Was this guy gay, bi, or what?

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by CorsicanU, Oct 5, 2011.

  1. CorsicanU

    CorsicanU New Member

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    Over the years, I've had dozens of buddies with whom I hung out with as though we were brothers. Many have gone on with their lives and I've not heard from them again but some I continue to see even after 20 years. Nevertheless, I still feel something is missing and has
    been missing in these friendships but I could never quite figure it out. I cared for my friends in the way that guys do and apart from playing sports,
    which I was never interested in (or good at) my pals and I engaged in all
    the activities that are commom and expected among men- chasing pussy,
    clubbing, fishing, and, especially, beer drinking. Not one of us could be
    considered effeminate in any way- at least not according to any of the
    stereotypes demonstrated by the "gay scene"- and all of us overtly shunned any activity or individual that could be considered "gay".

    Unfortunately for me I eventually came to
    realize that the beer drinking had become a way of life rather than an occasional get together with the guys and, finally hitting bottom, I had to
    concede that the drive fueling my desire to be constantly buzzed was an
    attempt to ward off the anxiety and panic that seemingly was comming
    from nowhere-
    but-
    was actually an attempt, a futile attempt, to mask the unnacceptable.

    I wasn't straight.

    At least not like my buddies were. I did'nt want to get fucked by a guy (still
    dont), wear lingerie or go "antiquing" but I was too much into dudes
    and fascinated by male sexuality to be "normal", so to speak, like everyone else. Comming from a New York neighborhood brimming with the sons of southern Italian Immigrants made it even more fucking difficult. I'm Italian myself, obsessively proud of it too,) but I felt I had "failed" my ethnicity which was marked by hypermasculinity, mystic Catholicism, and an obsession with pussy which was the sole topic of teenage discussion only to be replaced by talk of money when we began to marry off.

    After I started to realize what was really going on with me, I allowed myself to experience my feelings even if, at the time, I didn't act on them.
    Which brings me to the point of this story....

    After I left New York, I met someone at the gym I worked out at in my
    new home town and eventually he became a close friend and my work out partner. In time, we did everything together, go out to eat, look for women ( yes, I had- and have- some interest) go to the movies, rent movies, ecc.
    And I slept over his house alot.
    Alot.
    This friend of mine, an all-American guy type, blonde, blue, sports fanatic,
    former high school wrestler, ripped hard as a rock and fucking great looking considering he was such an ugly duckling as a kid, seemed to want me around all the time. He had a habit of showing off his junk once it was hard, a fat, cut american dick he was obviously proud of. He did the same showing his ass, usually on the nights that I would sleep over. None of my other friends had ever done that. On several occasions, after showering (he never once approached or came close if I was dressing) he asked if I needed to borrow underwear. The prospect of having his clothing against my skin turned me on, but I said no. Again, none of my other friends had ever offered me their boxers. I found it strange but enticing.

    One night while eating out, I ran into a waitress who was a friend of mine.
    My friend and I sat at a two top, him right across from me. During a brief
    conversation, the waitress referred to a guy she and I both new and
    announced, abruptly, that she thought he was gay. My friend lost his
    composure, grew terribly uncomfortable and blushed deep fucking red.
    After that night he stopped talking to me for two months without
    explanation despite my attempts to try and find out why he had become
    distant. Eventually it blew over and we became close again.

    In time he married.
    Some years into his marriage, he told me his wife thought I was gay.
    She also accused him of being gay too.
    He soon turned out to be a dick as big as the one that swung between
    his legs and our friendship began to sour.
    We argued over everything and eventually stopped talking.

    I suppose the obvious reason for my story is this inevitable question...

    IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THIS GUY WAS ALOT LIKE ME?
    He never looked, he never touched, he never stared.
    But he ALWAYS wanted me around.

    I saw him again after that walking through a shopping
    center close to my house.
    His chiseled jaw and cleft chin were unmistakable.
    His blue eyes flahed under the bright sun when he turned my way,
    but I pretended not to see him.
    He knows, however, that I did, and he knows that I know.

    I don't plan on ever seeing him again-
    nor do I want to.
    But I will always wonder just what was going on inside this guy.
     
