What do you say to your sister who's getting a divorce?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by earllogjam, Aug 14, 2010.

  1. earllogjam

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    I'm at a loss of words to say to my sister. I feel badly about her getting a divorce but honestly I could see it a mile away even though they have been married for over 20 years. He regularly cheated on her and I think she just fooled herself into not seeing it because it hurt too much. They have grown kids all over 19 so I don't think the divorce will be a traumatic experience for them.

    I guess life just moves on.
     
  2. nudeyorker

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    The only thing to say is that you understand she is likely going through one of the most difficult times in her life and that you will be there for her with emotional support.
     
  3. molotovmuffin

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    Word!
     
  4. IntoxicatingToxin

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    ... to yo motha.

    But yes. He's basically right. Just support her as much as you can. Don't tell her you saw it coming or anything like that, she doesn't need to hear it. Just cheer inside secretly and just love and support her. I went through a similar thing when my best friend got a divorce. I knew it wasn't going to last before they even got married!
     
  5. Stretch

    Stretch New Member

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    Yes...it does. Always for a reason and almost always for the best
     
  6. Mem

    Mem
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    Just ask her how she is and tell her that you are sorry that she is going through a tough time.
     
  7. JimmiS

    JimmiS New Member

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    That you love her and that you are there for her.
     
  8. legna

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    ^^ Precisely what I was going to offer.
     
  9. L_Lynn

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    Be sure to keep in touch. Call her just to check in, see how she is doing. Don't just say, "I'm here for you," and then never call. Also she may need to vent... a LOT! It's what women do when we are working through our shit. If you can't take it, because women venting tends to put guys into wanting to fix it, offer her a distraction -"Hey, let's go check out that movie and put this aside for a couple hours. It will do you good!"- so she feels loved and supported without putting you over the edge.

    It's a tough road, and the kids will feel it, but over time, she will see the light at the end of the tunnel and 5 years down the road she will feel sooooo much better.
     
  10. SweetLovesVick

    SweetLovesVick New Member

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    Hello just be there for your sister and her children. Really make time to talk to them. Just because the kids are all over 19 does not mean they will not feel like their lives are also being ripped apart. Be the awesome Uncle we all know you can be and make time to go see them and take them out. Be a rock for them to run to when everything else falls apart. Divorce is a very hard thing to survive. Introduce her to new friends because 90% of her "married friends" will most likely disappear from her life. Show her life can be full of fun again!
    My brother was my rock and he helped me realize that my life could be a million times more fun if I let myself go and enjoy.
     
  11. MrToolhung

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    Well said and exactly what you should do.
     
  12. D_Barbi_Dahl

    D_Barbi_Dahl Account Disabled

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    Just say you love her and support her. That you'll be there to help her emotionally. That's it.
     
  13. earllogjam

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    Thanks guys for all your responses. I guess we are on the same wavelength as I pretty much told her what you guys said.

    I can't help feel really bumped out for her and the kids. Not him so much. It sounds like it's gonna be a messy divorce. It's like everything she built a life upon is now gone. The kids probably sensed or had a hunch that this was eventually what was going to happen.
     
  14. Rikter8

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    Odd... My sister is going through the same thing of 17 years.
     
  15. Daisy

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    Welll...I can tell you my opinion. Don't do anything, leave it alone. I hated telling my family that I was getting a divorce and it was only made worse by my brother's constant "concern" for me. I hate how me makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, that I'm ruining my life. "I'm worried about you, what are your plans, you should do this___ you should that that___"

    I wish he'd just be supportive and say "OK if that's what you need to do". Frankly I do NOT want to talk about my divorce, people don't really understand unless they've been through it . Just tell her you're there for her but let her work it out at her own pace, if you try to be too involved or act overly concerned it may be annoying (like it is for me!)
     
  16. earllogjam

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    Yup, I figured that she'd feel the same way you did. I basically just said that it's her decision and I'd support her either way and to call me if she needed any financial support or wanted to talk, no smaltsy cards or gifts though. I'll just keep in touch a little bit more frequently now with family business type stuff just as an excuse to keep tabs on her.

    I can only take small doses of her regardless, even before the divorce. I do love her but she does drive me crazy sometimes as she has the polar opposite of my personality.
     
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