Was I assaulted?

[canosser]

Last weekend I was at a party and went into the upstairs restroom with some frat guy. I was very drunk and wanted to taste his dick. I was really into it at first and lowered my pants to pleasure myself while I had his manhood in my mouth. I don’t know why, but he stood me up, turned me around and began eating my ass. He was really good so I just rolled my eyes and enjoyed this bliss, until I felt him trying to stick his dick in me.

I said no, but he hushed me and pulled me in closer. Telling me to shut up and take his “daddy dick.” I felt him fill me with his big dick and I’m not used to suck big dicks so I was in a little pain until my hole relaxed. He was fucking me so hard and aggressively. My mind was loving it and wanted him off me at the same time. He came in me and left the restroom. I was left there alone leaking his cum.

I don’t know what to think of the situation. While it was very hot, I also feel disrespected that I said no and he still did it.

 

[GayBootyLover69]

since you told him no and he still did it, he is guilty of sexual assault

 

[cedarizzo]

Yes, that is sexual assault. You told him no, and he did not stop.

 

[Brodie888]

Saying no at any point and being forced to continue or ignored is regarded as being assault.

Pleasure/arousal is not an indicator of not being assault. Straight abuse survivors will often report having an erection or orgasm during their trauma.

 

[stevendailey]

It s not sexual assault as you didn t stop him and continued
I think u said no but still wanted and liked it
So don t make a situation out of it now
Keep it as a hot adventure

Just because a victim doesn’t “stop” the other person doesn’t mean that it’s not assault.

I unfortunately was in a situation where someone had sexually assaulted me and there was nothing I could do about it. It was a way bigger man and I was younger. In looking back at it, a small part of me “enjoyed” it because I’m gay and like men, however it’s an involuntarily reaction.

No one has the right to fuck you without your permission. Don’t keep fucking someone if they say no or cannot consent.

 

[deleted18388141]

Just because a victim doesn’t “stop” the other person doesn’t mean that it’s not assault.

I unfortunately was in a situation where someone had sexually assaulted me and there was nothing I could do about it. It was a way bigger man and I was younger. In looking back at it, a small part of me “enjoyed” it because I’m gay and like men, however it’s an involuntarily reaction.

No one has the right to fuck you without your permission. Don’t keep fucking someone if they say no or cannot consent.

He doesn t know if i s sexual assault or not
We are here to share our personal opinions
He stated he was excited and he was afraid of the size of the dick.. he said no but then he accepted it! Because come on if you don t want it you would do more than say just no! You can say no again! He wasn t being having threat on his life or afraid or in a situation of worry! I mean he wasn t forced! Not psycholigically and not physicially.. he was just too drunk to think about it… i feel it was a no of reason.. but stil he enjoyed the experience as he moved on with the action

I have been also assaulted before and let me rephrase this, it s not a competition of who has the biggest trauma, we are just sharing our perspectives. I respect your opinion so please respect mine even if we do not agree.

Now as he is not sure! It s better to think of it as an adventure and not assault to move on! It s still better than overthinking about it and get something heavy to analyze afterwords!
Just saying…

 

[deleted18388141]

Just because a victim doesn’t “stop” the other person doesn’t mean that it’s not assault.

I unfortunately was in a situation where someone had sexually assaulted me and there was nothing I could do about it. It was a way bigger man and I was younger. In looking back at it, a small part of me “enjoyed” it because I’m gay and like men, however it’s an involuntarily reaction.

No one has the right to fuck you without your permission. Don’t keep fucking someone if they say no or cannot consent.

I am also sorry that you experienced such a thing , i can relate because i also had something like that heppen to me. Now personally i decided to put it behind me and rethink the hole thing into something se, was more helpful to move on than when i was thinking of it as it was but we all have our ways

 

[englad]

He doesn t know if i s sexual assault or not
We are here to share our personal opinions
He stated he was excited and he was afraid of the size of the dick.. he said no but then he accepted it! Because come on if you don t want it you would do more than say just no! You can say no again! He wasn t being having threat on his life or afraid or in a situation of worry! I mean he wasn t forced! Not psycholigically and not physicially.. he was just too drunk to think about it… i feel it was a no of reason.. but stil he enjoyed the experience as he moved on with the action

I have been also assaulted before and let me rephrase this, it s not a competition of who has the biggest trauma, we are just sharing our perspectives. I respect your opinion so please respect mine even if we do not agree.

