Weight issues in relationships.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by IntoxicatingToxin, Jul 16, 2009.

  1. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I've talked to two of my male friends about this over the past couple days, and it's got me wondering what the rest of you think. This question is definitely for both men and women. Anyone who wants to answer. For starters, what type of body are you most physically attracted to? Or do you have a "type"? Are you one of those people that has a specific body you like, or are you more open-minded when it comes to that? Also... do you have a limit to how big or small someone should be before you'd consider dating them? And finally... if you met someone that you were attracted to and got into a long-term committed relationship and then their body changed to the point that you weren't attracted to them anymore, what would you do about it? Would you say anything, keep quiet? Break up with them? Try to help them?

    I guess since I'm starting the thread, I should give you my own thoughts and opinions on the subject. I have always found myself more drawn and attracted to bigger guys. That can mean anywhere from tall/broad without necessarily being fat or overweight... or to being simply fat and overweight. :tongue: I have my own theories on why this is, main one being that I'm not a small girl and I want to feel safe and feminine and attractive when with my guy. I don't feel like any of those things when I'm around guys that are skinny and narrow-bodied.

    I do have a limit on how big or small a guy I'd date would have to be. Altho it's a pretty broad range. I won't do super skinny beanpole-type guys. And on the other end of the spectrum, I wouldn't be able to date a guy that was too fat for certain things. Namely hygiene and sex. I have a personal friend that is a very large guy. (I'm talkin like, 6'0, 500+lbs.) I love him to death, and he's a super good person, but he's so overweight that he has a tendency to smell almost all the time. It's not a horrendous smell, but it's not pleasant either. And I'm pretty sure that comes from him being so big he simply can't reach all the parts of his body that need to be bathed/scrubbed. I would have issue with dating a guy like that. The other thing is sex. If a guy were so big that his penis couldn't be of any use, I'd take issue with that too. I feel like a horrible person saying that, so let me explain a bit. Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship. I can think of a million things that mean more to me. BUT... I do enjoy sex with someone I love, and it's a part of the relationship I enjoy partaking in as often as I can. :smile:

    Finally, if a guy I were with gained so much weight that we encountered the previous issues, or if he lost so much weight he was considered a beanpole, I most likely wouldn't leave. If he gained weight, I'd do my best to help him lose it again, for his health if nothing else. If he lost so much weight he was a beanpole, I'd ask him to teach me how he did it. :tongue: Skinny isn't my favorite body type, but if I were in love with a guy, I wouldn't let it get in the way.

    So anyway. This post ended up being way longer than I had originally intended. :tongue: So tell me what you think!
     
  2. Rubenesque

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    A similar issue I've encountered is that the guy I'm kinda seeing has always had a thing for big girls, I met him about 9yrs ago in a BBW chat room. We've always been friends, but I didn't hear anything from him for ages because he fell in love and married a big girl he met online.

    Anyway... she put on weight over the course of about 5yrs to the point where she felt desperate. She ended up having gastric bypass surgery and lost almost half her body weight, ending up at 10st. He was still totally in love with her. In the end, after she'd lost all the weight she gained loads of confidence and ended up having an affair and leaving her husband.

    In answer to your question. I used to think I had a type, the big chunky rugby player type. But this guy I'm seeing is really buff and muscular with skinny little legs. And I adore him. If he put on alot of weight (although this will only ever be hypothetical because he has health issues which mean it's unlikely he'd ever get fat) I'd still really fancy him because I like him on more than a physical level.

    On the flip side, I'm a big girl who isn't happy being a big girl. And despite the fact that he prefers BBW he's being incredibly supportive and encouraging as I've begun the process of losing weight and getting fit. (Have lost 17lb so far, yay me)
     
    #2 Rubenesque, Jul 16, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2009
  3. cbrmale

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    I am attracted to any woman who has looked after herself and who is in proportion in terms of height and build. My personal preference is for some curves on a woman, but having said that I have enjoyed the company of some very petite and very beautiful ladies who were suited to being petite.

