What about yourself are you secure or insecure about?

viking1

Experimental Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2006
Posts
4,600
Media
0
Likes
23
Points
183
Sexuality
No Response
I wouldn't say that I'm over confident about anything. I am reasonably confident and okay with my ability to work on things. I'm okay with most aspects of my personality and knowledge. As for intelligence, sometimes I'm okay with, and other times I question it. I am not okay with my social skills. I basically don't have any. I learned to work on stuff. I never learned how to meet women. From a child up I was always wanting to know how things worked. I was always tinkering with things.

I'm not okay with my looks, physique, or penis size. Those three are the biggest source of my insecurities, but there are others.

I am also concerned as to whether I have any supporters or not. On here, or anywhere else. Sometimes I think maybe I have, other times I doubt it.
I do doubt it the most, that's for sure. I wish everyone in the world could be totally honest about things.

I would like to find assurance that I am acceptable, that I am desirable, that I am a real man. I really do often doubt those things. I would just like to know for sure before I die. I now realize that there is a good chance that I will never know. Sometimes unsure is worse that a definite no...

Being insecure, sad, and lonely is no good. The mechanical things that I am around all the time, don't exactly give me much assurance. On the other hand, they don't detract from it either...
 

jason_els

<img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi
Joined
Dec 16, 2004
Posts
10,228
Media
0
Likes
162
Points
193
Location
Warwick, NY, USA
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I'm not okay with my looks, physique, or penis size. Those three are the biggest source of my insecurities, but there are others.

Herein lies the crux of the issue. I read your posts all the time and so frequently I get the sense that you're in great need of reassurance. Other people tend to shy away from needy people because that need is like a bottomless pit all the reassurance in the world won't satisfy so others feel that reassurance is wasted. It's OK to reach out and ask for help. That's a natural and normal part of social interaction. People like to feel needed. What they also need to know is that their help will be appreciated and adopted by you, adding to your work to resolve the issues.

Nobody here can get you pumped-up or make your beautiful or get you a bigger penis. They can tell you what exercises and weights and gyms are good, how to cut your hair or even, if you have a serious issue, how to shop for plastic surgery. We can even show you how to PE to make your dick bigger. What we can't do is accomplish those tasks for you. Physician, heal thyself. We can't make you love yourself either. That's entirely up to you once the computer is turned-off.

If you want to feel loved, if you want to feel adequate, if you want to feel self-confident, then you have to tackle each of those issues head on (without applying directly to the forehead :biggrin1:). People want to support those who help themselves. Nobody minds helping a guy who has worked hard all his life only to lose his job and then busts his ass to find another one. Everybody minds helping out a guy who sits on the couch all day whining about he's never going to find another job. Even if you aren't all the things you want to be, you've got to work hard to make those things happen and, in doing so, you'll attract people who want to help you. Fake it if you have to. Seriously. Just pretending you're doing well when you're not helps train your brain to think positively. The more you do it, the more you really believe it.

I came here a total turkey who just wanted to hang out with the eagles to see what it was like. Low and behold, not all the eagles were beautiful nor was I such a turkey. Sure I complain sometimes about having a smaller penis, about crap that happens in my life. It's good to vent frustrations. What I do not do is let those things control me. In that, LPSG has been exceptionally valuable. I've met people who like me for me, not my dick in the same way I like them for who they are, not their dick, brobdingnagian or otherwise. I do know that I'm good in bed with both sexes and my cock head is great at prostate massages during anal intercourse and I've given guys convulse orgasms doing that alone. Not sure I could do that with a bigger dick. Do I still want one? Am I still working to get one? You bet. I want a bigger dick for myself, not for anyone else. Do I want to lose weight? Sure. Do I want to look good and feel better about myself? Without question.

I know what I have to do in my life to fix my issues and I'm working on them. Like everyone else I don't always succeed but I keep trying anyway. One thing I did was post a dick shot here. Yeah I was embarrassed at first yet I felt I had to do it if I was going to conquer my fears about my self image. I'm right up there to be rated with nearly everyone else and I'm OK with that. My penis is a big part of my masculinity but it's not the be all and end all of who I am any more than it is for anyone else here. So my dick is flopping around out here in LPSG and to me it's like walking around in public stark naked. I've gotten used to it and guess what, people actually look at my face when they talk to me here, not my dick.

We ALL, and I mean ALL of us have insecurities. Look at this thread. Some really popular LPSG guys with great looks and big dicks are posting about the problems in their lives. The difference between you and these guys is that they don't dwell on their issues here. They come to have a good time, spark interesting conversation, and maybe rub one out. If we hear about issues they're generally limited and kept to the thread. Overdumping your heart can backfire once other people realize their ability to help you is surpassed by your issues. They'd like to help, but feel unqualified. They also don't want to get dragged into the quicksand of someone else's problems.

