What do women think bout a straight guy having sucked a dick?

[AlteredEgo]

I married a very closeted gay man. One sniff of same-sex anything, I'm out. Just figured I'd disclose that for anyone only seeing my response here, and unaware of my posts in other threads.

 

[693987]

i am not confusing acceptance with attraction....if that was even aimed at me....

however i am being to understand reasons people may keep portions of their orientations secret from others.....

people still do....care....and it can totally have potential to affect your relationships

OR people could be honest from the beginning with a potential partner and you won't have a relationship to be affected. By and large within North America, you can find other openly lgbtq folks and allies, even in tiny more "backwards" places. Even when I lived in a tiny town of less than 1000 people with some ass backwards fucks, you could find lgbtq folks and allies. I may have had assholes spit on me and throw trash at me, because they were racist, but there were other lgbtq folks and allies. Not everyone ran around announcing their orientation to the world, there wasn't a pride parade, but you still could pick and choose people who were accepting of lgbtq or belonged in the lgbtq alphabet somewhere.

 

[328982]

I married a very closeted gay man. One sniff of same-sex anything, I'm out. Just figured I'd disclose that for anyone only seeing my response here, and unaware of my posts in other threads.

You say he was closeted gay but he had sex with women so surely bi at most? (According to you, gay can only be 100% gay, everything in between is bi.) And from what I've read of your other posts he didn't seem that interested in men, he just lost interest in you sexually. Oh and he didn't go for that beauty pageant friend you tried to bring into your marriage. The "that dude is gay" line is a way of saying something is wrong with him because it didn't work out sexually between you.

 

[AlteredEgo]

OR people could be honest from the beginning with a potential partner and you won't have a relationship to be affected.

This! Why would anyone want a partner who doesn't want them. I'm not sure what I would do to a man who lied to me about his orientation. I tell men about my ex very early on. Sometimes, before a first date. Always before a second date. That's the time to let me know and let me go. We could always be friends at that point. If I find out later, I'm going to be furious and potentially vengeful. I don't do well with betrayal. I might scorch earth and burn bridges. Not my bridges. His.

 

[AlteredEgo]

You say he was closeted gay but he had sex with women so surely bi at most? (According to you, gay can only be 100% gay, everything in between is bi.) And from what I've read of your other posts he didn't seem that interested in men, he just lost interest in you sexually. Oh and he didn't go for that beauty pageant friend you tried to bring into your marriage. The "that dude is gay" line is a way of saying something is wrong with him because it didn't work out sexually between you.

Women? No. Only me. And he was never attracted to me. Don't think for one second you know this man better than I do. You've never interacted with him. He never had any interest in me, nor any other women. To this day he pretends to be attracted to me, but I know what attraction feels like. He took a wife because he's supposed to. He fucked his wife because he was supposed to, and he did it as little as possible without losing me, until I figured it out. And yes, he IS gay. He's got a male FWB. They're planning a trip together mid-February, which frankly makes it sound more romantic than he says it is. How about you pipe up when you know what you're talking about, and quiet down otherwise?

 

[328982]

Women? No. Only me. And he was never attracted to me. Don't think for one second you know this man better than I do. You've never interacted with him. He never had any interest in me, nor any other women. To this day he pretends to be attracted to me, but I know what attraction feels like. And yes, he IS gay. He's got a male FWB. They're planning a trip together mid-February, which frankly makes it sound more romantic than he says it is. How about you pipe up when you know what you're talking about, and quiet down otherwise?

I can only go on what you tell us, which is quite a lot. If he fucked you, he's not gay. Bi maybe. Apply your own labels.

 

[deleted924715]

i am not confusing acceptance with attraction....if that was even aimed at me....

however i am being to understand reasons people may keep portions of their orientations secret from others.....

people still do....care....and it can totally have potential to affect your relationships

It wasn't just aimed at you, more the turn the discussion had taken in general, but you kind of did conflate the issues when they are not the same thing at all:

"in this thread...of the handful of women who responded 4 have ether said directly or implied that it would be quite a turnoff....and bar that person from being on their attraction template

so if a bi guy wanted to review to his girl he was bi....well ....the odds are not great she would still find him an option as a partner

and this is a sex positive site!!!!"