    One beautiful lady who springs to mind was part-Russian, and she was relatively tall, curvy and busty, and hot! I used to go hard in an instant (seconds) when I saw her naked or in lingerie, and this was only a couple of years ago! Oozed sex, but part of that was attitude. Another lady who was the most beautiful of all was part-Thai and part-European, and she was, in my estimation, a good 9.5 out of 10. Average bust, beautifully-shaped breasts, round firm bottom, long shapely legs.

    Anything approaching overweight on the BMI (whatever that is) would not get a second look from me. Curvy and in good shape, very arousing. Fat or overweight, even mildly so, big turn-off.
     
  4. Viking_UK

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    I prefer a proportionate body, not too scrawny, too buff or too fat. Back in the days when I dated women, I liked curves. You want to know you're holding a woman, not a child.

    I don't find scrawny people attractive at all. They make me feel like giving them a decent meal. I'm not really attracted to overinflated muscle Marys either. I like a fit body, but some guys (and girls) really take it too far. I don't mind a bit of a belly, but if he can't see his own cock, when standing up, that's getting too big.

    I must admit, though, one of the sexiest people I ever met was a theatre actress. She was a 60-something black woman and would probably be described as morbidly obese. However, she carried herself as if she was half the size, and the way she moved was incredible. She oozed sex appeal and a confidence which I've never seen anyone else ever come close to.

    Denise, I wish you luck with your weight loss. If you really want to do it, you can. My sister lost 9.5 stone in 18 months on a healthy eating plan a few years ago, so it can be done. What got me was the fact that she was eating more than me, but still losing weight.
     
  5. blg3floor3

    blg3floor3 New Member

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    I don't date casually. I fuck casually, absofuckinglutely, but I don't do the whole casual "omg i like you tee hee let's date!" thing. As such, I don't have any of these elaborate requirements. A girl has to be this, but not that, she can't do this or that, but she has to do that and the other. In other words, I'm not the type who puts girls through a checklist or inspection before deciding if they get the "dating material" stamp and seal of approval.

    When I do actual, intimate relationships, it's serious or nothing. That's my personality type (look up introversion and look up INFJ). What matters most is if they are a match. I'm not going to skip over a fantastic person just because they're 140lbs at 5'5" instead of 120. Of course I want someone that I'm attracted to, but luckily, I'm attracted to quite a wide variety of women. I'm in to fitness (eating right, working out with free weights). It's a fundamental, integral part of my lifestyle and being. Since being a match for me includes having an genuinely open mind to all things, someone I'm with would probably be open to cleaning up their diet and starting to work out. I would absolutely help them out in that regard if they ever got out of shape (in either direction) and wanted to fix it.

    The types of girls that I would pick out of a line up for some good, casual fucking have no bearing on the types of girls I would get into a relationship with. A beautiful, curvy, delicious, juicy Latina or brunette does me no good in the long run and the big picture of life if we don't have a damned thing in common. The cute, curly haired, half black half white girl I have a ton of things in common with who is built a bit like Tria from 8th Street Latinas or the aforementioned 5'5" 140lb Creole girl who was pretty much my perfect match, on the other hand...
     
  6. B_VinylBoy

    B_VinylBoy New Member

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    It's definitely possible. It's more about what you eat than the quantity of it, although both do play a factor. That's the whole concept of the Weight Watchers program. They teach you that proper eating (along with exercise) goes a long way. You find out that there are some foods, primarily green vegetables, that you can literally "pig out" on. They have a scaling point system that one can use to calculate the amount of certain food they can eat. Many vegetables register as a zero, which means you're free to go nuts on those food. Others are very low on the scale, including Tasty D-Lite Ice Cream. :)

    Why do I state this? My current grabbed a copy of the Weight Watchers book from a friend and followed the steps. And in a year he's lost more than 40 pounds! It also helped that at one time he was also a strict vegetarian, so he had no problems eating more salads and cutting down on fattier pieces of meat. He stuck to grilled chicken and fish, and less red meat. And his favorite exercise of choice is cardio. I lift weights and watch the diet, but I know my habits could be better. I don't eat a lot of raw vegetables (although I'm a huge fan of spinach) and my sleeping patterns are irregular (such as right now, typing a message on a penis site at 5:30AM). One of these days, I'll have the flat stomach that I've always wanted... but for right now, it pokes ever so slightly. :biggrin1:
     
  7. bigjpgh

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    I seem to have this thing with women that for most body shapes and sizes, I tend to focus my attention on their best qualities. I like all shapes and sizes and really just enjoy women in general.

