Welp, fell in love with my straight friend. *facepalm*

Shwoopsie

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I feel so fucking cliche. And I'm old enough and educated enough to know where it comes from - a desire for a companion that has these traits - and yet I'm still susceptible to the oldest gay stereotype in the book. Goddammit. Hate this arc for me.

I'm trying to do my best to reframe it and use this as a reference for the guy that I guess I'll eventually meet that IS all of these things AND gay but for now it just hurts. I work with him, we talk almost every day, and it's gotten to the point where he even called me last night when he's just going through shit and needed someone to talk him down from the ledge. I'm glad I'm this friend but I hate that I'm this friend: the surrogate girlfriend.

Now I'm just really hoping he meets another girl soon so he can do what they all do and ditch us to pour all of that into their true partners. And I mean I'll feel bad about that too but damn at least it'd be over then right? Anyway, not looking for pity or criticism 'cause I'm doing that enough to myself, but I just had a moment where I just needed to vent this out amongst a group of other gays. Big hugs to anyone who reads it.
 

Cum_is_Great

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I feel so fucking cliche. And I'm old enough and educated enough to know where it comes from - a desire for a companion that has these traits - and yet I'm still susceptible to the oldest gay stereotype in the book. Goddammit. Hate this arc for me.

I'm trying to do my best to reframe it and use this as a reference for the guy that I guess I'll eventually meet that IS all of these things AND gay but for now it just hurts. I work with him, we talk almost every day, and it's gotten to the point where he even called me last night when he's just going through shit and needed someone to talk him down from the ledge. I'm glad I'm this friend but I hate that I'm this friend: the surrogate girlfriend.

Now I'm just really hoping he meets another girl soon so he can do what they all do and ditch us to pour all of that into their true partners. And I mean I'll feel bad about that too but damn at least it'd be over then right? Anyway, not looking for pity or criticism 'cause I'm doing that enough to myself, but I just had a moment where I just needed to vent this out amongst a group of other gays. Big hugs to anyone who reads it.
Unwilling to admit I am going through the same. I fear I have ruined the friendship because I can no longer repress the feelings easily in my mind. I haven't acted on it, but every time we meet or talk, I long to stay and just... be.

Maybe it's just a true best friendship because I don't really have any sexual desire for him. But we have had so many intimate conversations (THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INTIMATE AND SEXUAL) breaking down walls and barriers and being vulnerable with each other. We love each other very much, and I was there for him when he went through some really difficult times. We've known each other for over 25 years now.

But during the pandemic, we ended up talking a lot more and I was there for him while he went through a horrible break up. He said one day to not die before him because he doesn't know what he would do without me. And never in my life have I felt such a strong loving feeling hearing that. It was and still is the deepest most loving moment I can think of. Literally since then, something broke and these feelings flood my mind whenever we speak. I hate it and love it.

I love that feeling of closeness and caring. I feel similarly towards him. But I hate feeling like I am in love with him. He is totally straight and I absolutely respect that. I don't WANT to pursue a romantic relationship with him out of respect. But god... I envision us just living together and literally never changing anything about how we are. Just being silly and goofy and caring and thoughtful. It's probably as close to a romantic relationship without the romance. The deepest platonic friendship. And seeing as I have never had a relationship in my life, I wonder if I am accidentally crossing the wires.

We literally tell each other everything. We speak about so many things and have deep conversations. But I can't talk to him about this. Even if he is most likely to be understanding and know I am not trying to become romantic with him and most likely will understand and nothing would change other than being able to unbottle these feelings that keep building... the chance, no matter how small, that there is a misunderstanding and I lose him as a friend is **SO FUCKING SCARY**.
 
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Shwoopsie

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YEAH! THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT EXACTLY! YOU NAILED IT!

It's one thing to have the quintessential unrequited love. We all know that's the trope. But so is, "we were always BEST friends until one day he realized..."

It makes me think "have I just never been loved before?" I've had situationships and that's about it, and at no point was it as easy as it is with my straight friend. Is it because sex is removed from the equation ALL we can do is be intimate with each other? Because you're right the difference is there. I've had lots of sex with men but can count on one hand how many of them I've been intimate with at the same time.

I'm here for you brutha. It sucks to be healthy and wise and see this for what it is. It just sparks so much anxiety. And then you think you're just going crazy because you have to deal with it all in isolation. Because if you say it out loud immediately you just get pitied and told it'll pass. But it won't? And I don't want it to? But it ultimately isn't what I need and yet it is everything I need. So many contradictions.
 
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Shwoopsie

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Unwilling to admit I am going through the same. I fear I have ruined the friendship because I can no longer repress the feelings easily in my mind. I haven't acted on it, but every time we meet or talk, I long to stay and just... be.

Maybe it's just a true best friendship because I don't really have any sexual desire for him. But we have had so many intimate conversations (THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INTIMATE AND SEXUAL) breaking down walls and barriers and being vulnerable with each other. We love each other very much, and I was there for him when he went through some really difficult times. We've known each other for over 25 years now.

But during the pandemic, we ended up talking a lot more and I was there for him while he went through a horrible break up. He said one day to not die before him because he doesn't know what he would do without me. And never in my life have I felt such a strong loving feeling hearing that. It was and still is the deepest most loving moment I can think of. Literally since then, something broke and these feelings flood my mind whenever we speak. I hate it and love it.

I love that feeling of closeness and caring. I feel similarly towards him. But I hate feeling like I am in love with him. He is totally straight and I absolutely respect that. I don't WANT to pursue a romantic relationship with him out of respect. But god... I envision us just living together and literally never changing anything about how we are. Just being silly and goofy and caring and thoughtful. It's probably as close to a romantic relationship without the romance. The deepest platonic friendship. And seeing as I have never had a relationship in my life, I wonder if I am accidentally crossing the wires.

We literally tell each other everything. We speak about so many things and have deep conversations. But I can't talk to him about this. Even if he is most likely to be understanding and know I am not trying to become romantic with him and most likely will understand and nothing would change other than being able to unbottle these feelings that keep building... the chance, no matter how small, that there is a misunderstanding and I lose him as a friend is **SO FUCKING SCARY**.
Update: today he told me "Of the five best people I know, you are two of them." Like...stop. Is it sad that in the back of my head I think "how long is he gonna play this con? How long will I let him?"
 
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