What defines cheating?

[mintjulep]

What particular actions and events qualify as cheating is different for each couple but in simplest terms, to me cheating is defined as anything you don't want your partner to know about because they'd be hurt or angry. If you're hiding it, it's because you know it's not okay in that relationship.

ChuckRich, that's how I feel as well. It really doesn't have to be sex, either. If you drink or do drugs, or spend too much money, anything that you know is hurtful to your mate and you try to hide can be just as damaging to a relationship.

I am giving a lot of thought to what many of you have said, you bring up some amazingly intuitive comments. My hubby and have a good sex life, not like when 20, but good. You all have given me lots to ponder and I sincerely appreciate your input. I do believe, like a couple of you have said, I need to create an exciting and different environment, something new!

BTW, since I'm new to the format of this forum, can someone please tell me how to do the "quote" box? Thanks in advance!

 

[ChuckRich]

BTW, since I'm new to the format of this forum, can someone please tell me how to do the "quote" box? Thanks in advance!

You did the first part right but you have to put [/quote] at the end of the quote.

 

[Chuck64]

Click on the Quote button, then don't remove any of the [ quote="name"] or [/ quote] things...

 

[mintjulep]

You did the first part right but you have to put (/quote)at the end of the quote.

2nd try.

Thanks ChuckRich! And Chuck64

 

[B_Hung Muscle]

The whole concept of 'cheating' is only there in the first place to avoid hurting other people's feelings. So the definition of cheating depends a lot on how secure the people in the relationship are and what they are open to.

Niner, I'm not sure, that the whole concept of cheating is ONLY there to avoid hurting your partner's (partners') feelings. In some cases, it's defined by hurting your partner's health. I'm not so concerned if my boyfriend has a little tug with someone else in the sauna but I wouldn't like it too much if he told me he fucked some guy without a condom. I wouldn't be jealous about
-- or "hurt by" -- the infidelity; I would just be annoyed we had to go back to condoms.

I don't really think too much about cheating in our relationship. I focus more on keeping lines of communications unclogged and open. Like a fine artery.

 

[D_Coyne Toss]

I am hers, she is mine. Everything that goes against this principles is cheating. If i (or she) need something else, the best way, and the most honest, is to break up.

Kissing another person (french kiss) is cheating
having sex with another is cheating

thinking about somebody else can happen, but it becomes cheating when fantasies (that can ben sometimes healthy) turn real.

Am i too italian?:smile:

 

[emu]

what defines cheating.

well broken a few hearts in my time, i can say this.
don't think your hubby wackin to porn pics is cheating, almost every guy does it because it is so ingrained as part of our lifestyle, it's like peeing or drinking water....don't think he no longer finds you attractive. don't take it personal. same way you may fantasize about the hot young 20 something bus boy at the grocery store. it's just a fantasy, the same way you wonder what it might be like to eat fras gras in the most expensive gourmet restaurant in Paris....

cheating would be doing something sexual with someone who is not your significant other without their consent and then lying about it.

E

 

[B_Hung Muscle]

Emu, to you, would "doing something sexual" and lying about also mean non-physical contact. I mean, if your partner/spouse/bf/gf went online and flirted like crazy every day, ogled pics, met someone from the chatroom in real life, developed some sort of bond, etc -- but never had any type of "sex" -- would this be "cheating?"

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Cheating in my defination is not only physical but also emotional. I think its fine to flirt etc with another person but when it goes beyond 'casual' and turns serious and into a relationship were the 2 people are connection beyond friendly terms..then its cheating when one is already in a relationship and it hidding this new relationship.

Masturbating to pictures and porn i dont class as cheating because they are only pictures and there is no 'connection' with the person. Its natural and most people do it, its just that some people need visual stimulation where others can do it with a mental image.

 

[B_Hung Muscle]

I wonder how many people on LPSG think they are cheating just by being here, or how many think they are cheating because of what they write or think, or how many think they are cheating because of the relationships they have built over years of posting.

 

[one2spy]

I lost love over thisone. My partner didn't want me cruising on the computer. I continued and felt he wouldn't know or find out. The truth is they always find out. It was disrepectful to him. It hurt him! So he left. This is a hard call. you other guys out there who have boyfriends and wives how you deal with this? I felt so guilty!!! It was expressed that t was okay when it really wasn't. Does anyone else find themselves in this type of scenario and how do you deal and what do you say to your partner or do you try and hide it. Is it really worth losing love to look a few dicks and boobs on the computer?

HELP!!!!

 

[averagepeck]

Cheating to me is doing something behind your partner's back that you wouldn't do in front of them.If kissing someone else on the lips when your partner isn't around is something you wouldn't do in front of them cause they'd object,that's cheating.

My GF and I have a relationship where she can say to me 'that guy is hot' and I can say to her 'that girl has a nice ass'.We're both adults and we know that people look at other people that we may find attractive.Humans are visual creatures,and there's nothing wrong with that.Hell,sometimes I'll say to my Gf 'there's a guy for you' or my Gf will say 'look at that woman's butt'(she knows I have a butt fetish). We also go out and casually 'flirt' with others to have a contest as to who's the better 'flirt'. We do it all in good fun,and it helps to keep things interesting and fresh...

If your SO watches porn,consider watching it with them.You may be surprised what it does for your sex lives.

