what do you think?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by deltadcc, Dec 24, 2010.

  1. deltadcc

    deltadcc New Member

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    Well iam helping a long time friend getting back on her feet after a mental abusive relationship. Well helping move stuff out of her ex's we stopped for breakfast. Started talking about her creepy roommate and the creepy shit he tells her like "u look sad ill give u a hug" or "I think iam going to dump my girlfriend and marry u" she tells him well in five years if I don't find anyone ill marry u. Iam thinking what in the hell are thinking:eek: because he takes everything so to heart. She tells me if five years come I don't find anyone we should tell him the me and you are getting married lol. We laugh then we talk about finding jobs. I tell her about finding a place hiring a couple hours away, she then gets excited and said if u don't find a apartment right away we together can get a hotel for a week or so until we do find a place. I said that's cool I hope I do get the job. In my head iam thinking did she say what I think she said?

    We do have a long time friendship and iam trying to move into something else. I know if she's not that into me she'll yet me know, there has been a couple other times when she's made comments, or started gving me longer hugs. Question is do u thing she tired of wanting for me to say something? Or is she opening a window of opertunity? Or is it something else? Looking for a females look on this but the more the marrier lol
     
  2. mwealex

    mwealex New Member

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    Take a deep breath and look at her current situation. You yourself said she is JUST getting back on her feet after an abusive relationship. She is possibly trying to find something in her life that makes sense or can give her some security or safety. It also sounds like she might have some issues with independence or self esteem. My suggestion is be her friend, stay her friend but only her friend. Getting involved with someone when they're vulnerable can be a BAD decision.
     
  3. deltadcc

    deltadcc New Member

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    Yeah she def has a self esteem issues. That comes from her family, ex boyfriends degrading her. Iam one of not to many friends that she still has left, that's cause of her past drug problems and being a stripper, that I know doesn't help people respect her. I've been her friend for almost twenty years( she was my baby sitter). I going to be there for her when she needs me. And ill be there when she's ready for a relationship. Thankyou for your advice
     
  4. D_Etienne Neerdowell

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    First of all can I just note that you really need to work on the quality of your written English.

    Secondly if your friend has, as you say, just come out of a mentally abusive relationship then it most definitely is not the best time to consider making an advance towards her.

    She's not in the right state of mind and needs to re-establish her emotional equilibrium. Even if she were to come on to I would suggest that you delicately reject the offer - this is, of course, if your friendship means anything to you at all.

    It's one of those occasions where you really need to put her needs above your own.
     
  5. Catchoftheday

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    Thinking is not a women's issue :rolleyes: :biggrin1:
     
  6. Elastagirl

    Elastagirl New Member

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    It sounds like she's getting out of a bad relationship and she feels safe with you. I wouldn't let the relationship become sexual now. She's been through a traumatic time and from what you've said, she probably isn't in a good space to make good choices. If there's something between you it will still be there after she's had time to recover.
     
  7. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    If she feels comfortable around you that sounds like a good thing because she probably needs it right now. But I wouldn't advise making sexual move.
     
  8. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Yep, keep it in the pants for now. That's the last thing she's thinking about. I asked Cap just the other night if men always think of the end game with their crotch. He said "yes, basically." I think he's right, too!

    Be a good friend here. Listen a lot, speak a little. She needs to not only vent, but know that you will stick around after she vents. She doesn't need a sexual partner right now, just a partner. Taking advantage of a vulnerable person would make you just another asshole on her long list.
     
  9. Hassall

    Hassall Member

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    Sounds like she really needs a freind, and if you need to get a motel room for a week so that your not sleeping on the streets so be it. I would keep it in your pants for now though. Some people think they always need a significant other in order to be complete, and sadly its these people who normally end up with abusive pricks likethe one she's leaving. For that reason alone it might be better if you did stick with her for a while to keep that from happening to her again. After she's had time to sort things out and she still wants more, maybe it'll work. a 20 year freindship would be a horrible thing to lose by jumping into the sack at the wrong time.
     
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