Ok, I need some advice...I've got a partner of over 10 years and we are both very commited. Recently at the University where I take classes I was in the bathroom taking a leak when a guy came in and I could see out of the corner of my eye him tugging on his dick a little. So when I was done I made a quick glance his way (I usually always take a peek) and he gave me a look and turned towards me. I went to wash my hands but my curiosity got the best of me and I went back to get another look. He backed up and started stroking for me. I just stood there in disbelief...he was good looking and had an uncut dick (I've always been curious about those...) I watched for a while and then unzipped and pulled my hard dick to show him. I even went over and grabbed his dick to see what an uncut dick felt like. But right after that I left in a hurry. Should I tell my partner? Should I feel guilty? Should I just say "hey no problem, just watch yourself next time"? Looking for real advice here. Thanks everybody...
What do you think?
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jeepwranglerboi
Experimental Member
I think that you should tell your partner. If the role was reversed, wouldn't you want to know? Should you feel guilty? Well, that I cannot tell you. Only you can decide how you should or should not feel. Be honest with yourself as well as your partner.
Another perspective here. Admit to yourself you stepped over that line and it was wrong. A little guilt is good for you. But you didn't have sex, maybe seeing, touching and feeling an uncut penis really was curiosity. You can't let this happen again if you truly love your partner. Would you want him feeling up other guys? Probably not, unless you have an open relationship. Do not tell him. Why would you? It's done, over and won't be repeated. Don't hurt him unnecessarily. Just my opinion, however.
madame_zora
Sexy Member
I tend to agree with Kink. You aren't going to see this guy again, it would almost be crueler to make your partner feel bad over YOUR mistake, so don't punish him for it. We all make mistakes, so take a lesson and move on. It was a little thing, so forgive yourself in the morning.
kurios
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Do not tell !
I firmly believe that a lot of the push to tell is a concience cleansing mechanism that rarely takes what it does to the other person into consideration.
Other than opening a can of worms what good would it do?
There was no emotional attachment and it isnt likely to happen again. If it does then you have other questions to ask yourself about the relationship.
You didnt fall on your face you stumbled.....dont make it front page news.......
I firmly believe that a lot of the push to tell is a concience cleansing mechanism that rarely takes what it does to the other person into consideration.
Other than opening a can of worms what good would it do?
There was no emotional attachment and it isnt likely to happen again. If it does then you have other questions to ask yourself about the relationship.
You didnt fall on your face you stumbled.....dont make it front page news.......
jeepwranglerboi
Experimental Member
Kink and Mme. Z, upon reading your posts and reevaluating the situation I would tend to agree with what you both have said. In the grande scheme of things, I'm certain that it is indeed a minor err. As long as you recognize that and do not repeat it and take responsibility for your actions you should be fine. Telling your partner would indeed more than likely make things worse. I will be the first to admit that I am bitter as I have been cheated on several times before and believe me, there is no greater sting. I hope that I don't sound like a hypocrite either!
Jeep, you don't sound hypocritical. It's takes a lot for a person to openly switch gears once they've thought something over more.
Also, I agree. Don't tell and just don't do it again, unless you have one of those open relationships.
Also, I agree. Don't tell and just don't do it again, unless you have one of those open relationships.
When the time comes to bare one's transgressions, you might want to consider, "am I doing this just to assuage my own guilt," and ultimately, "will any good come of this?"
If you can't reconcile both of these, probably best to affirm not to do it again & move on, but keep it to yourself. The pain of carrying the burden of one's transgressions is what keeps undesirable behavior in check. No one is immune from making mistakes; take heart, if you make a mistake, you will surely be presented the opportunity to prove that you've learned from it. If you've learned, you'll not make it again. If you haven't, you'll keep getting the lesson until you do!
If you can't reconcile both of these, probably best to affirm not to do it again & move on, but keep it to yourself. The pain of carrying the burden of one's transgressions is what keeps undesirable behavior in check. No one is immune from making mistakes; take heart, if you make a mistake, you will surely be presented the opportunity to prove that you've learned from it. If you've learned, you'll not make it again. If you haven't, you'll keep getting the lesson until you do!
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You have made a mistake. You have come forward and confessed that mistake to 12,000 members of this forum. You are sorry. You don't want to make that mistake again. You are a real wonderful person. I agree with the others. Leave it to that. If you have a God, tell him if you wish and then leave it alone. No need hurting your partner. You didn't have an affair. You are not a hypocrit. Not at all.
You are a wonderful guy. Your partner is fortunate you have you. No leave those guilt feelings behind and go on with your life.
You are a wonderful guy. Your partner is fortunate you have you. No leave those guilt feelings behind and go on with your life.
eastbaydude
Sexy Member
Here's one more thought to add to the mix.
