What advice would you give?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov, Oct 10, 2010.

  1. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    This email is from another site:

    << Hi,

    I am ..., 28 yrs old from India (gay), due to family pressure and some other reasons I am going to marry a girl soon, I want to talk with guys who are gay (not bi) and married to a str8 woman, I want support & suggestions from them, so guys pls contact me if you are one. I am searching.

    ...>>

    My advice was for him to try and emigrate to a country where homosexuals have an easier life. Later, he might have a chance to get reconciled with his family. His happiness must come first. But maybe I was wrong. What do you think?
     
  2. helgaleena

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    If he is succumbing to family pressure,that is his decision. But he is bound to be unhappy for doing it and that is tragic.

    There is a certain amount of support for gay men who live as women in India, but they need to give up their old ties and identities for a new one. And they certainly are a marginal group.
     
  3. avg_joe

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    He could file a refugee/asylum petition in the U.S.
     
  4. erratic

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    Well, unless he can prove there's imminent risk to his physical well-being if he returns to India, a refugee claim likely won't hold up in most queer-friendly nations.

    I mean, he's a big boy. He can make his own decisions. I would remind him, however, that there are at least two people in any marriage, and he really ought to consider his soon-to-be wife's feelings in all of this.
     
  5. killerb

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    I know someone who lives in the US and is in the same situation right now...

    The only advice I can give is for these guys to live their lives for themselves, not according to what others expect of them.
     
  6. captainwhackit

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    I know a young man who has been in this situation. Not gay or bi, but forced into marriage.

    It's not as easy as we might think. Generally, Pakistani and Indian family culture is very different. It is a lot more interconnected. If you "shame" your family, you loose contact with EVERYONE.
    And for a society where family is the center of your existence, it can be an impossible situation.

    None of us can really offer any advice on this unfortunately.

    He knows what his choices are, and neither option is easy. Either he says no and potentially loses contact with his entire family and network of friends, or he agrees and has a sham-marriage.

    What would I do? I'd probably run. Like you say, life is too short to waste it pleasing other people.
     
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