What do you all think...

Principessa

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Yes, he did claim phobia about hospitals but it was more that he felt I should go take care of it myself.
He was RIGHT! He already gave you valid, logical reasons for not wanting to go to the hospital. :frown:

I needed a driver to take me home.
You need to keep a cab service on retainer for these emergencies.

Other men have been more than willing so maybe I'm a little spoiled.
I also hate to be by myself in the hospital.
Everyone does; but it seems to me you would be used to it by now. Especially since as you said it rarely takes more than 45 minutes.:rolleyes:

I really wanted him to keep me company and he refused.
FFS, get over it and move on! Sounds to me that unlike other men you have dated this one had a backbone.

I think maybe he is not like my other friends and dates.
He didn't care that I would be alone in the hospital-again.
LOL He just met you!

I don't want to be a person with unreasonable expectations
and I don't want fair weather friends either. Too late, you already ARE a person with VERY unreasonable expectations.

I am more suspect of him because he smokes pot.
That alone would have put him out of the running for me. Been there done that, don't need to go back.

Some people who imbibe in that sort of thing only want to be around when everything is perfect..
HE was the one I had plans with so I felt like we could have just incorporated it into our plans.
Why on earth would you think that?!?! :eek::confused: It is very presumptious of you to assume that every man you meet wants to play chauffer and nursemaid.

I thought if he really wanted to see me he shouldn't mind and I thought it was crappy that a man interested in me wouldn't take me to the hospital when I had already tried all my friends. My buds have the flu or their kids had the flu .
They all called me that evening to see if I was okay and let me know they had missed my messages due to illnesses of their own.
They called to check because they are friends. He is not your friend, you just met him!

oh crap. I think I am rambling again.(or did I catch myself in time?)
I have just been very fortunate that so many others have been willing to hang out with me wherever and however I am.
If you can't drive than you need a car service. Trust me I know from experience that friends will get tired of being your cab service. You need to find a better way to take care of your medical needs. That is the key. :cool: These are your needs, not his. He is not required to tend to your medical needs.
 

Phil Ayesho

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You're spoiled.

It is unconscionable to ask so intimate an assistance from a man on your second date.

You and he made a plan. You failed to anticipate for that plan and sprung on him that his plan would have to accommodate your immediate and unanticipated needs.

Saying it would only be 45 minutes is BS. YOU may know that... but his experience may differ... I can tell you that no average looking man gets thru the Er in under 3 hours.


Had you slipped and hurt yourself during your planned date... he probably would have had no problem being there for you...


What the guy saw was a woman who knew she had this kind of issue... and was unwilling to exert herself to take care of it so that it would NOT screw up the date.


Try this on your next new boyfriend.
Hop in his car and tell him he has to swing over to the drug store so you can get a razor so you can shave your legs in his car on your way to Dinner...." you won't mind if I shave my legs in your car willya? I mean, I was just toooo busy to take care of it earlier?"


What you did was no different... no less insensitive, no less taking advantage.

He may have been less than nice to say no....
But you were WAY out of line to even ask.
 

B_sugarandspice

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ok, but what about the fact that he was available and could have taken me?
I could have used a cab service but maybe I should have said how afraid I was to ride with a stranger to the hospital and back. If they drive rough it can really make my neck worse.

I guess I am accustomed to the more giving types. I am that way too.
I am willing to help even strangers if it is a legitimate need.
I am from the South and we are more friendly or don't have our guard up as much. I have met similar types up here but maybe it's not as common.

I have pulled over in a snowstorm and asked a lady to let me drive her.
It was a woman under dressed for the weather.
I offered to take her to my apartment and give her some warmer clothes.
She just asked if they were going to be pink and frilly and didn't want anything so I drove to her bus stop.
 

Phil Ayesho

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pick a random stranger on the street... chances are they are available and could- theoretically, take you.
Does that make it right to ask them?

If you are having an emergency... that's one thing.. but for something you do regularly? Like your laundry? When every other car on the street is a cab?

OFFERING to help someone is not at all the same as asking someone to help you.
The former is being a Samaritan... the latter is imposing.


