, but I satisfied my curiosity". I heaped praise on him for that....he was the first person I came out to when I was 18 and he was totally supportive from day one. He did say he suspected but wanted me to be ready to tell him.

As for all the bigots who say 'its your lifetstyle choice' - well, tell me this - who would decide to become gay when there's been such a backslide in LGBTQ+ rights and support overt the past few years. Why would put up with the risks of bigtroy, being gay bashed, etc. Who would consciously choose that??? We don't - we just ARE that way.

I will say I LOVE being gay and I would never change it for anything but the future doesn't look great right now with the shift to the right in many big countries.
 

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I think the main thing we need to chose was to admit we are gay .. accept who we are not what we are

People can wonder if I chose to be gay and all but why would someone choose a lifestyle that is hated by a lot of straight people..

That would be like being straight all your life and they come up with a test are you gay or straight and you take one and it says you’re gay..


We no more chose to be gay no more than you chose to be straight.. when you’re growing g up your mind is already set to what you like .. and nothing do can change that
 

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Absolutely not. I don't believe it's a choice for anyone. Obviously you choose your behaviour (how you act - or not - on your sexual orientation) but you can't choose to which gender(s) you're attracted. I don't say that sexual orientation is absolutely immutable but think that, in general, it doesn't change through your life. People who realise they are gay or bi late in life have generally been (to some extent) in denial earlier.

I realised in my late teens that I had always been gay because, as a child, I had a strange yearning when I saw handsome young men on TV. The first of these I remember was Burt Ward (Robin in the Batman TV series) when he wasn't wearing his mask. I had no sexual feelings and no real concept of what sex was, but was still attracted to him (and other young men) in some, to me mysterious, way.
 
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ILoveGames48

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What I was saying the only thing we as gay men/women .. the only choice we need to make is admit that we are gay..

So many people choose to lie and hide their true selves not realizing it’s doing them more harm than good


Some gay men / women .. lie to themselves until theirs this little cage in their mind keeping themselves prisoner ..



I was like you .. growing up I knew I was curious about things but didn’t understand why until years later then when things began to happen and everything. Falls into place .. and I never hid the fact that I was gay even back then with being gay. Was not accepted at all..
 
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