What can a gay young man do?

NCbear

Superior Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2006
Posts
1,975
Media
0
Likes
2,613
Points
343
Location
Greensboro (North Carolina, United States)
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I second that, Catharsis. Enjoy getting out there and getting to know people!

As a side note, your posts have been sensible but still just quirky enough to be really interesting. If your personality matches your online persona, you should meet some equally interesting people.

Let us know what you find. Good luck!

NCbear (who thinks Catharsis is one of my favorite LPSG posters due to his honesty and common sense :wink:)
 

Catharsis

Loved Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 22, 2011
Posts
989
Media
6
Likes
632
Points
338
Location
New York, NY
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Aww, thank you so much for that, NCBear. :)

I've had my experience online, although this was on Adam4Adam and I've already experienced a bit of what coxey has pointed out to me (unfortunately). I've decided that I have to work with what's available to me, and I probably will have to join those online dating sites, as long as they're free! It's just unfortunate because I was looking to improve my social skills offline and try to pick out a guy from any vibes and first impressions I get from him in person.

Ah well... What else can I do?
 

Dave NoCal

Superior Member
Joined
Sep 5, 2006
Posts
2,719
Media
1
Likes
2,572
Points
333
Location
Sacramento (California, United States)
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Catharsis,
Another possibility is involving yourself in gay-friendly community organizations. Many, myself included, find it easier to form friendships in the context of a shared endeavor. If you involve yourself with a lot of people and are open good things will happen.
Dave
 

erratic

Loved Member
Joined
Nov 27, 2007
Posts
4,289
Media
0
Likes
508
Points
333
Sexuality
No Response
It's just unfortunate because I was looking to improve my social skills offline and try to pick out a guy from any vibes and first impressions I get from him in person.

Oh, I'm sure you'll get the chance to do that more than a few times. The problem comes down to numbers, though, doesn't it? If there aren't a lot of gay guys around you have to do something to weed out the straighties. A good dating site will help you do that.

(BTW, I met my husband on Adam4Adam, so...you know...)
 

1Cody

Expert Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2010
Posts
528
Media
0
Likes
135
Points
188
Location
Oklahoma (United States)
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
Cath, could you possibly start your own social group? I am sure you could post on an existing web site or to even create your own site shouldn't cost all that much. You might just be doing everyone else a favor where you are by doing so. Good luck to you. PS. You are weird in the way that I like! LOL!
 
Last edited:

Catharsis

Loved Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 22, 2011
Posts
989
Media
6
Likes
632
Points
338
Location
New York, NY
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Catharsis,
Another possibility is involving yourself in gay-friendly community organizations. Many, myself included, find it easier to form friendships in the context of a shared endeavor. If you involve yourself with a lot of people and are open good things will happen.
Dave
Hey Dave, thanks for your suggestion. I do think it's a pretty good idea, and it's a good way to get some information. And it's a great way to make new friends. I plan on becoming more involved in my school's LGBT support center. They're not a club, but they do hold some meetings and events in which I can be involved. I'll have to look more into it. But other than that, I haven't really found anything closer to me than Hartford.

Oh, I'm sure you'll get the chance to do that more than a few times. The problem comes down to numbers, though, doesn't it? If there aren't a lot of gay guys around you have to do something to weed out the straighties. A good dating site will help you do that.

(BTW, I met my husband on Adam4Adam, so...you know...)
I suppose so - dating probably is a better way to figure out my likes and dislikes than to flirt, lol.

Also, I don't have anything against online sites, but I just figured I have already "been there, done that" without any true results, but maybe a dating site will be different than a hookup site... Who knows?
 

CobraLover

Expert Member
Joined
Dec 11, 2010
Posts
938
Media
17
Likes
100
Points
63
Location
Santa Ana (California, United States)
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
Cath, you're more mature than most guys your age that are coming out. You'll likely only find the types of locales you are looking for in Boston or New York. Take a Sunday and explore both cities. Boston in particular would have a large gay collegiate-age community, and unfortunately the places you might want to go to won't have students over the summer months. In the meantime, try LifeOUT.com // The FREE gay social network. Videos, profiles, chat, and more! to perhaps get in touch with local guys that might just want to chat and be friends. Just my 2 cents.
 