But you are missing the entire point...

ITs a DATE, fer crissakes... its a delicate negotiation of attraction and sexual energy... its supposed to be about "clicking" with each other... about discovery and excitement...

Not about your chores. And NOT about your infirmities.


Suppose a handsome man asked you out on a date... and showed up with you all ready to go dancing, but he's in his jeans and stained t-shirt... handed you a bundle of clothes and asked if you would be so cool as to iron his suit... while he watched the last quarter of the game on your TV?

Is THAT gonna get you in the mood?
Is that guy gonna get a second date?

Hell, I have caught criticism from dates for not WASHING MY CAR before the date...
why the heck am I having to tell a woman about date etiquette?
 

B_sugarandspice

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^actually. I don't know ahead of time when I'm going to need a trip to the ER.

If I had a date with him and he needed to go to the ER and had already run out of people to call I wouldn't ask him to take a cab and call me when he was all done at the hospital.
The guy didn't have other plans since we were supposed to go out.
I turned out that I needed to get an injection at the ER and since I hadn't found anyone else to take me he could have taken me and then we could have tried to make the best of the evening.

It seems like you also feel like you would need to know someone better before you would be willing to be a friend to them that way.

Your different from me.
That's is fine.
You wouldn't do something like that and I would.
If the guy was really interested in me it would have been a way to show it.
It doesn't feel like it's "imposing" when you WANT to be there because you really like the person and are not pretending to be very interested in order to flatter them hoping for seduction.
 

Phil Ayesho

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Too bad you didn't give the guy a chance to find out if he liked you that much...

I don't care what you claim to be like in terms of generosity and willingness to help....

if you were really honest with yourself, and with me, you would acknowledge that there are a hundred ways a guy could ruin his chances with you on a first or second date. Little things and big.

And you expect a guy to KNOW what not to do....without being told.
Its a TEST... whether you admit to it or not.

He might be the very best guy in the world... had you gotten to know him and respected that HE also has a hundred ways a girl can ruin her chances with him on the first few dates...

Looks like you failed his test and he failed yours.
that's fine... just don't cop the attitude that what you did wasn't a breach of pretty well established date etiquette.

Maybe you know a lot of other guys that have passed that test with flying colors.... but, clearly, you're still looking... you haven't settled down with any of those sterling characters you claim to have met in the past....

Why is that?
Perhaps the kind of guy who would put up with that is a doormat that you don't find attractive long term?

maybe you ought to give a man with a spine and some expectations of his own a try.
 

widenine

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haha very funny....
I am actually a fan of yours but I am being serious.
Once I got the injection the swelling would have gone down and we could go on with our evening.
I have had to do things like this before and it wasn't a problem.
Basically, I believe you should have called a friend, other than this new guy, and handled your medical emergency without his help. If you're interested in him, don't pull him into the drama after a first date. Give him a chance to enjoy the potential for an easy-going, care-free encounter that could become something more. Personally, if he turns down the hospital experience, let that be o.k. If you don't, he'll get that you're full of expectations that he embrace your drama.

With one of my girlfriends, it was migraines. I learned (she taught me) after the third date that she expected me to "perform rituals" when you felt one coming on. Instead of going to bed or chillin' as people with migraines do, she needed me to "be there" with a cool wash cloth, being quiet and careful not to wear cologne. It got old at once. And yes, I did like here. But I'm not a nurse.
 

ranredd

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Too bad you didn't give the guy a chance to find out if he liked you that much...

I don't care what you claim to be like in terms of generosity and willingness to help....

if you were really honest with yourself, and with me, you would acknowledge that there are a hundred ways a guy could ruin his chances with you on a first or second date. Little things and big.

And you expect a guy to KNOW what not to do....without being told.
Its a TEST... whether you admit to it or not.

He might be the very best guy in the world... had you gotten to know him and respected that HE also has a hundred ways a girl can ruin her chances with him on the first few dates...

Looks like you failed his test and he failed yours.
that's fine... just don't cop the attitude that what you did wasn't a breach of pretty well established date etiquette.