I know when I read your posts that I very often see you working in one complaint or another about yourself and I know that I often don't want to reply because a sixth sense tells me that I'm not going to resolve anything. I wager other people feel that too. What is happily offered as a pep-talk turns into a pity party and then everyone leaves.

We can't tell you you're handsome, in-shape, or hung if you don't believe you even could be any of those things.

The crazy part of the whole thing is that you're likely not Quasimodo or hung like a mouse. Rarely are we so deficient as we think ourselves to be and rarely as glorious as we think we deserve. There's a happy middle in there somewhere. You're so hard on yourself and that's tough for us to take. We can't stop it no matter how many people have time and again said nice things to you so why bother saying nice things at all?

I know all this because I've been where you are and trust me, every day it's a struggle not to fall back into it. I know very well what I'm saying is harsh to take as the truth usually is. One of my shrinks once told me, "You know better than any of us what major depression is because you're living it." He was right. For me, a combination of Anafrinil, Xanax, and, later, Effexor got me going. They gave me the strength to steady the ship so I could take the helm and manage the storm. I wasn't safe by any means, but at least now I can direct the ship. Now I don't think I'm bad looking at all, my penis is quite servicable if on the smaller side of average, and I'm losing weight to get my ass in shape. I also know I'm intelligent, well-educated, possess good manners, and am someone worth knowing. I know I will make some guy very, very happy. That doesn't mean I still am not plagued by doubts, I certainly am. The difference is I can now manage them; understand which are reasonable and which aren't then act accordingly.

Guess what? I never thought I could do that. Ever. Even went so far as to try killing myself. Two psych hospital stays and a half-way house later, I realized things weren't so bad. My brain chemistry and upbringing were my own worst enemies. When necessary, I take a pill and find myself able to cope. Pills don't solve issues, just give you the quietude of mind to do so. That's cool by me. Life isn't easy.

If you really want people to be with as friends, to appreciate who you are, then you have to start being a friend to yourself and appreciate who you are. Nobody can give of themselves when they believe there is no part of them worth giving and that's what people are sensing in you. Not always, but frequently.

Few things I suggest, being in your position myself and knowing MANY others who've had it far worse than either you or I have.

  • Get thee to a shrink. A good one. Explain all your symptoms and ask to try out an antidepressant. Not all work well for all people. It'll be trial and error until you find one that lets you look yourself in the mirror when you get up in the morning. If you can do that then it's working. As another poster pointed out, happiness is not like a bipolar on a mania. If something doesn't work, SAY so. Insist on trying all kinds of different things until you find one that's right for you. You have to be responsible for your care at all times.
  • Get thee to a doctor and get a full physical. Not just the usual chest check and knee tap. Then ask the doctor what level of exercise you're up to when the results come back. Ask for a referral to an endocrinologist or andrologist. Have your testosterone levels checked (both free and bound). Get both numbers and if they're low, discuss what therapies you can try.
  • Get thee to a gym. Follow what your GP tells you about exercise and work with a personal trainer at least once a week for the next three months to develop a routine that works for you to get the results you want. When you have a body you're reasonably satisfied with, then assess what to do about your face if you think it still needs something. Be nude in the gym. If I could force myself to use a gang shower at 14 despite having the smallest penis in the dorm, then you can too. In which case...
  • Get thee to the gayest styling salon in town or even big city. Get a consult with an aesthetician to go over what you can do to improve your skin tone and hair. Buy good products that match your skin type and use them.
  • Get thee to a top-rated store where there are styling consultants. Talk to them about what looks good on your body type, with your coloration, age, job, and style. Get at least one outfit that you feel makes you look great.
  • Get thee to Thunder's and click on the wiki link at the top of the page. Read-up on PE and how to do it. Then do it religiously. At the very least you'll get better flaccid hang and stronger erections if you do the newbie routine the right way. Watch for new membership openings. Join. You'll meet a lot of great guys, just as nice and as friendly as here only with far fewer trolls and voyeurs. They will guide you on a quest for a big dick. Or come here and chat about it on the, Making It Bigger, forum. That's what it's there for.

I pray that you will take this to heart. I offer it with hope and empathy. You have to force yourself to do it. No one else can. We will cheer you on but you've gotta give us something to work with.
 

jason_els

<img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi
Joined
Dec 16, 2004
Posts
10,228
Media
0
Likes
162
Points
193
Location
Warwick, NY, USA
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
viking1 said:
I am reasonably confident and okay with my ability to work on things. I'm okay with most aspects of my personality and knowledge. As for intelligence, sometimes I'm okay with, and other times I question it.