Why would you tell your partner? What I mean is, what is the point of bringing him or her into it? Think about how would she/he feel about what you did? As long as you haven't exposed yourself to anything that will/could cause harm and as long as this was a one time thing that won't be repeated, and as long as your partner won't find out about it some other way, your don't need to tell.
Won't telling just make your partner feel badly? What's the point? Keep it to yourself. It may be hard for you, but you're the one who messed up. You don't need to make it worse.
What if he or she had a one-time indiscretion. Aren't you happier "knowing" it never happened.
I hope this doens't sound too negative. I don't mean it that way.
Good luck and keep it in your pants.
Why would you tell your partner? What I mean is, what is the point of bringing him or her into it? Think about how would she/he feel about what you did? As long as you haven't exposed yourself to anything that will/could cause harm and as long as this was a one time thing that won't be repeated, and as long as your partner won't find out about it some other way, your don't need to tell.
Won't telling just make your partner feel badly? What's the point? Keep it to yourself. It may be hard for you, but you're the one who messed up. You don't need to make it worse.
What if he or she had a one-time indiscretion. Aren't you happier "knowing" it never happened.
I hope this doens't sound too negative. I don't mean it that way.
Good luck and keep it in your pants.
Maybe I'm coming outa left field here, but it's not that unusual for gay guys (or any guy for that matter) to be naturally attracted to a sexual situation, even if you're in a commited relationship. I don't think it means you're a terrible person. You're just horny. I think maybe you should talk to your partner about your sexual interests in a candid way. It doesn't mean that you don't care about your partner if you have fantasies about other people, or you may on occasion want to act on those fantasies. I think this is an area where we all get so screwed up on wanting to be some perfect lover & end up just disappointing ourselves and those we love.
I pride myself on feeling that I am loyal as hell to my present partner,but I could see that I might very well be unfaithful to her if the situation were overwhelmingly appealing. BUT how I deal with this is to communicate with her about my feelings all the time. And she does the same thing. I think this is a healthier way of dealing with stuff like this.
I guess I'm just too realistic to expect that the male of the species should be some kind of chaste husband without looking at the truth of male sexuality and emotional needs.
I think you crossed the line when you went over and took a hold of his penis. It doesn't matter if you wanted to know what an uncircumcised penis felt like. How would you yourself honestly feel or react if your partner went and did something like this? If it would chew on your insides then you don't feel all that good about what happened with you. If you have no feeling then why would you be concerned about your partner having a reaction?
Whether or not you should tell him and the matter of guilt are entirely up to you, if this is a committed relationship as you state that it is then it should be able to weather any storm this could create. On the positive side you did not have further sexual contact with him so there was a level of restraint which might help you if your partner is extremely upset.
As for "should I just say "hey no problem, just watch yourself next time" "I think it's a little late for that or are you thinking that there will be a next time? I am sure the possibility of other men exposing themselves and even of men taking long leering looks at your penis are there, it's now up to you how you choose to conduct yourself. I have looked, and there are those who have looked at me. It does happen but the hands on contact is just not a good idea. (My view only, you do not have to agree with it).
Something else to keep in mind, there are men out there who will lure and bait with these tactics. To some degree even police officers use similar tactics (although I think they keep their trousers zipped up). The thing is there are men who get their jollies out of luring a gay man, getting him interested in the goods so to speak and then once the gay man unzips to join in, the first man (the instigator) will make a physical attack or have a friend or 2 waiting on the side who will make the attack. How would your partner have reacted if they had been forced to go to the morgue and identify your dead body? Maybe I'm being extreme but I'd rather have that than learn you were killed because of a foolish moment of sexual urge.
This is not to say I am a pure an innocent guy. I'm not. The fact is my partner Ray and I have a long time understanding of what we both want in life and in sex. I have had a few side adventures with other men, all of whom Ray knew about. We talked openly before hand on what was going to happen and in each case he knew the circumstances of the man I would be having an encounter with. There were times when during a talk it became clear he was not that comfortable with me being with a certain man and it was canceled on the spot. No questions asked on my part. I love Ray enough to respect his decisions and if he told me it was to stop permanently then I would go with that. He has allowed me to do somehting which very few men could be so open about. Nothing has been kept secret, a good relationship cannot survive on a stack of secrets. I could justify my escapades as being only oral sex and a little hands on action which is all they have been, there has been no anal sex in these matters and since it's this whole oral fixation of mine I could decide that it's okay to seek out a group of strangers and that that would be okay. The point is, my partner knows when I am doing anything with another man, I am not proud of what I have done and I am sure it has caused damage over time but Ray has always known (it's caused enough damage that I no longer even place the idea in front of him, the last few times were at his request and even that goes back some 2 years now). The saving graces are Ray's extremely large heart and patience.
