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what do you do if you find you your girl f'd 19+ guys before you??

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by camelboy, Oct 22, 2008.

  1. camelboy

    camelboy Lurker

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    I'm dating this girl now for a few months.
    She's very open about everything(which is good. i hate shady girls)
    before we started dating, she would tell me about all the guys she hooked up in school (cornell)..not to brag, but to let me know just incase i meet them so things arent awkward.
    I have only had sex with 4 girls(her included)

    she's a nice girl and all, but sometimes she pisses me off and thinks she's hot stuff, she ok looking, but def not hot. she's just used to guys kissing her ass because they wanted just that. we work things out though.

    ..but thinking of how many guys your girl has been with...how would you feel if you're in my shoes? im 23 shes 25.
     
  2. B_spotted_duck

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    I wouldn't worry about it too much. She's with you now.

    Just hoping no one on campus knows you by your nickname camelboy... if they do, there goes your anonymity...
     
  3. Riven650

    Riven650 Sexy Member

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    At least she's being honest with you. I like that. I was living with a girl for 5 years and it turned out that she never stopped having sex with other guys behind my back. Guess how that made me feel when I found out?

    Sure, there are plenty of girls of 25 who haven't had much sex and some are complete virgins, but that doesn't make them better people, or more suitable for you. The thing about this is that knowing that your gf is experienced CAN allow you to wonder how you compare to the others, and you CAN start to wonder if you will soon become another one of her ex lovers. But you don't necessarily have to wonder about these things and you don't necessarily have to worry. That comes down to your self confidence and what are you and she doing to your self confidence?

    I think the main question is: When you are together, do you feel good about yourself? Dig deep and think this through. If you feel insecure, is it because she's comparing you to others and perhaps enjoying a little power trip (in which case kick her to the kerb), or is it because you are comparing yourself to her ex-bfs in your head? It's quite a serious question. If you need a bit of reassurance and somehow it doesn't come your way, I'd say she isn't ready for a long term relationship. Maybe she never will be.

    You remember the girl I told you about at the beginning of this post. She once found some of my photos of one of my past girlfriends and she screwed them up and put them in the trash. I found them later and confronted her and she went apeshit mad at me for wanting to keep pictures of my old gf. She couldn't cope with my having a past. That's how insecure she was. And it was that same insecurity that made it impossible to resist the flattery of other men.

    The girl I eventually married was plenty experienced. She was 36 I was 32 when we met. Like me, she had had several previous sexual partners and a good few one night stands, but we were honest with one another from the very beginning and I always felt relaxed around her. Something about her body language made me feel that she was being straight with me. 21 years on I still feel the same way about her.

    Hope you can get something useful out of the above.
     
    #3 Riven650, Oct 22, 2008
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2008
  4. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe Banned

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    Why should you care or even be thinking about them? Like Riven said "at least she has been honest with you". If you don't think she's nice looking why are you with her?
    She is only 25 she should think she's hot! I don't want a lover who is so insecure he gets pissed off because I want to look good and think I'm great looking.
    I told all of my husbands about my past which included a whole lot more unsavory things than just fucking men because I don't want to waste my time with a guy who is insecure,embarrassed,judgemental about something that didn't involve him.Nor do I want them to waste their time.
    Perhaps you need to find a very passive girl or virgin so you won't have a problem because they like themselves,think highly of themselves,and you are not the first man she's had sex with. Would you really want a totally inexperienced lover who won't give head and doesn't like sex all that much? Do you think it would be better exchange to have a less "knowing" women? Hypothetically?
    Is this the same women you were talking about just a little while ago? Same age, same kind of issues vaguely.
    cigarbabe:saevil:
     
    #4 B_cigarbabe, Oct 22, 2008
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2008
  5. Riven650

    Riven650 Sexy Member

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    Hey clitbabe, is that a cigar in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

    Lighten up on the poor guy ciggygirl. He's only voicing a concern that all guys of his age harbour. I give him a couple of points for raising the issue here, where he knows he's not just preaching to the converted (if you catch my drift), but I give him loads of points for questioning whether he should even be thinking it in the first place. Oh, and BTW cb, I bet I've done nastier things than you :tongue: and mrs Riven's done even worse things (damn her eyes) before we met, which makes me real mad because she's all 'been there done that' about things I still have on my 'to do' list :frown1:
     
  6. lapdog2001

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    My first (sexual) girlfriend had about 30 guys before me. I found that out after we started getting it on. The number took me by surprise, but her 'experience' made her an excellent teacher, for which every other woman I've been with has been very thankfull!:tongue:
     
  7. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe Banned

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    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    That what I'm talking about!
    Why even worry about it you should be grateful. Ok Riven I'll try but I resent guys who complain about this stuff when they shouldn't! :biggrin1:
    According to his posting history he's not been able to overcome this same problem for a couple of years I guess.
    C.B.:saevil:
     
  8. cockoloco

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    I'd give her a high five.
     
  9. Riven650

    Riven650 Sexy Member

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    I hadn't read his posting history - I tend to shoot first , ask questions later' It gets me into all sorts of trouble :blackeye: But you're right to feel indignant or resentful, and he needs to know that it's not an attractive mindset he has there. (Fancy a pint cg?)
     
  10. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto Banned

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    She likes sex?
     
  11. Straight82

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    what to do.... not care would be my answer

    unless she told you something otherwise before you started dating, who gives a hoot how many guys shes had sex with?
     