Maybe you know a lot of other guys that have passed that test with flying colors.... but, clearly, you're still looking... you haven't settled down with any of those sterling characters you claim to have met in the past....
A wonderful point was made here. Clearly those same individuals that did all those things were possibly doormats.

Why is that?
Perhaps the kind of guy who would put up with that is a doormat that you don't find attractive long term?

maybe you ought to give a man with a spine and some expectations of his own a try.

This may be difficult to understand at the moment, but you are indeed spoiled. You might want to re-evaluate the situations from the past and truly check.
 

BlackIsKingSize

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You seem to not be giving any consideration to the fact different people have different comfort levels with things like that. For a lot of people that would be too personal of a situation for someone you're just starting to get to know. I can understand being a little disappointed that he didn't take you but you're reacting like he did something wrong. It was his prerogative. It's not really a good idea to have that level of expectation on somebody who barely knows you.
 

B_sugarandspice

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You seem to not be giving any consideration to the fact different people have different comfort levels with things like that. For a lot of people that would be too personal of a situation for someone you're just starting to get to know. I can understand being a little disappointed that he didn't take you but you're reacting like he did something wrong. It was his prerogative. It's not really a good idea to have that level of expectation on somebody who barely knows you.
Well, I think you might be right but I don't know anyone that wouldn't take an acquaintance to the hospital if they were in pain.

I am starting to realize that when people say what a kind person I am and how kind and special my friends are that it is really true.
Not everyone is as giving and caring.
I am just the type who will help anyone.
It always surprises me when other people are not that way.
 

Mem

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If I got the story right, I would not want to have my second date be at an Emergency Room.
 

B_The Greek Dude

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Some people don't view "waiting in the hospital" as a good date; the idea of you needing regular medical treatments could scare him off. If I were you, i'd try to find someone that's a little more understanding to your situation.
 

B_sugarandspice

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Well, I have ended up in the ER on dates and they were all so caring and kept me company.
But those guys were crazing about me.
 

invisibleman

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I met a guy on the net and we went to movie.
We had a few things in common and we were supposed to get together last Friday night and work on one of my businesses and have dinner.

Friday came and I was having a lot of inflammation in my neck from therapy and had to keep it iced and thought I needed to go to the hospital and get a Toradol injection.
The ER visit wouldn't really take that long since they know me.
I needed a driver and it should have only taken 45 to 90 minutes.


So I asked the guy to take me to the ER and hang with me .
He didn't want to.


In the past and present men treat me very well and would take me to the ER and hang with me .

I guess I didn't realize what a hassle it would seem like to him but we could still see each other and talk while I was waiting and whatnot. I thought it was reasonable.

I am trying to see if I am a little spoiled by very kind friends who are not the norm or if this guy is a "fair weather " friend.

Almost everyone who knows me has been to the hospital with me.
I am very blessed to have wonderful friends.

I am trying to decide how I feel about the Fair Weather Guy.
I thought maybe he considers me a potential convenient piece of ass since he acted like he really liked me but couldn't hang out with me in the ER.

I want feedback because I want to know if maybe my expectations are too high or if I am right and should not lower my standards.
I set my standards by what I am used to.

My medical needs have intruded on my dating before but they always just went along with it. Am I a little spoiled or is this just how anyone treats someone they really want to build a friendship with?

What do you think?

Well, maybe he is afraid of hospitals. Or afraid of getting germs.

My sister hates hospitals but she took me to the hospital once and stayed.


BUT if he is consistently not wanting to go to the hospital with you. He is not the guy for you long-term wise. If I could not depend on a man to go with me to the hospital. This would be a serious red flag as far as a long term relationship. He would be just a friend.
 

B_retracted

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I wouldn't have had a problem taking you to the hospital but some people (male and female) wouldn't do it for the reason that they don't want to think they're wasting their time with either a drama queen hypocondriac or someone who might be dead in six months. Sounds stupid I know but there are plenty of people like that. They don't want to date "damaged goods".
 

