What do you do...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_lil_elle_1982, Jul 21, 2010.

  1. B_lil_elle_1982

    B_lil_elle_1982 New Member

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    when you have Herpes and are extremely responsible? I would love to meet a member but this clearly stops me..anyone else in the same situation?
     
  2. saratoga

    saratoga New Member

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    Seems to me that communicating the condition should satisfy your need to act responsibly. Surely all herpes carriers do not live a life without intimate contact, much less meeting others.
     
  3. Riven650

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    My wife has herpes. She caught it from her previous husband. She told me about it when we met and so far (23 years later) I've managed not to catch it. Most of her outbreaks are in a patch on her upper bum cheek. She also gets them on her upper lip, near or just inside her nostril. Occasionally, she'll get one on her clit hood. She can generally feel an outbreak coming on (hot, itchy, sore) and we avoid contact. She uses an acyclovir cream, but she always keeps a supply of acyclovir tablets and will take a course if she thinks the outbreak's not being controlled by the cream.

    Don't let herpes stop you dating lil_elle. I can't remember how soon into our first encounter my wife told me. We didn't do sex until we'd both talked a lot about our lives. We both had 'baggage' to bring into the relationship and I guess herpes was part of hers. But I had plenty too (like still having a broken heart from my previous gf). I guess it might make casual sex less accessible, but there's worse than herpes to worry about re. casual sex so you'd need to use barrier methods anyway. Main thing is not to have any contact if you think you're getting an outbreak.
     
  4. avg_joe

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    Ahhhh........ stay away from STD. I'm telling you I had a cousin and friends who died with HIV/AIDS. A lot of people don't even know that they have STD.
     
  5. B_lil_elle_1982

    B_lil_elle_1982 New Member

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    @ Avg_Joe..clearly I can't stay away from what I already have.

    @ Riven..I never know when i am going to get an OB..i never have the "predome" symptoms that most will get..I usually just wake up one day and it's there..its quite nice to see that not every guy runs in the other direction...I've had it for about 5 years now..

    @Saratoga..It's not like I sit at home quivering about going out into the world..i live my life..i just know tho that if I meet someone its not going to go much further than being friends. I've told a few and never heard from them again. I've met other guys with it from dating sites n such so I get my sexy time in when I need it..
     
  6. Riven650

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    lil_elle_1982 you're a sweetie :eek:)

    For others reading this: I'm not 'up' on all the symptoms of herpes, but in my wife's case, the outbreaks tend to crop up in the same area again and again, so it's easy to keep an eye on them. Then an outbreak goes through a few phases. The skin reddens and a small, raised, itchy, rash appears. Then watery blisters form and rupture before the outbreak heals a few days later. During the outbreak, the virus can be either spread to another site on your own body, or can be caught by someone else who comes into contact with you.

    I'm guessing you have genital herpes lil_elle_1982. Is this the case? But even if it's 'only' a cold sore on your lip, it is a problem, and we do sympathise. However, a surprising number of people carry this virus and many of them don't even know it. You are right and very conscientious in wanting to be careful about infecting others. It's a bugger that it's frightened away potential lovers, but perhaps they would have been lousy lovers anyway ;o)

    But you mustn't allow this to stop you from dating. You have to be prepared to be rejected, and it won't always be because of the herpes. Hahaha, listen to me. I'm a great one to talk. I was always very shy and so terrified of rejection I rarely asked girls to dance, etc. I'm glad to say I became more confident as I aged ;o)
     
  7. Incocknito

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    Isn't herpes similar to coldsores on your penis?

    I was told I had it once (no symptoms or 'outbreaks' mind). The nurse didn't give me any treatment for it and basically told me to forget about it since it was very very common.

    Although if I remember rightly there are two types, maybe I had the more common and less contagious/bad type.

    Plus no one I have had sex with has caught herpes. Not that I have unprotected sex but every time I do have sex there's at least one condom that breaks. Last time three out of four broke.

    What I'm saying is...do you have anything to worry about? Forgive me if I've misunderstood and you have the "bad" herpes.
     
  8. saratoga

    saratoga New Member

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    Surely your attitude is greatly appreciated by those uninfected and very admirable from any view. However, with most people carrying some sort of Herpes virus and most of them not aware they are carrying, the benefit your attitude will provide is limited mostly to you. And that is obviously very important. And very adult.
     
  9. B_lil_elle_1982

    B_lil_elle_1982 New Member

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    Thanks everyone! I have type 2..
    @Incocknito it is similar to a cold sore..just down below..thankfully never had any orally. Protection doesn't help 100% since its skin to skin contact. I got it from an ex bf who didn't tell me bc he didn't think it was important to let me know. We were using condoms the whole time. What I would be worried about would be passing something along..obvisouly..i'd feel extremely guilty. Cuz like I said I never know when they're(an OB) is coming on.
    I don't want to waste anyone's time therefore, I just let people know..so if they so choose to continue to talk to me after...they know that there is more to me than *gasp* a skin condition, as my last bf said.
     
  10. Riven650

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    Don't worry. It's good to have you on board. I'm looking forward to meeting you on other threads :eek:)
     
  11. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    You are correct that there are two types, although neither one is inherently 'worse' than the other.

    The first type is oral herpes. This is the common coldsore. Apparently a very large percentage of people have this by the time the are adults, although not everyone has visible symptoms. I can't remember the actual stats, but I think it's something like 70%.

    The second type is genital herpes. This is rather less common (again, can't remember the stats). It is not inherently 'worse' than oral herpes, although I can imagine that the soreness and ichiness would be worse, just because of the location.
     
  12. Riven650

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    I'm not sure there's any 'had' in it. I understand that if you've got it you've got it for life. It doesn't go away.
     
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