Now as he is not sure! It s better to think of it as an adventure and not assault to move on! It s still better than overthinking about it and get something heavy to analyze afterwords!
Just saying…

No, this is just wrong.

The way a person reacts to sexual assault can be broadly divided into three basic responses:

1. Fight
2. Flight
3. Freeze

All of these are valid responses, and the onus should never be on the victim stopping the assault, the blame rests solely on the perpetrator. You shouldn't ever suggest that a victim isn't valid because they didn't do enough to stop the assault, people react in different ways to trauma, that's normal and none of them change the nature of the assault.

In this case, the victim said "no" and the perpetrator didn't take any notice of his refusal to consent. That's very cut and dry.

 

[GayBootyLover69]

It s not sexual assault as you didn t stop him and continued
I think u said no but still wanted and liked it
So don t make a situation out of it now
Keep it as a hot adventure

yeah that mindset is a major yikes

if someone says no and the other person still does sexual things to them anyway, it is assault

the victim reacting passively and/or feeling turned on does not justify the predator's actions, no means no

 

[deleted18388141]

yeah that mindset is a major yikes

if someone says no and the other person still does sexual things to them anyway, it is assault

the victim reacting passively and/or feeling turned on does not justify the predator's actions, no means no

Good luck

 

[deleted18388141]

No, this is just wrong.

The way a person reacts to sexual assault can be broadly divided into three basic responses:

1. Fight
2. Flight
3. Freeze

All of these are valid responses, and the onus should never be on the victim stopping the assault, the blame rests solely on the perpetrator. You shouldn't ever suggest that a victim isn't valid because they didn't do enough to stop the assault, people react in different ways to trauma, that's normal and none of them change the nature of the assault.

In this case, the victim said "no" and the perpetrator didn't take any notice of his refusal to consent. That's very cut and dry.

The guy was asking i gave my opinion
You do you! And i do me, you are not entitled to tell me what to suggest or not my dear. Now i Understand that what you are saying is coming of a good place and I agree with it anyway, but still that s my perspective according to what he discribed...
But hey this is not court! I gave my opinion according to what he discribed! Now he saw your opinion detailed with others agreeing with you, and also saw mine that you can disagree with of course)
go ahead and enrich the discussion with the person who posted as I am not interested in engaging more with this
Good luck

 

[cedarizzo]

He doesn t know if i s sexual assault or not
We are here to share our personal opinions
He stated he was excited and he was afraid of the size of the dick.. he said no but then he accepted it! Because come on if you don t want it you would do more than say just no! You can say no again! He wasn t being having threat on his life or afraid or in a situation of worry! I mean he wasn t forced! Not psycholigically and not physicially.. he was just too drunk to think about it… i feel it was a no of reason.. but stil he enjoyed the experience as he moved on with the action

I have been also assaulted before and let me rephrase this, it s not a competition of who has the biggest trauma, we are just sharing our perspectives. I respect your opinion so please respect mine even if we do not agree.

Now as he is not sure! It s better to think of it as an adventure and not assault to move on! It s still better than overthinking about it and get something heavy to analyze afterwords!
Just saying…

WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!

He said no, the other guy continued. That is Sexual Assault! That isn't an opinion, that is fact.

 

[deleted18388141]

WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!

He said no, the other guy continued. That is Sexual Assault! That isn't an opinion, that is fact.

Ok

 

[Kazimir]

I also feel disrespected that I said no and he still did it.

This is the very definition of sexual assault. It's not disrespectful; it's a felony.

If you say "no," any further action on his part is, by definition, assault until you explicitly and unambiguously grant consent. The "no" stands until replaced with a "yes."

Lack of physical resistance is not consent. Experiencing pleasure is not consent. Having a part of you enjoy it is not consent.

In my state (Washington), this would be Rape in the Third Degree (RCW 9A.44.060) — essentially sex without establishing consent, but without threat of bodily harm. This is a class C felony, punishable by up to five years in prison.

Sorry to say it, but to my mind, and by the laws of my state, he raped you.

