What do you think is the best way to Dump someone.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by MrMXYZPTLK, Oct 7, 2009.

  1. MrMXYZPTLK

    MrMXYZPTLK New Member

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    Hey, so what do you think the best way to dump someone. Wait that sorta makes me sound like a Asshole. What do you think is the best way to tell some one that you are no longer attracted to them?

    Do you think it's bad to just tell them you don't feel the same way about them. Because that's what I ussually do. And a guess some of my friends think that's to harsh.

    I know I should never say "Lets just be friends" and I shouldn't just Stop calling, answering calls, dropping them from my facebook and act like I never met them. I know it sucks to get dumped via voice mail.

    So What's everyone think? Be nice, Be Subtle, or who cares how you tell them your breaking up with them?
     
  2. MrMXYZPTLK

    MrMXYZPTLK New Member

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    Oh also it's not someone you hate or did anything to hurt you, it's just someone you lost interest in.
     
  3. D_Raykbaynes Rodclogue

    D_Raykbaynes Rodclogue Account Disabled

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    Just the next time you see them or if they extenuate more, just be a man and say, "hey, I'm not ready for this or I'm not looking for this right now," something along those lines. It will save you a lot of trouble and guilt than if you try to go by a more secretive/lying route, it usually tends to backfire in your face.

    Yeah, the person might think you're an asshole for a while if they're immature, but they'll get over it.
     
  4. D_Cock_Hudson

    D_Cock_Hudson New Member

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    If you are dumping someone do it in person, not on the phone or by text message.
     
  5. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    I think the best thing to do is to tell the person that you don't have feelings like you used to for them anymore. Do it in person, face to face. Yes, it will probably hurt the person being dumped, but in the long run I think it is the fastest way for them to move on. (The most humane thing you can do for them.)
     
  6. Pitbull

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  7. mattinnorwich

    mattinnorwich New Member

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    Let them find you in a threeway with their best friend and brother/sister!
    Only kidding but if you do that then please post it on here.

    In my opinion there is no "best way" if the other person doesn't see it coming. You have to be honest and straight with them. Expect them to have questions and be honest with them. Good luck.
     
  8. dolfette

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    my thoughts...

    do it at her place, and then leave.
    that means she won't have to travel anywhere if she's a crying mess. if you can, make sure she's alone but that her friends are in town if she needs comforting.

    don't mention physical attraction. that'll just make her feel ugly. just say that, while you care for her and respect her, you just don't feel that the relationship is working for you anymore.

    if she yells at you & insults you, just take it, apologise for hurting her and leave... it's lashing out at someone causing her pain and it's really not personal.

    if she begs, just apologise and leave...don't stay and let her make a fool of herself. it'll only hurt her more.

    avoid her places and her circle of friends for a while. give her the option of not having to see you or hear about you until she's over the worst.

    don't date anyone else straight away.
     
  9. Stephenmass

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    My feeling on the whole matter is as long as you are honest and not hurtful, at the very least she/he knows why. There is nothing worse than not knowing why. Even if it does hurt the one being dumped, at the very least you were honest and they go away knowing the answer to that question.
     
  10. atattookid

    atattookid New Member

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    Is a right or wrong way to dump someone, not really. There is a pseudo-etiquette that has been formed over time.

    I would say, man-up and say it to their face. I have been in this "situation" before, and I really did not want to see the person I was breaking up with because I did find then in a 3some with 2 of my ex's (and he knew they were my ex's). Out of respect for him, I took him out to dinner one last time (I learned in public places they are less likely to make a scene - may not stop it but less likely to) and explained to him that I did catch him in the act. I explained that I had no respect for that and that this would not work out. I did tell him that all the good times that he had would not be forgotten, and they haven't. He took it all out of context and said he needed to fulfill his "needs" since I was working too much and just gave excuses, and I listened to him but I still had to end it.

    So in short my advise: tell him, not by email, text, or tweet. Tell him why you are dumping them and be honest, if the feeling just aren't their anymore tell them, if you are moving to fast or just not the time for it right or simply need some alone time, tell them. Also, if the friendship is there, keep it. Don't lose a friend, someone you can turn to and talk to over something so tiny if you can keep it. I have several ex's that are friends still, it took some time for me to turn to them relationship problems because they were not ready to hear them yet, but now we talk about them.