    Now, if any one type or size stood out above the others just a bit, I would say I like a real woman. Not fat, but not just curvy either. I guess you could say thick, but all in the right places. I dont mind a little belly, or thick legs or ass or anything, I find those sex. I love curves in the right places, curvy hips, big boobs, natural of course, curvy waist. Doesnt even have to be a trim waist as long as there is a nice sexy curvy fromt he hip to the waist.

    As far as limits, I wouldnt want a girl so skinny that she didnt have the curves I love, and I wouldnt want a girl so big that she had too many extra curves that arent supposed to be there.

    If a person I am with changes, well, I have had that happen a few times and my interest and arrousal hasnt diminished any by the change. Now, none of those times did the person go so far as to pass the limits of what I like, but they were certainly a different body type than the one I was first attracted to. I found myself contiuning to be attracted to them, sometimes just more so by the things I liked originally, sometimes my focus shifted to new things, like if she didnt have much of an ass before but gained some weight and now has some nice junk in the trunk, i may focus on that more.

    bottom line, I love women, I love the female form, in almost all its shapes and sizes, and I love to experience the variety of life and all the different forms women come in.
     
  8. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    blg3floor3 - I think it's funny that you would consider a 5'5", 140 lb. girl to be on the bigger side. That's me exactly, and people always tell me I look really healthy. It also falls well within the range of "healthy weight" on a medical scale. I guess it's all about fat vs. muscle proportion.
     
  9. blg3floor3

    blg3floor3 New Member

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    I may have one or both of the numbers wrong, since I'm not good at estimating either one on people. Maybe the height was somewhat shorter and/or the weight somewhat higher. At any rate, I can't post the pictures of her obviously, but trust me. She was clearly a bit overweight. Think of a meso or endo frame that's never seen a gym and is a bit outside the range of "normal" bodyfat %.


    Goddamnit, people never pick out the good parts of my posts. EVER. Seriously, I don't think it's happened even once yet. Unless there's something bad in my posts, then they're always glossed over.

    :eek: You've said almost exactly what I feel. I'm exactly the way you described it, I'm not like most other guys who seem to simply be out to conquer hot chicks and have arm trophies.

    Yeah. This one's gorgeous hair, that one's fantastic booty, the other one's beautiful smile, that one's outstanding hips, another's great eyes, etc.

    Took the words right out of my mouth. :smile:
     
    #9 blg3floor3, Jul 17, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2009
  10. Kayden96

    Kayden96 New Member

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    We live in a nation where at least 30% of the people are obese. We have a fatty epidemic and instead of addressing the issue, we've started making people feel better about being fat. Every year, the definition of healthy gains a few pounds.

    Based off your pictures, I wouldn't say you're fat (amazing ass BTW :biggrin1: ), but as is with everyone, there are areas for improvement.


    OT: I wouldn't be with someone I'm not physically attracted to. I appreciate a nice round bottom, but cellulite, saggy boobs and flabby bellies are a turn off. Most of my past exs are the 5"2-100 or 5'8-130 variety. I don't think ribcage-y supermodels are attractive in the least, but I like a flat stomach and a tight ass. Unfortunately, it also means I've never had a girl over a B cup. There's something about a very petite frame that just drives me wild; it's so delicate and feminine.

    I'm currently in a relationship where she's gained quite a few pounds since we first met. She wasn't a barbie girl to begin with, but I've noticed myself becoming less and less attracted to her, but that also has to do with some personality conflicts. I think she still has a nice ass, but saggy boobs and a gut don't belong on a 24 year old girl (or anyone, ideally.) I probably would have broken up with her by now, but she's a pretty good cook and she's been going to the gym regularly... and her name is on the mortgage too. :banghead2:
     
    #10 Kayden96, Jul 17, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2009
  11. lookingforhung

    lookingforhung New Member

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    lol Kayden you are my fav poster on here.
     