B_jdunhill

Legendary Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2010
Posts
7,034
Media
0
Likes
2,128
Points
258
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
There's also a lot to be said for just taking risks. Talking to people, like people do. When you happen into someone, or run into something that is cute. These sites and apps are all well and good for establishing some sort of commonality in type, but unless proximity is manageable? It is more of the same thing or trait your looking to be rid of. Starting a site or thread or blog or tumblr for guys who are interested in guys without the rabid hangups of guys who hang out on threads or blogs or tumblrs for guys who are interested in guys will most likely end up in more of the same.
Meet people and talk to them. I do it that way. The interwebs can be a nice way to introduce, and assess great like mindedness and conversation. I think proximity and compatability may be what you are looking for my friend...and as are we all.

I get the distinct feeling you are looking to solve a problem that has existed for the single minded single for ages. Gay straight bi trans questioning etc. How do I become less alone?

By meeting people...and winning or failing, but all the while learning and doing it better next time.
 

Catharsis

Loved Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 22, 2011
Posts
989
Media
6
Likes
632
Points
338
Location
New York, NY
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
There's also a lot to be said for just taking risks. Talking to people, like people do. When you happen into someone, or run into something that is cute. These sites and apps are all well and good for establishing some sort of commonality in type, but unless proximity is manageable? It is more of the same thing or trait your looking to be rid of. Starting a site or thread or blog or tumblr for guys who are interested in guys without the rabid hangups of guys who hang out on threads or blogs or tumblrs for guys who are interested in guys will most likely end up in more of the same.
Meet people and talk to them. I do it that way. The interwebs can be a nice way to introduce, and assess great like mindedness and conversation. I think proximity and compatability may be what you are looking for my friend...and as are we all.

I get the distinct feeling you are looking to solve a problem that has existed for the single minded single for ages. Gay straight bi trans questioning etc. How do I become less alone?

By meeting people...and winning or failing, but all the while learning and doing it better next time.
Well... Yes, this is pretty much my dilemma. I would like to immerse myself (so to speak) in a very gay-friendly community. But this isn't likely to happen until I move out on my own, which won't happen for at least a year or two after I graduate (which is not for another year). I might not even move on my own until I enter graduate school, in whatever city it is situated - hopefully a somewhat large college town where there is sure to be something to attract other young gay males.

Working with what's available to me now, there's really not much (conveniently and within proximity) that allows me to explore my sexuality and get to know other guys (and myself, in that process). I will look more into the events that my school's LGBT support center offers, but that won't be for another few months, at best.

CobraLover - I'll look more into that site. From what you told me, it sounds like something that offers a bit more than the typical hookup/dating websites. More of a community, like this website.
 

B_Bjen2848

Experimental Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2007
Posts
942
Media
0
Likes
10
Points
103
Location
Mars, vacate in the bermuda triangle
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I want to get myself out there and explore my sexuality, but... I feel like my opportunities are restricted.

I'm looking at nightlife, particularly aimed at the gay population. The closest (gay) bar or club is at least 20 miles away from me. I mean, I can travel, but it's just not convenient for me... Aside from the distance, the main problem for me is my age. I wouldn't be allowed in (most) bars, and my alternative is to go to an 18+ club. I want to go somewhere with a more chill atmosphere where I can sit and chat with someone, not dance. I'm sure I can still do that in a club, but I don't know... What do guys usually do at clubs?

