What’s One Of The Funniest Non Sexual/non Genitalia Thing You Have Ever Seen?

Scarletbegonia

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Again. For emphasis, no body parts, no adult stuff here. No politics, for good measure.

What’s the silliest/funniest thing you ever witnessed?

For me, 1993, a Renaissance Faire in Triune, TN. A camel escaped its pen in the campground.
I’m not sure was was more amusing, a camel loping across a field; or the tender, a cowboy in tight jeans, boots, hat running after him.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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My fella and me were in a car waiting for someone with us to run an errand. In the car in front of us, we saw a crackhead clucking a stereo out of someone's car. He had a slim-jim so he got in within seconds. He saw us see him, and just grinned creepily and put his finger over his mouth to make a "shush" gesture. He took off with a shitty looking cd player.

Our friend returned to our car and told us as he was running his errand down the road a bit he saw a state cop freaking out because he couldn't find his slim-jim.

It was kinda fucked up, but holy fuck we laughed so hard.
 

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You've probably seen that video of the woman pulling up to a gas station but her cap was on the other side of the car, and then she turns around and around still pulling up on the wrong side.

Well, my friend and I were sitting in a parking lot across from a gas station just returning from shopping when I heard her say "Oh my god, it's really happening." I looked up and saw a person in a minivan do exactly that. They pulled up to the pump and realized they were wrong way round. So they got in their car can did a U-turn to the next set up pumps. Same thing.

I said "no effing way." Then they did it a third time, and I swear I had the sudden urge to run over there and tell them what to do. But they got so frustrated they left.
 

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Well, I was in Cuba, waiting for the tour bus in the lobby and I watched a drunk try to call an elevator. That was pretty funny. There were about 5 or 6 elevators, he’d punch a button, stand in front of one of the doors, another one would open, but by the time he staggered over to it he’d miss it. So he’d punch the button again, stand in front of the elevator that just left, and another door would open. He’d stagger over to that elevator only to have it close on him. I never actually saw him get an elevator. But I was very helpful by narrating the whole event and the voices in his head to my friends.
 

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It's tricky, 'cos one of the the funniest things I ever witnessed did involve genitalia. Bare with...


So it was Glastonbury Festival '98. It was the second wet one in a row and by Sunday afternoon everything and everyone was sodden and soaked. Given the rain, we decided to head to the Cabaret Tent which was at least warm and vaguely dry.

Inside, the sainted Malcolm Hardee was comparing a very raucous afternoon's entertainment. Onstage was some middle-aged white guy in fatigues making airplane noises into the microphone. It was rubbish and the audience were having none of it... the boos started and when the act refused to move the crowd began flinging mud and shouting, "OFF! OFF! OFF! OFF!"

The act left, early, and Malcom was pushed onstage to placate the crowd. They were in a filthy mood and started haranguing Malcolm, telling him to, "GET YER NOB OUT!!" After several minutes of fevered shouting, Malcolm Hardee sighed, obliged and undid his trousers and got his cock out for several hundred strangers.

The crowd shouted its approval and Hardee turned the situation back round and declared this was now the "Glastonbury '98 All-Comers Get Yer Nob Out Competition" and, much to my surprise, three men actually left the crowd, got on stage and got their nobs out.

So just as Malcolm and the crowd get to the judging part, a man runs on the stage from the right, takes ALL his clothes off, does and handstand and runs off left shouting, "MY WORK HERE IS DONE!!!"

To the rapturous applause of the crowd :)


(sorry about the dicks)
 

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Now that I've typed all that out I've thought of something more appropriate with fewer dicks but also from another Glastonbury...

T'was Sunday night/Monday morning, before dawn. I was on acid, somewhere up in the Green Fields. Chilling but chilly, I found a small fire and started a conversation with a German woman. As we were talking a strange contraption hoved into view.

So some of you might remember ice-cream selling bikes, this was one of these but with a large screen attached above the box on the front creating a mobile cinema. It was novel and as we were discussing it's practicalities, from the other side came another machine. This one was an upright piano with wheels on each corner, and where the foot peddles would normally be there was a bike chain that powered the piano's locomotion.

So mobile cinema and moving piano spy one another and do this sweet little dance around each other. The cinema drives off, leaving us with the piano.

