What do you ladies want these days?

[D_Chocho_Lippz]

Hey, um, what the heck do you women want?

OK, ok, ok... so I know that many of you here want a big cock. But besides that, what do you want?

I just got out of a relationship where she said she wanted to "find herself" (I truly believe that was her intention) but shortly after our breakup she already had a new boyfriend. So of course, this pisses me off, because nobody wants to be forgotten that quickly - especially when you were about to ask her to marry you.

Anyways, so I'm back on the market. I don't know a damn thing about dating (I'm 26 and only been in 2 relationships total... yeah believe it), or at least approaching a stranger in hopes of hooking up/dating/buying a drink/chatting/etc. I don't know if I should just go as myself (which is a shy quirky guy that tells jokes that only nerds get, lol) and be honest about who I am or if I should be a badass and just spit on them (girls seem to like the dudes that act like they could give a shit about them, and do shit on them).

Truthfully, I'm not into one night stands and am looking for a long term relationship... someone I can take home to mom, ya know?

What you like to see guys wear?
Any colognes that are hot these days? Turn off colognes? Or should I just go to the gym and sweat it up to get an au naturale smell?
Any bodily attributes that are generally turn ons for women? (lips, butt, arms, etc)?
Any specific demeanor ya'll like?
Play hard to get (like you dont need em)?

I was just kidding about the spitting thing. For that matter, I'm not sure I can make myself be someone I totally am not. I just need a coach on how I can at least get a girl to sit down with me and chat for a while. I don't think I am a bad looking guy, I just have somewhat low confidence (or the opposite, I'm too confident and I appear "pushy" I guess?) so I many times feel like what I say is not being received and I start getting tongue-tied and trip over my words (dammit I hate when I start tripping). I think most people who know me would say that I've got a pretty good sense of humor (even aside from the nerd jokes). I can run with the craziest of them all, but I also have a very deep side too (probably more deep than silly really). I'm not poor (educated) and most importantly...my momma says I have "so much to offer." LOL!

Any coaches out there? :tongue:

 

[Stephenmass]

Hey Peaceful,

How about just being yourself so whoever may come into your life now or in the future feels that they know you? I can think of a few women that actually enjoy shy, quirky guys.

Up to you, but my advice would be just be you. If that isn't good enough for whoever, then they are not good enough for you!

 

[nedly32]

just be yourself . the ladys that want a agressive guy tend to be needy,and girls,that want a to pasive kind guy tend to be more controlling.you should sit back relax and let life take it's course. date an aray of diffrent gals without heavy expentions of your self or your date. now the easy part to get the attion of a lady.confidence not cocky is very attrative and a great way to captavate a positive draw to youtho some women find alittle shyness cute about a man. apperance simple but sharp and clothing that you feel feel good in and not far off from your norm if you were clothing that your not feeling right in it will show over all from the way you look,feel about your self and ladys are pretty good picking up on that.as for fragraces somthing light and fresh not to musky like allure sport,zirth,bvlgary notte,they tend to work well at drawing a pleasent comment what are wearing that smell great,posture is importent as well limp and lifeless says pitty me all over it sit up enjoy the people your with smile laugh and eat life up and you just my get the attion of the girl that will be your partner in life that will make you and moma proud i wish you all the best ned:smile:

 

[B_New End]

They know just as well as you do... and after this break up sinks in a little bit, and you get a rebound, and break up with her, you'll be much more confused.

At least that's where I am at right now.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Always be honest about who you are, likes, dislikes, and desires. If so far women have not appreciated those things, they were not the right one.

Personally, I like a clean (showers regularly, I prefer a fresh, soap smell), honest (never lies to me), decent (integrity, magnanimity), curious (not necessarily intellectually, but about the world), master of/passionate about at least one thing, easy to talk to, knows how to communicate and call, open to a relationship, generally flawed (not fake perfect, just a regular person who has lived and made mistakes) man. That's about it.

Whatever you do, don't make yourself into anything other than who you are, just find confidence in that. But you will have to put yourself out there and meet new people. :fingersx:

 

[D_Chocho_Lippz]

All good posts.

I know that I need to just get out there. But, many times my confidence level is a tad low when it is time to go up and say something to them. I seem to always get myself all wound up wondering what to say and how they will interpret it. So I feel like I am stumbling over my words. I guess I need to learn how to not do that... or, do it and just assume that the person I am talking to never noticed my stumbling and go on.

I think that pretty much every thing that was mentioned by ChockoKittie is pretty true. Shower daily, honest, unselfish, curious, very passionate (about a few select things, maybe too much I guess), super easy to talk to once I feel comfortable around the person, etc...