Just because I am not sexually attracted to someone (and this is just one thing that would make a man sexually unattractive to me), does not mean I am not accepting of their orientation or how they choose to label themselves. I just don't have an urge to fuck them. There are many men, most of them in fact, that I have no urge to fuck for many reasons. You tied responses in with this being a sex positive site, when being sex positive doesn't mean you are required to find everyone sexually attractive. If a man lied to me about his orientation or sexual history then it stops becoming an issue of sexual attraction and starts becoming one of deceit. If I asked. If I didn't I don't really have a leg to stand on, but if I happened to find out somehow, we are back to attraction or lack thereof. I am not sexually attracted to skinny men, that's not a choice either, it's just how I feel. More power to the women who are - I'm certainly not going to try and sway anyone against them.

When certain people on this forum were saying that they wouldn't have a relationship with a single mother because <insert any ugly stereotype here> no woman insisted that these men *should* be sexually attracted to single mothers, in fact I'm sure I wasn't the only one who supported their absolute right not to date them and only took exception to the misogynistic justifications they used. Saying, "I'm not sexually attracted to single mothers" is no problem in and of itself.

Surely the aim of a relationship is to be with someone who accepts you for who you are?

 

[AlteredEgo]

I can only go on what you tell us, which is quite a lot. If he fucked you, he's not gay. Bi maybe. Apply your own labels.

Read my actual posts then. Go back and read them. I'm not contradicting myself. He doesn't like fucking women. When he has the option, he refuses, even while claiming to want to act on his make-believe attraction. Bisexual men have some interest in women. He has none. He pretends, but struggles to maintain the ruse. I'm not discussing this further with you because you're being a bitch about what is kind of a sore subject. Fuck off.

 

[sodominsane]

It wasn't just aimed at you, more the turn the discussion had taken in general, but you kind of did conflate the issues when they are not the same thing at all:



Just because I am not sexually attracted to someone (and this is just one thing that would make a man sexually unattractive to me), does not mean I am not accepting of their orientation or how they choose to label themselves. I just don't have an urge to fuck them. There are many men, most of them in fact, that I have no urge to fuck for many reasons. You tied responses in with this being a sex positive site, when being sex positive doesn't mean you are required to find everyone sexually attractive. If a man lied to me about his orientation or sexual history then it stops becoming an issue of sexual attraction and starts becoming one of deceit. If I asked. If I didn't I don't really have a leg to stand on, but if I happened to find out somehow, we are back to attraction or lack thereof. I am not sexually attracted to skinny men, that's not a choice either, it's just how I feel. More power to the women who are - I'm certainly not going to try and sway anyone against them.

When certain people on this forum were saying that they wouldn't have a relationship with a single mother because <insert any ugly stereotype here> no woman insisted that these men *should* be sexually attracted to single mothers, in fact I'm sure I wasn't the only one who supported their absolute right not to date them and only took exception to the misogynistic justifications they used. Saying, "I'm not sexually attracted to single mothers" is no problem in and of itself.

Surely the aim of a relationship is to be with someone who accepts you for who you are?

yeah....i am kinda working a new thing out in my head....

i may have confused acceptance with attraction....i re read post.....oopps....

i should probably quite while i am behind....but....

so thing is in previous post i have always thought the label game was stupid....as well as not being self...or hiding who you are...

but after thread...and a bit of thought

i can see how someone might hide an aspect of there sexuality from someone ....especially if it's a minor part....and my risk alienation from lived ones

also i can Definately see how those closeted people can truly do damage to the people who they are with....

infact have a friend who came out at age of 44....was greeted with a bunch of accolades for how courageous he was...the flip side was my real friend was his ex wife...so quietly without the celebrations of courage and the excitement of stepping into a new fabulous life ...i saw my real friend (her) dealing with betrayal and wasting a huge chunk of her reproductive life

a very difficult conundrum that was clearly not as black and white as I once thought
and i still haven't really figured it out yet

THE GOOD part i don't have to....i make no policy decisions. ...am straight....no desire to suck a cock

also I'm not gonna wife up anybody

and no one really gives a shit about my opinions (well if they do they shouldn't....im kinda a loose cannon)

 

[deleted15807]

This! Why would anyone want a partner who doesn't want them. I'm not sure what I would do to a man who lied to me about his orientation. I tell men about my ex very early on. Sometimes, before a first date. Always before a second date. That's the time to let me know and let me go. We could always be friends at that point. If I find out later, I'm going to be furious and potentially vengeful. I don't do well with betrayal. I might scorch earth and burn bridges. Not my bridges. His.

