What about the Parents?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jeff black, Aug 16, 2006.

  1. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Just a quick question for the guys and gals here.

    How is your relationship with your parents? I ask because I am curious to see if stats that I read the other day, are similar to the results in an informal poll.

    Plus, I am curious to see how many people still have great relationships with mom and dad if they came out of the closet, and compare them to those who are straight. Either way, I am interested in results. Please post your heart out about the subject.

    No incest, thanks.
     
  2. sares

    sares New Member

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    great relationship with my parents. love them dearly, both attended the birth of my son.
     
  3. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    My parents and I get on superbly now. We have three nations separating us geographically, and see each other about once a year. We communicate a couple of times a week by phone and email. And we all acknowledge that distance is a great thing in our relationship! :biggrin1:

    All under one roof, we would drive one another insane... and then we didn't speak at all for two years, when I was around 19-21. They changed; and I changed... not enough to share a living space or too much contact, but enough to re-locate our love for one another.

    Being 'in' or 'out' of the closet really had next to no bearing on any of the above.

    As per your request, no insects were harmed during the writing of this post.
     
  4. findfirefox

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    Lets see here, My Father and Step Mother accept me for who I am but don't talk to me, actually the last time they did talk with me was when they asked me to babysit sit my younger brother (4). My Mother talks to me on the phone every few days, but shes still uneasy, I also visited last weekend (That was not a pleasant experience, but that was for other reasons) they also have taken my on family vacations, I guess they are trying to keep in the family but when I'm there they don't talk much even when I try to start up conversations, but they are trying. My Step Father is very distant and I think it might be his views on gays being lesser then straight people, I learned this in my teen years.
     
  5. I have a great relationship with my parents. I actually have to, for I'm in a transitional phase in my life (between HS & college) and since I haven't been able to put my finger on exactly what I want to do (decision making is my downfall :rolleyes: ), I still happen to be living with them. It's an open, loving, respectful bond between us ... and I know that no matter what I do, they will still love me ... and they know that I will always love them :smile: ... and to answer an earlier question jeff ... No, they don't know about the fridge picture :rolleyes:
     
  6. fortiesfun

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    My parents are great frozen Scandanavians, and in so far as they have external indicators of emotion, things seem to be going much better now than they did after I came out to them. Still, they gently express the wish that I was "normal" and can't quite unlearn their small town homophobia in the literal, fearful sense.
     
  7. DC_DEEP

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    Not an easy question to answer, jeff. My mom was one of my best friends. Of course, there were some subjects that we just didn't discuss, but I was out with her and she was fine with that. Unfortunately, she died a little over 4 years ago. I'm cool with it, though, she lived a long life, and died a sudden, unexpected death (so there was no long, lingering suffering.) Funny thing, even though she was more "strict" than parents of my friends or my siblings' friends, they all preferred hanging around at my house...

    My dad and I always got along, but after my parents divorced and dad remarried, no matter how hard I tried to get along with her (just so I could spend time with dad) she was and still is the most hateful, selfish bitch I have ever met. I couldn't stand being around her, so I haven't been around dad much over the last few decades. Funny thing, I talked to him about it, told him that even though I really tried, I just could not stand to be around her, and I would come to visit if he would send her away for the day. Never happened.
     
  8. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    I've never had a father and I find it hard to like my mother, I try not to talk to her much.
     
  9. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    My dad died when I was 11. I am the oldest of four kids so I was close to my mother in raising my younger sibs.

    Now, Mom's 80 and, like me, crippled with arthritis and cardio concerns. Years ago I moved her in to the lower level of my tri-level house so I could be her caregiver.

    We have always gotten along very well.
     
  10. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    My deceased father was loving, yet undemonstrative, and supportive of everything I did; I miss him terribly. My mother continues to give me unconditional love. They raised us to let us make our own mistakes and learn how to accept that bad behavior had bad consequences but rarely laid a hand on us. The better part of me I owe to my parents; I accept personal responsibilty for my shortcomings.
     
  11. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

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    I'm extrememly fortunate jeff.

    My relationship with my mother is one of the best friendships I enjoy.

    My dad's a bit more distant but he's the genuine article.

    Neither had or has an issue with my homosexuality. Both parents have known many (and my father dabbled a bit with men earlier) in their sexual careers.

    I love this response John. It mirrors my own. I accept (and work on daily) my own personal shortcomings. It's a full time job...:rolleyes:
     
  12. headbang8

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    Bad. Very bad. I've posted about it before.
     
