What are the side effects of not getting enough?

[D_Teasdale Tittithorne]

Did JAMA say whether it was more beneficial to release the goo in the presence of others or by yourself?

 

[kingjf64]

Symptoms: feelings of worthlessness and depression.

 

[Drifterwood]

I'd think physical contact would be the key factor but there has been suggestion that not just the penetrative aspect but the ejaculate itself contains hormones that can act as mood elevators.

Semen acts as an anti-depressant - 26 June 2002 - New Scientist

Just one of those things that make you go "hmm".

IMHO this is one of the most interesting and potentially controversial things that has ever been posted on this iste. The fact that it has attracted so little response suggests to me that it was posted in the wrong place.

Sad.

 

[got_lost]

We have had plenty of debate, mass debate if you will, about the morality of "cheating", but I am interested in the downside of not getting as much sex as you need, whether in a relationship or not?

I could have put this in the relationship section, but I don't want to limit the question to people in relationships. Also I have never heard of gay guys complaining - is it predominantly a straight thing?

For those who will say that you should compromise, can I ask which other areas affecting your health and happiness you compromise?

Side effects of not getting enough:

Phase one -
Rejection
Low self esteem
Feeling less loved
questioning self worth

Phase two -
Continued rejection
reduced communication
less physical contact
little or no intimacy
low self esteem
feeling unloved
low self worth

Phase three -
Rejected
Zero intimacy
Little/no communication
zero physical contact
frustration
loneliness
zero self worth
desperation
loneliness
unloved
loneliness

Phase four -
Need help or will sink into a deep black pit and never get out of it...
Totally dejected
no self worth or esteem
alone
unloved
desperate....


I think that's about it

IMHO this is one of the most interesting and potentially controversial things that has ever been posted on this iste. The fact that it has attracted so little response suggests to me that it was posted in the wrong place.

Sad.

In women's issues?!!??! maybe! :yup:

 

[Drifterwood]

Thanks Abdik8. That is pretty comprehenive. I am presuming then that you think it's quite improtant to fill your boots when you need to and on the flip side to be sympathetic to a partner's needs?

 

[ManlyBanisters]

It's all about balance - and of course individual needs.

I'm in a situation where I simply can't be sexually intimate with my man on a regular basis because he lives over 4000 miles away. We've chosen monogamy and we only see each other every 3 months or so, therefore we only have sex every 3 or so months (albeit several times a day for how ever long we're together).

The actually not having sex doesn't seem to have much of a detrimental effect on me - I miss it, I want it but it doesn't get me down. Now - to the balance bit. I believe the reason it doesn't get me down is because I get so much attention and affection from him despite the fact he so far away. The need to orgasm and blow off sexual tension I can handle on my own. So it's not the same as being in a relationship and being neglected.

I have never been in a relationship where the other person was physically available but withheld sex (or was incapable of it) so I can't compare - but I think that a lot of the negative effects people perceive are related to not having sex are far more more likely to be indirectly about the actual sex and far more directly about the reasons a person is withholding sex. Also, I have known couples with impotency issues - some have had big problems, some have had hardly any. The couples with less problems are those that continue their intimacy in other ways.

In the past I have gone nearly a year without sex as a single person - and again - that didn't bother me. I could have gotten sex but I didn't want it under the conditions I could have got it.

This is not going to be the case for everybody, of course. But looking at the other answers here about lack of sex in a relationship I do believe it has a lot more to do with the lack of intimacy and a mismatch of needs in a relationship and a lot less to do with just the physical absence of sex.

 

[iwishiwasbigger]

If I don't get off for a week or more, I pop boners every 10 seconds and it's really hard to readjust when I'm walking around campus. Also I tend to day dream and sexualise cute girls I see so I can't concentrate on my work.

 

[Principessa]

The only thing that abdik8 left out is that if you are in a relationship and going through any of those phases over a long period of time there is a substitution or surrogate. It's not another person. It's usually food, alcohol, overworking or something of that nature.

 

[got_lost]

Thanks Abdik8. That is pretty comprehenive. I am presuming then that you think it's quite important to fill your boots when you need to and on the flip side to be sympathetic to a partner's needs?

Indeed I am.
There's 2 people in a relationship and one choosing they don't want something has a marked effect on the other.
For either to pretend it's not an issue is detrimental to the long term relationship.
Years ago it was the only box 'unchecked'.... the sex box.
15 years down the line and you're co-habiting with someone who can't even hug you when you get bad news. Who pats you on the head when you learn your biopsy results weren't as you'd hoped and the best kiss you get is a peck on the cheek once in a blue moon.

Burying one's head in the sand, thinking no sex is OK, you love 'em, you promised to spend your life with them... is not the best answer.

The only thing that abdik8 left out is that if you are in a relationship and going through any of those phases over a long period of time there is a substitution or surrogate. It's not another person. It's usually food, alcohol, overworking or something of that nature.

Aahhhhhh!!!! I stand corrected NJQT!

For me:
Food - check
Overworking - check

But at the end of the day, it's another person that's gonna help fix you, IMHO.

 

[B_625girth]

frustration and masturbation

 

[Symphonic]

Minor anxieties about the self in relation to the partner / society. At times it can overlap into other things making one more cranky and whatnot.

 

[Drifterwood]

Like ManB, I know I will be partaking in a sex fiesta every so many times a year. I think knowing that you will and whether there is or isn't the intimacy involved, means that you do not fall into the depression that others have talked about.

To intimacy and sexual release, I would add the need to express yourself sexually. We are all sexual beings and at some point, I think, we need to express that as well as having the sex and the intimacy.

I don't know whether to say that I am lucky or not, but I can express and share intimacy with people I hardly know outside the expression of our sexuality. Of course within that you also address the need for sexual release. This is why some people can just have sex, great life affirming sex without needing to even know the other person's name, and some people don't get that.