  12. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    "Based off your pictures, I wouldn't say you're fat (amazing ass BTW :biggrin1: ), but as is with everyone, there are areas for improvement."

    Thanks for sharing. I think I look pretty good for a 34 year old. I bicycle daily, have been vegan for sixteen years, and have next to no cellulite. Regardless of how much I've worked out over the years, I've always ended up with strong/muscular arms and legs and a small belly. The funny thing is, I get way more attention at this weight (a size 6) than I did when I was about 15 lbs. lighter (a size 4). Yeah, I'm not perfect, but most folks consider me relatively slender. Perhaps guys like you who like tiny women may not, though - oh well!
     
  13. DiscoBoy

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    I'm much more attracted to the face than I am to the body, so if a person has a pretty face, I can be quite lenient with the weight. As long as a person isn't so fat or thin that it's unhealthy, then I've no problem with it. And I highly doubt I'd ever leave someone if their weight changed drastically. I'd probably voice my concern once I started noticing some changes in their weight.

    I do prefer taller people though. Quite short myself.
     
  14. badgirl22

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    While I myself don't have a perfect body, I'm definitely attracted to men that have them (see redcell or ryryfireguy39 - both perfect imho - there's plenty more here - they are just 2 examples). The man I date at the moment has a gorgeous physique (and face:biggrin1:). But, I don't mind a few extra pounds (after all, who am I to talk). The problem is, if they are too wide, or have a belly that is too big, I can't get off as well. When I am on top I have to position myself in a certain way and if they are too wide, I just can't get into that positon. Selfish? You bet!
     
  15. gretchenweiner

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    I'm attracted to a wide range of guys but I'm a sucker for a tall, lanky cowboy. What attracts me depends on the guy. Even though I am bbw and not the prime example of a healthy body or lifestyle, I can't handle if his rack is bigger than mine. When it comes to girls I'm shallower than some of these men. The women I find myself attracted to are a Swedish wet dream. I like them blonde, blue eyed, pretty smile, extremely toned legs, smaller chested and a bitchy personality.
    To answer the other part of this question, if someone I was with had a huge physical change and there were legitimate feelings I would stay and hopefully help the situation. I would hope that I would've noticed and tried to help before it came to a 60lb weight gain because I would expect that if my partner is unhappy and unattracted to me anymore he'd have the balls to say something and help me before I went on the highway to the danger zone.
     
  16. Kayden96

    Kayden96 New Member

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    You misunderstood me, I just think your hair is too short. :biggrin1:

    :cool:
     
  17. Maruli

    Maruli New Member

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    Just like most of the people here, I'll have to say that I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who I'm not physically attracted to. Of course, leaving someone you never wanted to have sex with is a difficult thing, mostly because of the feelings of the other person involved.
    My ideal body type is a man with a strong physique, with masculine shoulders and nice arms, but proportionate in the sense that he doesn't have abnormally short legs. I like to have a man that looks really nice with me, as terrible and shallow as that sounds. I like short guys because I'm short, preferably around 5'5. I find guys with long torsos and short legs extremely unattractive.
    My body type is quite petite, 5'1, 115 lbs, mild hourglass figure. I'm lucky to be a short girl with proportionate features.
    Basically my whole issue with weight is that I cannot date a large man. Large in the sense of physique, of course. I have an issue with not being taken seriously as an adult when I'm standing next to a large man, and feeling like a child holding hands with a large man. I feel a serious annoyance toward having to stand on something to kiss a guy, to the point where I won't want to do it anymore. It's honestly gotten to the point where I'll never look at a tall man as any sort of potential love interest.
    Luckily, I did find a man that fits all of my finicky requirements.
     
  18. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Kayden, this thread is about weight. I don't see that my haircut is very relevant. I happen to like it, at any rate, as does my boyfriend.
     
  19. Rubenesque

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    Thanks very much.

    I eat more now that I'm on a "diet" than I did before. Have joined Slimming World and it's brilliant!
     
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