  13. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    I get on great with both parents. We live about 2000 miles apart but see each other 2-3 times a year. We speak on the phone or via webcam a couple of times a week.

    Living so far apart when we do get together it is usually for a couple of weeks unlike the odd weekend when I lived in the UK. This can lead to quite heated arguements but we accept those as normal (we are all very headstrong) and they are usually very short-lived.

    We had a few problems when I came out more than 20 years ago but we worked it out after a few months. They treat my partner just like they treat me - sometimes better.

    I think the secret is honesty and acceptance. No-one teaches you how to be a parent or how to be a son/daughter!
     
  14. phantom73

    phantom73 New Member

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    My parents were really cool cats actually. I came out in high school and things did get a little rocky. Mom was accepting and would get all too excited when Oprah would have a gay themed show. "Are you coming home right after school today? Because Oprah is having gay people on her show this afternoon and I was hoping you'd watch it with me!" Looking back on that is amusing, and I always came right home on those days to watch Oprah with mom. Dad was ex-military and was NOT happy at all. I'm glad I came out when I did, though. Mom died when I was 18 and Dad died when I was 19. They both accepted me before passing and I am so very thankful for it.
    My coming out experience, my childhood, my parents...all exceptional. I wouldn't change a thing as I was very fortunate.
     
  15. SurferGirlCA

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    My parents are still together and they did a great job of raising their 4 kids. My mom is a great role model, in that she's smart and strong and taught me the importance of education and perseverance in life. My dad is actually more the romantic dreamer, but he also works hard and always made sure I felt loved and protected. My dad went through a very rough patch with his own family at one point, which, of course, impacted us all. I think because of that he felt a particular need to not repeat that pattern with his own children.

    It's really humbling when you realize so much of who we are/who we become in life will be based on a cosmic roll of the dice. I sometimes think about children born into poverty or war-torn regions of the world, whose life experience is so far removed from my own, and how random it all seems. I feel blessed to have had the good fortune to be born into my family.
     
  16. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    I wonder about that. "If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor" etc...intewesting. Tribes in Africa seem to live quite well (some) and have a great sense of community and tradition, even if some of it seems mad to Westerners. There's a joke/statement that the culture in England is football and lager... *sigh* lol.

    Which is the culture of my family really, everyone likes to drink and go to parties and all that but I don't...and so I'm weird or whatever and get a lot of crap for being introverted...
     
  17. SurferGirlCA

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    Well, I don't equate money with happiness at all. I've seen plenty of rich, miserable people. I've also heard stories from friends who have traveled to India and their memories of smiling, laughing children who obviously were lacking any material wealth. There are different types of challenges in life, no doubt. I just feel fortunate to have had the opportunities I've had to pursue my dreams, and the family that supported/supports my doing that.

    Pffffft, you seem to have turned out all right, so far. :smile:
     
  18. Andresito

    Andresito Member

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    Good relationship with both (most with my mother), but not excellent.

    We are not very communicative to each other, but they really respect my private life.

    It's just good.
     
  19. bluekarma

    bluekarma Well-Known Member

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    Oh goodness..your going to be sorry you asked - but here we go:

    I love both of my parents deeply, and my stepmother. They raised me the best way they could, even if it was a bit unconventional. My childhood was not stable. My Mom has been married 4 times, and all but her current marriage were abusive. I had to endure seeing my Mom beat up all the time. Plus changing homes and schools every couple years. Never had enough food, or nice clothes....but shoot, that is minor compared to what some children go through. She left with some man (that she never did marry) that she met at a bar when I was 13 leaving me with my Dad. He was working ungodly hours starting up his (now, very successful business) so he was never around. Leaving my Stepmother and I to battle adolescence out. She hated me, for being my Dad's "do no wrong" little girl, I hated her for not being my Mom. Obviously I had abandonment issues, and went through a lot of therapy and other bull. I moved out when I was 17 right after graduation.

    Things are much better between us now, simply because I let it all go. My Mom is mentally ill, which explains a lot of her bad decisions when I was growing up. I care for her now, take care of her finances, hospitalization, etc. My Dad has a pretty bad drug addiction but he's a great guy. Now that I look back life was pretty good once I moved in with my Dad, other than the stepmother power struggle thing. Being the oldest, I didn't get away with as much as my siblings did. I had to start working at age 13, unless I was playing ball. I had a much stricter curfew, etc....but that is all to be expected.

    All in all, I wouldn't change any of it. If I had to struggle and grow up pretty quickly, so be it. It made me the strong independent person I am today.
     
  20. yhtang

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    I like your positive attitude, and you deserve much respect for that.
     
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