The piano man announces that he's going to perform for us and starts to play but his voice is so cracked, baked and fucked that he can only croak... and then, seemingly in frustration, the man gets on top of his piano and swearing and shouting he douses the piano in petrol and sets fire to it whilst he dances on top.

I was applauding wildly by this point. Or maybe he was having a breakdown.

Hard to say.

:D
 

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The funny afterwards experience I had was picking up an escaped prisoner who was hitchhiking north of Taupo (NZ) in 2009. I of course didn't know this. Who says "Hi I have just escaped from a work party", after all. Anyhow this guy flags me down for a lift. He is rather non committal about where he wants to be dropped off or where he is going and then puts the seat down. I ask him why he is sitting the way he is. He replies because the Police are after me. He tells be a rather unconvincing story about being banned from the town. I begin thinking to myself how did I get myself into this. And how am I going to get out of it....alive. At any rate he suddenly says you can let me off here. But on the other side of the road on the bypass south would you believe. Now to turnaround I had to go up the bypass to find a suitable place. On getting back to the main road I noticed police cars racing up and down. I didn't flag them down as I was already running late, having to be at Hamilton at 2pm. And would they believe me, it was innocent.Years later at a rainbow gathering I was telling this story and someone says, so it was you who picked him up. We thought a passing motorist had, but couldn't find him.
 
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T_Lurch

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Pulling into a grocery store parking lot years ago I espied a man parking his SUV and he was straddling two parking spots. It was either done intentionally just to be an ass, or the most half-assed parking job I'd ever seen.

I parked nearby and as I got out to enter the store, another car pulled up behind the SUV and the driver had rolled up his window, yelling angrily at the SUV driver who had gotten out and was walking towards the store.

He bellowed:
"HEY BUDDY! I SURE HOPE YOU DON'T FUCK LIKE YOU PARK, OTHERWISE YOU'D NEVER GET IT IN!"

I laughed so hard I thought I'd piss my pants.
 

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kibs,learning /learning to grow up

a London emergency hospital skit
like,this little maybe 3yo,lying in an emergency hospital bed
proclaiming in all seriousness/a frowh,look of adult desperation and worry
starting

'this is the worst day of my life'
 
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Scarletbegonia

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Pulling into a grocery store parking lot years ago I espied a man parking his SUV and he was straddling two parking spots. It was either done intentionally just to be an ass, or the most half-assed parking job I'd ever seen.

I parked nearby and as I got out to enter the store, another car pulled up behind the SUV and the driver had rolled up his window, yelling angrily at the SUV driver who had gotten out and was walking towards the store.

He bellowed:
"HEY BUDDY! I SURE HOPE YOU DON'T FUCK LIKE YOU PARK, OTHERWISE YOU'D NEVER GET IT IN!"

I laughed so hard I thought I'd piss my pants.
You know he’s an “oops! Wrong hole” dude v
 
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Scarletbegonia

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The funny afterwards experience I had was picking up an escaped prisoner who was hitchhiking north of Taupo (NZ) in 2009. I of course didn't know this. Who says "Hi I have just escaped from a work party", after all. Anyhow this guy flags me down for a lift. He is rather non committal about where he wants to be dropped off or where he is going and then puts the seat down. I ask him why he is sitting the way he is. He replies because the Police are after me. He tells be a rather unconvincing story about being banned from the town. I begin thinking to myself how did I get myself into this. And how am I going to get out of it....alive. At any rate he suddenly says you can let me off here. But on the other side of the road on the bypass south would you believe. Now to turnaround I had to go up the bypass to find a suitable place. On getting back to the main road I noticed police cars racing up and down. I didn't flag them down as I was already running late, having to be at Hamilton at 2pm. And would they believe me, it was innocent.Years later at a rainbow gathering I was telling this story and someone says, so it was you who picked him up. We thought a passing motorist had, but couldn't find him.
Gathering, eh?
Is your name Phishy?
 

