Was it a gay date?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by tiagra, Jan 9, 2008.

  1. tiagra

    tiagra New Member

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    A few months a go out of the blue a guy at work asked me out. He said he wanted to take me to lunch. I was surprised because I never really talked to him much beyond saying hello. I think he is about 20 yrs older than me, but a sophisticated kind of guy, well traveled, published writings etc, He took me to a nice place and we seemed to get along well. He is a married guy and I'm pretty sure he can guess I am gay. However nothing was discussed about it. I thought maybe he wanted a "boy on the side". But he never called me again and when I saw him in the hallway he gave me a short hello. This really bothered me. Did I disappoint him? Was it a gay date? Did he get scared?
    What do you think? Was he just playing with me? I know it's a mundane question, but I appreciate any opinions.
     
  2. smudgey

    smudgey Member

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    Hmm he could've been scared... It might've taken all his courage to ask you to lunch, possibly an experiment to see if he was gay, or actually wanting to try something. After the lunch he could've possibly realised that yes he is gay and in denial or scared to do anything more for fear it would confirm his thoughts about his sexuality... Argh too complicated!! Well plenty of reasons to think about anyway :)
     
  3. CUBE

    Gold Member

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    Maybe you need to ask him out for lunch. ..as a friend
     
  4. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    There's nothing wrong with a co-worker asking someone out to lunch. I've been asked out to lunch, and I have asked people out to lunch. Maybe you're seeing it as something it's not. What made you think it was sexual and he wanted a "boy on the side"? Did he make any remarks that would make you think that or have you heard any office gossip?

    One time a co-worker asked me out to lunch and I went with him. I was a new employee at the company. The lunch kind of took a direction I didn't want it to when he started saying things like, "I'd like to get to know you better, and do you have plans tonight?" I don't think that's really the way to go when you're going out to lunch with someone for the first time. My co-workers thought it was funny and said it happens to all the new guys.
     
  5. SpoiledPrincess

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    I don't know if it was a gay date, you didn't really give enough information about how it went to decide, but a co-worker asking you to lunch wouldn't indicate a date to me, it'd just indicate he liked you as a co-worker and didn't want to lunch alone.
     
  6. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Was it Dutch or not?

    If not, then you owe him lunch. Did you speak to him the next day, preferably in person, to genuinely thank him? Until (and unless) the subject arises, I think you shouldn't assume he was looking for a boyfriend. When I worked in the cube factories I frequently asked guys to lunch and yes, plenty of them were younger, but I wasn't searching for a lay and we almost always went Dutch.
     
  7. tiagra

    tiagra New Member

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    No it wasn't Dutch and the "invite" came out of the blue. I never said much to this guy but a polite hello a few times. One day he walks in and says " I like to take you to lunch". I was kind of taken a back because we are not really coworkers, he just works in the same large building. I think he is not sure what he wants. However I didn't detect anything sexual about the lunch, he was a perfect gentleman. Just puzzles me!!
     
  8. hotguy8884

    hotguy8884 New Member

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    Strange!
     
  9. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    What did you discuss? Sometimes people in other departments informally headhunt other departments looking for people. He may have heard what you do and was looking for someone with your skills for his group. Asking someone to lunch like that is a great way to interview without interviewing.

    Now you have to ask him out to lunch to reciprocate. See if you can't figure out where this is going.

     
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