B_retracted

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My first post was made after I read only the original post by the OP. Now that I’ve read the entire thread, my opinion has changed drastically. OP, you’re an example of what is wrong with people these days. You think the whole world revolves around you and your little issues. There are so many things that are wrong in this fiasco so I’ll list them right here and maybe you’ll take this information and use it to better your relationships in future.

1 – The fact that you are so well known in the emergency room and can be waved ahead of others (remind me never to go to THAT hospital) is a major red flag to me. Why? Because you obviously spend a lot of time there and, quite frankly, neither I nor most people would want to be with anyone who’s on a first name basis with any kind of medical emergency people. Seriously, are you one of the Olsen twins?

2 – You say this injection thing happens a lot. Well, I get migraines a lot and, like most people who have a physical ailment, I know when it’s going to happen beforehand and so I would have canceled the date or else done what I had to do to get rid of my ailment. You should have not done what you did to get the sore neck in the first place on the day of a date or else gotten the injection during the day. Not waited until your date showed up.

3 – Don’t get me started on the fact that it sounds like you’re addicted to these injections. You look down on the guy because he smokes pot (I refuse to date drug addicts myself) yet you’re regularly shooting up?

4 – This was supposed to be a second date. The idea of dating is to get to know the other person. Have fun. That means putting your best foot forward. It certainly doesn’t mean dragging them to the emergency room and subjecting them to your issues.

5 – As others have said, it sounds like you were testing this guy. Now that he didn’t want to spend all night at the hospital, we’re supposed to think he’s a jerk? Sorry. You’re the jerk. Again, you say this happens all the time to you. Then you ought to be used to waiting around in hospitals. Take a book with you. Read. Learn something. Instead, you expect whoever you set your sights on to drop everything and run to your aid even though it happens all the time with you and so you should be able to handle this situation on your own. You’re not a child.

6 – Did it occur to you that maybe all your friends weren’t ill and that they were actually just sick and tired of being at your beck and call 24 hours a day and didn’t want to take you? I mean, what’s the likelihood that they ALL would be sick when you called on them?

7 – You say that all the guys you went out with before have been more than happy to change their plans at the last minute and play nurse maid. I don’t buy it. Sure, you probably forced them to get caught up in your little drama at first but they got wise and dumped your drama queen ass. And the fact you’ve gone through so many guys, ought to be a red flag too that you’re doing something wrong. Especially if it’s true what you say about them being so great.

8 – You also say that you do all these nice things for people. Sounds like you’re keeping score. Another red flag. Yet what have YOU done for HIM? Or is him being in your orbit supposed to be enough?

9 – Nowhere in your posts do you say that you wanted him with you because YOU want to spend time with HIM. It’s all about you needing a ride (get a taxi, that’s what they’re for) or keeping you company in the emergency room that you’re supposedly not going to be in long anyway (talk to one of the other patients instead of being in your own world for a change). Sounds like you treat the men in your life as total doormats. They’re only put on this earth to serve you. That’s the impression you give here. And I bet, considering everyone makes themselves come off better than they really are in these kinds of things, you’re actually a lot worse and your victims are a lot more long-suffering.

10 – Your obvious sense of self-entitlement comes through loud and clear in your posts. No wonder men leave you. And you have the audacity to call people “fair weather friends” just because they don’t drop everything and be your personal assistant.

I don’t mean to be insulting but it’s people like you who really piss me off.
 

Northland

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yes, I know you guys can be selfish and lazy.
But if you thought the girl was worth it you wouldn't hesitate.
It is my belief that you should have postponed your date to another day or time. He may have bad experiences with hospitals and/or painful memories. Perhaps he watched a friend or family member die there-it happens. Perhaps he had been the victim of the overnight stay in an emergency room for some minor medical situation. I have a friend who has Lupus and needs injections occasionally-she knows the staff and is a nurse. She can be out in less than an hour or held hostage there for several hours. To expect an internet honker to do this on date number-2, seems a bit much.

Lastly, find some gratitude in learning that he would react this way. Better you learn it early on than when your water breaks and it's time to get to the hospital to shoot out the baby-you'd be forced to rely on the kindness of the homeless crack addict hanging outside the ER to hold your hand then (as he went through your purse for cash and other things).