Sexual behavior or activity isn't really orientation. It is our patterns of emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction—and our sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions. He may not have lied to you. He may just be on his journey to whatever his true self is.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Sexual behavior or activity isn't really orientation. It is our patterns of emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction—and our sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions. He may not have lied to you. He may just be on his journey to whatever his true self is.

I understand. Proof of this is that my ex is still my best friend. I don't view what transpired as betrayal because he lied to himself, not just to me. The same would be true if I thought he just didn't know. He knows. He doesn't want to believe, but he knows. You are reading in things I haven't said. What I DID say remains true. I find out he lied after I tell him what I've been through, I dismantle his closet with napalm.

 

[AlteredEgo]

infact have a friend who came out at age of 44....was greeted with a bunch of accolades for how courageous he was...the flip side was my real friend was his ex wife...so quietly without the celebrations of courage and the excitement of stepping into a new fabulous life ...i saw my real friend (her) dealing with betrayal and wasting a huge chunk of her reproductive life

Does she know about the Straight Spouse Network? PM me about it if you want.

 

[dreamkendrafuckME]

he's not 100% straight. they can bitch, but then i don't see how it's possible.

 

[nailz]

so if a bi guy wanted to review to his girl he was bi....well ....the odds are not great she would still find him an option as a partner

i can understand how remaining closet bi may be a viable option

Dishonesty of that magnitude is not a viable option in a relationship with me.

If I loved him and he was up front about being bi and wanting to have sex with men then we could probably work something out like MMF threesomes.
If I found out he had been lying to me and having sex with men behind my back (and putting my health at risk) then the best case scenario for him would be me ending the relationship immediately.
Other not-so-nice scenarios involve his penis and these:

 

[sodominsane]

Does she know about the Straight Spouse Network? PM me about it if you want.

i am interested...could you mp me...cause I'm not sure i know how to mp

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

tnj said its no big deal....and nails said no one cares....

both these statements are very untrue....tnj and nails. might not care....but lots of people care...

Uh.... I think you misunderstood what I said. I in fact said that it *is* a big deal. That was my whole point. I use labels and openly so because I have the comfort of doing so. Not that I haven't been bullied for being Dyke-ish etc..

Am I missing something?

 

[sodominsane]

Uh.... I think you misunderstood what I said. I in fact said that it *is* a big deal. That was my whole point. I use labels and openly so because I have the comfort of doing so. Not that I haven't been bullied for being Dyke-ish etc..

Am I missing something?

nope i may have skimmed you post to fast....since my activities on the site are purely recreational i tend to read stuff once....and way to fast....i also post without much thought or editting.....

on a side not usually your and my view line up .....or at least dove tail.....

so when it doesn't...most likely one of us misread or miswrote.....

or I'm drunk!!!!!

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Or I'm drunk!!!!!

Or maybe, had a cookie... Tehehe!

 

[notbiloveanal]

I'm the same. I consider myself straight but I really want to try sucking a dick. My gf knows I'm a little bi curious, and she is too, but I thinks it's just a fantasy for both of us, not something we really want. However, if it happened at a party or something I would suck him for days! A gay/bi drunken orgy is a dream of mine.

 

[903private]

I love women, i really do. but i am obsessed with dick, but not the guys. I do not want any intimacy with a guy, but i am on the verge of sucking a dick (just go with it long explanation). What do u think a female would think about a guy who has sucked a dick, just one, for experimentation? Would u break up with him? Would this guy not even be a viable option foe sex? for a boyfriend?

I know exactly how you feel. I love everything about women and am very attracted to them in everyway! With that being said I, like you, am fascnated with a nice hard cock not the guy its attacted to. I'm very curious about stroking and sucking one to completion. I've been married for twenty years and have felt this way for the last 4 or 5 years. I'd never share this fascination with my wife in fear of her thinking I'm gay. I consider myself to be straight with a slight cock fascination lol.