Like I said, I've only been in 2 relationships in my entire life. The first one I married the girl. On the second, I was ready to marry her. So I've never really dated or had to start a relationship I guess. First we met on the net, the latter I was introduced. Both seemed to end on the note of - you are boring, so I've already got someone else to take your place. And yet, I feel like I am very attentive to who I am with and am always thinking and doing weird, unique, and special things for them.

I can think of a few women that actually enjoy shy, quirky guys.

Then there is hope! :biggrin1:

 

[wldr69]

For god sake, what ever you do, don't move to South Dakota!

The dating scene here is horrible, women seem to describe their "perfect man" which isn't far off of what I am... yet fall for the cock jerks who treat them horrible.

Not that I've had a lot of success to brag about, but what I've found kinda works is having the attitude of "you could care less if they like you" when you start talking to them. Just approach it like you want some one to talk to, nothing more and that hopefully will help reduce the anxiety.

 

[anettenorge]

Hey, um, what the heck do you women want?

I just got out of a relationship where she said she wanted to "find herself" (I truly believe that was her intention) but shortly after our breakup she already had a new boyfriend.

(girls seem to like the dudes that act like they could give a shit about them, and do shit on them).

What you like to see guys wear?
Any colognes that are hot these days? Turn off colognes? Or should I just go to the gym and sweat it up to get an au naturale smell?
Any bodily attributes that are generally turn ons for women? (lips, butt, arms, etc)?
Any specific demeanor ya'll like?
Play hard to get (like you dont need em)?

Any coaches out there?

First of all, you're cute enough not to be worrying about your looks, but even the most confident of us question ourselves when someone dumps us.
Your cologne is not going to make a woman want you if she normally wouldn't. On the same token if you're cologne is bad or not her taste it's not going to drive away a woman who really likes you.
Quit worrying about specific things like your lips or ass and comparing them to other men.
Confidence can make up for that less than 'perfect' body, I'm serious, but a 'perfect' body cannot make up for confidence and wit.
This new age post feminism man, who is effeminate, caring, gentle and is more than willing to show his weaker side- that the media (movies magazines,TV etc) has created -is turning out to be not what most of us really want!

Hugh Grant and the characters he plays are neurotic, insecure around women and generally soft, some girls like this, but not me and not a lot of other women, to me is not attractive.

Where's the Sean Connery, the Russel Crow, the Clint Eastwood, Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall, not his proper older brother in that movie, though he wasn't 'soft' like his counter-part in the 2000s would be but you know what I'm saying.
(I just watched this last night haha) The line at the end of the movie, standing over the grave of the woman they both loved, the older brother says to Pitts character, " I followed all the rules.... man's and God's...and you, you followed none of them. And they all loved you more! Samuel, father, and my... even my own wife!"
I'm not saying only societal rebels can get women, but you have to have a manly mans core and do your own thing, not try to imitate someone elses thing.
Confidence is the most important attribute.

I don't suggest confiding your weaknesses to your next prospect, on here anonymously is good, but not to your next girl.

 

[Stephenmass]

Hey Peaceful,

Me again. OK married once and then the next relationship didn't work out. I hope it has occurred to you that maybe you just want different things out of life than your choice of partners in the past. By the sounds of it you sound like a stable, kind of a stay at home guy for the most part. All cool, WITH THE RIGHT GIRL.

Good luck and don't let it get you down.

 

[D_Chocho_Lippz]

This new age post feminism man, who is effeminate, caring, gentle and is more than willing to show his weaker side- that the media (movies magazines,TV etc) has created -is turning out to be not what most of us really want!

I don't suggest confiding your weaknesses to your next prospect, on here anonymously is good, but not to your next girl.

Interesting. I am fairly interested in the feminist movement and how it has effected the world today. Gender-roles and all that jazz and what that means to both the dating man and woman. Large in part, I agree with you. It does seem like when it boils down, women prefer to have the emotional edge in a relationship and have the male be the more unemotional one ("the rock"). I think it is that women want to feel secure. If they are with a guy that is too emotional, then they subconsciously wonder if when the times get rough if they will be able to "lean" on him. With that said, I think that I am fairly emotional, but when the times get rough I think I am pretty solid. I've been through a lot of mud and I've had a lot of people ask me how I got through that stuff without losing my sanity. So is that good or bad, I do not know.

Not confiding your weakness with the next? This I do not completely understand. Maybe not at first, but there has to be a point where you open up, isn't there?