    It really is what you make of it. Be the "asshole" and break up secretly, or man-up and just tell them face-to-face and explain it to them.
     
  11. erratic

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    Everything she said:

    It's hard to take the high road when you're dumping someone. That's a summary of just how to do it.
     
  12. yhtang

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    I would follow your above advice if I was to terminate a relationship.

    I wonder what the advice would be if it was a girl who is dumping a guy. Would it be approximately the same? Or do different rules apply?
     
  13. drac

    drac New Member

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    Well if the person you are dumping is really into you, then its gonna be a shitty situation no matter what you say. It's gonna take a while to be comfortable with each other, maybe never.
    Dont say anything, if you wanna be cool about it, tell her you are gay, then she wont feel inadequate. Be a man and get it over with.
     
  14. jayfromnyc

    jayfromnyc New Member

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    Face to face, no phones.
     
  15. D_BarryBunwarmer

    D_BarryBunwarmer Account Disabled

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    "it's not you, it's me"
     
  16. Pendlum

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    Yeah right. She'll probably wonder what about her made you realize that you are gay. Or maybe she turned you gay. Or maybe she'll know you are lying. Not to mention if she sees you again, are you going to keep up the lie?
     
  17. cmk71

    cmk71 Member

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    Just tell them. Straight up....yeah it will hurt but I think it's for the best in the long run.
     
  18. Sassy

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    ^^^Well said.

    What do men prefer? I would imagine honesty, face-to-face, and not to be told "I just want to be friends."
     
  19. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    People usually make an exit from a dating relationship for a reason. One thing that I found over the years was that people go into relationships be they friendships or more serious relationships because both parties have needs that are being met by becoming a "couple". Now again, remember that this can mean anything from friends on up. When we are romantically interested in a given individual things change. We now need multiple needs met and on multiple levels. We have a physical attraction, we have a mental attraction and we have an emotional attraction to the individual. You can have any number short of all three met and long term the relationship will fail.

    How I would approach this is with absolute honesty. Honesty can be painful, but it can also be a beginning if it is handled correctly. The idea is to tell this person that you care about them a great deal, but, that for the relationship to survive and be healthy long term the relationship has to grow and do what I call "interlock". It may grow, but if it does not interlock the beginning of failure is there.

    Every person you meet and contemplate a relationship with will have faults and or problems. What you have to do is to find the individual with whom you can become a complement rather than a zero or a negative. If your own faults or problems are not a complement to that of the other person you will never make a good team.

    Be absolutely honest and very kind. Tell the person simply that the relationship is not developing in the way that it needs to for it to become more permanent and or lead to a permanent romantic involvement.

    Go on to tell this person that your telephone is always open to them that the one making the mistake may be you, but that you are not recognizing the foundation anchorings from which to build what you need in a permanent relationship.

    I wish you the very best of luck, things like this are never easy.
     
  20. shyvixen_chicago

    shyvixen_chicago New Member

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    I agree with mostly everyone here. Being an adult and being able to be honest is the most important thing. I'm speaking from the point of view of someone who was seeing someone for 2 months and got dumped on Christmas without any warning or explanation. Granted he was 4 year younger than me, but it still sucks more than anything not know why- if it was maybe some of the personal things i told him about my past? did i do or say something to turn him off? did i offend him? was i too available and honest with my feelings? all these things swirl around in our heads. No matter how old we are, we ladies will always try to analyze what happened. at least if he would have told me straight up things weren't working out, or he didn't want this relationship anymore, yes i would have been crushed, but i would have dealt with it like an adult- and he knew this about me. he just totally chickened out and dissed me outta nowhere. i can understand after a few weeks if you're not feeling someone, but after 2 months of 'i like you more every time i see you' and then bam- no return phone calls or texts or anything. all i could think for the past month was wtf did i do? or what's wrong with him? it's too much to cary around. it's easier to just deliver the blow and at the very least, allow this other person the peace of mind they deserve so as not have to drag around the pain of being rejected when they least expected it. i would have appreciated something direct, but i can't make someone 'man up', i just have to be more weary that seemingly nice guys out there can and will hurt you, too. and this sucks because the assholes mess it up for the true gentleman that still do frequent this world.
     
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