What do you think his intentions are?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by curiousvirgin, Jun 3, 2010.

  1. curiousvirgin

    curiousvirgin New Member

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    I met a guy about 3 weeks ago in the pool at my gym, and he started up a conversation. Decent conversation about himself asking about me... ice breaker sorta thing... He then waits for me after I had my shower that's at 11.30 pm or so and invites me to have a chat.. I decline as it was getting late plus I thought it a little weird for me to just start talking to him. This happens again a few days after, we just talk in the pool and then he waits again and this time well i kinda give in and we have a chat( against all my instincts... i mean its a little odd meeting a guy in a swimming pool!!) but I didn't wanna seem stuck up.. I found that he's really funny and nice to talk to. It doesn't seem like flirting.. just a friendly chat in the pool and later outside. Yesterday we do about the same thing but he mentions he hasn't eaten dinner and I suggested we catch a bite before heading home. We had some transport issues ( 2 cars) and as it was very late decided to call it for another time. When I suggested calling it ( as in perhaps another day) initially he was reluctant but eventually decided the time wasn't good... I don't really know what to think...He is a foreigner here, has been here for 2 years and lives pretty much alone but has a lot of friends and I would think that many women would consider him good looking as he has a fit body and a very pleasant face and is charming to talk to so I wouldn't think he would have any problems getting someone to have sex........Ive got some scenario's as his intentions towards me but I don't know if I'm missing something...

    1) He just wants to have a fuck and because he saw me in the swimming pool in a bikini thought i was a good candidate ( easy maybe).. and hes a very smart predator so he's taking it easy-kinda like roping me in and not blurting out what he really wants

    2) He just wants to be friends cos he's lonely away from home and would like someone to talk to that is of the same race

    3) He actually likes me and is thinking of forming a relationship

    I really don't know what to think.. I would like to continue but feel as if I'm missing a danger signal.. I really wouldn't mind it if it was number 2 or 3.. does it sound like number 1 though?? what do I do or questions do I ask to find out what it is,also if you think its number 3 what can I do to get him to kiss me?
     
    #1 curiousvirgin, Jun 3, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2010
  2. HiddenLacey

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    First of all is this 11:30 PM? Maybe I'm alittle overly cautious, but I would be careful.

    Now it sounds to me (not thinking of him being a creepy stalker guy) that maybe he wants to get to know you. Go have dinner or lunch or whatever. I wouldn't at 11:30, but that's just me. And I would not get in his car at that time of the night and go somewhere with him. He might be a really nice guy. Flat out say "i'm uncomfortable going since it's so late how about one afternoon we get together for dinner then we can come swimming together." If he's a nice guy I would think he would agree. If he's new in town he could be lonely and just want to make a friend, it's a plus when that friend is a girl in a bikini, right? And if it's number 3... why don't you get to know him kissing comes pretty natural if he walks you to your car after dinner or a swim etc. :) Goodluck!
     
  3. curiousvirgin

    curiousvirgin New Member

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    Ty for the reply and advise.. you're totally right 11.30 is way too late, I never think of the time anymore .. . yea its pm.. i work till 8-9 so I work out till 11-12 haha.. he does the same as well...and on weekends I mostly don't go to gym.. so unless he asks me out were probably never going to going to meet then...If he is a nice guy.... I don't wanna show disinterest yet I don't wanna seem over eager so i'm never going to ask him out -_-...all this really sucks.. I probably should just concentrate on my work and studies.thx anyway...
     
  4. HiddenLacey

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    No wait I didn't know all of that :tongue: So if you want to have dinner at 11 and you have seen him several times DRIVE your car to the resturant and go have some chow:wink: You do not have to ask him. Wave to him and smile when you see him tonight if he's interested he's going to come over. You could always say "I'm really hungry do you want to follow me to _____ and have something to eat?" If you keep it casual you are not asking him out.
     
  5. closetbi

    closetbi New Member

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    I think you should stop trying to figure him out and be real and enjoy his company.Why do you assume that just because a guy is talking to you that he has any of those 3 intentions? Maybe he just like to meet people and would rather talk to you than catch you looking at him every day and never talk. I'll leave you with a very famous quote here:

    "The moment there is suspicion about a person's motives, everything he does becomes tainted." - Ghandi
     
  6. wallyj84

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    Yeah, cause it's so hard to talk to people of other races.
     
  7. curiousvirgin

    curiousvirgin New Member

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    I have suspicions really because of the way he approached me. If it were like any other normal meetings i have with other acquaintances at my gym it would be different, just a chat or laugh during class. I'm short sighted and in the pool everyone looks a blurry blob.. so its hardly likely that he started talking to me out of compassion because he caught me looking at him, he knocked into me in the pool then after apologising started a conversation. That would have not raised any suspicions either.. it has happened before... but why would he wait outside???....guess you're right as well, I might as well enjoy the attention while it lasts and not over analyse which I'm very prone to do when I suspect someone with an ulterior motive...Guess I just wanted more opinions rather then just me thinking whats going on.