  12. goodwood

    goodwood Expert Member

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    So what that she was with 19 guys before you? She's with you because she likes YOU. not them. I just hope that out of one or more of those guys, she learned some good stuff all the way around - good things in bed, good things in having a healthy relationship so that you can both enjoy them together and maybe you can even teach her a thing or two and have an eager pupil. Or you be the student and enjoy the learning.
    I have said before many times that i don't care how many guys a girl has been with. Some of them have been with 20-30 and were still not advanced in the bedroom OR healthy relationships. But while i dated them (however briefly) it was nice. When things were not nice, healthy or enjoyable, then it was over and off to the next one.
     
  13. elrond

    elrond Sexy Member

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    You expect the quality that comes from experience. duh! Geishas and socially-refined concubines traditionally made good catches as wives. They could marry up-class.
     
  14. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 Banned

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    Ask her if she used protection with all of them and get tested. Then, reap the benefits of her experience.
     
  15. kurios

    kurios Sexy Member

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    What was before is just that and the less you dwell on it the better
     
  16. B_Artful Dodger

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    Fuck her myself and make it a nice rounded 20 :wink:
     
  17. Sklar

    Sklar Legendary Member

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    Personally, Camelboy, I think you have a lot of self-confidence issues.

    You knew how many people she dated before you agreed to be her boyfriend and now you complain about how many guys she has been with before you.

    It's like turning on the stove and placing your hand on the burner and then complaining about how dangerous the stove is.

    Grow up. You made the decision to get involved with someone who has a history that you are obviously not comfortable with.

    Instead of complaining about it, do something about it. If you don't like it, break up with her. But realise that if you do, it's YOUR fault for the break up.


    Sklar
     
  18. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    It doesnt matter if you girlfriend had been with 1 guy or 1000 guys before you. She is with you now and that's all that should matter. There's no point in living in the past, just be cool.
     
  19. Corius

    Corius Experimental Member

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    One might hope that the OP would begin to sense the wisdom of those who avoid all such problems by treating what happens sexually between two persons as personal and private and ought to remain so. Maybe one could also hope that there would be the sense that it is simply impolite to delve into a partner's sexual history; surely one can learn much by the way in which a new partner acts to know a bit of how experienced or inexperienced that partner is. There is great value in keeping the aura of mystery about the whole realm of sexual coupling.
     
  20. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    If she don't brag about how the other guys fucked her and how big they were I would fuck her definitely.
     
  21. hungthickone

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    My wife had many previous sexual partners, b/f's before we met.
    I am not gonna guess how many nor would I ask, and she would never tell me(she has too much respect for me,+ i MIGHT LIKE IT ).
    I have asked about her first, about other true loves and let her tell me what she wanted. The one GUY she was with before me was 23y old , I was 42.
    I have seen a few of HER PAST B/F'S in pic's and they were good looking, SOME BETTER THAN ME FOR SURE. As she told me though, I am the one she wants and as far as she is concerned the best lover she ever had.
    Thats all I need to know. If she wanted a taller guy, a more handsome guy or a bigger dicked guy, she could have had him!
    I told her not to hide the past from me, however its the past, ours is the future.
    She also had a few b/f pics that I knew about and over the last 2yrs they have slowly gone away, without any help from me.
    However, this chick(yours) sounds like one who needs a little slap in the ego dept.
    I would not kiss her ass another second, maybe even drift off a bit and see if she comes after you or finds another distraction.
    As far as a virgin goes, I chatted a chick on here that married the first guy she slept with.
    After a few years, she slept with another guy, said she wanted to see what it was like with another man, found out she thought she had been missin out, loves guys with big cocks and reg.fucks around now.
    I would take an experienced woman that chose ME anyday!Plus they make great lovers!!
    Goodluck.
     
  22. xxnineinchxx

    Gold Member Verified

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    i'd think she had 19+ guys smaller than me...:biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:
     
  23. D_flibblekins

    D_flibblekins Banned

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    I agree with Kurios, focus on your relationship now. If she's happy, YOU be happy..let it go. The more you let your insecurity bring it up, the more you risk alienating her, making her feel like a slut when, I believe, you know she's not. Bottom Line (again): If SHE'S happy with YOU, YOU be happy...let it go...
     
  24. Stephenmass

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    If this were the other way around and you had that many and she had only 5 would it bother you so much? Double standard guy.
     
  25. D_Bob_N_Weaver

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    I'd be glad that she's experienced.
     
  26. art

    art
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    Be glad she's sharing all that experience with you.

    And -- note -- she chose you, after having fucked 19 other guys.
     
  27. B_ScaredLittleBoy

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    To quote Rafiki The Baboon:

    "It doesn't matter; it's in di past."

    To quote Prince:

    "You are my hero, you are my future. When I'm with you, I have no past."
     
  28. bighairyal

    bighairyal Lurker

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    Met my girlfriend who is 29 about 6 months ago.

    I'd only slept with one person before her (got with a girl at 18, pathologically faithful etc) whereas she's slept with approx 20ish guys. It does give me trouble from time to time - but mostly only when she tells me about things she's done i.e. about her first one night stand etc, or when we're due at a social occasion and she tells me that she's 'had a thing' with one of the guys I'm going to meet.

    It's causing me a bit of brainache, so I can understand your trouble. But, I'm perfectly willing to bet that if YOU could have slept with 19 girls, you would have. I certainly bloody well would have, but I'm not wired up for casual 1 night encounters...

    Happily, she also tells me that I'm the biggest she's had, so her honesty ain't all bad :)
     
  29. JP0724

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    I would say that the more people your partner has been with (as long as its safe), there is no problem. You definitely need to step up your game, because this chick has a lot more experience than you. I personally think that the more sex you have, the better you get. It's like anything, practice makes perfect.
     
  30. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 Banned

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    I would ask her about the different and various positions and techniques

    and, take notes
     
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