Was I assaulted?

[chrisrobin]

Last weekend I was at a party and went into the upstairs restroom with some frat guy. I was very drunk and wanted to taste his dick. I was really into it at first and lowered my pants to pleasure myself while I had his manhood in my mouth. I don’t know why, but he stood me up, turned me around and began eating my ass. He was really good so I just rolled my eyes and enjoyed this bliss, until I felt him trying to stick his dick in me.

I said no, but he hushed me and pulled me in closer. Telling me to shut up and take his “daddy dick.” I felt him fill me with his big dick and I’m not used to suck big dicks so I was in a little pain until my hole relaxed. He was fucking me so hard and aggressively. My mind was loving it and wanted him off me at the same time. He came in me and left the restroom. I was left there alone leaking his cum.

I don’t know what to think of the situation. While it was very hot, I also feel disrespected that I said no and he still did it.

NO MEANS NO

 

[cedarizzo]

I had something similar happen to me at a party…. We liked each other and went to the toilet for some privacy, we started touching each other and kissing etc he was so attractive but when I pulled out his dick I wasn’t impressed. It was just average and I like big dick so I told him I’m going back to the party and he said after I fuck you. I said no and he wouldn’t let me leave, holding on to my wrist, and trying to take my pants off… I laughed it off and I was kind of flattered but then he got too rough and I felt threatened so I asked him one more time to let me go and he wouldn’t so I punched him in the face and he let go of me then I left.

anyway what I’m tryna say is if you didn’t want to get fucked you should’ve fought back, you wanted it and you enjoyed it.

WTF!!! He said no and that means NO! You shouldn't have to fight somebody to be left alone. And if he didn't fight, that sure as hell doesn't mean that he wanted it or enjoyed it.

 

[Kazimir]

Telling someone who is at an ambiguos situation where they are not sure how to feel "YES YOU WERE RAPED" can push them towards a mindset that on the long run, is not good or healthy

Perhaps.
I get what you're saying. But I didn't feel it was appropriate to answer a question titled "Was I Assaulted" with a vague answer. The situation was already confusing — that's why he's asking in the first place.

I think I'm the only one to use the R word, but I'm approaching it from a legal perspective, not an ethical one. By law, it's not ambiguous. There is one and only one correct answer to the question. It strips away the irrelevant: the "you should have done this," or "maybe he thought that," or "you felt this way before/after". And there's value in that.

I'm willing to concede that being blunt might not always help. But male victims of SA have a hard enough time. As men, we are implicitly assumed to have control in every situation. You can see that attitude reflected in some of the posts on here. People say "It's not assault since you didn't stop him," or "Come on, if you didn't want it you would do more than say just no," or "If you didn't want it, you should've fought back — you wanted it and enjoyed it," as though you're completely in control of yourself, your attacker, and everything that ever happens around you, even when you're sloppy drunk. This is a very unhealthy thing to internalize. So I think it's worth the risks of being blunt to try to dispel these toxic and harmful myths.

 

[Snack217]

Perhaps.
I get what you're saying. But I didn't feel it was appropriate to answer a question titled "Was I Assaulted" with a vague answer. The situation was already confusing — that's why he's asking in the first place.

I think I'm the only one to use the R word, but I'm approaching it from a legal perspective, not an ethical one. By law, it's not ambiguous. There is one and only one correct answer to the question. It strips away the irrelevant: the "you should have done this," or "maybe he thought that," or "you felt this way before/after". And there's value in that.

I'm willing to concede that being blunt might not always help. But male victims of SA have a hard enough time. As men, we are implicitly assumed to have control in every situation. You can see that attitude reflected in some of the posts on here. People say "It's not assault since you didn't stop him," or "Come on, if you didn't want it you would do more than say just no," or "If you didn't want it, you should've fought back — you wanted it and enjoyed it," as though you're completely in control of yourself, your attacker, and everything that ever happens around you, even when you're sloppy drunk. This is a very unhealthy thing to internalize. So I think it's worth the risks of being blunt to try to dispel these toxic and harmful myths.

And I get what you are saying, and I agree in general, I just dont see how being blunt to this specific victim, is going to help him or anyone else.

Yes I know, us men have it even harder to be heard, or to have people take the damage of SA on men seriously, and yes, victim blaming is an issue, but its also for those issues that in my opinion, throwing OP over the edge of being a victim, isnt the best choice.

