What ARE the Benefits??

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Petherick_Poundlouder, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. D_Petherick_Poundlouder

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    II'm there, coffeehouse, and a girl looks at me. Everytime I talk to her...its fun. Flirt here, flirt there, take time off from my bit of writing and chat. Whenever I sit, just listen, she chats about her misadventures with men with co-workers....loud enough for me to know this girl isn't any good for the long haul. Oh, but is she cute. And we're friendly. So I wanna hang out, I wanna have fun....I wanna fuck.

    Friends with benefits!

    I guess I've tried it before. Never was clear that was what we were doing, the objective. Bad communication. So, how do you go about communicating that want? Setting those guidelines? When is it appropiate? And what are your experiences with "Friends with Benefits"
     
    #1 D_Petherick_Poundlouder, Dec 21, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2009
  2. sargon20

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    Females can do 'friends with benefits' but not for very long. Also it should be clear at the start that is what this is.
     
  3. Showerbag

    Showerbag Member

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    I think the going out and having a few drinks thing works good. A REAL date like dinner and stuff puts forth the idea ur interested in a relationship. something more casual that involves some drinking, and later sex is less likely to be interpreted as "oh he wants a relationship". If i were you i would never bring up the relationship thing and if she does kinda put it on the backburner and never address it until she just gets bored or finds someone else. until then, giver shit.
     
  4. D_Petherick_Poundlouder

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    I think you are right about the dinner thing. "Its like, aaah - shit! I can't just chill, relax, and enjoy myself. Time to be on my A-game!!" When all you want to do is hang out and have a sex a lil (a lot) bit.
     
  5. _avg_

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    3 weeks paid vacation and 401k
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    <crickets>
     
  6. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    "Friends with benefits" have never worked for me. It's difficult for me to have sex with someone unless I have some deeper feelings and attraction for them. If it starts out as friends, it doesn't take very long to become lovers. Maybe this is a fatal flaw in me. I don't know.
     
  7. pussnboots

    pussnboots New Member

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    You know...it's funny you asked this, because I was coming at this same thing from a different angle. :biggrin1:

    I would be clear with her. Why not? Drinks can also be assumed to be more...dinner, maybe, yeah. But drinks can too.

    Are you afraid of loosing the chance at sex if you lay it out there? Maybe say something casual, like, hey I'm in between relationships...wanna just hang out? Is that clear enough, but not quite saying, 'hey lets fuck'? That way, sorry I am a girl, you won't be misunderstood...she won't think you want more...ladaladalada...

    I dunno though, I've never been able to do these but! If a guy had suggested this instead of leaving me guessing...who knows what might have happened! :cool:

    good luck! :tongue:
     
  8. Ethyl

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    The first part needs clarification. The second part is quite true.

    Females often don't like to do friends with benefits and one of the reasons is that some don't like to discuss the boundaries/rules. Leaving blurred lines allows one to think the other should be available when they want them to be available and other ensuing problems.

    Find out if she's up for this sort of arrangement. Tell her what you expect. Ask her what she expects. Spell out your boundaries and go from there. It's not for everyone. Some people, both men and women, can't do it. If she can't, move on.
     
  9. fifi_ny

    fifi_ny New Member

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    She may very well be talking of her "misadventures" to announce that she is single and you should ask her out. "Girls" are stupid and full of drama...find a woman who is over all that!
     
  10. helgaleena

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    Try to get into it (FWB status) with more than one person at the same time. Be extremely honest about what you are doing. That way nobody feels 'owned'. And be sure to ask about the health issues like has she been tested, how recently, birth control, your own stats in return, right up front. It may kill the 'mood' but that is the point. You don't want it getting serious.
     
  11. D_Petherick_Poundlouder

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    Ahh, I like this.
     
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