    #1 CorsicanU, Oct 5, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2011
  2. parchissi

    Gold Member

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    This story puzzles me somewhat - is this your introduction as a new member or is it a story about a friend who you wonder if he was "gay bi or what"? By the sounds of things the friendship is over and it might be time for you to move on with your life so as to speak. Some people are very confused as to their sexuality and when confronted about it become very defensive as if being one or the other is a dirty word and way too taboo for them to acknowledge or to come to terms with.
    Welcome to lpsg and hopefully you will find this a place for you to enjoy and share. Cheers.
     
  3. B_Nia88

    B_Nia88 New Member

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    welcome to LPSG enjoy yourself.
     
  4. gaygent

    gaygent Member

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    The story has a similar theme to Brokeback Mountain - minus the sheep and the actual experience of sex!!

    As with your assessment of your own straight/gay level of sexuality your friend could also be bi-sexual. Perhaps you could explore that with him - if you are still talking!
     
  5. D_Jess_Kilme

    D_Jess_Kilme New Member

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    Hey Buddie, I think you will find the answer to all of your questions at g0ysrus.com (spell with a zero not an oh). Do some reading there and you may find answers. But be warned, like everywhere there are a number of zealots also there. Good luck!
     
  6. CorsicanU

    CorsicanU New Member

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    Fin,

    Like this site, I accidentally found ""g0ysrus" just a few days ago and it motivated me
    to navigate the internet even further for similar topics- ergo, my story on this site. But thank you, I have found alot of what I had already suspected on the g0y site and will
    return to it.
     
  7. CorsicanU

    CorsicanU New Member

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    Thanks, I will try.
     
  8. Daddy Lucas

    Gold Member

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    Isn't LPSG a great place to learn about yourself AND have a great time looking at dicks & pussies of all shapes and sizes! Hope you continue to have an enjoyable journey!!!
     
  9. Boo2

    Verified Gold Member

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    Welcome and Enjoy!
     
  10. AlphaMale

    Verified Gold Member

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    I think the second line of my signature will help you out a lot.

    The world will be a better place when it realizes how utterly and unmistakably true that statement really is.
     
    #10 AlphaMale, Oct 5, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2011
  11. Chase1600

    Chase1600 Member

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    I had an experience similar to yours, Corsican. A college roommate was basically in love with me, so it would seem, but not sexually, so that would seem. He insisted we room together, he liked sleeping in the same bed with me, he tickled me – literally, often – absurdly. But then, suspecting I might be gay, he rejected me harshly. The last time I saw him, we crossed paths at a ballgame, he was almost evil.

    Mostly, I had forgotten about this until reading your post. I have no idea if he had sexual feelings or not, if they were being suppressed or not; it turned out he was not my friend, that’s for sure. I went on to have a life and he ain’t in it, nor is he missed.

    As years passed it was possible to have male buds in a straight environment who discovered I am gay and then we drift apart, maybe still friends within some re-defined context, but nothing like what you describe, nothing like what this one roommate did.

    FWIW, I’m guessing he had feelings which, while not suppressed, had to be channeled and contained within certain conventions and after the word “gay” came up, he panicked. Personally, I think such feelings are extremely sexual, but not necessarily sexual desires which are hidden and clearly not healthy.
     
  12. CorsicanU

    CorsicanU New Member

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    I agree.
    As I look back I realize that the particular buddy I wrote of (as well
    as your college mate) was feeling alot more than I had suspected.
    Lately, with the internet and sites as these, I think alot more guys
    would swing both ways were such negative stigma not attached
    to the situation. Like you with your buddy, I couldn't leave this
    guys sight without him giving me a hard time.
    But when his wife started playing the "gay" card- on me AND him-
    that's when he figured something was starting to show through
    and he turned into a prick, and his wife got bitchy on me like no
    tommorrow.
    The key phrase here is that HE, like your friend, wanted ME
    constantly close, and not the other way around. Thats what
    ticked his wife off.

    Sleeping in the same bed and horseplay is normal for guys and
    their friends, but by the way your former roommate rejected you
    I;d say he has, inwardly, rejected a part of himself with the same
    degree of vehemence in which he shunned your friendship.
    That part of himself which he finds unnacceptable is the attraction
    he felt towards you, maybe other guys as well.
    Either way, you've lost nothing.
     
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