I should probably add in that I just want to intimately hang out with other gay guys without a need for it to go beyond that... Basically, I'm not really looking for a hookup (not that I'd deny it if an offer came from a guy who appears to be decent). But I still want to be intimate. Does that make sense? Or am I just weird? :redface:

you could always start a club, you'll be a CEO of a company in a market that is not getting needs fulfilled

so you could have a chill spot to party and make BANK at the same time, sounds like a win win
 

pwrdick

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Feb 15, 2010
Posts
410
Media
55
Likes
4,000
Points
773
Location
Santa Rosa (California, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
Hey Catharsis - can you sing? If so, investigate the CT Gay Men's Chorus (Hartford). Nice alternative to bar scene, meet weekly. Great place to have fun, meet a lot of great guys, investigate friendships and gain a ton of support. Contact them and see if they need a volunteer for their Pride concert (too late to join this season but sure they'd love help).
 

MattBoyMA

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 19, 2004
Posts
217
Media
6
Likes
267
Points
393
Age
52
Location
Boston (Massachusetts, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
I'm sure it's tough as an under-21er to meet other gay guys for non-sexual reasons. The types of establishments that are usually geared specifically toward gays are bars and dance clubs. You can't get into a bar being under 21, and a dance club is loud (and often pretty sexualized,) so not a place you can just flirt and meet and chat.

Obviously, yeah, getting involved in school groups in the fall is a good idea. (Honestly, even if the groups are geared toward helping people come out or cope, there are probably plenty of guys there who would enjoy hearing your experiences and relating to them.) And, of course, there's always the internet - even the seediest of sites still have guys looking for something other than sex. (I met my ex - who's still my best friend - on Manhunt, of all places, while I was looking for the same thing, guys to meet and flirt and hang out with.)

Maybe try and see if there's a local-ish PFLAG group you can get involved with? You could either go and join a group or volunteer to help. I don't know if being 20 miles away from Hartford means you're closer to another city or if you're 20 miles out into the middle of nowhere, but lots of metropolitan areas - and even smaller populations - have health care centers that cater to the GLBT population. You could volunteer at a place like that, if there's one nearby.

And, yeah, take a Saturday now and again, come up to Boston, spend the day in the South End wandering through the parks and shops and galleries and coffee shops. Or head down to NYC and do the same in Chelsea. I'm sure Hartford has a neighborhood like that, too.

Good luck, and have fun.
 

ruggerkit28

Cherished Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2008
Posts
693
Media
8
Likes
430
Points
283
Location
Brighton UK
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
Here in the UK there are a number of gay sports and social clubs.

Football (the Stonewall FC does rather well in a London amateur league) but also in other towns. Gay Outdoor Club organises walks, social meets. For the younger crowd, OutdoorLads does hill walking, mountain climbing, camping weekends. There is gay sailing club (there is branch in New York) does not only sailing, but motor boating, yacht charters, even cruises.

The gay sailing club and the football club are even affiliated to their national organisations.

So, lots of opportunities out the gay bar/club scene.
 

erratic

Loved Member
Joined
Nov 27, 2007
Posts
4,289
Media
0
Likes
508
Points
333
Sexuality
No Response
you could always start a club, you'll be a CEO of a company in a market that is not getting needs fulfilled

so you could have a chill spot to party and make BANK at the same time, sounds like a win win

You know, it's not a bad idea.

You don't have to actually physically establish a business, but if you were to start advertising for a local LGBTQ meet-and-greet, you might be surprised at the response.

After all, if you're frustrated at the lack of one, that means there's a demand for it.
 

nudeyorker

Admired Member
Joined
Nov 6, 2006
Posts
22,744
Media
0
Likes
778
Points
208
Location
NYC/Honolulu
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
You have been given some excellent advice, the only thing I can suggest is looking into the social or non-hook up venues near you.
Connecticut Gay and Lesbian Guide - CT Gay Bars, Nightclubs, Organizations and Businesses Maybe you should think about an organization or cause that inspires you and do some volunteer work one or two days a week. When I moved back to Hawaii I joined a couple of groups and met some wonderful people who I hope to develop friendships to last a lifetime.
 

Catharsis

Loved Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 22, 2011
Posts
989
Media
6
Likes
632
Points
338
Location
New York, NY
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I think the business/meet-and-greet thing is actually a pretty cool idea, but unfortunately there is just no way I could afford to organize such an event (I'm sure I would have to call for reservations to host it in a public area/room/building).