Again the thoughts I have given are my view and reflect more on how I move through life.
Whether or not you should tell him and the matter of guilt are entirely up to you, if this is a committed relationship as you state that it is then it should be able to weather any storm this could create. On the positive side you did not have further sexual contact with him so there was a level of restraint which might help you if your partner is extremely upset.
As for "should I just say "hey no problem, just watch yourself next time" "I think it's a little late for that or are you thinking that there will be a next time? I am sure the possibility of other men exposing themselves and even of men taking long leering looks at your penis are there, it's now up to you how you choose to conduct yourself. I have looked, and there are those who have looked at me. It does happen but the hands on contact is just not a good idea. (My view only, you do not have to agree with it).
Something else to keep in mind, there are men out there who will lure and bait with these tactics. To some degree even police officers use similar tactics (although I think they keep their trousers zipped up). The thing is there are men who get their jollies out of luring a gay man, getting him interested in the goods so to speak and then once the gay man unzips to join in, the first man (the instigator) will make a physical attack or have a friend or 2 waiting on the side who will make the attack. How would your partner have reacted if they had been forced to go to the morgue and identify your dead body? Maybe I'm being extreme but I'd rather have that than learn you were killed because of a foolish moment of sexual urge.
This is not to say I am a pure an innocent guy. I'm not. The fact is my partner Ray and I have a long time understanding of what we both want in life and in sex. I have had a few side adventures with other men, all of whom Ray knew about. We talked openly before hand on what was going to happen and in each case he knew the circumstances of the man I would be having an encounter with. There were times when during a talk it became clear he was not that comfortable with me being with a certain man and it was canceled on the spot. No questions asked on my part. I love Ray enough to respect his decisions and if he told me it was to stop permanently then I would go with that. He has allowed me to do somehting which very few men could be so open about. Nothing has been kept secret, a good relationship cannot survive on a stack of secrets. I could justify my escapades as being only oral sex and a little hands on action which is all they have been, there has been no anal sex in these matters and since it's this whole oral fixation of mine I could decide that it's okay to seek out a group of strangers and that that would be okay. The point is, my partner knows when I am doing anything with another man, I am not proud of what I have done and I am sure it has caused damage over time but Ray has always known (it's caused enough damage that I no longer even place the idea in front of him, the last few times were at his request and even that goes back some 2 years now). The saving graces are Ray's extremely large heart and patience.
Again the thoughts I have given are my view and reflect more on how I move through life.
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JWB, What kind of fool would cheat on you? I'm sorry that someone treated you so poorly. You're a stellar person. Don't let that bitterness hold you back.
As for the main issue of this thread, as with the others, it was a spur of the moment decision. If your relationship does not allow for that, and judging by your guilt, I'd say that it isn't, then hopefully you've learned your lesson and will not repeat this action. As for telling your partner, I would have to say not to do so unless you're absolutely certain that only forgiveness will come from it and that you won't hurt your partners trust in, your relationship and their feelings. If you cannot say that would happen with 100% certainty, then don't, because you feel bad is no reason to make your partner feel bad as a means to make yourself feel better. Accept the mistake, the guild and the pain you are causing yourself and move on and learn from it.
Cheers,
Brit
Honesty is best. I was in a committed relationship last year and it ended rather abruptly due to a misunderstanding. I was spending a weekend at his place and found a prescription bottle for viagra for 1 pill and it was empty. The date the prescription had been filled was a weekend he had told me he was going to visit his sister in Indy (red flag). I didn't say anything about finding it until I had had a chance to come to grips with how I felt about it but didn't get the chance to as when I approached the subject with him it was during an arguement and he went totally psycho on me! Convinced he had cheated on me I ended the relationship but later found out from a mutual friend that he had filled the prescription on his payday and was saving it for when I got there. I still would have had a problem with his use of viagra without my knowlege for several reasons but I won't go into that here. The point is, I and he would have had a much easier time dealing with it and we might still be together if he had told me from the beginning.
Just my thots on this.
jimmy
Hey thanks everbody for the great response. Yeah it's a tricky thing. I think my guy would probably be ok if I told him but I think for now I'll keep quiet...maybe later on when we are old and gray we can laugh about things like this. Still this whole thing is pretty surreal for me. I can see this kind of thing happening at a seedy bar or even a sketchy park but this was at school in the middle of the day and when that cute guy started showing me his hard dick I guess I got distracted big time. Well if I'm ever in that situation again I think I'll keep my hands off, just take a quick look give a nod and a smile and hit the road. And by the way the uncut dick felt pretty much the same as mine...curiosity resolved. Thanks again.
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