    Submissive I do think you're advise on the time is right, going out at 11.30 is way unsafe especially with a stranger, and I'm glad you pointed that out.. although it may be a pity that we may never get to hang out because of our work schedules...guess if he likes me enough he'll ask me out :smile:
     
  8. curiousvirgin

    curiousvirgin New Member

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    Not that it's difficult, I have lots of friends from many races.. but when you're in a foreign country its nice to chat with someone from home. he is Persian, one of the first things he asked me was where I was from, and if I was from the middle east because I look like a Persian apparently....
     
  9. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    I think he wants to sleep with you. You said he was foreign, where is he from? I only ask because depending on the country this kind of thing where he talks to girls at the gym late at night might work.

    Quick side note: I feel like girls from America are more likely to sleep with a hot foreign guy, than a hot American guy. I know this one brazilian guy, who just constantly has one night stands. The thing is, he barely speaks english, and his other brazilian friends tell me he is really dumb. He is very good looking, but it seems like the brazilian quality gives him this thing that is just irresistible to girls. Anyways good for him.
     
  10. curiousvirgin

    curiousvirgin New Member

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    He's Persian...I dont think the girls in his country speak to strangers much.and the scenario that you described is exactly what worries me... why would I wanna waste time with someone who's out for a one night stand.. ugh... well at least he is funny and nice to talk to.. so I guess I won't be losing anything
     
  11. SpeedoMike

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    I see where he's coming from. I've done nearly the same thing in a class or group as it fits my nature. perhaps he's trying to let you know he would like a more personal friendship and it maybe will lead further. it's a form of shyness.
     
  12. captainwhackit

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    I think you're analyzing all of this far too much.

    How about a guy talked to you, but you're wary. Well that sounds like just about every initial meeting between a woman and a man ever recorded in Human history!

    Just do what every other person on Earth does, go with it and see where it leads you. I really don't understand why it needs so much discussion or debate. Why is there so much to analyze? People prevent themselves from experiencing things because they imagine all sorts of wild scenarios. Ever see the piece Ellen did on this in her stand up? Hilarious and true.

    Stop worrying about what things *might* be, and enjoy meeting a new person. Just follow your instincts and everything will be fine
     
  13. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    Maybe he is trying to be friends with you, maybe he is trying to start a relationship, but I think the most likely one is he is trying to sleep with you. Honestly, most guys don't go out of their way to make female friends(I know I'm gonna get a lot of disagreements, but it's true). Second, I feel like if he wanted to start a relationship he should of already asked you out on a date or for your phone number. Third, it seems like he saw what he liked while you guys were swimming, and would love to take you home and have sex with you. I'm not saying he only wants to do it once, but it seems like he's trying to skip the step of going on a few dates.
     
  14. closetbi

    closetbi New Member

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    This is why I like dudes now. There always has to be some evil shit that the guy is up to behind your back...and none of the nice moves are appreciated. Half the relationship is up to you, so even if he does just want to fuck you in the ass, maybe you can actually get to know the guy, and if you don't want to fuck just keep your legs closed.
     
  15. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    Dude.....
     
  16. thadjock

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    ya as an outside observer of MF relationships i have to say the OP made me think of this: (hat tip to Brensta)

    YouTube - Kelly's views on Darryl

    it kinda nails the whole dating thing in 12 seconds

    " i mean who says exactly what they're thinking, what kind of game is that?" LOL
     
  17. Brensta

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    Ah Thad, I think I love you.

    I seriously do love women, I really do, but I have struggled to understand them from Day 1. I may not be the most astute person, but I have been burned by my failure to read through the 17 layers of subtext I might be expected to understand.

    What are this guys motives for you? Who knows. I agree that dinner at 11:30pm is too late, but why not arrange to have dinner with him earlier, public place etc, if it's a safety concern you have. The best thing to do is take everything he says literally. Assume no hidden meanings or anything, and if you then would like to go out with him, do if, if not, say so.
     
  18. thadjock

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    & me u
     
  19. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    I mean yeah you could arrange to have dinner with him earlier, but why hasn't he already suggested that? He keeps trying to do stuff with her late at night. But if the OP likes him, just tell him you would like him to take you on a proper date. I noticed ur name is curiousvirgin. R u really a virgin? Maybe you should give a guy a chance. I know you don't want to get used as a one night stand ur first time, but maybe you could give someone else a chance.
     
  20. TheRob

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    Give me some bikini pics of you and I'll tell you his intentions : o )
     
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