I'm sure it's tough as an under-21er to meet other gay guys for non-sexual reasons. The types of establishments that are usually geared specifically toward gays are bars and dance clubs. You can't get into a bar being under 21, and a dance club is loud (and often pretty sexualized,) so not a place you can just flirt and meet and chat.

Obviously, yeah, getting involved in school groups in the fall is a good idea. (Honestly, even if the groups are geared toward helping people come out or cope, there are probably plenty of guys there who would enjoy hearing your experiences and relating to them.) And, of course, there's always the internet - even the seediest of sites still have guys looking for something other than sex. (I met my ex - who's still my best friend - on Manhunt, of all places, while I was looking for the same thing, guys to meet and flirt and hang out with.)

Maybe try and see if there's a local-ish PFLAG group you can get involved with? You could either go and join a group or volunteer to help. I don't know if being 20 miles away from Hartford means you're closer to another city or if you're 20 miles out into the middle of nowhere, but lots of metropolitan areas - and even smaller populations - have health care centers that cater to the GLBT population. You could volunteer at a place like that, if there's one nearby.

And, yeah, take a Saturday now and again, come up to Boston, spend the day in the South End wandering through the parks and shops and galleries and coffee shops. Or head down to NYC and do the same in Chelsea. I'm sure Hartford has a neighborhood like that, too.

Good luck, and have fun.
I mean, I'm completely open to having a sexually charged conversation with other gay guys! My original intention was actually to do something like this, without necessarily hooking up. I wouldn't mind flirting with some like-minded guys all night, and get some experience in socializing and making conversation in person. And, presumably, I wouldn't have to limit myself to just one guy at a time (unless I meet someone really interesting... and this is where I could see myself possibly taking our "relationship" beyond the club).

The only problem is that a club is not within a convenient distance from me. I live about 20 miles east of Hartford so, along with the rest of Eastern CT, I'm essentially in the middle of nowhere. One other thing about clubs: I don't really know what guys do there. Dancing and drinking, obviously - but what about lounging and chatting? And, well, flirting?

As for PFLAG - I've looked into it and there's a chapter about 15 miles away from me. Not so close but really not too far away from me. I would honestly like to come up to Boston and/or NYC, but what exactly would I gain from walking through these neighborhoods? I don't mean to sound skeptical because it does sound fun - but I don't really know if it's worth the expense and time to travel such a distance (and back) for one day.

Here in the UK there are a number of gay sports and social clubs.

Football (the Stonewall FC does rather well in a London amateur league) but also in other towns. Gay Outdoor Club organises walks, social meets. For the younger crowd, OutdoorLads does hill walking, mountain climbing, camping weekends. There is gay sailing club (there is branch in New York) does not only sailing, but motor boating, yacht charters, even cruises.

The gay sailing club and the football club are even affiliated to their national organisations.

So, lots of opportunities out the gay bar/club scene.
It sounds great and all - but I'm in Connecticut, and even though it's one of the first and few states to allow gay marriage, there is not much else here to cater to the gay population. The only thing CT is really known for is being localized between Boston and New York, and hell, even Providence. The state of CT itself does not offer too much locally, from what I can gather. Of course, I would love to be told something much different.

You have been given some excellent advice, the only thing I can suggest is looking into the social or non-hook up venues near you.
Connecticut Gay and Lesbian Guide - CT Gay Bars, Nightclubs, Organizations and Businesses Maybe you should think about an organization or cause that inspires you and do some volunteer work one or two days a week. When I moved back to Hawaii I joined a couple of groups and met some wonderful people who I hope to develop friendships to last a lifetime.
I've actually used that same page to decide to which clubs I should go for an evening. The ones in Hartford are closest to me (~20 miles away), with the ones in New London being the next closest (~30 miles away). They really don't seem so far away but, to me, it just seems so much worse when I have to consider that I still have to travel back. The statewide services are located in the same cities, approximately.

The main problem seems to be proximity, for me. I guess, at this point, I don't really have much of a choice other than to explore on the internet... And to see what events my school's LGBT center will offer for the next semester.
 