 

[Johnnie89]

It s not sexual assault as you didn t stop him and continued
I think u said no but still wanted and liked it
So don t make a situation out of it now
Keep it as a hot adventure

I think the issue with your message is you aren't sharing your experience, you are telling OP what you think they meant. If you had a similar experience as you expressed, then you share how you dealt with your situation and let OP decide if this fits with their experience on how to process it.

You know this is a vulnerable position to be in that is complex and not black or white.

Consent is. It's yes or no. In my experience, I let the person who took advantage of me do it because I froze and told myself it would be easier to let it happen than give any consent. Just because I let it happen, does not mean it was consent. It was fear.

I respect your experience and I'm sorry to hear it's happened to you and all who have said so here. But please, do not tell OP that you think they said one thing but meant another when they are clearly stating they are feeling some way about it.

 

[Ponyhoff]

When I was younger, I was gay but didn't really have an outlet for it (this was waaaay before Grindr and Craigslist). I went to a bathhouse. I didn't have much experience. I started fooling around with a guy and he put his dick inside of me. I told him to stop but he didn't. I didn't want to put up a fight. I was worried because he was very strong. I let him finish. I never fantasized about this. In face, my ass bled for the rest of the day. I regret not saying no. I regret not doing anything about it (but my parents would have freaked out and probably sent me to conversion therapy). I've talked about this in therapy before and worked my way through it. But still...I regret this experience to this day. My suggestion is to find the guy and talk to him...tell him what he did wasn't ok. Get some closure. Honestly, as the years pass, you may regret not doing anything about this.

 

[Johnnie89]

When I was younger, I was gay but didn't really have an outlet for it (this was waaaay before Grindr and Craigslist). I went to a bathhouse. I didn't have much experience. I started fooling around with a guy and he put his dick inside of me. I told him to stop but he didn't. I didn't want to put up a fight. I was worried because he was very strong. I let him finish. I never fantasized about this. In face, my ass bled for the rest of the day. I regret not saying no. I regret not doing anything about it (but my parents would have freaked out and probably sent me to conversion therapy). I've talked about this in therapy before and worked my way through it. But still...I regret this experience to this day. My suggestion is to find the guy and talk to him...tell him what he did wasn't ok. Get some closure. Honestly, as the years pass, you may regret not doing anything about this.

I agree with this post and I'm sorry that happened to you.

I found the guy who I had met online and told the guy who I let that I didn't give consent, and he told me he thought my silence was me playing hard to get. He didn't say anything more and blocked me. I assume out of fear.

I don't believe he intended to make me feel bad, but regardless, we were both feeling different things in that moment.

I've come to understand my boundaries from here onwards, but it was a steep hill to climb and process I have to admit.

 

[Snack217]

Noone here, and not even the law, can decide if you were assaulted or not. The only one who knows, is you, and if you feel like he assaulted you, then he did.

With that said, and im not victim blaming or any sort of thing like that (i was raped for over 2 years), and while Im agreeing with the arguments of others that no, means no.... Well, "no" is sometimes used in certain playful scenarios, and when you just sucked his dick... well, that "no" couldve been misinterpreted, at the end of the day, you did consent to everything else, except for the penetration. So in my honest opinion as a fellow victim. It sounds more like a drunk misunderstanding where he crossed certain limits, rather that an all out rape. (Still against the law).

But as I said, the right answer, is how you feel about it, not what any other person thinks.

 

[Snack217]

Just one thing for everyone to consider. Sometimes while trying to help, your words might end up doing more damage than not helping. Telling someone who is at an ambiguos situation where they are not sure how to feel "YES YOU WERE RAPED" can push them towards a mindset that on the long run, is not good or healthy, sometimes its better to not be that direct and guide him with a little bit nuance, so the impact is lessened.

 

[FitOne2000]

I had something similar happen to me at a party…. We liked each other and went to the toilet for some privacy, we started touching each other and kissing etc he was so attractive but when I pulled out his dick I wasn’t impressed. It was just average and I like big dick so I told him I’m going back to the party and he said after I fuck you. I said no and he wouldn’t let me leave, holding on to my wrist, and trying to take my pants off… I laughed it off and I was kind of flattered but then he got too rough and I felt threatened so I asked him one more time to let me go and he wouldn’t so I punched him in the face and he let go of me then I left.