Here's a classic Zen parable:

The emperor, who was a devout Buddhist, invited a great Zen master to the Palace in order to ask him questions about Buddhism. "What is the highest truth of the holy Buddhist doctrine?" the emperor inquired.

"Vast emptiness... and not a trace of holiness," the master replied.

"If there is no holiness," the emperor said, "then who or what are you?"

"I do not know," the master replied.​

Read my signature line. That, and the parable above, should calm your fears about your intelligence.

You've got personal traits you are happy with. That's a great start. Build on these.

Many people who work on things, are happy with things, who are smart, may have certain personality traits that make it difficult to socialize well. They miss social cues that others see easily and subliminally. This makes you, and the other people, feel awkward. The same thing can occur on the written page. When you write or read another's work, you may be missing the subtext.

This is somewhat common and becoming more so. Tell this to the shrink you speak to. You may receive a referral to a behaviorist who can help teach you these kinds of skills.
 

WildHoney

Experimental Member
Joined
Oct 2, 2006
Posts
1,101
Media
0
Likes
22
Points
183
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Viking, Please please, read Jason Els's post. Read it, print it out, and dwell on it for a while.

Life is way too short to be alone. It is never to late to begin this journey.


x

Honey
 

LemacST

Sexy Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2007
Posts
1,065
Media
0
Likes
35
Points
183
Location
Ca
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I am a gregarious person, and love to talk and chat with others in a wider social scenario, I can hold forth in conversations and lead/direct situations with ease, being able to draw others into the fore; however in smaller groups, dinner parties, parties even around close family, etc I am useless. I want to be myself on these occasions and not "on form" but the conversation dries up, I get tongue tied and act really shy. This is something I am aware of.

I handle compliments really badly too and would love to learn to accept them graciously, but again ball up into this red-faced moron stuttering thanks...not good.
Sounds like we're directly inversed in social scenarios
 

SpoiledPrincess

Expert Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2006
Posts
7,868
Media
0
Likes
119
Points
193
Location
england
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
You know why I'm confident viking, because I don't dwell on my negative aspects, I accept them because no one can be perfect, by dwelling on your negative sides you're helping them grow. Get off your arse, go out, force yourself to mix, it might be easier said than done but it isn't impossible, you want to meet people, surprisingly enough so do other people. Every one of your posts is filled with negative comments about yourself and you know what, you're a smart man, I won't lie and say you're the best looking guy I've ever seen but you're decent looking, I've seen men much less attractive than you who were pussy magnets. Where they differed from you is that they believed in themselves, confidence is attractive, sitting there dissing yourself isn't.
You're intelligent, sensitive, caring, why aren't you with someone?
 

Mem

Sexy Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2006
Posts
7,912
Media
0
Likes
54
Points
183
Location
FL
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I'm insecure about my body, specifically my man-boobs. I talked about it in another thread, but I got them from prolonged steroid usage from asthma medications. If I didn't have them, I'd feel alot better about myself.
Other than that, I can't complain. I like me for the most part.

Happy Birthday..hope you have a great day.:wink:
 

Principessa

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2006
Posts
18,660
Media
0
Likes
135
Points
193
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female

I've never been fond of my feet. The 2nd toe is a shade longer than the big toe which throws off the symmetry. Plus I took ballet for 7 years and have the beginnings of a typical dancers gnarled feet. :tongue: :redface:



 

SyddyKitty

Admired Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2007
Posts
2,432
Media
0
Likes
852
Points
333
Age
37
Location
Washington (United States)
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I've never been fond of my feet. The 2nd toe is a shade longer than the big toe which throws off the symmetry. Plus I took ballet for 7 years and have the beginnings of a typical dancers gnarled feet. :tongue: :redface:
My toes do the same and I love my feet just for that reason. o.o
 

Act2_Begins_Now

1st Like
Joined
Jun 9, 2007
Posts
487
Media
0
Likes
1
Points
163
Location
Pacific Northwest
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
I get a bit insecure when I am complimented. Doesn't have to be just physical in nature either. Getting compliments about a completed projected at work, how well adjusted my kid is, how much I help at non profit ... they all make me feel awkward.
 

lemont77

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Posts
657
Media
4
Likes
22
Points
163
Location
Baton Rouge (Louisiana, United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I get a bit insecure when I am complimented. Doesn't have to be just physical in nature either. Getting compliments about a completed projected at work, how well adjusted my kid is, how much I help at non profit ... they all make me feel awkward.