Hey Peaceful,

Me again. OK married once and then the next relationship didn't work out. I hope it has occurred to you that maybe you just want different things out of life than your choice of partners in the past. By the sounds of it you sound like a stable, kind of a stay at home guy for the most part. All cool, WITH THE RIGHT GIRL.

Good luck and don't let it get you down.

This is probably true. I don't doubt it. And this is yet something else that "holds" me back from even trying. I am ambitious to continue my education (going for Master's now) and am busting balls to be financially responsible (almost completely debt free, even student loans). I am passionate about politics, which I feel turns a lot of people off. Or at least does not interest them at all.

I am more of a stay at home type guy, but I certainly don't like to stay in all the time. Likewise, I really don't like to go out all the time. And also, I have a hard time going out with people that are shallow (all they want to talk about is who is doing who at work. I could care less about that stuff. I need something with more substance, and it doesn't have to be all serious stuff). Small group of friends... not into big parties... get real close with that small group of friends.

So how would I find this "right girl."

 

[Stephenmass]

Don't ask me I'm gay!! Sometimes if you just keep doing what you are doing, going for your masters, etc., you will find her or she will find you when you least expect it. Instead of "hunting" just take some time maybe to figure yourself out a little more and don't put so much pressure on yourself to be "in" a relationship. I sometimes think some time out of a relationship is a good time for self reflection.

 

[Jovial]

I think there is a small percent of men that are just like you. I am the same way, so I don't know how useful my advice will be. You need to accept that you will make mistakes trying to meet, talk to and date girls. It's only by making these mistakes that you will get better at meeting women and be more confident. So try not to worry so much about things. Go into situations figuring you will mess up, stumble on words, get misunderstood, etc. But know that you will learn from these experiences. It's not so much that women like the outgoing obnoxious jerks, it's just that those men are the ones that aren't afraid to make mistakes and learn from them. They learn through experience the right things to do and say to women to get what they want. So get out there and make mistakes so you can learn from them. At least you will gain some funny experiences to look back on.

 

[hoti12]

Sounds to me like you should try the "online" dating world dude. You sounds like a pretty rational and sensative guy who just need a bit of helpful advice. So try this out and see if any of it helps you.

First off your a handsome looking guy and plenty of women will be saying "yes" to you if you just meet the right kind of women.

So if joined an online service and started to check out women's profile's - here is how it can help you.

1- just by joining an online dating service you KNOW that the ladies who also joined are interested in dating men. Otherwise why else would they have paid membership fees and joined the dating service.

2- Women who have joined are interested in dating guys. So then you look at their profiles and see who fits things you are looking for. In a bar, you have NO IDEA how each person is until you first get to meet them. In the online world you at least know something about each person - as they are writing their own profile telling you about themselves.

3-You will gain more confidence in yourself and learn more about yourself in the process. Yes it will mean some ladies will turn you down, but in the online world, it is better to get shot down in email then in person face to face in a bar. It always suck to get turned down face to face. So in the online world you can avoid a lot of this form of rejection.

4-Their are a lot of ladies looking for "NICE GUYS" like you and a lot of them do not hang around in bars. You know what they say, you gotta go to where the fish are. And a lot of "nice women" do not go to bars. How many times have you read a women's profile and one of the first things she says is "i got tired of the bar scene". A lot. Not all of them mind you, but a lot.

5-Go to church, a lot of "nice women" can be found at church-not at the bar. If you want to go to where the "players play" go to the bar to meet women. If you want to go where the "nice women" are - go to a church.

6- as you meet and greet women in the online scene you will begin to know yourself better as you meet regular ladies, yes there will be ups and downs, but as in anything the more you do something the easier it will get. So the more you date, the more you will not get so down when it doesn't work out. Who know's you may even find a real keeper who diggs your vibe, you are wid me !!

7- as you meet more women - your confidence will actually grow, in that you will know that after say 3-6 months for example you went out on 5 dates (or however many dates) and most of these ladies actually liked you !!

You'll know that the world doesn't end if it doesn't work out, and you just keep moving forward. Just like the rest of us. Welcome to the club !!

8 - once your confidence grows, and you get a bit more desensitized to the rejection part, you will know better the kinds of ladies that are looking for you and you will know them when you meet them. Likewise you will also know the women who you will clash with earlier, and you can cut them free sooner.

Some of this advice sounds a bit cold I know, but trust me the more you date, the better you will be at it.

Stay sane,rational,open doors for them, take their coat,call them back,laugh,be confident,be a man and take control-women love that!!

Good luck and happy hunting.