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Well how about this. A friend of mine wanted to go a rainbow gathering. So I said why not and I will pick you up and bring your bike left in our shed. I noticed there was a cyclone heading south to NZ. And though oh no. The traffic north of Tauranga was just horrendous and we finally got to the site near Thames 5 hours or do late, just as the cyclone hit land. The weather was horrendous as well, driving rain, flapping tarps, water everywhere. Alex couldn't cope and wished to leave and wanted to camp in the car. I hiked out with some of his gear. The rule was no camping in the car park and you guessed it he was caught and thrown off the site for this and for being drunk. Anyway a few days later I packed up and hiked out put the key in the ignitiion and nothing. The battery was absolutely flat. I got the two travellers I had with me to hail down a vehicle and voila a ute turns up. Puts the jump leads on and you guessed it the alternator blows up. He sees what he has done and scarpers. So what to do. By this stage the cellphone battery was flat as well. By a miracle, it was at the time, I saw Graham and said can you run me to Coromandel town: I need to organise a tow. He had no license, the car had no warrent or registration, and he drove like a complete idiot. On the way Alex flagged us down, and was given as ride as long as he did not damage the marijuana plants on the back seat. Suffice to say we got there, and found the Information Centre open. By this stage I was on the edge of a breakdown myself. I thought I had organised a tow, and was told to be on the road at 10am the next day. That didn't sound correct. Graham decided he wanted food and I was to get it. He took the opportunity to hawk around the carpark opposite the police station some Class C product harnessing poor tourists and spitting food out from his mouth for random seagulls. Sanity prevailed some time later and off we went back as if in a race. On the way we met a broken down car owned by gang members and being in the country felt obliged to help. I checked the oil. It was dry. Graham managed to break the oil cap. I just thought what the hell and we got out of it. I was then unloaded in the gathering carpark, and I mean it like that as he headed to the nearby breach to raise some cash from other tourists with his Class C product. Lucky I spyed some people coming out from the gathering and said I need to get back to Coromandel town and found a room in a hotel. The next morning I went over to the garage and there was no arrangement made for the recovery of my vehicle. Who had said there was again... Anyway managed to get the recovery vehicle out and picked it up later that day. Yes we can fix that. Fine: I am at the hotel. A few days later I contacted the garage. There's a problem, they sent the wrong part and we are getting it by airfreight from Australia and it has just landed in Auckland. The next day I picked up the car and noticed that the interior light was on.. Alex still had his clothes in the car so I thought it was politic to make a huge detour. I turned down the offer to stay the night.
 
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1994 - a friend and I sponsored a drag show at a neighborhood gay bar that was just getting started. The contestants were of low quality, but considering the neighborhood, it was the best we could get. A few guest performers from a nearby city came for the show. One of the contestants was in his late 20's but had false teeth. He chose to do Weak by SWV and when he went to deliver a line and his top teeth fell out. I was in the back helping with other things and all I could hear was the clicking of heels as everyone ran to the dressing room so their laughter didn't disturb the show.
 

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Well how about this. A friend of mine wanted to go a rainbow gathering. So I said why not and I will pick you up and bring your bike left in our shed. I noticed there was a cyclone heading south to NZ. And though oh no. The traffic north of Tauranga was just horrendous and we finally got to the site near Thames 5 hours or do late, just as the cyclone hit land. The weather was horrendous as well, driving rain, flapping tarps, water everywhere. Alex couldn't cope and wished to leave and wanted to camp in the car. I hiked out with some of his gear. The rule was no camping in the car park and you guessed it he was caught and thrown off the site for this and for being drunk. Anyway a few days later I packed up and hiked out put the key in the ignitiion and nothing. The battery was absolutely flat. I got the two travellers I had with me to hail down a vehicle and voila a ute turns up. Puts the jump leads on and you guessed it the alternator blows up. He sees what he has done and scarpers. So what to do. By this stage the cellphone battery was flat as well. By a miracle, it was at the time, I saw Graham and said can you run me to Coromandel town: I need to organise a tow. He had no license, the car had no warrent or registration, and he drove like a complete idiot. On the way Alex flagged us down, and was given as ride as long as he did not damage the marijuana plants on the back seat. Suffice to say we got there, and found the Information Centre open. By this stage I was on the edge of a breakdown myself. I thought I had organised a tow, and was told to be on the road at 10am the next day. That didn't sound correct. Graham decided he wanted food and I was to get it. He took the opportunity to hawk around the carpark opposite the police station some Class C product harnessing poor tourists and spitting food out from his mouth for random seagulls. Sanity prevailed some time later and off we went back as if in a race. On the way we met a broken down car owned by gang members and being in the country felt obliged to help. I checked the oil. It was dry. Graham managed to break the oil cap. I just thought what the hell and we got out of it. I was then unloaded in the gathering carpark, and I mean it like that as he headed to the nearby breach to raise some cash from other tourists with his Class C product. Lucky I spyed some people coming out from the gathering and said I need to get back to Coromandel town and found a room in a hotel. The next morning I went over to the garage and there was no arrangement made for the recovery of my vehicle. Who had said there was again... Anyway managed to get the recovery vehicle out and picked it up later that day. Yes we can fix that. Fine: I am at the hotel. A few days later I contacted the garage. There's a problem, they sent the wrong part and we are getting it by airfreight from Australia and it has just landed in Auckland. The next day I picked up the car and noticed that the interior light was on.. Alex still had his clothes in the car so I thought it was politic to make a huge detour. I turned down the offer to stay the night.