Well, you look amazing, without a doubt. Don't let anyone make you believe otherwise! :biggrin1:

My stomach...there's just so much of it! :redface: I did have a girl tell me once (after getting me mostly naked and very erect), "Well, the bigger the tool, the bigger the shed!" lol. People are funny. But I'd do away with all my excess weight, for certain. I'm ready to be fit and thinner...I'll never be thin, but I can be in much better shape!
 

whatireallywant

Sexy Member
Joined
Jun 4, 2007
Posts
3,535
Media
0
Likes
30
Points
183
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
I have dwelled on some of my insecurities here too much. Like thinking my breasts are too small (I did a bra sizer thing online tonight and it said I was larger than I thought I was, but I don't believe it, really. Still, it was kinda good for the ego!)

I still don't like my thick waist and pot belly though. I need to do more exercises for that!

And, probably what I need to work on the most, I'm insecure about my social skills (or rather, lack thereof), and my inability to keep a job. I've talked to some people here though and it seems like a lot of people around here get repeatedly fired from jobs, so it really isn't just me. I still need to work on the shyness, but I'm getting there. I also need to get into exercising more, but unfortunately I'm actually a "social exerciser" and even though I'm shy, I have trouble motivating myself to get out and exercise when I'm alone.

I'm working on the social skills though. I'm a member of several clubs here and actually do many social activities despite being as shy as I am.

What I'm secure about? I am highly intelligent, and have a nice butt (if I do say so myself!). I also have a unique personality and think outside the box, which can be both a good thing and a bad thing (I rather like it, but it adds to my social anxiety because a lot of people have given me flak for some of my opinions in the past. I tend to hide my opinions on certain subjects from most people as a result.)
 

jason_els

<img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi
Joined
Dec 16, 2004
Posts
10,228
Media
0
Likes
162
Points
193
Location
Warwick, NY, USA
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I have dwelled on some of my insecurities here too much. Like thinking my breasts are too small (I did a bra sizer thing online tonight and it said I was larger than I thought I was, but I don't believe it, really. Still, it was kinda good for the ego!)

Apparently it's very common for women to underestimate their bra size like Miranda in the dressing room with the pushy bra lady. See if you can get a fitting from a real lingerie shop.
 

wldhoney

Sexy Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2007
Posts
1,154
Media
3
Likes
29
Points
183
Location
U.S.
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Female
I am insecure here on LPSG because I am not sure if the people on this site like me..and it bothers me at times beacuse I have such a low self esteem..I am in need of their love and support..I am at a critical point in my life where criticism drives to me severe bouts of depression and I am afraid to leave the house. I need my LPSG family more than I will ever admit...

Arliss, sweetie, it probably doesn't mean much coming from me.....but I like you! :smile: And I hope that this hard time passes quickly and you emerge stronger and in a better place!

I wouldn't say that I'm over confident about anything..................<snip for space>

I have dwelled on some of my insecurities here too much. Like thinking my breasts are too small <snip for space>

Viking1, I agree with the others in this thread. Both you and allireallywant are so focused on what you think is wrong with yourselves that you miss what truly lovely, intelligent, kind, beautiful people you are.

Life is too short and it just goes faster as we get older. Go out and let the real you ,both of you, shine thru, and people will be drawn in.

It's hard to break the habit of knocking yourself down, especially if someone else has done this to you in the past. Find a way to break the cycle.......we all want to see you two very happy!!!!!!
 

whatireallywant

Sexy Member
Joined
Jun 4, 2007
Posts
3,535
Media
0
Likes
30
Points
183
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Arliss, sweetie, it probably doesn't mean much coming from me.....but I like you! :smile: And I hope that this hard time passes quickly and you emerge stronger and in a better place!





Viking1, I agree with the others in this thread. Both you and allireallywant are so focused on what you think is wrong with yourselves that you miss what truly lovely, intelligent, kind, beautiful people you are.

Life is too short and it just goes faster as we get older. Go out and let the real you ,both of you, shine thru, and people will be drawn in.

It's hard to break the habit of knocking yourself down, especially if someone else has done this to you in the past. Find a way to break the cycle.......we all want to see you two very happy!!!!!!

I'm working on it myself. I was in the situation of "someone else has knocked me down in the past". Actually, it was more like nearly everyone I knew knocked me down in the past! :eek: The strange thing is that I wasn't knocked down much for what I seem to focus on in my insecurity. Go figure. I was put down for nearly everything I said or did, though.

That changed after I moved to a city. I hope I never have to live in a small town or rural area ever again.

And really, I think my biggest obstacle is shyness. If I can get over that I'll be much better off. I can be open on here but it's very different typing words onto a computer screen than it is talking to people in real life.

Last night I had an interesting experience - SensualGoth and I went to a sushi place here (she's a regular there and knows the people who work there as well as some of the regular customers), and she's way, way more outgoing and open than I am! She said stuff that I'd never dream of saying to most of the people I've known, for fear that they'd be really offended and even be mean to me after that! (because that sort of thing has actually happened to me - I'm speaking from experience here!)