Can you tell me why there seem to be more of these men out and about than ever before?
Because the past 30 years of American culture has demonized men. And overly feminized society.
American women, in particular, treat their men like shit. This has become so much a part of our world, today, that you don't even see it.
Everything male is painted as bad, as shallow, as wrong. As stupid...
Our aching for you has been classified as "objectification" , our physical bravery called aggression... our wanting to provide for you called "domination"...
...and when women complain that we don't share our feelings... it turns out that doing so just gets us in trouble; we are told to our face that our feeling are
wrong and that we should feel otherwise... or worse, left to try and guess what we are supposed to say that will be okay...
at 20... men talk just as much as women... by 40 we have learned to keep our mouths shut, because you don't really want to know how we feel or what we think... you want us to say the things you think we ought to say, and feel the things you think we ought to feel...
Look at Televsion... every woman on every sitcom is smart and competent and every husband is a doofus, a jerk...
I know lots of men who are fuck em and ferget em types... but they did not start out that way... they became that way after being hurt by several women in a row....
So... you women, your attitudes toward men are reflected in how you raise your boys... your culture tells them their whole lives that men are worthless fuckers....
What do you expect them to become?
When male attributes are not valued, men feel worthless. And act accordingly.
Been there, done that more than once; and I'm still single.
Can't speak for your situation... I have seen many who are, sadly, only attracted to the worst kind of man. But, generally... What I have observed is that the initial high regard and glowing admiration women feel when falling in love, very rapidly becomes something else...
Ridicule, and fault finding replace warmth and respect.
And it happens very subtly... step by step...
Ask yourself... when you are out with your close female friends... how do you speak of the men in your lives?
Chances are.. you are making fun of them...
People change they can't stay the same way forever. Maybe he grew and changed into a man who was no longer worthy of her respect.
This is exactly what I would expect to hear from a woman who can not maintain respect for any man.
Could that be the issue?
American women are always right, these days... unwilling to examine their own behavior... demanding of men and unwilling to admit fault...
Listen, Einstein once said that Women marry men in the hope that they
will change, and men marry women in the hope that they
will not change... and both end up disappointed.
Men don't change much... while courting, they are trying to be the best guy they can be...
But it sounds to me like you can't tolerate finding out that they are just men... with weaknesses and faults like any other human being..
I am the same man, today, that I was when I was 30...
But you can never know me.
We are, each of us, alone in this life...
No one ever really knows another... how they think, how they feel, deep down...
All you ever know of anyone else is a DECISION that you make in your head about that person. Your experience of them, and the decisions you make about that experience create a THEORY of that person in your mind.
You see their actions and hear their words and YOU interpret them based upon some assumption you make about them.
If you believe me to be a good man... you will interpret my actions to be well intentioned, nobel, or heroic... and the model of me in your head will seem like a good man to you.
If you believe me to be a bad man... the exact same actions on my part you will interpret to be ill-intentioned... machiavellian or manipulative...
Neither of these theories are actually me. They are just a belief you have formed about me... A decision you have made about why you think I do the things I do.
So, I did not change at all... what changed was that, at some point, you started to suspect that I was not so good a man, and thereafter, EVERYTHING I did was cast in a bad light in your mind.
And this, step by step.. gradually changed your theory of me... until it became impossible for any action I could take to be seen as kind, genuine, or loving...
Over time, as the result of small infractions and injuries, failings and things said in anger, the Theories we have of each other change...
The image we have of each other in our mind's eye become further and further from the image we had when we fell in love...
And, usually further and further from the truth of our partner.
Both men and women do this to each other... allow their images of each other to decay, drift, erode.
I am saying that real love is
denying this... to realize that you have a choice about what you will believe, or not believe, about your mate.
My wife and I have the same fights, the same disappointments as any other couple... but when I look into her eyes, every morning, I CHOOSE to see the woman I found so admirable, strong, and delightful the day we met.
I let go of the hurts, the slights and the insensitivities of the past...and really, genuinely forget them...
I do so because I
believe she only hurts me because she feels that I have hurt her... whether I did so intentionally or not doesn't matter...
We hurt each other when we feel hurt... Is that not something I can forgive?
I recognize that she and I, both, are blundering thru this life together...bound to step on each other's toes from time to time...
Whether you realize it or not... every interaction with your mate is an opportunity to choose....
Love is that condition of choosing to believe in the integrity of your mate.
That's not fair. I guess I am one of those rare women that loves with her whole heart, all the way and unconditionally. I have loved men like that in the past and been told it was irrational and illogical of me to expect him to be able to love me unconditionally. He said that kind of love is only between a parent and child or siblings. This led me to believe that all men thought this way.
Well, first of all, I am not advocating unconditional love. Because I don't believe in it. Others need to be worthy of love...
It IS possible to hook up with and believe in a man who isn't worthy of your love.
I am advocating for a reasonable expectation of your partner... to recognize that, for every small injury he does to you, you have done one to him. To not place importance on the little stupid things....
This is not to say you should ignore armed robbery...or alcoholism...
As to it being unfair to say women do not repsond to men as we do to women... I am sorry- but then who told you life was fair?
Its simply a fact...
It has nothing to do with being able to love with your whole heart...
Its a physical response... a bodily response.
Women certainly feel strongly about and for men... but the mere sight of one doesn't make you cry; doesn't make you ache with a physical yearning that pulls from the center of you.
The great shame is that men need women far more than the reverse.
In today's world, I see a schizophrenia in American men. By the time they are 30 they are so sick of the way they are treated by women... but they still want you so, ache for you so, that they can not walk away...
Think about this...
A 40 year old man will literally walk away from everything he has spent his entire life building, just for the feeling of being admired and desired by a woman.
Women want us to go the distance... to stay true to them into old age....
But can you go the distance with us? Can you respect us and admire us and treat us with, at the very least, the same regard you show perfect strangers?
I was the one doing all the loving and jumping through the hoops in my last relationship.
as I said before... its is possible you are only attracted to men who are assholes...
Its a tragic but common fate.
I admit it. I have some difficulty with the forget part of forgive and forget.
That is very honest of you to admit... but you should not feel too bad about it... nearly all women, these days, are unable to really forgive. It partly comes form the culture that tells women they are always right...and men always wrong...
but its also just female nature to tally transgressions...
I can put the seat down 99% of the time, and I get no credit for that... instead she will remember every single instance of my leaving it up. And what does she say, on that rare occasion when I leave it up? ..."you
always leave the seat up!"
And
that exaggeration is the theory she has of me in her head... she really believes that of me... and it colors her impression of every moment...
But I ask you... is something so trivial really worth sacrificing the quality of a relationship over?
WHo cares? Does he come home to you every night? Do his best to bring in some money? Cherish you?
In my experience Men RISE to the occasion... You treat them like they are a prince and they will strive to act like a prince.
When a woman holds me in high regard... I want to measure up in her eyes... I want to confirm her faith in me...
So I suggest this... just TRY it. Just try believing the best of him... and let him feel that you feel that way.
I want to be a better man for a woman who believes in me... if she has already condemned me.... than what expectation do I have to live up to?
Trust me... expect him to be a shit... and he will make that dream come true.