I know its not the same for everyone and every victim has their own inner path, as a child rape victim myself, sometimes feeling like a victim, like people look at me differently, or with pity, is harder than my SA itself. Some survivors find inspiration on something like Lady Gaga singing "Till it happens to you" at the Oscars surrounded by survivors, but in my case, it makes me feel like I belong to a group that I didnt ask for, and that I dont wanna be in, ya know what I mean? Sometimes the weight of being a victim is harder than the rape itself. (For me). I just want the chapter closed...

 

[deleted18576551]

I am sorry to hear so many of you were assaulted when you were younger.

With respect to the OP, yes, I would call it an assault because he clearly said no, and the guy didn't stop. However, there is a degree of assault and I think the OP is saying that. He felt disrespected more than other traumatic feelings. He is just opening up about his experience.

 

[yos]

Technically yes cause you said no. However the remedy of this to not drink as you can't make the best decisions (nor fight back) when drunk. And so as everyone says yes you were assaulted, how many of them are gonna not drink and not put themselves in this situation. The first time is on them but the next time will be at least partly you being in that situation again.

 

[deleted18817831]

Last weekend I was at a party and went into the upstairs restroom with some frat guy. I was very drunk and wanted to taste his dick. I was really into it at first and lowered my pants to pleasure myself while I had his manhood in my mouth. I don’t know why, but he stood me up, turned me around and began eating my ass. He was really good so I just rolled my eyes and enjoyed this bliss, until I felt him trying to stick his dick in me.

I said no, but he hushed me and pulled me in closer. Telling me to shut up and take his “daddy dick.” I felt him fill me with his big dick and I’m not used to suck big dicks so I was in a little pain until my hole relaxed. He was fucking me so hard and aggressively. My mind was loving it and wanted him off me at the same time. He came in me and left the restroom. I was left there alone leaking his cum.

I don’t know what to think of the situation. While it was very hot, I also feel disrespected that I said no and he still did it.

That's pretty clear. No means no. And he could have given you a bad disease. And injured you bc you weren't properly lubed. DEFINITELY assault

 

[Gingerguy1]

He doesn t know if i s sexual assault or not
We are here to share our personal opinions
He stated he was excited and he was afraid of the size of the dick.. he said no but then he accepted it! Because come on if you don t want it you would do more than say just no! You can say no again! He wasn t being having threat on his life or afraid or in a situation of worry! I mean he wasn t forced! Not psycholigically and not physicially.. he was just too drunk to think about it… i feel it was a no of reason.. but stil he enjoyed the experience as he moved on with the action

I have been also assaulted before and let me rephrase this, it s not a competition of who has the biggest trauma, we are just sharing our perspectives. I respect your opinion so please respect mine even if we do not agree.

Now as he is not sure! It s better to think of it as an adventure and not assault to move on! It s still better than overthinking about it and get something heavy to analyze afterwords!
Just saying…

If someone uninvited walked into your home and stole your possessions, they are guilty of theft. They are still guilty even if you had not locked your door, installed a security system, or confronted them with a weapon to attempt to stop them. I’m not sure why we hold victims of sexual assault to a higher standard. We need to change the way we view sexual encounters. It is clear he was under duress even if he didn’t fight what was happening. Lastly, I don’t think it’s disrespectful of your opinion to point out a potential flaw in your thought process. We should all be open to new information when forming opinions.

 

[wvgwm52]

i will not say that he wasnt assaulted--in a round a bout way he was--i been in this situation several times--from the first time i drank a few beers and smoked weed---that stuff has been a downfall for me from the get-go.....you said you sucked him and lowered your pants so you can pleasure yourself while you did it--- then he has you stand up turns you to face the wall and kneeled and rimmed your ass and you loved it--then when it came to him fucking you--you said no--he tells you to shut up and take his cock---

then he shoves it in and fucks you---as you say--against your will--and i wonder as he begins to fuck you--why didnt you turn to left or right and make his dick come out of your ass and still say no--once you said no sure it means no---but you needed to put up more of a fight--

i am sorry if you feel violated and all--i been raped three times over the years and it tickles me when i see people saying they want to be raped---if you want it to happen then its not considered rape--not saying you wanted it to happen..but i have gone out dranks a few beers be pretty l it or drunk --go piss and things happen butmy mind is always in the state of i dont care anyways--as depression consumed me--and alcohol doesnt make it any better--

so we as people--men and women need to learn that if we say no we need to show it as well-- in many positions if the guy is going to fuck us--turn left or right will pop that sucker out and he is no longer inside you--some positions if you are in them makes it hard to do--

the worst one is on stomach on floor or wherever --you cant turn left or right to get him out of you because he can control your movements more than you could

hope this never happens to you again and hope the next guy he does that way beats his ass