MattBoyMA

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 19, 2004
Posts
217
Media
6
Likes
267
Points
393
Age
52
Location
Boston (Massachusetts, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
I mean, I'm completely open to having a sexually charged conversation with other gay guys! My original intention was actually to do something like this, without necessarily hooking up. I wouldn't mind flirting with some like-minded guys all night, and get some experience in socializing and making conversation in person. And, presumably, I wouldn't have to limit myself to just one guy at a time (unless I meet someone really interesting... and this is where I could see myself possibly taking our "relationship" beyond the club).

The only problem is that a club is not within a convenient distance from me. I live about 20 miles east of Hartford so, along with the rest of Eastern CT, I'm essentially in the middle of nowhere. One other thing about clubs: I don't really know what guys do there. Dancing and drinking, obviously - but what about lounging and chatting? And, well, flirting?

As for PFLAG - I've looked into it and there's a chapter about 15 miles away from me. Not so close but really not too far away from me. I would honestly like to come up to Boston and/or NYC, but what exactly would I gain from walking through these neighborhoods? I don't mean to sound skeptical because it does sound fun - but I don't really know if it's worth the expense and time to travel such a distance (and back) for one day.

Well, reading the first part, I think I understand a little better what you're looking for. It's not a very exciting answer, but, really, your best start probably is to check out all the different websites. There are lots of places on the internet where guys chat and flirt or whatever, and that's a good introduction to someone before meeting up and hanging out, even if it's only one-on-one. Not to pimp Manhunt again, but, as one example, they have all kinds of chatrooms with webcams where guys hang out and chat and flirt and whatnot. I've met guys on there myself who I consider friends, and certain rooms have groups of guys who met there and now hang out together all the time.

As for taking a day trip to Boston or NYC, well, why not? A 2-hour or so drive in and back, even if you don't meet anyone, at least you get a nice day in a different place. I can't speak for NYC, since I'm only down there a few times a year, but in Boston, you might be surprised. There are so many little boutique shops and small coffee shops and parks, and people can be friendlier than you'd think. (Seriously, in Boston's South End, every homo has a dog, so it couldn't be easier to go stroll around a park and pick a cute guy and start playing with his dog. Instant ice-breaker.) Any of the shop owners are happy to chat with customers, and in the South End, most of them are gay. There are even a couple of sex shops you could wander into, which could lead to fun conversation. Ultimately, I guess that really doesn't lead to too much, since anyone you possibly meet there, you're 100+ miles away from. But, eh, maybe it could help as flirting practice.... :smile:

Oh, and keep in mind, too - 15 or 20 miles to a club or a group or whatever, that's really probably only 1/2 hour drive. That's not too bad. (Although you're right - the club scene can be tricky for flirting and chatting, depending on the club.)
 

B_Bjen2848

Experimental Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2007
Posts
942
Media
0
Likes
10
Points
103
Location
Mars, vacate in the bermuda triangle
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
You know, it's not a bad idea.

You don't have to actually physically establish a business, but if you were to start advertising for a local LGBTQ meet-and-greet, you might be surprised at the response.

After all, if you're frustrated at the lack of one, that means there's a demand for it.

exactly, it probably wouldn't be too hard to organize with the use of facebook, twitter, and other social media (even lpsg)

hire a DJ, a party promoter get a spot to have it and people who will go and BOOM you gotta massive party on your hands lol

if i were the one doing it, i'd make it like an annual thing... who knows, in a couple years it could be "the" big gay party to go to that everyone looks forward to... all big events started our fairly small

business major FTW
 

Dave NoCal

Superior Member
Joined
Sep 5, 2006
Posts
2,719
Media
1
Likes
2,572
Points
333
Location
Sacramento (California, United States)
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
It seems to me that maybe one of your better bets would be to take a proactive role in your campus LGBT center. My guess is that they would be glad for you to organize activities that are to your liking. There are a lot of colleges in the region, maybe the various colleges' LGBT groups could do some shared activities.