 

[vergax]

It depends in the socio-cultural enviroment you move on. You have the above mentioned stereotyped can careless macho or the gentle perfect and nice guy.
Most of us are deviations on these extremes, besides we men react diferently to diferent people, men and women. For example, I have a male colleague who I know is a great guy, perfectly nice person to hang out with, yet, when we are the 2 of us, it is just not clicking and it is boring, or there is no chemistry, when that happens, I say to myself "i must be the most boring guy on Earth", but with other friends and most women, I can always be a lot of fun to be with, without being a joke teller or anything, just me.

If you have been close to marry twice in 26 years of life, I think you should back off and think why do you need such a commitment. Find youself, your real self.

In my own experience, I just don't search for any companion in particular, yes, I see or meet some girls that I feel attracted to (quite often) and at the beginning I feel the rush to think long time relationships, but it does almost never work so easily. Your appropiate companion might or might not arrive, above all is that we as ourselves can be enough of a centered, balanced companions to our lives.

I don't know why it works with women when you are a selfish asshole, I have been unintentionally like that with a few, and they were hooked to me, my best friend was my gf 9 years ago, and I made her suffer a lot, we know, yet we are where we are. Other girls I treated like porcelain and it never went very deep. Then one, I was completely my balanced good-bad self and she was just perfect for me and everything was perfect (we both changed countries, so we split).

As you see, you will find a girl that will suit you like a glove, the majority, though, will be just experiences, hopefully good ones.

My advise is: don't try hard to find somebody right now, just lead your life trying to be yourself and happy. Surprises arrive as that, surprises!

 

[RamIt]

Think about it like baseball. When a former pro retires too soon, and comes back to play, they send him to the minor leagues to get his swings in. Once he is hitting well and his confidence is back up, they bring him up to the big leagues.

Basically, Im saying dont be afraid to chat up a few women that you know you are too good for, to get your confidence up. Women love confidence and strength, and they HATE insecurity. Showing any form of insecurity is the anti-vagina. Just get used to talking to women, and never pass up an opportunity. Gas stations, resteraunts, clubs, grocery stores, all places you can chat up some ladies.

After you have talked to enough women so that you feel confident, chat up some real hotties. Approach women you know are way too hot, but do it knowing you wont ask them out or hit on them. Just strike up conversations with them, and leave it at that. You have nothing to lose, if you know you arent going to ask them out, so be cool and confident.

If you talk to enough women, youre gonna look like a dork every now and then, thats all there is to it. Even batters who win hitting titles strike out. You need to forget those, and remember the times it went well and build off them.

Invest in nice clothes, and have a woman take you shopping. If she will, have her help you pick out a cologne. They interact with the body's natural scents, so each works differently. Aqua Di Jio is a great go-to brand. Ive known women who have slept with guys because he had this cologne on, and they talked to him about it as a convo starter.

How you stand and how you walk is HUGE in convincing a woman you have confidence, and you are secure in your own skin. Shoulders back, standing tall, eyes always ahead, never down. Always make her break eye contact, make her shift her gaze from your eyes before you do. Dont stare, cause thats creepy, but if a woman makes eye contact, hold it until she looks away. ONLY DO THIS ONCE, do not keep leering at her from across the bar. How she looks away will let you know if she is interested. Smiles and hair touching are obvious good signs, but there are others. If she looks down, away from you, she might be interested. If she looks at a tv, or something else that is around, just to look like she wasnt looking at you, thats a bad sign.

Well, that got a little long winded, but the only thing I really wanted to say was, talk to a lot of girls and be confident and secure.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

My only advice would be be yourself and dont go out looking for a partner. If you think of it as making a new friend then you wont be as nervous and it will be easier to let natural progression develop into whatever it will rather then trying to impress straight from the start and risking being fake.

 

[D_Chocho_Lippz]

Showing any form of insecurity is the anti-vagina.

Very true... lol

 

[D_Chocho_Lippz]

Again, thank you all for your advice.

I've been working on chatting with a gal from work. Been myself and she seems to like that. Might possibly be going out with her tonight, so who knows. Going for the "lets just go out and have fun" angle.

I do like the advice about just chatting with random girls here in there with no intentions. Just getting your confidence up and after a while it becomes second nature and you no longer worry about making an ass of yourself (or you learn how to play it cool).

All in all, it just kind of pisses me off that I know that I am not that bad looking and I am pretty fun to hang out with. Once you get to know me, I am probably the most talkative and humorous people in the conversation... everyone seems to enjoy my company..... but it is just that I have a lack of confidence to get past that "ice." Once I'm past that, I'm golden. It's just like, "WTF? Why are you being such a wiener Kyle? Just grab your balls and do it. Once it is over, you're fine." LOL, I need an ice'breaking lesson...