your Gathering sounds quite different from the two I’ve attended. Or event the local events.
It’s perfectly OK to camp in your vehicle in Bus Village, all booze must stay at A-camp. (A for either alcohol or alcoholic, depending on who is telling).
Typically, sites are miles from the nearest town, and even the gathering itself a good hike in beyond where you park. An utter joy with a pair of 50lb bags of rice for the kitchens.
A 110 lb woman cannot carry 100 lbs very far without a lot of breaks.Luckily, a Shanti Sena crew pair with a bike and trailer came by. We convinced them to get the food to the distribution point.
 
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T_Lurch

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You've probably seen that video of the woman pulling up to a gas station but her cap was on the other side of the car, and then she turns around and around still pulling up on the wrong side.

Well, my friend and I were sitting in a parking lot across from a gas station just returning from shopping when I heard her say "Oh my god, it's really happening." I looked up and saw a person in a minivan do exactly that. They pulled up to the pump and realized they were wrong way round. So they got in their car can did a U-turn to the next set up pumps. Same thing.

I said "no effing way." Then they did it a third time, and I swear I had the sudden urge to run over there and tell them what to do. But they got so frustrated they left.
A lot of people don't realize this, but on the instrument panel where the gas gauge is, there's an icon of a gas pump with a little arrow pointing left or right. This helpfully illustrates which side the gas task is on. I just learned this myself a year ago. The more you know.....

This video, which may or may not be old hat by now, was just too funny to pass up:


Had to have been noisy as hell inside that thing....
 
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A group of us where drinking at one bar. We decided to go to another bar; to get there, we needed to go down an old cobblestone street, with several side alleys. After a few blocks, we realized we lost our friend Earl, who was far drunker than the rest of us. So, we backtracked looking for him. Suddenly, Earl jumps out of a dumpster and shouts "look at me I am trash"!
 

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your Gathering sounds quite different from the two I’ve attended. Or event the local events.
It’s perfectly OK to camp in your vehicle in Bus Village, all booze must stay at A-camp. (A for either alcohol or alcoholic, depending on who is telling).
Typically, sites are miles from the nearest town, and even the gathering itself a good hike in beyond where you park. An utter joy with a pair of 50lb bags of rice for the kitchens.
A 110 lb woman cannot carry 100 lbs very far without a lot of breaks.Luckily, a Shanti Sena crew pair with a bike and trailer came by. We convinced them to get the food to the distribution point.
In Aotearoa/New Zealand rainbow gatherings are alcohol free. In this case the gathering was on private land, a 100 ha bush block on steep hill country. The owner requested there was to be no alcohol on the land and no camping in the carpark. The site was in fact 1 hour away over sharp ridge and using a awkward difficult track.You can just imagine what it was like after several days of torrential rain. Like a skating rink, except who goes skating with a heavy pack. Camping with the high winds and horizontal rain is difficult everything gets wet, no matter how hard you try to keep your clothes and sleeping bag dry, it just gets wet. How do you keep firewood dry in that circumstance, and collecting it you get drenched. The two fires were all high tarped, and wood was stacked around drying. I was absolutely freezing and was amazed to see naked people running about in the rain then standing by the fire. The real adventure began when I packed up.
 
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