What do couples argue about and how are the resolved

[Frnkd213]

I was curious how couples "fight" and what resolution is found. We argue about things that at times are mundane. She point out to me something that is not put away, "who left the cup on the counter" , it's just the two of us, do you really want an answer... Than it starts. My usual reply is give me a verb! Although I know the answe. After all these years tell me what you want when an explanation is not what you want.
I'm the one who ends it either by noting that I'm not going any further. Do the task and for about the next hour or three quiet.
Any stories to tell? May come up with more as this progresses.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I think usually arguments that are about mundane stuff have bigger issues underlying them, especially with women. If you want to cut the fight off at the pass, find out why she gets pissed at the various things you do in the first place. If those issues get resolved, then arguments will be a lot fewer. If you're living with her, women usually like their home to look a certain way, and if you fuck that up, you're in for some trouble. I think it comes down to nesting. So the first rule would be: don't screw up anything that pertains to her nesting instincts. Or in other words, keep the house clean and in order.

 

[dolfette]

ways to end the argument:

1, agree with me
2, die

if neither of these really appeal,
then i guess a hatefuck might help.

 

[Kotchanski]

We don't really argue, if we do, then it's usually about who has to phone and deal with a particular client. Aside from that, we have the odd political disagreement from time to time, but they are less argumentative and more a competition to see which of us can be the most arrogant, condescending and who knows the most big words.

The first is resolved by who makes the best offer for compensation if the other does it. The second is resolved when one fails to top the others offerings.

 

[Frnkd213]

ways to end the argument:

1, agree with me
2, die

if neither of these really appeal,
then i guess a hatefuck might help.

According to Pavlov wouldn't that make you do anything to prolong "hate"
I salivate if that's what's at the end of any argument.

 

[Frnkd213]

I'm not wanting to find a solution to my issues, I just wanted to start a thread where ither couples(not in general) could post what kind of issues they dispute over and kinds of resolutions, I guess make up sex could be one.

 

[LeeEJ]

I don't want to jinx my relationship, but -- I wish I could tell you.

I'll say this, though -- we've grown to realize that we're both doing things and making choices for the benefit of "us", as a couple. I won't complain about how she squeezes a tube of toothpaste (as an example of a petty thing that sets some couples off). I trust that she knows how to deal with money, so I don't feel the need to yell at her about the shopping trip she made; heck, I think she's better with money than I am.

I've also learned that we have our own "magic words". Some people say it's "I love you,"; my grandmother joked at her 50th wedding anniversary that what worked for her and my grandpa was, "Maybe you're right." For us, it's been simply, "It's okay."

If one of us makes a mistake, we acknowledge it, try to correct it or adapt to it, and move on. Most importantly, we try to remember that we're both doing our best to make things better for each other.

... Hm. I don't think I gave any ideas on resolving arguments. We just tend to defuse them before they ever get to that point.

 

[Frnkd213]

I don't want to jinx my relationship, but -- I wish I could tell you.

I'll say this, though -- we've grown to realize that we're both doing things and making choices for the benefit of "us", as a couple. I won't complain about how she squeezes a tube of toothpaste (as an example of a petty thing that sets some couples off). I trust that she knows how to deal with money, so I don't feel the need to yell at her about the shopping trip she made; heck, I think she's better with money than I am.

I've also learned that we have our own "magic words". Some people say it's "I love you,"; my grandmother joked at her 50th wedding anniversary that what worked for her and my grandpa was, "Maybe you're right." For us, it's been simply, "It's okay."

If one of us makes a mistake, we acknowledge it, try to correct it or adapt to it, and move on. Most importantly, we try to remember that we're both doing our best to make things better for each other.

... Hm. I don't think I gave any ideas on resolving arguments. We just tend to defuse them before they ever get to that point.

this is a solution, and a great one at that. I think taking responsibilty can be difficult and it seems your relationship is a good example of it from what I've read. thanks for sharing!:smile:

 

[D_Rufus_D_Dufus]

My wife and I argue about everything from what furniture to buy to what dog food our dogs should be eating to how each of us like our bread toasted , hell even on our 1st date we argued and I knew she was the one for me.

We both have very different personalities and it some odd way we understand eachother and it works for us. Be both know what we want and we respect eachother.

 

[LeeEJ]

this is a solution, and a great one at that. I think taking responsibilty can be difficult and it seems your relationship is a good example of it from what I've read. thanks for sharing!:smile:

Thinking about it more, I think that taking responsibility turns out to be the core of building trust.

I mean, if the other person doesn't take responsibility for something they've done, it's like they're lying -- they "didn't do it", as far as they want anyone else to know -- and that small thing can put the thought in your mind that maybe they won't tell the whole truth about other things, too.

I dunno... does that make sense, though?

 

[MickeyLee]

all arguments are settled with "rock, paper, scissors"
for really intense feuding, we've gotten up to "11 out of 20" before settling on a resolution.

little things, like cups in the sink.. ain't worth fighting over.
big things, other than cups in the sink... ain't gonna be worked out with raised voices.

:shrug: grudge fuck until you're both too tired to argue. then talk about it :biggrin:

 

[rob_just_rob]

We seldom argue. Both of us are pretty laid back, and mature enough to recognize that the other one can have an equally valid point of view.

 

[LeeEJ]

little things, like cups in the sink.. ain't worth fighting over.
big things, other than cups in the sink... ain't gonna be worked out with raised voices.

Good way to put it. :grinning-smiley-003