 

[bluekarma]

Man, this is a tough one....and I should know, cause I deal with it. I'm happily married to THE BEST man in the world. Yet, I find myself here....Why??? I wish someone would tell me - lol! I think that even if I were married to the richest, hottest, most hung, attentive, loving , sensitive and funny man in the world....I'd still go around seeing what else was out there. I am a social person by nature, and I LOVE meeting new people. I am also an overly sexual person by nature. And of course, curious ( :smile: ) Couple these things together, and I make a GREAT single gal....NOT a very good wife. I probably should have NEVER gotten married.....but I couldn't let him go, when we are so good together, plus....what if someone else snatched him....and they would (he's THAT good!). I do feel like what I do is cheating, because like a PP said, I'm hiding it. I try to justify it by saying, "I wouldn't care if he did it"....and I wouldn't.....but that doesn't take away the fact it would hurt him if he knew. Many would say, "you just want to have your cake and eat it too".....and to that, I say.....ummmm...yea!....who doesn't???? I have also tried to convert him so that I could fulfill my desires in such a way that we were BOTH involved..."come one honey,lets have a threesome....lets swing....lets get online and cam for people.....". He thinks it is ridicules, and that I should be happy w/ him and only him. In that way, we are not a good match....but in every other way, we are made for each other. I predict this being a major problem in our marriage, and at some point...he will catch me. Until then, I'll have my fun...and hope that he will understand how much I love him, and that we can find a happy medium when it does come out. Am I willing to sacrifice my marriage to such a beautiful man to quench my sexual hunger and natural curiosity??? That is a question I ask myself every single day. I don't let the question consume me, but it's there.....and someday, I hope he will either give in...or if...heaven help me, he does leave me...I'll find someone who is willing to let me, be me. Oh, and another key point is that we dated and married very, very young (me being 3 yrs. younger than him).

Sorry to write a novel....if you got this far I appreciate it. I feel a little better actually

 

[AlteredEgo]

What do you all think is "cheating"? Are you like Clinton: "I never had sex with that woman!" so that's supposed to be ok?

You must not compare oral sex to masturbating. That is a far fetched comparison. You know this.

I can't set the boundaries for your relationship. Only you and your husband can do that. But I'd ignore it, if it were my husband. It wouldn't have bothered me in the first place. This sort of thing hasn't bothered me since I was 15 (I'm not calling you childish.) and my high school sweetheart used to keep a stash of porn so huge as to be shocking, and not a single woman looked a thing like me. Eventually, I came to grips with the fact that most people masturbate, myself included, and that it would be unfair for me to tell him how he could get off solo. Our boundaries were defined quite clearly, and allowed for pornography as well as platonic friendships, but did not permit for outsiders in any way. That was high school, and generally, those are my same boundaries today.

Personally, I like to masturbate. I touch myself 2-3 times every day if I can find enough time. I'd do it more often if my poor vulva could take it. There is not a man or woman who could ever make me want to give up my alone time. Why? They can't do what I do. Just like no matter what you do, you can not fulfil all of his fantasies (he doeesn't want or expect you to, either) and your touch will never be exactly like his touch.

Does he like jerking off better than he likes being with you? HELL NO! I bet he can't wait to get home to you every day, and though your body is different, different does not mean better, and it does not mean worse. It means different. He is older too, don't forget. And as we get older, our tastes change. Sometimes this means our minds are more open to different things. Sometimes this means our preferences are not even remotely similar to what they used to be. Just as when I look at old reruns of "My So Called Life" with my friends' children, and I cannot see Jordan Catalano as a sexual being anymore (as I'm no longer 15- and Jordan will ever be), and just as I now instead lust after Jared Leto, the actor who continued to age, your husband's blood still probably comes to a boil when he sees you. This brings me back to my point.

Your husband wants to get off without your help from time to time. Obviously, you want to get off without his help from time to time too. He is looking at people who aren't even real to him. He can never know their real names. He has no idea where they're really from. Is he really doing you any harm? Only you can decide. But if you want my opinion (and you did indeed ask) look, but don't touch. Look at the nice pics, check out the videos, and let your husband have his time alone with his bikers.

 

[Bigdoggie]

sex, including oral, kissing. i hate when people act like oral isnt sex because it is. in fact, most guys love it more then vaginal sex.

 

[Wonderboy]

To me cheating is more physical, I see even kissing as cheating, being unfaithful to your partner. I've never done that, but have had it done to me. Not a nice feeling.

Another very bad and hurtful thing is to also get their (the person someone cheated with's) contact details etc.

But maybe I'm old fashioned. I don't mind a partner fantasising about someone else, since I do that too, although much less often if I'm in a relationship.

I'm very ill today

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

As long as you just do anal with no kissing, it isn't cheating.

 

[avsfan69]

In my opinion, anything that makes the other person feel violated, or bad, is cheating. Some people are comfortable with certain things that others are not. People should know their partners well enough quickly to know boundaries, to know what would make them feel bad, and it shouldn't always have to be said. If you are unsure, my theory is to think of how it would make you feel if they did the same exact thing you are contemplating...can't go wrong

 

[Wrat]

Cheating is being intimate with somebody that is not your partner.
Calling an old girlfriend/boyfriend when you can't be caught and saying a few sweet words. That's cheating. Talking about being together...what it might have been like, what it might be like, how it was, making plans or reconcilliations. That's cheating. Having lunch with an old flame and touching fingers accross the table. That's cheating.
Looking at photographs and jacking off is just a simple chemical reaction. There aren't even any people involved. That's not cheating. Not even close.

 

[B_Spladle]

There is no universal definition of cheating. What is cheating in YOUR relationship is something you and your partner should discuss.