Weapons of Math Instruction

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Imported, Jan 12, 2004.

  1. Imported

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    Solis24: Ok, I just hope I'm not dragging up anything old here but I just found this and laughed my balls off, and I just KNOW there are fans of this type of humour here, regardless of political orientation... Enjoy!

    An individual who was detained at Kennedy International Airport on Wednesday was later discovered to be a public school teacher. The Individual was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

    At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious "al-gebra" movement. He is being charged
    by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

    "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
    value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

    "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

    "I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must
    differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."

    President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we
    become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

    Attorney General Ashcroft added, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of -- though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered, as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
     
  2. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    :D

    I understand that these purveyors of Math Instruction also discriminate against mixed numbers, preferring instead to reduce everything to its lowest terms.

    Thank goodness our Homeland Security has been multiplied.
     
  3. jonb

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    And they don't think Bush can make pi higher.
     
  4. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Pi r squared? No, Mama's pie are round!
    G. W. Bush

    :D
     
  5. Imported

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    niner: [quote author=Pecker link=board=99;num=1073922428;start=0#3 date=01/12/04 at 18:41:30]Pi r squared?  No, Mama's pie are round!
    G. W. Bush
    [/quote]

    *shudder*
    baaaaaaaaaaaaad.
     
  6. jonb

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    [quote author=Pecker link=board=99;num=1073922428;start=0#3 date=01/12/04 at 18:41:30]Pi r squared?  No, Mama's pie are round!
    G. W. Bush

    :D[/quote]
    At least my 'Make pi higher' comes from an actually Bush quote.

    Oh, that reminds me of an article in the Onion where Alabama changed pi to equal three to fit with 2 Chronicles 4:2 and 1 Kings 7:23 Obviously a reference to Kansas.
     
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